3 Ways To Find The Validation You Really Need

Everybody is looking for validation, no matter who you are, and I think that’s a need of the human condition – to look for affection or recognition or validation.

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

Over the weekend, my wife and I went to see The Wizard of Oz at the Walnut Street Theater.

I’ve seen the movie dozens of time, and the musical held true to the movie with a few additions.

In the story, Dorothy is looking for a way back home.  The Scarecrow is looking for a brain.  The Tin Man is looking for a heart.  And the Lion is looking for courage.

At the end of the story, the Wizard provides a diploma for the Scarecrow, a heart clock for the Tin Man, a medal of bravery for the Lion, and an offer of a balloon ride home for Dorothy.

With these gifts, the Scarecrow begins to think, the Tin Man begins to love, and the Lion begins to believe in himself.  (And Dorothy begins to realize the blessing of her home and family in Kansas.)

The Wizard didn’t really give the Scarecrow a brain, the Tin Man a heart, and the Lion valor.  He simply spoke into their lives and expressed belief in them.  He validated them as creatures who bring value to the Land of Oz.

Do you believe in yourself?  Or do you struggle with confidence, fear, and acceptance?

We all need to be validated.  We all need someone to speak into our lives – someone to believe in us.  We need someone who can tell us we can do it.

Who is that person for you?

My parents have validated me since I was a little boy telling me I was smart, caring, and capable.

My boss at work has validated me since I started working at Siemens over 20 years ago encouraging me to pursue my dreams and challenging me to step into new opportunities.

My wife has validated me since we met reminding me that I am loved.

And honestly, you have validated me letting me know that my words matter and that they are worth reading.  (Thank you!)

We all need to be validated.

What happens when this kind of validation is missing from our lives?

We lose our way.  We find ourselves wandering and lost.  We don’t live our lives to the fullest.  We become voices of doubt and negativity for those around us.

I don’t want to live this way.  I want to live with intention.  I want to live a life that matters.  And I want to be a voice of positivity for others in this world.

Finding validation is critical to our lives.  Here are a few suggestions for find the validation you need:

3 Ways To Find The Validation You Really Need

1. Look to the ultimate “Validator.”  Look to God.  Remember, He created you, and He created you for a purpose.  He loves you.  He sent His Son to die for you.  You matter to God.  This isn’t meant to be cliché.
2. Surround yourself with encouragers.  Look for people who lift each other up, and find ways to hang out with these people.  Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the five people you hang out with the most.”  Hang out with people who will encourage you.
3. Avoid the naysayers.  You may need to separate yourself from people who consistently tell you “You can’t.”  Negative people will suck you into their negativity, and they will prevent you from feeling good about who you are and why you are here.

Finally, I’m guessing there are people in your life who struggle with feelings of inadequacy, feelings of doubt, and feelings of despair.  Take time to be a voice of validation in their lives.

Find the good in others, and help them see it for themselves.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Psalm 139:14

Do you struggle with self-doubt and self-worth?  How have you overcome these feelings?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

Friday Night Free For All

It’s Friday night, and our whole family is home.

(Hannah is home from Messiah College for a short break.)

While Leanne and Isaac were at piano and Hannah was out for a run, I cut the grass ahead of the rainy weather coming tomorrow.  My wife reminded me that working outside is one of the things that refreshes me, so I decided to cut the grass when I arrived home from work.  There something therapeutic about riding the tractor back and forth across my lawn.  I love creating straight lines and cool patterns in my grass, and I always appreciate the way the yard looks after a good mowing.  Tonight, I had to finish cutting the grass with the tractor headlights on so I could see where I was going.  Fall is here and the days are getting shorter.  I don’t exactly like the shorter days, but I do appreciate the different seasons we get to experience here in Pennsylvania.

For dinner tonight, Isaac made crepes.  We first enjoyed dinner crepes with ham and cheese.  Then we pigged out on dessert crepes.  Mine were filled with strawberries, bananas, and whipped cream.  Everyone else in the family put Nutella in their crepes.  This was our first meal together at home in two months since Hannah departed for college.

After a busy day and busy week, it is nice to be home.

If you read my post from yesterday, you’ll know I’m struggling with exhaustion and overcommitment.  In my post, I started to ponder this question:  “What refreshes me?”

After I road the post, Leanne came and sat down on the couch next to me, and she said I looked more relaxed.

One of the things that refreshes me is writing.

I think I forgot this.  Or maybe I have simply allowed other things to crowd out my time for writing.  It’s crazy how we let this happen.  We find something we’re passionate about (like writing).  We go after it for a while, but then other things wedge themselves into our schedules and we forget to keep doing the thing that brings us the most joy and fulfillment.

For me, I haven’t been very consistent lately when it comes to writing.  I’ve been too busy doing other things.  I’ve been too tired to carve out the time to focus on writing.  And I think it’s had an impact on me.

Writing is cathartic.  It restores my soul.  It fills me up.  It helps me process the challenges of life.  And it simultaneously gives me the opportunity to encourage others.

And I’m back at it again tonight – two nights in a row.  Hannah is cleaning up after dinner.  Leanne is working on breakfast for tomorrow morning.  Isaac is practicing the piano for church on Sunday.  And I’m sitting here in my easy chair – writing, listening, and slowly filling up my tank.

This is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.  His mercies never come to an end.  They are new every morning.  I’m thankful for an evening to sit, to reflect, and to relax.

It’s Friday night, and I’m thankful for the weekend.

How do you unwind after a busy week?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

Ten Keys To Achieving Excellence

Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better.

Pat Riley

Are you content with mediocre?  Or do you want to live a life that matters?

I chose the second option.

Living a life that matters requires intentional striving for excellence.

Living a life that matters requires intentional striving for excellence.

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Yesterday, we talked about the nine things holding you back from excellence.  Today, let’s look at the keys to making excellence a reality in our lives.

10 Keys to Achieving Excellence

1. Determine your priorities.  Take time to figure out your priorities.  List them in order from one to ten (or twenty).  For example, here’s an example of what your priorities might look like:  1) God, 2) Me, 3) Spouse, 4) Kids, 5) Health, 6) Job, 7) Family, 8) Friends, 9) Side Hustle, 10) Neighbors.  It’s important to know our priorities to help refine our focus.  If God is really my number one priority, my calendar should reflect this importance.  Making the first things first is part of becoming excellent.
2. Get sleep.  Exercise.  Take a break.  Excellence requires the best of us.  We prevent ourselves from achieving greatness when we are worn out, exhausted, and out of shape.  Sleep, exercise, and rest will give you the energy to make excellence a reality in your life.
3. Just say “No.”  Saying no to things that distract us from our ultimate goal is crucial to achieving excellence.  We must create margin in our schedules to pursue the things that really matter most to us.
4. Get a coach.  A coach will help bring clarity to your life and will push you to excellence.  The wisdom and encouragement of a coach can take you to a whole new level.
5. Find accountability.  Plug into someone who will ask you the hard questions and will keep you on track to achieve the goals you are pursuing.  Make sure you find someone who is dependable.  Accountability only works when you find someone who will be consistent in asking the tough questions.
6. Plug into experts.  Who is already doing excellent things in the area(s) you are pursuing.  Talk to them.  Read their material.  Watch their videos.  Find out how they made it to the top of their fields.
7. Practice.  Practice.  Practice.  If you want to be excellent, you have to put in the practice time.  If you want to be an excellent piano player, practice the piano every day.  If you want to be an excellent writer, write every day.
8. Create a road map to success.  “If you fail to plan, you should plan to fail.”  I don’t know who said this, but it’s true.  If you want to achieve excellence, you have to put in the time, energy, and effort up front to map out your journey.
9. Get off the couch and get moving.  Excellence will not come to you.  You have to go get it.  Stop being lazy.  Make your excellent dreams a reality by taking action TODAY!
10. Keep going.  Don’t get discouraged.  Don’t lose momentum.  Get rid of the obstacles in your life, and press on to the goal for which you are aiming.

Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.

Steve Jobs

If you want to live a life of excellence, it’s time to get going – NOW!

What advice do you have for someone who wants to achieve excellence?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

The Nine Things Holding You Back from Excellence

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

Aristotle

One of my favorite movies as a teenager was Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  It’s a teenage boy movie full of teenage boy humor.  I think that’s why I liked it so much.  I remember seeing the movie with a few of my friends, and the rest of the year we repeated lines from the movie to each other as we went about our activities.

In the movie, “excellent” was a word thrown around by Bill and Ted to describe anything they thought was cool, interesting, or fun.  If the movie had been made a few years ago, it might be called Bill & Ted’s Phat Adventure or Bill & Ted’s YOLO Adventure or something similar.

I like the word excellent or excellence.  Here’s how Wikipedia defines excellence:

Excellence is a talent or quality which is unusually good and so surpasses ordinary standards. It is also used as a standard of performance as measured e.g. through economic indicators.

Excellence is a continuously moving target that can be pursued through actions of integrity, being front-runner in terms of products / services provided that are reliable and safe for the intended users, meeting all obligations and continually learning and improving in all spheres to pursue the moving target.

Excellence doesn’t happen by accident.  It takes planning.  It requires repeated action.  And excellence means constant analysis and adjustment along the way.

Excellence doesn’t happen by accident. It takes planning. It requires repeated action.

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I want to be known for going about life with excellence.  Despite this desire, there are several things preventing me from achieving excellence.

9 Things Holding You Back from Excellence

1. Lack of focus – Excellence is impossible when our mind is concentrating on too many things at the same time.  I want to be an excellent husband, an excellent father, an excellent son, an excellent brother, an excellent grandson, an excellent friend, an excellent employee, an excellent boss, an excellent writer, an excellent speaker, an excellent coach, an excellent runner, an excellent driver, an excellent brewer, an excellent landscaper, an excellent reader, an excellent conference attendee, an excellent mastermind member, an excellent mastermind facilitator, an excellent Toastmaster, an excellent Toastmaster Area Director, an excellent missionary to Guatemala, an excellent leader, an excellent saxophonist, an excellent small group leader, an excellent youth volunteer, an excellent community volunteer, an excellent Eagles and Bears fan, an excellent Phillies and Cubs fan, an excellent Survivor fan, an excellent Amazing Race fan, and the list goes on and on and on.  Things things are great, but it’s hard to be excellent when I’m not focused.
2. Lack of energy – Excellence is challenging when we lack energy.  I mistakenly believe excellence can be achieved by getting up at 4AM and going to bed at 11PM every day.  I mistakenly believe excellence can be achieved by working every day without rest.  In reality, my ability to successfully pursue excellence declines as I fail to recharge my battery by getting enough sleep and taking a break from time to time.
3. Lack of time – Excellence won’t happen if we don’t have time for it.  I fill my calendar with activities, meetings, and “commitments” leaving little time for actions which will lead to excellence.
4. Lack of clarity – Many fail to achieve true excellence in their lives, because they lack purpose, passion, direction, and overall clarity.  If you don’t know where you’re going, you will get their every time.  Too many of us go through life doing what others tell us to do instead of figuring out what we were meant to do.  We chase after things that don’t matter, because we don’t know the difference between “doing good things” and “doing the right things.”
5. Lack of appropriate input – Excellence may never happen if we don’t get the right input in our lives.  If I want to become an excellent saxophone player, it won’t happen without the right instruction.  I won’t become excellent at playing the saxophone by taking lessons from a beginner drummer who has never even seen a saxophone.  And listening to podcasts about leadership will do little to help me improve when it comes to playing the saxophone.
6. Lack of appropriate skill development – Excellence doesn’t happen with practice and intentional skill development.  Chances of becoming an excellent public speaker can be improved by listening to polished, professional public speakers, but I won’t become excellent at public speaking unless I work on my speaking skills by practicing, getting feedback, correcting my mistakes, and doing it again and again.
7. Lack of planning – Excellence doesn’t happen by accident.  I will fail to become an excellent marathon runner without a plan.  I’ll fail to write an excellent book without an idea, an outline, and a plan to get to the final product.  It’s nearly impossible to achieve excellence without intention.
8. Lack of action – Excellence won’t happen by sitting on the couch.  If I want to run a 5K, I have to get off the couch and run.  If I want to write a book, I have to open my laptop and write.  If I want to dunk a basketball, I have to jump.  Excellence won’t come to us.  We have to go get it!
9. Lack of repetition – Excellence isn’t a one time event.  Excellence requires repetition.  If I want to write a book, I have to write every day.  If I want to become an excellent husband, I have to work on it every year, every week, and every day.  Too many people miss out on excellence, because they give up after the first attempt.

Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.

Vince Lombardi

Come back tomorrow for thoughts on how you and I can make excellence a reality in our lives.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

What’s holding you back from achieving excellence?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

The Influence You Have On Others

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.

Napoleon Hill

You may never know the influence you have on others.

Our words and actions matter, and they have an impact on others even when we don’t know it.

Let me show you what I mean.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a complete stranger.  I want to share the email with you with names removed.

Hi Jon,

Xxxxxx Xxxxxxx

When I read this email, my heart warmed inside.  I’ve been writing my blog for over 9 years.  While I write the blog in part for me, I also hope my words will encourage others.  Admittedly, there are times when I wonder if anyone reads my words and if my words are really stretching anyone.  This email reminded me to keep writing – to keep sharing my reflections here for others and for me.

My words matter.  And so do yours!

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.  Psalm 19:14

What words are you holding inside of you?  What’s stopping you from sharing them with others?  How have you been impacted by the words and actions of others?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

Rediscover The Wonder

Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.

Stephen Hawking

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 4 A.M. (when my alarm went off) with the E.T. movie theme song swirling around in my head.

Why the E.T. soundtrack?

I have no idea.

As I rolled out of bed, I remember thinking about the feeling I first had when I heard that music while Elliot flew his bicycle in front of the moon with E.T. safely tucked in the basket on the front handlebars.  As I watched E.T. for the first time, I experienced a feeling of wonder.

I wonder what it is like to fly.

I wonder how the moon was so full.

I wonder about the possibility of rescuing an extraterrestrial.

Recently, I had this feeling again as I dropped our oldest off at Messiah College for her freshman year.

I wondered again at the feelings of freedom and excitement that clearly shown on my daughter’s face as she prepared to embark on this new journey away from home.

I wondered again at the thought of meeting so many new people and learning so many new things.

And I wondered again at the opportunity to plug into the community offered at a Christian college.

I think we sometimes forget to look through the lens of wonder as we move into adulthood.  We allow our sense of responsibility and our tendency for routine take over.  We forget to look at the world with enthusiasm and zest for life.  This trickles into our relationships and even into our faith.

I like routine, but I don’t want to become complacent as I experience life around me.  I want to approach the world with energy.  I want to take on each relationship and each conversation with a sense of purpose.  And I want to live like me faith is fresh and God’s mercies for me are new every single morning.

I want to live with wonder!

What causes you to wonder?  What part of the world are you seeing with fresh, new eyes?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

Labor Day

Labor Day is an American holiday setup to honor the labor movement.  Oregon was the first state to have a Labor Day.  In 1894, Congress passed legislation establishing the first Monday in September as an official national holiday.

Today, most Americans celebrate Labor Day as the end of summer and the beginning o the school year.

Our family will be cleaning out our basement, enjoying a barbecue, and getting ready for the start of school tomorrow.

It’s been a fantastic summer.  Leanne and I traveled to Vermont to celebrate our 20th anniversary.  Hannah and Isaac traveled to Michigan to attend the CIY Move Conference.  Our family journeyed to Guatemala for two weeks to spend time in Santo Domingo Xenacoj.  Hannah started her college experience at Messiah College in Grantham, PA.  Isaac logged many hours of driving as he prepares to take his driver test later this fall.  We enjoyed the visit of many family members and friends as we celebrated Hannah’s high school graduation.

And now, we look forward to the fall.  Leanne starts back to teaching as a substitute teacher in area schools.  Isaac starts his junior year, and he takes the next steps in completing his Eagle Scout project.  Hannah competes in her first year of collegiate cross-country.  And I’m launching the Stretch Man Mastermind.  It should be a wonderful season for our family.

As we take the day off from our normal Monday routine today, we celebrate the summer, we look forward to the fall, and we appreciate the hard work of those who have contributed to making our lives better.

Happy Labor Day!

How are you celebrating the day?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

I Needed That

This weekend I did something I needed to do.

I traveled to the Poconos for four days to go camping for the 24th year with my “camping buddies.”  It was so great to spend time with good friends.  We ate.  We fished.  We relaxed.

I did something this weekend that I needed to do.

I left my phone in the car.  I didn’t check email.  I didn’t check Facebook.  I didn’t check Snapchat or any other social media platform.  This is what I needed to do.

I needed to unplug.  I needed to disconnect from the rest of the world.  I needed to let go of the tendency to check my phone every time I had a quiet moment.

Instead, I used the time to read.  I read most of Essentialism by Greg McKeown.  I used the time to reflect.  I used the time to pray.  And I used the time to rest.

I survived.  Four days away from my phone (except to call home once a day) didn’t kill me.  In fact, I came home charged up.  I came home refreshed.  And I came home with a renewed resolve not to let the pressures of trying to keep up with everyone get to me.

I needed that!

Do you have a problem with your phone?  Is your phone (or computer) controlling your life?  What are you going to do about it?

What Is Home?

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

Maya Angelou

This week, I’m not home.  I’m out-of-town attending a leadership conference in Chicago and then visiting my brother’s family in Milwaukee.

I’m away from my home in Pennsylvania.

But I’m returning to my home in Illinois.  I lived outside of Chicago until I was 8 years old.

Home is where the heart is.

Pliny the Elder

At least that’s what they say.

Home is where I feel a sense of belonging.  It’s where I feel a connection with my past, my present, and my future.

Home is where I feel safe.  It protects me from the storms of life.  It keeps me warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and dry in the rain.

Home is where I feel a sense of purpose.  Sure I need to branch out – to stretch – into the uncomfortable.  But my first purpose is fulfilled when I’m a home.

Home is the nicest word there is.

Laura Ingalls Wilder

I feel at home when I’m in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania.  I feel at home when I’m in Mt. Holly, New Jersey.  I feel at home when I’m at my job in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania.  I feel at home when I’m in Grove City, Pennsylvania (where I went to college).  I feel at home when I’m in Xenacoj in Guatemala.

I feel at home when I connect with others through my writing and speaking.  I feel at home when I mow the lawn.  I feel at home when I run the trails near my home or the treadmill at my gym.

There’s no place like home.

Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz

Despite these feelings, places, and experiences, I still have an ache – an empty spot – for home.  When people pass away, others say “They went home.”  This sometimes sounds cliché, but I think there’s something to it.  We all have a longing for home that won’t truly be satisfied until we take up residence in our eternal home.  Until then, I’m hanging onto the glimpses of home I experience in this life.

My home is in Heaven. I’m just traveling through this world.

Billy Graham

What does home mean to you and where do you find it in your life?

This post was inspired by a fantastic video about bringing humanity to the homeless.  I hope you’ll check it out below.

When The Waves Grow Fierce Around Me

I had the best of intentions.

I had every thought of writing a nice, new “STRETCHY” post last night for you today, and then my plans kind of got derailed.

There have been a few things going on in my world the past few days that have caused a little higher amplitude to the normally steady, manageable waves I’m used to experiences.  Sometimes, life causes us to experience fear, anger, anxiety, disappointment, and fatigue.  I think I’ve felt a little bit of each of these things over the past few days.

Instead of writing a nice, new “STRETCHY” post, I’m left writing something with more rawness.  I hope you don’t mind.

I wish I could fix things.

I wish I could mend relationships.

I wish I could tear down walls.

I wish I could heal wounds.

I wish I could make scars vanish.

I wish I could snap click my heals together three times and be home.

I wish I could sleep soundly.

I wish I could just make it all better.

But I can’t.  I can’t do any of these things.  I wish it wasn’t so, but there are times when I need these reminders.  I need to be reminded that I can’t do it all.

But I know the One who can.

I know the One who can fix things (even if I don’t understand the remedy).

I know the One who can repair relationships.

I know the One who can tear down walls.

I know the One who can heal all wounds.

I know the One who provides the security of home we are all looking for.

I know the One who provides perfect rest.

I know the One who can make it all better.

And it’s this knowledge – it’s this One – that keeps me from being swallowed up by the giant waves of life.  And this is right where I need to be right now.

The nice, new “STRETCHY” post will have to wait for another day, because this is all I have for now.

In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help.  From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.  Psalm 18:6

Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments below.