Jon Stolpe
Jon Stolpe
6 Essentials for Finding Meaning in Your Life
What is the meaning of life? This is a question people have been asking themselves for ages.
Meaningless. Meaningless. Chasing after the wind.
“Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 1:2
Too many of us go after things in life that really are meaningless. When we step back and look at it from a different perspective, we realize that we had our ladder leaned up against the wrong wall, and we’ve been climbing to the top only to realize that we were climbing against the wrong wall.
This week I received some tough news that reminded me that this life is fleeting – it’s short. And we will endure problems, trials, and illnesses, and we will eventually come to a realization that a lot of the things we are pursuing in life really don’t matter when it comes down to it.
I don’t know about you, but I want my life to mean something. I want to pursue things that matter. I don’t want to waste my time doing things that won’t add up to a hill of beans. I want to be intentional with how I live my life – on a day by day basis and on a moment by moment basis.
Our perspective changes as we go through life. We see things through different lenses along the way, and sometimes I think that we go through trials in life to re-calibrate us – to reset our vision. I think this might be happening through my experience this week – in the tough circumstances that I’m wrestling with in my own mind.
What are your priorities and what are you doing about them? Do you know them? Have you stopped long enough to pay attention – to really process the priorities that you have in your life?
Is it work? Is it achievement? Is it notoriety? Is it fame? Is it your family? Is it your faith? Is it financial freedom?
All these things are okay, but are they really your priorities? Have you stopped long enough to really analyze what matters most in life?
Once you know your priorities, it’s important to map out how you’re going to get there.
What are you going to do? How are you going to change your life to live in light of those priorities?
I cannot answer that question for you. This is a question you need to answer for yourself.
I just finished listening to a new book, Living Forward, by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy, and they challenge readers to consider writing their own eulogy.
What would you want people to stay at your funeral? If this is what you want people to say, how are you living your life to prepare for this?
I don’t know how everything is going to work out with the situation I’m facing, but I do know I have the opportunity to really analyze my priorities and shift some of my perspectives. And just maybe I will come down from the ladder that I was climbing on to make sure I have it positioned against the correct wall.
This is the challenge I leave you with today: Is your ladder leaning against the correct wall, or are you chasing things that are meaningless?
Live a life that matters.
Pursue your priorities. Carefully consider your priorities. Gain new perspective, and live your life with intention.
More importantly, what I’m learning through this experience is the importance of relationships. You can pursue all kinds of achievement and accolades and everything, but the reality is the relationships that you have with others matters so much more than those career positions and promotions, those super-large portfolios, and those trophies. Take time today to connect with those who matter most in your life. And then repeat every day for the rest of your life.
If you want to find meaning in your life:
6 Essentials for Finding Meaning in Your Life
- Look in the mirror.
- Determine your priorities.
- Live intentionally in light of your priorities.
- Plug into key relationships.
- Above all else, seek God first.
- Repeat for the rest of your life.
What is the meaning of your life? Knowing this, how are you living your life? Share your thoughts in the comments.
101 Ice Breaker Ideas
Nearly every Friday for the past several years, I have been asking Ice Breaker questions her at Jon Stolpe Stretched.
Along the way, I’ve had many people reach out to me to thank me for the idea to use in their small group or for their special mixer event.
Today, I want to give you a useful resource. I’ve assembled 101 of the top Ice Breaker questions just for you in FREE 8 page e-Book – 101 Ice Breaker Ideas. To get your copy, sign up below:
What’s your favorite Ice Breaker question?
4 Ways To Deal With Other People’s Bad Habits
I don’t have any bad habits. They might be bad habits for other people, but they’re all right for me.
Eubie Blake
We all have habits. Some habits are good, and some habits are bad.
Do you chew your fingernails? Do you chew with your mouth open? Do you tap your fingers when you are nervous? Do you smack your lips? These are bad habits.
Maybe you have a bad habit and you don’t even know it.
My guess is others probably notice when you have a bad habit.
I have a bad habit (actually I have many bad habits). I didn’t realize it until my wife and kids said something to me. Apparently, I make a noise sometimes while I’m eating. I don’t do it all the time, and I don’t think I do it most of the time, but I can see how it would be annoying (or at least amusing) to those around me. It’s like a quiet “Hum”, and it seems to especially happen when I’m eating soup. The first time my kids and wife said something to me about this bad habit, I had no idea I was making that noise while I was eating.
There are many things in our lives we don’t notice. This is why it’s important to have people in our lives who will speak truth and who will call us onto the carpet when there are things in our lives that we need to adjust. Telling other people about their bad habits is not an easy thing to do. It takes thoughtfulness. It takes tact, and it takes some courage to tell somebody they have a bad habit that needs to be addressed. To help you address the bad habits of those around you, I have some ideas to make it a little easier:
4 Ways To Deal With Other People’s Bad Habits
- Look in the mirror. Take time to analyze what habits you may have. You may be surprised to learn that you have the same bad habit you are trying to address in someone else. It’s important for you to address your own bad habits first before you work on someone’s bad habits.
- Be kind and thoughtful. Make it your mission to be positively constructive. Don’t destroy or rip apart someone when you address their bad habit. You want to be honest, and you want to be kind. Address others as you would want to be addressed.
- Offer to help. Overcoming a bad habit is not easy. A little help can go a long way in eliminating long-held patterns in our lives. Ask if you can remind the person whenever you seem them falling into their old habits. If the person is receptive, you can ask them how they are doing when it comes to breaking their bad habit. Get involved in creating a reward of some sort that rewards the person as they reach milestones in overcoming their bad habit. Be part of the solution.
- Remove yourself from the situation. If the bad habit is irritating you so much and the person doesn’t seem receptive to change, you may need to remove yourself from the situation. There’s a gentleman at the Starbucks where I go every Sunday morning to write who makes a loud coughing sound every couple of minutes. I don’t know if he knows he’s doing it, but it drives me crazy. I distracts my train of thought as I’m writing. I don’t have a great platform for telling him about the habit, so I must learn to deal with it or move to another location for my writing. (This week, I went to a different Starbucks, and my writing time was more productive.)
What is one of your bad habits? What advice do you have for dealing with the bad habits other people have? Share your thoughts in the comments.
For other interesting articles on habits, check out these links below:
- Breaking Bad (Habits) – 5 Essentials For Breaking Bad Habits (Jon Stolpe Stretched)
- How to Make a New Habit Stick (Michael Hyatt)
- How Bad Habits Enter Into Your LIfe (Joseph Lalonde)
- A Fool Proof Way To Change Your Life (Rob Shepherd)
Commitment to Prayer
When we work, we work; but when we pray, God works.
What would happen if you made a decision to pray for somebody every single day for the next month?
This is a question that somebody in my Friday morning men’s group posed to the group last week as we were closing up our time together.
We talk a lot about doing things for people, and we talk about wanting to share our faith. But do we put prayer behind it? And what would it look like if we put corporate prayer behind these requests?
In other words, what would happen if a whole group of men (or a whole group of people) made the conscious decision to pray for the same person every sing day for the next month?
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
I think there is amazing power behind prayer. That power may be to impact the person for whom we are praying, but I also think there is amazing power to impact our own lives and the lives of those in the group of people who are praying corporately for the same person.
On Friday, my group decided we were going to pray for three people for the next 30 days, and I am interested to see what happens to the people for whom we are praying and for the people in our group.
“If you are willing to invite God to involve himself in your daily challenges, you will experience his prevailing power – in your home, in your relationships, in the marketplace, in the schools, in the church, wherever it is most needed.” Bill Hybels – Too Busy Not To Pray
Have you ever made that kind of commitment – to pray for someone every day for a month? What was the impact on your life? What was the impact on those for whom you were praying? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
For other interesting articles on prayer, check out these links:
- Prayer Thoughts (Jon Stolpe Stretched)
- W2R Take Home 2: Make Prayer A Priority In Our Marriage (Jon Stolpe Stretched)
- Why Pray? (Rob Shepherd)
- How Are You Going To Pray In 2016? (Larry Carter)
- Pray Anyway (Shawn Washburn)
Book Review: Under New Management (@DavidBurkus)
When I received a copy of Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual by David Burkus, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I work for a large company. In fact, I am an operations manager for a large company. The prospect of changing or upending business as usual seems a little scary and perhaps a little interesting.
“The purpose of this book is to challenge you and your company to ask whether the time has come for you to reexamine some of the most fundamental concepts in management today.” David Burkus
When I opened up the book and scanned through the contents and the pages, I honestly questioned if this book was worth my time. Here are some of the chapter titles: Outlaw Email, Put Customers Second, Lose the Standard Vacation Policy, Pay People to Quit, Make Salaries Transparent, Ban Noncompetes, Ditch Performance Appraisals, Hire as a Team, and Close Open Offices. Many of these chapter titles seemed to go against what I have come to know in my 20+ years at my company. I was a little concerned about what would be in the pages I was about to read. As I started to read though, I began to understand Under New Management was actually a book I needed to read. And I’m not the only one who needs to read it. Managers across the country and around the world should consider picking up a copy of this brand new book.
Change is not easy.
If we really want to grow, we need to learn to adapt, and Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual encourages managers to consider how they might adapt to the changing world that we now find ourselves. This work by David Burkus is an important text for any manager to read, and I would highly recommend it. I think it will encourage managers took to consider how they might change the way they’re doing business. They may not implement every single thing suggested in this book, but I think managers will find ways to do business differently and better as they read the pages of this book.
“Business isn’t usual anymore.” David Burkus
Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual by David Burkus releases this week, and I would encourage any manager who is serious about making a difference where they are in their workplace to pick this up and to at least ponder whether or not they are on the right track in their business. I’m sure that this text will stretch the readers and that’s why I’m recommending Under New Management.
What changes would you like to see at your place of employment? What action do you think you could take to make that one of those changes a reality?
Please note: I received a copy of Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual by David Burkus for free from Weaving Influence in exchange for a review. I was not required to provide a positive review. I truly believe that this new book is a worthwhile read for anybody serious about taking their leadership to the next level.
Also to note: There are affiliate links in this post. Should you purchase Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual
6 Essential Steps To Live A More Balanced Life
What is a “Balanced Life?”
People talk about wanting to live a balanced life.
There used to be a podcast called Pursuing A Balanced Life by my friend, Cliff Ravenscraft.
We all want balance in our lives, but is that really the right goal or are we really even defining a balanced life correctly? This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. I know for a fact that I am very busy. I’m on the go all the time. My calendar is full of things to do, and I’m always busy.
Sometimes, I don’t feel like I’m living a balanced life.
I’m pretty sure we often get the whole definition of balance wrong.
When I think of balance I think of chemistry class in college. In the lab portion of the class, we used to measure chemicals with a balance. We put a desired weight on one side of the balance. This weight was measured against a standard. Then we put the chemical we were measuring on the other side of the balance. We would add a little more chemical or remove a little of the chemical until we got the right amount of chemical. We knew that we were right – that we had the right amount of chemical, because the balance was balanced. One side wasn’t higher than the other. One side wasn’t lower than the other.
This seems to be what people want to do with their schedules. They want to put so many things into their life that they are well-rounded in every area, but sometimes I wonder if that’s really the correct approach. My guess is that we are measuring the balance of our lives against an incorrect standard.
We all have different priorities, and we all have things that should be higher on our priority list. If you make a list of how you spend your time and you compare it with your list of life priorities, I wonder if they would match.
I know that my work is one of my priorities. I know that my fitness is one of my priorities. I know my family is one of my priorities. I know my friends are one of my priorities. I know my writing and speaking are one of my priorities, and I know that serving others is one of my priorities. I have a lot of priorities. The question is which ones are the top ones and are they getting the attention – the time and energy – they deserve
My top priority is God and my faith, but the reality is I’m not sure I give Him the balance of time and energy that I should. If God really is a priority in my life, you would think I would spend a lot of time working on this priority. The reality is I get distracted, I get confused, and I get misdirected towards other things that are much lower on my priority list. And I’m guessing I’m not alone.
How do I go about reshaping and re-evaluating my calendar and my life in light of my desired priorities, so I really can live a balanced life? Here are some ideas:
6 Essential Steps To Live A More Balanced Life
- Determine the top 5-10 priorities in your life. I think it starts by figuring out your priorities. Spend time listing what really matters in your life. Put them in order from highest priority to lowest priority.
- Look at your calendar as it exists today. Take note of how you are spending your time right now. Where do we spend the most time? Where do you spend the least time? What occupies your time? We need to know how we’re spending our time and energy in order to determine what changes we might need to make.
- Compare your priorities to your calendar. Do they match? Where do they match? Where are they missing the mark?
- Adjust your calendar to match your priority list. What needs to stay? What needs to go? What needs more time and attention? Do the work of adjusting your calendar to match your priority list. If your family is one of your top priorities, schedule time in your calendar to be with your family. If your marriage is one of your priorities, schedule a regular, weekly date night. Cut of the things on your calendar that are unnecessary and don’t line up with your priority list. Do the work if you’re serious about pursuing a balanced life.
- Get accountability to make sure these changes stick. Share your priorities and calendar adjustments with somebody. You don’t need to share them with everybody, but find one or two people who can hold you accountable to making the changes a reality.
- Take action. Don’t be afraid to reevaluate from time to time. Plan regular check-ins, and figure out what is working well, what is not working well, and what additional changes you need to make. This is an ongoing process. You are not going to fix it all at once, but I’m convinced that through diligent, intentional thought and action we can take steps to live a more balanced life.
Are you living a balanced life? What action do you need to take to live a more balanced life? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
If you want additional help in this are, be sure to check out the 7 Week Stretch Challenge. Sign up below.
Ice Breaker – Status Update
Most weeks on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question on Fridays. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.
(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas. If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com. If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)
Question: What’s the last status update you posted on Facebook, Twitter, or another social media platform?
My Answer: (From SnapChat to Instagram to Facebook)
And So It Goes…
(Isaac was playing one of my favorite Billy Joel songs (And So It Goes). I caught 10 seconds of it on SnapChat. Then I transferred it to Instagram and Facebook. The orientation didn’t come through correctly, but the sound did.)
Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!
Don’t forget to sign up for The 7 Week Stretch Challenge:
7 Reasons I’m On Snapchat
I recently joined Snapchat.
My daughter and her friends have been using Snapchat for a while. Honestly, I didn’t get it at first when I watched her using this social media application. To me, it appeared that she was simply exchanging silly selfies with her friends. Even after I signed up, I didn’t get it. She talked about Snapchat “stories” and Snapchat filters. It didn’t make sense to me.
Then I listened to one of Cliff Ravencraft’s podcasts about Snapchat, and I started following him. Suddenly, I started to get it. I began to feel a better connection to Cliff and to Snapchat. And I began to become a more active Snapchat user.
7 Reasons I’m On Snapchat
- Snapchat provides a connection with the younger generation. I’m a volunteer youth leader for my church’s high school youth group. As one of the older leaders, I sometimes feel STRETCHED to connect with the students. Most of them are on Snapchat. Since I started using Snapchat, I’ve found another way to connect with the students.
- Snapchat gives me the opportunity to try something new. If you are part of the 7 Week Stretch Challenge, you may know that the challenge for week 5 is to try something new. Trying new things is a healthy discipline to keep us growing and challenged. Snapchat is one of the new things I’m trying.
- Snapchat provides a creative place to learn new things. A couple of weeks ago, I used Snapchat to share the repair process of my toilet. Afterwards, I had several people thank me for sharing this as it helped them learn something new. This applies to me as well. I’ve learned several new things thanks to the world of Snapchat.
- Snapchat provides a behind the scenes look into my life and into the lives of those I follow. My friend, Ellory Wells, said it was like recording the person who is recording the movie. I enjoy seeing how people do things. This isn’t always shown in a blog post, a podcast, or a status update. Snapchat shows viewers a glimpse behind the curtain.
- Snapchat provides a place to experiment. I’ve played with the orientation of my camera/phone as I’ve recorded Snaps. I’ve played with different filters and with different types of recordings. I love trying out different approaches to see what works well and what doesn’t work so well.
- Snapchat provides an opportunity to drive my kids crazy. Actually, this isn’t one of my goals. And my son watches most of my Snapchat stories. But I know it’s weird for them. Isaac makes fun of the way I often ask questions as part of my stories. And Hannah won’t even connect with me on Snapchat.
- Snapchat provides a fantastic way to connect with others. The video and photo exchange that happens through this platform is really cool. Here are some of the people I’m following (check them out):
- Cliff Ravenscraft (cliffeotc)
- Ellory Wells
- Rusty Pang
- Leslie Samuel
- Matthew Lovell
- Father Roderick
- Tony Brown
- itsamyrobles
- John Lee Dumas
- PatFlynn
- Adam Flora
If you want to learn more about Snapchat and how to use it, I’d encourage you to check out Cliff Ravenscraft’s excellent Snapchat tutorial by clicking here.
Finally, I’d love to connect with you on Snapchat. Follow me at Jon Stolpe (jonstolpe), and send me a Snap to say hello.
Are you on Snapchat? Why? What do you like about Snapchat?
Passport Required (Or Not)
Do you need a passport?
Preparing for our trip to Guatemala requires steady action in order to make sure we are ready to travel and to serve in July. On Saturday, three members of my family went to the Pottstown Public Library to renew our passports.
According to Wikipedia,
A passport is a travel document, usually issued by a country’s government, that certifies the identity and nationality of its holder for the purpose of international travel. Standard passports contain the holder’s name, place and date of birth, photograph, signature, and other identifying information.
Without our passports we legitimately could not get in and out of Guatemala. These documents are essential to proving our identity when we go through customs. Authorities will check our passports when we go through security at the airport in the United States. When we arrive in Guatemala city, our passports will be checked at least twice before we will be permitted to leave the airport to travel to Xenacoj. When we come home two weeks later, we will go through the reverse process.
The passports certify our identity.
Without this paperwork, we lack identity. We are stranded. We are lost. We are unrecognizable. We are anonymous. We are restricted from moving about freely.
Our identity matters.
Unfortunately, many of us operate with a mistaken identity.
We base our self-worth on things that don’t really matter. We mistakenly define success and significance by pursuits and achievements that don’t matter in the end. We go after wealth, power, and reputation, and we pin our identity to these things.
- “I have my professional engineers license.”
- “I wrote a book.”
- “I have my MBA.”
- “I have $XXX in my 401K.”
- “I finished three full marathons.”
- “I am the president of my Toastmasters club.”
I could go on and on. These things don’t really matter. They are things I have accomplished, but they don’t define me.
(Are you having an identity crisis?)
If I want to define my identity, I must learn to dig deeper. I’m fairly certain my identity really comes down to one thing (click here) – my identity is found in Christ. I am a child of God.
I don’t need a passport to certify this identity.
Do you have a passport? When was the last time you used it?
Ice Breaker – Strengths
Most weeks on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question on Fridays. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.
(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas. If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com. If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)
I’m working my way through Tom Rath’s book, StrengthsFinder 2.0
Question: What are your biggest strengths?
My Answer: According to the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment, my biggest strengths are:
- Harmony – “You look for areas of agreement. In your view there is little to be gained from conflict and friction, so you seek to hold them to a minimum. When you know that the people around you hold differing views, you try to find the common ground.” StrengthsFinder 2.0
- Achiever – “Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself.” StrengthsFinder 2.0
- Responsibility – “Your Responsibility them forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it.” StrengthsFinder 2.0
- Discipline – “Your world needs to be predictable. It needs to be ordered and planned. So you instinctively impose structure on your world. You set up routines. You focus on timelines and deadlines.” StrengthsFinder 2.0
- Analytical – “You do not necessarily want to destroy other people’s ideas, but you do insist that their theories be sound. You see yourself as objective and dispassionate. You like data because they are value free. They have no agenda. Armed with these data, you search for patterns and connections.” StrengthsFinder 2.0
Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!