I’m Losing My Patience – 6 Ways To Rediscover Patience

As a kid, I can remember a few times when my Dad’s fuse was shorter than normal.  Especially when he was tired and under a lot of stress, his patience would grow thin, and he would become frustrated and somewhat angry as my brothers and I would push the limits on what he could tolerate.

Overall, my Dad is a great father, and I’d honestly be honored and blessed if I could pick up half of his qualities.  He’s a leader.  He’s wise.  He’s extremely intelligent.  He’s caring.  I could go on.  But if I’m honest, I hoped I would miss out on his occasional short patience “quality.”

Well, I’m afraid that didn’t completely work out.  The other night, Leanne said to me, “I think you’re getting more impatient as you get older.”  Whoa!  First, she’s calling me impatient.  And then, she’s calling me older!  Maybe she’s right.  By the end of the night, my tolerance for horsing around diminishes, and I can often tell that I’m losing my patience.  It’s not a feeling I completely enjoy.  I don’t want to be grumpy or to be known as the “wet blanket” in the house, so I need to find a way to restore my patience levels.

Here are several ideas that come to mind for bringing patience back into my life.  Maybe, they’ll help you too!

1. Recognize that patience come from God.  According to Paul in Galatians, patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience (or forbearance), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23
2. Pray for patience.  Many would consider this to be a dangerous prayer.  I’m not so sure.  If true patience comes from God, doesn’t it make sense that we should ask for it?  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Matthew 7:7-8
3. Learn the things that cause us to lose our patience.  Maybe it’s lack of sleep.  Maybe it’s financial stress.  Maybe it’s pressure at work.  It’s important to learn these causes, so we can come up with a plan to combat the problems.
4. Take counter measures.  If it’s lack of sleep – get more sleep.  If it’s stress – find ways to eliminate or alleviate the stress.  Running is a huge counter measure for me in the battle against stress.  When I get regular exercise, my patience tends to improve.
5. Get someone to watch your back.  Use a friend to keep your patience levels in check.  I’m thankful that my wife would call me on the carpet about my patience.  I need people in my life who build me up and who help me deal with some of my “demons”.
6. Ask for forgiveness.  On the rare occasion when my Dad would lose his patience, he would come back and apologize.  He would ask for forgiveness if he had somehow wronged on of us.  We’re not perfect.  Not one of us gets it right all the time.  We all make mistakes.  We will lose our patience.  Admitting failure can be a positive step in the healing process and in STRETCHING us towards the personal growth we need to pursue.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13

Do you struggle with patience?  What helps you when you lose your patience?  What thoughts can you add to the list above?

RePurposed

Have you ever thought you were on the right track towards living out your purpose when suddenly you were turned towards a different direction?

Maybe you started college studying one thing when things switched up and changed your career trajectory.  Perhaps you felt led to pursue full-time ministry when God clearly directed you to take up ministry in the work force.

Over the weekend our family was reminded that re-purposing happens.  On Friday, we received an e-mail telling us that our most recent Seeing Eye puppy, Irwin, had been dropped out of the training program due to a health issue (faulty eye ducts).  Obviously, Irwin needs to have healthy eyes in order to be a Seeing Eye dog.

When we received the message, we had a choice to make – to take Irwin back or to let him go through the adoption program that The Seeing Eye sponsors.  With a new puppy arriving at our house later this afternoon (a “C” puppy – meaning his name will start with a “C”), we made the decision to allow Irwin to go to another family.  Irwin will be re-purposed.  Instead of being a Seeing Eye guide dog, Irwin will be a “forever dog” for a well deserving family.

When our purpose changes, it can be sad, scary, and confusing.  It’s sad to leave behind the path we had been on, and it’s scary to leave what we knew in exchange for the unknown.  It’s also confusing – why wasn’t this purpose more obvious from the beginning?

But a change in purpose can also be eye-opening and exciting.  When we’re truly on the right path towards following our purpose, it’s like a light switch just went on.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

I’m in the process of reading The Connecting Church 2.0: Beyond Small Groups to Authentic Community by Randy Frazee.  In the book, Frazee talks about the importance of finding authentic community.  He shares about discovering our purpose (or story) by first knowing God’s purpose and story.  Once we understand God’s story, we can move to “our story” – the purpose of the church and community.  Only when we have an understanding of these stories can we begin to understand and follow our purpose and story.

Like the first believers in Jerusalem, I must belong, grow, and serve.  I must fully participate as a member of a Christian community right where I live.  I must engage in a journey of learning to think, act, and be like Jesus.  I must actively use my life, my gifts, and my resources to serve others.  (p. 73).

Your journey maybe unique, but it involves community.  As you seek out your own purpose, I would challenge you to:

1. Follow God.  Read His Word.  Explore and understand God and His characteristics.
2. Plug into a church community.  Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you were created for community.  Your community will help you discover a purpose that goes beyond yourself.
3. Explore your areas of passion.  God has given you unique gifts, talents, and interests that will point you towards your purpose.  Don’t be afraid to try something new and different.
4. Trust in God.  In Proverbs 3:5-6, we are reminded that God will make our paths straight when we put our trust in Him.
5. Fight discouragement.  God has a plan for you!

“For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the Lord,“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

What’s your purpose?  How are you seeking out your purpose?  Have you ever felt like your purpose had changed?

The Voice Over

A voice-over is a production technique where a voice—that is not part of the narrative—is used in a some type of presentation.  [See Wikipedia.]

Earlier this week, I posted about two different voices I heard Sunday night.  In the post, I wrote about the importance of relying on God’s Voice and about listening to positive voices in our lives.  While I stand on The Voice that reminds me that I matter, I keep going back to the first voice.  If you recall, this was a voice of someone telling me I wasn’t needed.  I haven’t been dwelling on his words.  But I have been thinking about him.  In fact, thoughts have been running through my head like a voice-over as I rehash this experience.

As the girl in our youth group was getting baptized, I watched this man from the corner of my eye as he observed the service.  He did not appear to be a participant but more of an outsider looking in.

Sure the baptism service was an opportunity for believers to celebrate the decision of someone to follow Christ.  And it was a chance for the young girl to publicly state that Jesus is the leader and forgiver of her life.  But the service was also a reminder to me that there are others out there who are still lost.

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.  Luke 19:10

Christ came for the owner of the first voice that I heard on Sunday.  Obviously, I don’t know the true condition of his heart, but I can presume that he wasn’t on the same page spiritually as many of those in the room.

The cool thing is that he felt comfortable coming into our church.  There are many churches out there.  Many of them say they want to reach out to the lost, but lots of churches fail when it comes to showing Christ’s love in a way that attracts, convinces, and accepts the lost.  In fact, many churches won’t let “outsiders” in to hang out – divorcees, adulterers, homosexuals, and thieves.  This isn’t meant to discourage churches from speaking the truth.  It’s more of a challenge to consider how we can have an impact on the lost of this world.  After all, we’re called to flee from sin, but we’re called to love everyone – and to go into ALL the world to share God’s message of hope and love.  Christ set the example for us.  He hung out with the “outsiders”.

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus.  But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”  Then Jesus told them this parable:“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Luke 15:1-7

Over and over again, I hear that voice from Sunday night.  Again, I don’t hear the words, but I hear the reminder – God loves the lost, and He’s calling us to hang out with the “outsiders”.  I hear the voice-over calling me to keep stretching and growing.

When have you heard voice-overs in your life that cause you to stretch?  How are you intentionally hanging out with the “outsiders”?

The Voice – Which Voice Will You Listen To?

Which voice will you listen to? The one that says you are not needed, or the one that says you matter? I heard both these voices the other night. I choose to hear that I matter.

Let me explain.  Sunday night, I was helping out at the youth group by serving as one of the adult leaders.  I’ve been volunteering with RIOT (the name of the group) since I went to Guatemala with 25 of the students from the group.  Over the past several months, I’ve seen lives changed and relationships strengthened.

Part of the life change I’ve seen is when students make a decision to follow Christ and get baptized.  On Sunday night, one of the students made that decision and was baptized at the end of Sunday night.  As the baptism service was starting two older gentlemen walked in who weren’t normally part the adult volunteers.  I figured they must be related to the girl getting baptized, so I walked over and tried to help them to the front so they could get a better view of the baptism.  As I asked if I could help them, I was quickly reprimanded.by the older man.  He told me, “I don’t need your help.  If I needed your help, I would have asked for it.”  Okay.  I was just trying to be helpful.

This was one of the voices I heard the other night.  I could choose to dwell on that voice – a voice telling me I’m not needed.

As I was leaving the church Sunday night, I heard another voice.  Our youth pastor grabbed me as I was walking out the door, and he said “What you do matters.  Thank you for being here tonight.”

What a contrast!  It was as if I had two different people sitting on my shoulder.  One was saying, “You stink.”  The other was saying, “You’re the best!”

We hear voices like this all the time.  “You can’t do it.”  “Get away from me.”  “You’re a loser.”  “You’re not wanted.”

But there’s another Voice we need to listen to.  Sure it could be a youth pastor, a good friend, or a family member.  But there’s a Voice we all need to hear.  It’s God’s voice, and he wants us to know we are special – we’re made with a purpose – we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  What we do matters.  And more importantly, you and I matter to God.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.Psalm 139:13-14

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the Lord,“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Jeremiah 29:11

 

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.Zephaniah 3:17

 

I don’t know your history or what you’re going through right now, but this is the Voice that you need to hear right now.

Who has been a positive voice in your life?  What have your heard from these voices (and from The Voice)?

Return of Religion

When I was in 3rd grade, our family moved to New Jersey when my dad became a full-time pastor.  I’m not sure if it was the spelling of my last name or that my dad was a pastor, but kids soon started to call me Pope.  Growing up in a fairly sheltered Protestant area (Wheaton, Illinois) and family, I didn’t know much about the Pope.  The nickname stuck for a year or two before kids moved onto other nicknames.

Last week, the real Pope resigned.  His resignation was a pretty surprising and rare event in Catholic history.  The last time a Pope resigned was over 600 years ago.  His resignation got me thinking a little bit about religion.

What do you think about when you hear the word religion?

• Structure.  Organization.
• Denominations.  Hierarchy.
• Church.  Buildings.
• Priest.  Deacons.  Elders.  Pastors.  Order.
• Corruption.  Manipulation.  Hypocrites.  Power.

Unfortunately, the term religion has come to carry a negative connotation.  People are leaving the church and are being turned away from “religion” because of the inconsistencies and abuse of organized religion and of those who claim to follow Christ.  I’ve been part of churches that stay away from the word religion and replace it with relationship.

When I was in Guatemala this past summer, Joshua Crabbs (our Casas por Cristo project leader) shared a couple of verses from James that talk about religion from a whole different and more positive perspective:

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:26-27

James’ definition of religion says nothing about church or organization.  His definition is about action – about putting sneakers to our faith.  If we as Christ followers pursue this type of action – if we would return to religion under this definition, “religion” would stop being a dirty word.  It would be something that attracts others.

Part of our upcoming trip to Guatemala is about helping orphans and widows (H.O.W.).  This is a real practical way for our family to practice the kind of religion  that James writes about.  (To find out how you can help our family on this trip, click here.)

How can you return to religion as prescribed by James?  What can you do today to put sneakers to your faith?

What Matters – What Doesn’t Matter

Life can be pretty challenging, and it can be so easy to get distracted.  We get our priorities out of whack.  We focus our attention on things that just don’t matter.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to miss out on what really matters.  With that in mind, I’d like to offer some ways to focus on things that really matter.

Six Steps To Focusing On What Matters:

1. Start with The Book – The Bible.  God’s Word is the best place to start to discover what really matters.  The Bible is full of hope and truth.  It’s a book that provides instructions for how we should live.  “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  2 Timothy 3:16-17
2. Keep your eye on the prize.  It takes discipline and focus.  How do you go after a goal?  You put reminders all around you.  You always have the goal in mind.  Make it your goal to discover and focus on what matters.  “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 3:14
3. Find accountability.  Recognize that you can’t do it yourself.  You need people in your life who will spur you on toward truth – toward things that matter.  “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”  Hebrews 10:24-25
4. Take out the trash.  Get rid of distractions.  What things keep you away from the things that really matter?  Do whatever necessary to flee from these things.  “Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”  James 1:21
5. Filter.  Filter.  Filter.  Be diligent always.  Constantly measure the things of your life against the gold standard.  Don’t know what the gold standard is?  Go back to Step One.  “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”  Philippians 4:9
6. Don’t be afraid to start over – again and again and again.  Here’s the reality – we are all going to mess up – repeatedly.  The beautiful thing is that we can start new.  When you’ve been distracted, start all over.  There are times in our lives when we need to accept grace for ourselves.  “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  2 Corinthians 5:17

What would you add to this list?  What are you doing that matters?  How would your life change by focusing on what matters?

Scars And Stretch Marks Revealed – Why Scars Are Meant To Be Exposed

Some people may think scars are cool, but if we’re honest no one really likes their ugly spots, blemishes, and scars left exposed for others to see.

When I was a teenager, my complexion was fairly clear, but I did deal with a few zits from time to time.  I was always self conscious of my “big” nose (thanks to the teasing of some of my peers), and it didn’t help went one zit left a scar right on the middle of my nose for a good portion of my high school days.  I couldn’t cover it up.  It was right there for everyone to see like a Dallas Cowboys fan in the middle of the stands at Lincoln Financial Field (home of the Philadelphia Eagles).

We all have scars.  Some are physical blemishes like the spot on my nose or the two-inch gash on my left leg.  Most of our scars run much deeper.  They’re emotional scars created by personal blunders, dysfunctional relationships, and by some things outside of our control.  (I wrote about some of these scars in my own life about a year and a half ago – Less Like Scars.)

We run away.  We cover up our blemishes with make-up, masks, and masquerades.  We put on an act.  We pretend that nothing ever happened, and we hide our real selves.  We go into denial, and we don’t deal with the pain.

Maybe our scars and stretch marks were meant to be revealed.

Here are 5 reasons I believe scars are meant to be exposed:

1. Our scars and stretch marks need exposure to accelerate the healing process.  [Click to Tweet]  If we keep a bandage on our wound, it will not heal.  The wound needs air and light.  Letting others see our hurts gives others a chance to be a part of the healing process.
2. Our scars and stretch marks tell a story.  [Click to Tweet]  They testify to the junk we’ve dealt with in our lives, and they speak to the healing that is possible.
3. Our scars and stretch marks bring glory to God.  [Click to Tweet]  If we truly believe that God is the Healer and Great Physician then we have to believe that God can work through the painful parts in our lives to create something far more beautiful than we could ever imagine.
4. Our scars and stretch marks represent hope for others.  [Click to Tweet]  Our blemishes help others relate to us.  When people see us living life after we’ve been wounded, it will show them that life can go on.
5. Our scars and stretch marks help us identify with Christ.  [Click to Tweet]  “From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.”  Galatians 6:17  Jesus Christ died on the cross and was wounded for you and me.  He was wounded and scarred for you and for me.  My blemishes are a reminder that Christ bears scars for me.

What scars do you have?  How has it helped to reveal your scars?

For other articles on this topic, check out these posts:

• Less Like Scars
• I Have A Confession

Truth: Walking The Tightropes of Life – Balancing Truth and Grace

Truth Week continues here on the Stretched Blog.

This past fall, my Foundations class talked about groups.  The main focus of the discussion was how a solid group setting can be a great place to experience both truth and grace.  Many of us lean one way or the other.  We’re either grace-givers or truth-tellers.  I’m sure I lean more towards the “grace-giver” side.

The reality is that we need both grace and truth in our lives in order to grow and stay balanced.  My friend, Diane Karchner, helped explain this to me one time.  If we have a relationship that doesn’t have truth or grace, the relationship is one that is non-involved.  It’s a relationship where nobody cares.  If we have a relationship that has truth without grace, it’s a graceless relationship.  There is no margin for mistake or error in a relationship like this.  If we have a relationship that has grace without truth, it’s a truthless relationship.  These relationships are solely based on what I want to hear and not what I may need to hear.  Finally, we hit our sweet spot when grace and truth are both existent in a relationship.  This is where true agape love happens.

There are many times where I regret that I haven’t kept this balanced.  I have friends and even family who have needed both, and I have typically failed to bring truth to the table.  I don’t like confrontation.  It’s a lousy excuse, but it’s true.  I sometimes fail to speak up, because I don’t want to rock the boat and I certainly don’t want to be rejected.

It can also be easy to runaway from relationships where I know I’m going to get a little bit of both – truth and grace.  It doesn’t always feel good if the relationship is more based on truth than grace.  I guess that’s why a balance is important.  We need people in our lives who love us enough to tell us the truth and who love us enough to give us grace and a second chance when we screw up.  That’s where I want to be!

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  Ephesians 4:15

Where /when/how have you experienced truth and grace?  How would a little more truth have been beneficial to something you experienced in the past?  How would a little more grace have been beneficial to something you experienced in the past?

Truth: We Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident…

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

The Declaration of Independence

Today is Day Four of Truth Week here on The Stretched Blog.  This week has STRETCHED me in new ways as I’ve forced myself to focus on this topic.  As I’ve gone through this week, it’s been interesting to reflect.  I want all my posts to be full of truths, and I hope that a week that focuses on truth doesn’t negate the truth of other Stretched posts.

I’m not a constitutional expert, and it’s been a long time since I studied The Declaration of Independence back in junior high school.  But when I thought about the word TRUTH, this sentence from a founding document of our country popped into my mind.  While this document has come to represent the United States of America.  I get the feeling that our founding fathers meant it for the whole world.

From there my mind goes to the book of James:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

And then I go to Philippians:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

 

We are challenged by Paul to think about whatever is true.  And then James commands us to look after orphans and widows.  They share the same rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that we do.  Unfortunately, sometimes their position in this world prevents them from ever experiencing the life, liberty, and happiness that our founding fathers talked about.

As our family plans for our trip to Guatemala this summer, we think more and more about widows and orphans, because much of our attention during our missions trip will be focused on the widows and orphans of the small village of Xenacoj.  It’s true that it may have been poor decisions that has left them to fight an up hill battle.  It’s true that it may be a pattern that has been passed down over the past few generations.  With these truths in mind, many might say “It’s their fault; let them take care of themselves.”  But I believe this would deny the truth proclaimed in James.  As believers, we need to look after the widows and orphans.

Look around you in your towns and nearby cities.  There are people around you who simply need a helping hand.  As individuals, we have the privilege, the honor, and the responsibility, to extend a hand to help those in our communities and around the world who cannot help themselves.  This doesn’t need to be the responsibility of government or other organizations.  It starts with you and me.  And this is truth we all need to hear and remember.

How can you help others in your community and around the world to know and experience truth?  What does this sentence from The Declaration of Independence mean to you?

(If you’re interested in finding more out about how you can help the widows and orphans in Xenacoj – Guatemala, click here.)

Truth: Truth Or Dare

Yesterday, we kicked off Truth Week with a post about uncovering our the hidden truths in our lives (Truth:  You Can’t Handle The Truth).  Today, we continue the discussion with a look at truth from a different angle.

You’ve probably heard of the game Truth or Dare.  I can’t recall ever playing this game, but it’s my understanding that it’s especially popular at girls’ sleepover parties.  In this game, kids are given a choice of telling a truth or following through on a dare.

Here are the rules according to Wikipedia:

One player starts the game by asking another to choose “Truth or Dare?” If the player chooses “truth”, then the first player poses a question, usually an embarrassing one, which the second player must answer truthfully. If the player instead chooses “dare”, then the first player sets them a task, often an embarrassing or dangerous one, which player two must perform. After answering the question or performing the dare, that player asks “Truth or Dare?” of another player, and the game continues.

A player cannot choose truth more than twice in a row, and dares cannot be repeated. Also, a player’s dare cannot be to take back a previous dare. In some games player use a random method such as in Spin the Bottle to select a player to question, or cue cards marked “truth” and “dare” to choose which question to ask. Should a player refuse to answer a question or fail to complete a dare, they may be given an even more challenging dare or question. In one variant of the game, players must always start by asking a “Truth” question – if the other player refuses to answer, only then can they be given a “Dare”.

From what I gather, Truth or Dare is typically played among good friends.

In yesterday’s post, we talked about the importance of handling truth in our lives.  For many of us, this is easier said than done.  How do we move past the skeletons of our past?  How do we make sure we don’t slide back into the lies that consumed us for so many years?

Truth or Dare is a game of bringing truth to light.  And the game involves friendships.

Dealing with truth in our own lives also involves friendships.  In order to make sure truth prevails, we must find accountability.  We need people in our lives who will ask us the tough questions – who can look us in the eyes and know whether or not we’re telling the truth.  We must have people in our lives who know the true condition of our hearts.

Truth doesn’t have to be a road traveled alone.  Truth can be a road walked with others and bolstered through this wisdom, honesty, and boldness of true friends.  Do you have this kind of friend in your life?  If not, seek it out.  Find someone who will help you live in truth.

It won’t be easy.  It will require vulnerability and transparency.  It will require trust.  But I think you’ll discover that the risk is worth it.  So don’t continue to live in the lies.  Go out and find a friend who will help you find truth.  I dare you.

Is there someone in your life who knows the true condition of your heart?  If not, what’s stopping you from searching out this type of accountability?  What suggestions do you have for others who are seeking this type of relationship?

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”  John 14:6