Rediscovering Community When We Find Ourselves Feeling Lonely

When I started blogging nearly eight years ago, I didn’t know what I was getting into.  My friend, Frank Chiapperino, encouraged me to sign-up for my first blog and start writing.  And so, I did.  I wrote about my family.  I wrote about small group ministry.  And I wrote about things that stretched me.

As I continued the writing journey, I started connecting with people.  I met several people who started leaving comments on my blog, and I met other people as I ventured into the blog world to discover other writers and commenters from across the country and around the world.  Despite the lack of face time with these fellow members of the blog world, I could feel a sense of community developing.  We began encouraging each other and connecting on other platforms.  We started exchanging guest posts.  And we directed friends and followers to others in the online community.

I remember the sense of connection I felt with people from all over the world.  People like Larry Carter, Chad Jones, Joshua Rivers, Bill Grandi, and many, many others became friends.  I even remember feeling a sense of connection with more prominent bloggers like Michael Hyatt, Chris LoCurto, Jeff Goins, and Jon Acuff.

This continued for a while until it seemed like the community I was experienced was steamrolled by a massive drive to grow traffic, email lists, and followers.  I’ll admit I am guilty of this, and I’m sure many of my fellow blogging friends were too.  A few prominent bloggers like Michael Hyatt stopped accepting comments on their blogs.  Countless business and blogging coaches began advertising with more focus tips and tricks for growing email lists and income.  The blog world became less and less personal as it morphed into a business.  In addition to this, the blogging and podcasting world continued to fill up with more and more creators.  I kept subscribing to more blogs and more podcasts, and I slowly began to disconnect from the community I had come to love.

Am I connecting with any of you?

Monday night, I decided to try something a little different.  I decided to give Google Hangouts a try.  I went down my contact list and connected with a friend from Arizona, Chad Jones.  After a few minutes of passing text messages back and forth, we connected by video.  We had shared emails and comments before things became too busy for both of us, but this was the first time we connected face-to-face (through the computer).  We talked for several minutes about writing, about our families, and about our jobs.  We shared prayer requests before we signed off.  There was something restoring about this conversation.

After our video call ended, we continued the conversation on Twitter.  Here’s how it went:

Chad Jones ‏@randomlychad  Very cool catching up with @jonstolpe on @google #hangouts

Jon Stolpe ‏@jonstolpe  Right back at you @randomlychad It was a blast hanging with you @google #hangout

Chad Jones ‏@randomlychad  @jonstolpe Reminded me of why I got into blogging back in the day: the community. I think that’s part of what’s been missing.

Jon Stolpe ‏@randomlychad I think you are on to something. You and I can make a difference by making community happen. #LetsDoIt

Over the past few months, I have felt the loneliness that Dorothy Day talks about in the opening quote when it comes to the blogging community.  I know I could point fingers at those around me who seem to be falling off the map.  But I think a lot of the responsibility to experience this community rests on me.  I’m the one responsible for pursuing community.  I believe I was made to be in community, and you were too!

Pursuing and experiencing community requires commitment and intentional actions.  It means carving out time for others.  It means turning off the noise and pruning down the list of people we follow, so we can find meaningful connection.  The internet gives us the opportunity to connect with a global community.  This is a good thing, but let’s not forget to pursue depth in our relationships.

This is how we will conquer the loneliness that sometimes creeps into our lives.

Are you feeling lonely?  What’s missing from your life?  How are you experiencing meaningful connection and community in your life?  Tell me about it in the comments.

Finding A Firm Foundation When Everything Seems To Be Shifting Around You

For years, there was a small, family owned lumber and hardware store in my hometown.  Whenever I needed something for a project at home, I would run over to the local hardware store to consult with the owner.  He and his co-workers were always helpful giving advice on how to tackle my issue at home.

Several years ago, the owners moved out.  They were forced out of business by the advent of the big box home improvement stores which attracted the younger home owners looking for the cheapest price.  It was a sad day when they locked the doors on the old lumber yard.  Our community lost something.  Over the past few years, the structure which housed the hardware store was demolished to make room for a future revitalization project.

The former owner of the former hardware store lives down the street from me.  I don’t see him very often, but I often think about him as I walk or drive by his house.

What is he doing?  What does he think of the changes to our small town?  How has he adapted to the changes?

The other day I stopped at one of the big box home improvement stores to check out material for a potential home project.  As I was approaching the store from the parking lot, I noticed a familiar face outside the entrance.  It was a store employee neatly putting something away.  It was my neighbor – the owner of the old neighborhood hardware store.

I stopped to talk to him for a few minutes before I went into the store.  I mentioned that I lived up the street from his house and that I was a customer at his old store.  I had the opportunity to hear about his career path since closing down the local lumber yard.

He plays the organ at a local church, and he decided to go back to work for one of the stores that drove him out of business.  As he explained it to me, he has learned to adapt.  He could have forever scorned the place that put himself out of business.  Instead, he chose to join them and use his talents to provide local customer service at a place not always known for customer service.  I got the sense that he decided to embrace the opportunity to bring salt and light into the big box store and where ever he landed.

I was impressed by his attitude.

So often, we put on a poor attitude when someone does something to “harm” us.  Regardless of the circumstances, we have a decision to make.  We can stay negative, sulking in defeat.  Or we can see the opportunity in our circumstances.

I was talking to a local pastor on Sunday night, and we were talking about the recent SCOTUS decision on same-sex marriage.  He provided some amazing insight.

He said we are rapidly approaching a time when we will be living in a secular society.  As he mentioned this, he smiled.  He went onto say how excited he was by this possibility.  When Christians live in a secular society, they will be forced to hash out their beliefs.  The early church was formed in a secular society, and it grew at an amazing pace.  Imagine what could happen if Christians get serious about their faith.  The ramifications could be huge for the Kingdom of God.

He chose to find the positive in the time of major shifts in our country’s culture.  I hadn’t thought about it like this before, but I like what he had to share.

Just like owner of the former hardware store, we can find the positive if we chose to look from the right perspective.

If you’ve gone through changes and you are struggling to come to terms with the adjustments you are facing, I’d encourage you to step back and take a look around you.  Consider how you can transform your mindset to see the positive in what is going on around you.  It’s there if you keep looking.

Finally, when all else fails, I would challenge you to look to the ROCK when everything else seems to be shifting around you.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  Psalm 62:6

How has a shift in your perspective changed things for you?  Tell me about it in the comments.

In Response To The SCOTUS Decision On Same-Sex Marriage

Stretch.  This is what I’ve been doing lately.

I told Leanne on Friday night that I might be done with Facebook for a while.

After Friday’s Supreme Court decision regarding same-sex marriage, Facebook blew up.  I have friends and family on both sides of the issue.  Some of the comments and headlines I read were well thought out and constructive, but generally speaking the tone seemed disrespectful and hopeless.  The name calling nearly put me over the edge.  In one of the comment threads someone referred to someone as a “F@#$ing Idiot.”

Many comments were made by people who would call themselves Christians.  This is what pains me.

I think it can be healthy to have conversations about a variety of topics including the conversations regarding around topics like racism, sexual identity, and marriage equality.  I think it’s important to dialogue to answer questions like these:

• What is sin?
• What is truth?
• What is grace?
• What is love?
• How would Christ respond?
• And how should we respond?

One of my daily prayers is this:  “Help me to represent Christ well in what I do, what I think, and what I say.”

When I signed up for Facebook, I certainly never imagined the kind of conversations and the mudslinging that happens on this and other social media platforms.

While I’m not saying we should forever remain silent on these questions and issues, I think it would be valuable to step back and think before we talk or type.  James says in James 1:19:

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

All of the comments on social media haven’t been destructive.  Here are a few I found over the past few days along with a few quotes that give me hope:

• “Don’t write off America or put your hope in her.  Anchor your life in the eternal Word and Kingdom of Christ.” (@JohnGMcGowan via Twitter)
• “Christians verbally attacking each other on social media is the best way to spread a message of grace.” #ThingsJesusNeverSaid (@JonAcuff)
• “Any time you have an opportunity to make yourself seem impressive, be quiet.” (Isaac Hunter quote shared on the latest Relevant Podcast episode)
• “Hey Christians, calm down. Our faith and our God is the same tomorrow as he was yesterday. Love God and love others. Nothing has changed at all.”  (Nate Riedy via Facebook)
• “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”  (Abraham Lincoln)
• “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”  (Martin Luther King Jr.)
• “He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.“  (Paul in I Thessalonians 5:10-11)

This is my challenge (and hopefully yours as well) – Build each other up.  Show love.  Teach truth.  Point people to Christ in everything we do.

Feel free to leave your comments below.

On Purpose

We say goodbye to Rio this morning.

Rio is a 15 month old golden retriever/yellow labrador puppy dog, and he is moving onto the next stage of his adventure. If all goes well, he will be matched with a blind person after his official training at The Seeing Eye.

This is his purpose.

As I swept up his hair which seems to be all over the house right now, I couldn’t help but think about purpose.  Rio’s purpose is more than shedding hair all of our house.  It’s more than chasing our forever dog (Iso) around the house.  And his purpose is more than staying here as our family pet.

Rio was created with a purpose in mind – to give sight and freedom to those who are visually impaired.

Many of us go through life simply trying to survive.  We check the next thing off our to-do-list.  We head to the next appointment.  We wake up.  We chase after things that typically don’t matter that much.  We try to find happiness chasing various selfish pursuits.  We eventually find our way back to bed where we sleep for a few hours before we do it all over again.  We give little thought to the fact that we were made on purpose and for a purpose.

Your purpose may not be obvious to you which means you have some work to do.  As I say goodbye to Rio today, I challenge you to pursue your purpose.  Don’t rest until you’ve discovered it.  Then do everything you can to live your life on purpose.

What is your purpose? What makes your heart sing? What were you made to do?

Finding A Fresh Perspective In Routine

When I was really young, my parents took us to a church where they did communion every once in a while (I think once every three months).  Then we moved from Illinois to New Jersey where my family attended a Presbyterian church.  Here had communion once a month (always the first Sunday of the month).  At my current church in Pennsylvania, we take communion every Sunday.

Communion is meant to be a special time to remember and reflect on the sacrifice Christ made on the cross – breaking His body and spilling His blood.  Paul instructs us In I Corinthians 11:27-29:

Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.  A man out to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.  For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgement on himself.

I think I may have fallen into a position I don’t want to be in.  I had become so used to the routine of communion that I missed out on the important and special nature of this meal.  Yesterday, my pastor who was introducing communion took some time to share the importance of communion, and he did it in away that woke me up to the numbness I was probably feeling regarding communion.

I thrive on routine.  It’s helpful to have habits and systems, but it’s not good if we forget the importance of why we do the thing in the first place.

I wake up everyday at 4 AM to read God’s Word, to exercise, and to eat breakfast.  These are important to keeping me spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy.

I take communion every week at my church to remind me of the sacrifice Christ made and to keep me centered correctly.

If I forget this, my routine means nothing.  I am simply going through the motions.  As Paul shared in his first letter to the Corinthians, I am called to examine myself each and every time I take communion.

Maybe it’s time you and I step back from our routines to reflect on what is really important – to look inside – to consider our heart and our motives.

Today, I want to challenge you to take a step back.  Look in the mirror.  Why do you do what you do day after day and week after week?

Thanks, Matt Silver, for helping me to renew my perspective on communion and on my other routines.

How do you keep a fresh perspective on things that are routine in your life?  Tell me your thoughts in the comments.

Finding The Positive When Life Leaves You Broken

We had a melt down this week at our house.

Our refrigerator has been making noises for over a year.  I knew it was only a matter of time before it quit.  This was the week it decided to stop working.  Monday night, I came home from work to a puddle of water in front of the freezer door.  Leanne and the kids mentioned that the ice was not coming out of the ice maker right.  I opened the door to the freezer, and I immediately realized the freezer was not working.  It was still cold, but things in the freezer had begun thawing out.

Leanne called a friend, and we were able to find a temporary home for our frozen food.  And we spent the evening in search of a new refrigerator.

The next morning, our refrigerator stopped working and I filled our coolers with the food from the refrigerator and several bags of ice.

The great melt down of 2015 has been an inconvenience for our family this week.  Purchasing a new refrigerator and living out of ice chests was not on my agenda for the week.

Despite the unexpected costs and the inconvenience, I have tried to maintain a positive perspective this week.

Life has a way of sneaking up on us.  We are thrown for unexpected loops all the time.  We get sick.  We get into an accident.  We face a change in jobs.  When things like this happen it’s easy to become discouraged.

I remember nearly five years ago when my wife faced an unexpected hospitalization.  Honestly, this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through in my life.  I remember asking God “Why?”  This is a natural response when things don’t go as planned in our lives.

As my wife was recovering, we both decided to find the positives in the craziness we were facing.  We didn’t know what it would look like, but we were convinced that God would use this experience in our lives for good.  Since then, we have seen countless times when we have been able to help others who are navigating similar predicaments in their lives.

I don’t know what you are situation you are facing right now.  Maybe you’re refrigerator stopped working, or maybe you are facing something much more serious like an illness or hospitalization.  I challenge you to find the positive in the midst of the trial you are facing, and I challenge you to look past the current pain or suffering you might be enduring.

God can use the junk in your life for greater things.

How have you found the positive in the midst of life’s brokenness?  Tell us about it in the comments.

From Regret To Redemption – Turning Missed Opportunities Into Found Fortune

If I think back on my past, I can remember missed opportunities – things that I regret.  There are times when I didn’t speak up when I should have said something.  There are times when I should have been there for someone.  There are times when I didn’t take risk or a step of faith.

Part of me kicks myself (figuratively of course) when I initially remember these times.

I don’t want to be a person who misses out on opportunities.  In fact, I want to make the most of the opportunities in my path.

But I must also remember that there is redemption even in the missed opportunities.  If we take an appropriate amount of time to reflect on our past regrets, we can actually learn to live life with more courage, with more action, and with greater confidence that God will work through our fears, our insecurities, and our laziness for something far better than we could ever imagine.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

What is one thing you regret from your past?  How have you turned your regret into redemption?

Embrace Your Story

I’ve seen It’s A Wonderful Life a hundred times, and there’s always something inside of me that wants to tell George Bailey and his friends not to go sledding onto the ice.

I’ve seen Back To The Future many, many times, and there’s always something inside of me that wants to throw some plutonium into the DeLorean before Marty McFly goes back in time.

Have you ever watched a movie that you’ve seen before?  Even though you know what will happen, do you ever wish you could change the outcome of the movie or of a scene from the movie?

What if you knew how to change the outcome of something in your life?  How would that change your life?

We all have a story.  We all have regrets.  We all have somethings in our lives that we’d like to alter.

But what if those things were meant to be?  What if we came to appreciate how our past shaped us for today?

We can’t change the past, but we can change the way we look at it.  We can also chose to use our past to push us ahead to the future.

After all, Dorothy may never have learned the lesson that “there’s no place like home” if she hadn’t endured the trials brought on by the Wicked Witch.  George Bailey may never have learned the true blessing of friendship if he never lost his hearing in the frozen pond water.  And Marty McFly may never have learned the value of family and the value of standing up for others if he went right back to 1985 instead of staying in 1955 for a while.

What part of your story do you need to learn to embrace?  How has your story impacted who you are today?

The Discipline Of Standing Up

If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good.

Thomas J. Watson

I’ve been writing about discipline for the past few weeks.  Why would I spend so much time focusing on disciple?

The theme of my blog is stretch.  I write about things that are stretching me.  I reflect on life’s stretch marks.  And I hope my reflections will help others to stretch as well.

Do I have these disciplines down?  By no means.  In fact, these are disciplines I am challenged to work on myself.  These are disciplines that cause me to stretch.

I want to keep stretching; therefore, I ponder the areas I need to cultivate in order to make the most of my life of stretch.

Over the weekend, I saw the movie Selma.  I hadn’t heard a lot about the story before I watched the movie, but I was told this was a movie I needed to see.  The movie portrays part of the journey of Dr. Martin Luther King and his pursuit of civil rights for African-Americans particularly the right to vote in the deep south – in towns like Selma, Alabama.  Selma’s population was nearly half black, but most of this population was restricted from voting.  In their efforts to stand up to this injustice, blacks were repeatedly knocked down by a white-controlled government and law enforcement.

Martin Luther King was committed to standing up against this injustice in a non-violent manner.  He risked ridicule, harm to his family, and harm to his personal safety.  And yet, he persisted.  He stood up when “enough was enough.”

Standing up for what you believe in is easy when everyone else is on board, but it’s not so easy when you risk going against the grain of culture.

I want to fit in.  I don’t want to rock the boat.  I don’t want to risk disruption to my “happy” world.

It’s time to institute another discipline.  We must learn to practice the discipline of standing up.  We must learn to stand up when “enough is enough.”

God has given you and me a voice – a voice to stand up and speak out for things that matter.

Are you content to go along with the status quo?  Or is it time for you to stand up, to speak up, and to make a difference?

These are questions we all must ponder.  I don’t want to reach the end of my life and wonder if I could have done more to stand up for my beliefs.  I want to know for certain that I took a stand and I rallied others for a cause that matters.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

How would your world be different if you made the decision to practice the discipline of standing up?  How has standing up made a difference in your life?  What causes you to stand up?

The Discipline Of Measuring Our Lives

If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it.

Peter Drucker

I keep track of my daily exercise on a calendar.  I track my mileage.  I track the amount of time I exercise.  And I track the number of days I exercise as the year goes along.  With these measurements, I can determine if I’m on track to meet my fitness goals.  Recently, I started tracking my weight lifting on a smart phone application.  This helps me remember where I am, and it helps me see growth.

I keep track of my daily devotion time.  I write down the passages of scripture I read, and I take note of anything that stuck out to me.  I write these things down in my journal.

I keep track of our families financial status.  I keep it up to date on a spreadsheet, and I graph our progress to make sure we our on track to meet our financial goals.

I keep track of a lot of things at work.  I track the performance of my team members.  I track my daily schedule.  I track my customers response rate and satisfaction level.

Some people might think I’m a little crazy, but I think there is something powerful about the discipline of measuring our lives.

Measurement is a process of recording what is happening in our lives.  It’s the action of tracking what is going on, and it helps us see how we are being stretched.

Take time to measure what is going on around you!

How would your world be different if you made the decision to practice the discipline of measuring your life?  How has measurement made a difference in your life?