One Way To Become A Better Coach For Your Team

A month ago, I attended the Foundation Leadership Program with 22 other colleagues from North and South America.  (To read more about my experience, click here.)  It was the best week I’ve had in my 20+ years with the company.  One of my biggest takeaways from the experience relates to how I coach others.

Coaching others isn’t about giving the answers.

Coaching is about helping others discover the answers for themselves.

I’m a fixer, so I naturally want to dive in and figure out the exact steps necessary to overcome a challenge.  Here’s the problem:  Our team members don’t need a fixer.  They don’t need someone else to do the work for them.  They don’t need someone to do the thinking for them.  When we as leaders jump in to fix things, we take away valuable opportunities for our team members to think for themselves and to take action.

As leaders, we need to give our team members the opportunity to learn, to think, to take action, to succeed, and to fail.

To effectively coach our team members, we should use the GROW Model for handling the discussions with our team members.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about the GROW Model:

The GROW model (or process) is a simple method for goal setting and problem solving. It was developed in the United Kingdom and was used extensively in corporate coaching in the late 1980s and 1990s.

There have been many claims to authorship of GROW as a way of achieving goals and solving problems. While no one person can be clearly identified as the originator, Graham Alexander, Alan Fine, and Sir John Whitmore all made significant contributions.  Max Landsberg also describes GROW in his book The Tao of Coaching.  Other similar models include collaborative helping maps in family therapy and Gabriele Oettingen‘s WOOP model.

This is what I learned in my leadership program:

• G stands for Goal.  When coaching your team members start with the goal.  The goal may change as the discussion moves along, but it is the starting point for your coaching discussion.
• R stands for Roadblocks.  It’s helpful to identify the things that are standing in the way of achieving your goal.
• O stands for Options.  What options does one have to overcome the roadblocks that stand in the way of achieving the goal?  When discussing the options, it may become obvious that the goal needs to be re-calibrated.  When the goal shifts, we have to go back and look at the roadblocks standing in the way of achieving the new goal.
• W stands for Will.  Is your team members willing to take action on the identified options?  If the answer is no, it’s time to go back to the drawing board (or end the discussion).  If the answer is yes, the discussion transitions into action.

Who are you leading?  Maybe you are leading in your business or place of employment.  Maybe you are leading in your community.  Or maybe you are leading in your home.

Whatever the case may be, it’s time for you to help your team members GROW (or STRETCH as I like to say).  Learn to become a better coach, and discover a path to greater success among those you lead.

What methods have you used to help your team members tackle their problems?  What step(s) do you need to take TODAY to help your team members?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

If you’re looking for more ways to STRETCH yourself, sign up TODAY for the 7 Week Stretch Challenge:

How To Respond To Rage

The great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God’s commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose the right while they rage.

Henry B. Eyring

Rage (often called fury or frenzy) is a feeling of intense, violent, or growing anger. It is sometimes associated with the fight-or-flight response, and is often activated in response to an external cue, such as an event that impacts negatively on the person. The phrase “thrown into a fit of rage” expresses the immediate nature of rage that occurs before deliberation. If left unchecked, rage may lead to violence. Depression and anxiety lead to an increased susceptibility to rage, and there are modern treatments for this emotional pattern.

When faced with someone’s rage, how do you respond?

Do you turn away?  Do you clam up?  Do you simply freeze?  Or do you respond back with anger and rage?

The responses above are all natural.  We want to be right.  We want to be heard.  And we don’t want to be treated unfairly.  So we often look for ways to take revenge.

How can we get back at the person who is unjustly throwing their anger our way?  How can we make sure we get the last word?

I think we’re looking at it all wrong.

A friend of mine recently pointed out the following passage from Romans 12:17-21:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Seriously?

Live at peace with everyone?  How is that possible especially when I want to take revenge?  Paul’s response is right on.  He calls us to overcome evil with good.  When we do this, we are actually putting “burning coals” on the head of our enemy.

I can’t go back to the person I “met” on the Ben Franklin Parkway.  I stayed away as he drove on ahead.  While I may never see him again, I can pray for him.  And I can look for ways to overcome the evil I face on a daily basis with good.

In case you are wondering, this isn’t an option for those who chose to follow Christ.  We have to find a better way.  We have to resist the urge to rage back.

Paul challenges believers in Ephesians 4:31:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Do you struggle with rage?  What are you dong to overcome evil with good?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

If you are interested in talking about issues like this with other men, consider signing up for my men’s mastermind list.  I don’t have all the details right now, but I’m looking to see who might be interested in a group to help you become a better father, a better husband, and a better follow of Christ.  Sign up below, and I’ll keep you posted.

Guatemala 2016 Update – God Is So Good!

In less than 5 weeks, I’ll be in Guatemala again.

I can’t wait!

I long to take in the beautiful mountains of this country I have come to love.  I can’t wait to smell the aromas produced by local street vendors.  I can’t wait to walk the streets of Xenacoj where smiles and stares greet me.  And I can’t wait to experience the magnificent people who hold my heart.

Our family is going back again.  There are many reasons for our trip (admittedly some of them are selfish):

• We want to get away from the hustle and bustle of life in Pennsylvania.  We have found the pace of life so different in Guatemala.  Relationships and activities aren’t rushed.  They happen when everyone is ready.  They happen when they happen.
• We want to wrap our arms around the people we have come to love – families, children, widows, brothers, sisters, and friends.  It’s been nearly two years since our last visit, and we miss the people of Xenacoj.
• We want to re-calibrate ourselves.  A trip to a third world country for a week or two (or more) will teach you a lot of things (if you let it).  In the past, our family has learned a lot about being content with very little, about being generous, and about caring for those in need.  Yes, this is how we try to live here at home.  But there is something amazingly powerful about traveling even further outside your comfort zone.
• We want to help widows and orphans.  We want to encourage.  And we want to help them get on their feet to help them survive and thrive.  Widows and orphans in Guatemala are often forgotten.  We want to help them know they are loved and valued.  We want to give them the boost they need to make it to tomorrow and the next day and the day after that.  We want to be the voice for those who don’t have a voice.  We want to help tell their story, so others will get involved to help.
• We want to do something with our lives that matters.  Life is so short.  We have a relatively short period of time to leave our mark.  Our names may not be remembered in Guatemala, but I’m convinced these trips have helped families get on their feet.  And I’m convinced the fruits of our labor will far outlast us.  Our kids are different, because we went to Guatemala.  Assuming our kids have families one day, their families will be different.
• We want to follow God’s calling for our lives.  In the great commission, Jesus instructs us to go into all the world sharing the gospel.  For our family, this means going into our local community and going to Guatemala.

God continues to shape and mold us, and He takes our selfish, misguided motives.  And He shows us over and over again how good He is.

Many of you know, I have a goal.  I want to build 100 houses in Guatemala before I leave this earth.  I’ve helped build three homes so far.  Only 97 more to go!

A couple of months ago, our family launched a gofundme.com site to help raise funds for our trip and for building a house in Guatemala this summer.  We had already paid for our airfare and some of our expected expenses, but we needed to close the gap the costs associated with the trip and the house build.  When we launched the fundraising site, we honestly weren’t sure what to expect.  Would people step up to close the gap?  Would we have the funds to build a house this summer?  Would God provide?

Why did we doubt?

God is so good!

If you check out the gofundme.com site, you’ll see that we are close to meeting our goal.  We will definitely be going to Guatemala, and we will definitely be building another house.

It gets better!

God is so, so good!

I received a phone call last week.  Someone is stepping up to make a second house possible this summer.

Sometimes, serving others requires a leap of faith.  And often, reaching our crazy, big goals requires one step at a time.  We questioned and we doubted, and God provided through others.

God is so very good!

As our family prepares to return to Guatemala, we are humbled and thankful.  We can’t wait to see how and where God continues to work.  Thank you for being part of our journey.

What leap of faith do you need to take?  What’s preventing you from seeing God’s goodness in your life?

I Resolve…

But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way.

Daniel 1:8

Read the above verse a couple of times.  What stands out to you?  What words pop out when you read the verse?

Does the word “resolved” stand out to you?

What does it mean to resolve?

Google second definition says to resolve is to “decide firmly on a course of action.”

Daniel firmly decided on a course of action, and he moved forward based on his decision.  Daniel committed to stay pure and to honor God with his eating and drinking.

My men’s group (DIBs – Dudes In the Basement) just started studying the book of Daniel, and we concentrated our discussion this week on this one verse.

Resolve is not passive.  It’s not by accident.  And it’s not half-hearted.  It’s not out of guilt.

Resolve is active.  It’s intentional.  It’s all-in.  It’s out of desire.

If you want to change the world – If you want to change your family – If you want to change you, you have to move forward with conviction – with resolve.

Take time today to ponder your purpose and to think about what you want to accomplish in your lifetime.  Resolve to make the changes today in order to move closer to these goals.  Finally, take action.  Don’t wait until tomorrow.

What resolution do you need to make today?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

A Peak Inside My Mastermind Group

Recently, I had the privilege of being on the “Hot Seat” in my Mastermind Group.  When it’s my turn to be on the Hot Seat, other members of the group provide input on a business problem, challenge, or idea I am facing.  I’ve had the opportunity to be on the Hot Seat before, but this time was different.  My fellow mastermind group members encouraged me and pushed me to consider STRETCHING myself even further in my pursuit of helping others.  And the conversation demonstrated to me the power of plugging into others who can collaborate with you.

Normally, these mastermind sessions are kept private.  We sometimes share information that is only meant for those in our group.  This time, we gave our facilitator (Ellory Wells) permission to re-purpose our time together for his podcast (The Ellory Wells Show).

When I listened to this podcast episode, I was encouraged and inspired all over again.  And I’d like to give you the opportunity to listen in on our conversation.  Click here.

(The other voices you hear in the conversation belong to Matthew Lovell and Amy Robles.  You should check them out!)

As a result of this conversation, I am considering the possibility of starting my own mastermind group for husbands and fathers.  I haven’t figured out the details yet, but I’m starting to gather names of prospective mastermind members.  If this is something that interests you, sign up below.  I’ll get back to you as details become clear.  Thanks!

Ice Breaker – Minor League Baseball

After short break, the Stretched Ice Breaker is back!

Most weeks on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question on Fridays. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

In the past few weeks, I’ve gone to two minor league baseball games.  In the first game, I saw the Reading Fightin Phils host the Trenton Thunder.  The Fightin Phils are the AA team associated with the Philadelphia Phillies.  And earlier this week, I saw the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs host the Norfolk Tides.  The Iron Pigs are the AAA team associated with the Philadelphia Phillies.  Both games were exciting, and the home team won both games.  I like minor league baseball games, because they are reasonably priced and they take you back to the way baseball was meant to be played and watched.  This week’s Stretched Ice Breaker is inspired by my recent minor league adventures.

Question:  If there were a minor league baseball team in your hometown, what do you think the team name would be?

My Answer:  I live in a town called Schwenksville.  Schwenksville is a small town in the northwest suburbs of Philadelphia.  It’s the home of the Philadelphia Folk Festival and the Pennypacker Mansion.  The Perkiomen Trail and Perkiomen River runs right through town.  If there was a minor league baseball team in town, it might be called the Schwenksville Super Perks.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.)  And keep Stretching!

To get a FREE copy of 101 Ice Breaker Ideas (an eBook by me), sign up below:

I Needed That

This weekend I did something I needed to do.

I traveled to the Poconos for four days to go camping for the 24th year with my “camping buddies.”  It was so great to spend time with good friends.  We ate.  We fished.  We relaxed.

I did something this weekend that I needed to do.

I left my phone in the car.  I didn’t check email.  I didn’t check Facebook.  I didn’t check Snapchat or any other social media platform.  This is what I needed to do.

I needed to unplug.  I needed to disconnect from the rest of the world.  I needed to let go of the tendency to check my phone every time I had a quiet moment.

Instead, I used the time to read.  I read most of Essentialism by Greg McKeown.  I used the time to reflect.  I used the time to pray.  And I used the time to rest.

I survived.  Four days away from my phone (except to call home once a day) didn’t kill me.  In fact, I came home charged up.  I came home refreshed.  And I came home with a renewed resolve not to let the pressures of trying to keep up with everyone get to me.

I needed that!

Do you have a problem with your phone?  Is your phone (or computer) controlling your life?  What are you going to do about it?

May 2016 Top Posts

Top Posts for May 2016:

1. 5 Lessons I Learned By Studying The Life of Joshua
2. 5 Ways To Represent Well
3. Celebrating Parenting Milestones
4. Ice Breaker – Star Wars
5. Know Yourself – How To Get Started In Discovering The Real You
6. 13 Delegation Quotes
7. Never… Ever… Give Up Hope
8. 3 Ways To Respond When Someone Is Unkind To You
9. Guatemala – Clothing
10. Ice Breaker – Bucket List

If you are a blogger, share your top post in the comments.

Which STRETCHED post was your favorite this month?  And why?

Don’t Forget The Music

Music can change the world because it can change people.

Bono

A few years ago, I stopped listening to music.

I didn’t have time for it.

I listen to podcasts all the time.  I’m constantly filling my head with shows on leadership, personal growth, blogging, business, and spiritual growth.  I listen at twice the normal speed, so I can listen to more content.  I listen in the car.  I listen while I’m running on the treadmill or lifting at the gym.  And I sometimes listen at work while I’m working on tasks that lets me listen.

I used to listen to music all the time.  Music takes you back to a place you once were.  Music inspires you.  Music challenges you.  And music connects you with others.

A month ago, I started listening to music again.

When I recently started listening to the Hamilton soundtrack on Spotify, the DC Talk Radio station on Pandora, or the Mozart Radio station on Pandora, I felt like fresh air had been pushed into my lungs.  I felt like I could breath again with a renewed sense of purpose.

Don’t forget the music!

If you’re like me, you may be focused on feeding yourself with books and podcasts.  These are great, but don’t forget that music can also fill your mind and soul in ways the spoken and written word cannot.

Also, music provides a unique way to connect with the Creator.

Celebrating Parenting Milestones

Parenting takes you down all kinds of roads.

Some of the roads are bumpy.  Some of the roads are smooth.

Sometimes is feels like you are moving along the road like a turtle – slow and steady.  Sometimes it feels like you are moving along on cruise control.  And sometimes it feels like you are navigating hairpin turns at breakneck speeds.

For me, it feels like the pace of my parenting journey is moving along at the speed of sound (that’s really fast for those of you wondering).

Sometimes it’s healthy to stop and reflect on what is actually happening.  That’s what this post is all about.  It’s a chance for me to stop (although it may be a brief stop), to reflect, and to rejoice in what God is doing in the lives of my children.

Let’s start with my son.

Isaac just turned 16 last week.  He is turning into a man right before my eyes.  He is almost as tall as I am.  In fact, I would suspect I will no longer be the tallest person in the family by the end of the summer.

Isaac successfully passed the Pennsylvania Permit Test, and he is now eligible to drive under the instruction of a licensed driver.  I’ve been out with him twice so far.  Our initial “outings” have been limited to a couple of empty parking lots, but we will quickly be graduating to roads with other cars.  He’s doing a great job, and I’m excited for this step in his journey.

Isaac has been working outside of school to raise he level of his academics – specifically his reading.  I have been amazed to see the level of effort he is putting into this pursuit, and I can see that it is paying off.  Recently, he created a letter to send to a few music directors and teachers requesting some feedback to help him clarify his musical focus for the next few years.  Before he sent out the first letter, he let Leanne and me read it.  We were blown away by Isaac’s ability to clearly articulate his thoughts and questions into this letter.  Isaac is growing up.

At the end of April, Isaac had his last piano recital with the teacher he has had since he started playing the piano at age four or five.  His teacher is releasing him to pursue a higher level teacher.  She has taken him as far as she can, and she wants him to keep stretching.  Last week, he had his last lesson with her, and he will begin lessons with a new instructor this week.  I think we were all a little sad to say goodbye to Mrs. Clemmens, but we were honored and humbled by her wisdom in sending him on to an instructor who can advance him further.

Finally, Isaac is diligently working on his Eagle Scout project.  He is designing and building a disc golf course at our church.  At first, this sound easy.  If you think it’s easy, you would be wrong.  He has to fully document his proposal.  He has to get buy-in from several people in and out of scouts.  He has to raise funds to pay for the materials required to build the course.  And he has to coordinate manpower to actually build the course.  He is making steady progress, and I’m excited to watch him complete this project.  I know he his learning as a result of this experience.

My daughter is keeping it interesting for Leanne and me.

Hannah is on track to graduate from high school in June.  Last week, she completed her last official day of classroom time, and she moves into a three-week period of career study.  She will be working alongside a Spanish teacher at one of the area elementary schools.  I’m sure this will give her fantastic opportunities to see what it might be like to be a Spanish teacher.

Hannah had her last high school track meet this weekend.  She finished 8th in the 3200m and 3rd in the 4 x 800m relay at the conference championship meet.  Her team just missed winning the conference championship by a few points.  Running has brought Hannah a lot of opportunity to build her confidence, her running ability, and her leadership.  In addition, she has met some fantastic friends as a result her high school running career.  She is looking forward to running at the collegiate level.

Hannah finished up the academic side of her high school career by taking six AP (Advanced Placement) tests in a week.  Leanne and I are amazed by the intelligence and drive that comes out of our oldest child.  She is ready for college.  She’ll be attending Messiah College in the fall where she’ll be a Spanish Education major enrolled in the school’s Honors College.

Hannah’s moving into a period of time in which we celebrate the past and look ahead to the future.  She has received a few scholarships already, and we’re looking forward to celebrating the end of her high school career at several picnics and parties over the next few weeks.  It’s just hard to believe I have a child old enough to graduate from high school.  It seems like yesterday, Leanne and I were bringing Hannah home from the hospital for the first time.  We are proud of who she has become.

If you’re a parent of young children, don’t blink.  Don’t wish time would move faster.  Don’t rush through life to get to the next stage.  Life moves along fast enough by itself.  Learn to schedule margin into the busyness of life.  Learn to enjoy each moment.  Learn to celebrate along the way.  Learn to be content with the here and now.  Tomorrow will come sooner than you think.

Enjoy the journey!

What parenting milestones are you celebrating now?