Ice Breaker – Christmas Day

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

Question:  How are you spending today – Christmas Day?

My Answer:  I am in Western Pennsylvania for a few days celebrating Christmas with my wife’s family.  Today, I will enjoy time to relax.  I may go for a walk or a run.  I will call my extended family in Texas, Wisconsin, and Minnesota.  I will enjoy watching as family open gifts and share time together.  I will enjoy delicious food.  And I will take time to reflect on the gifts I have been given.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!

Merry Christmas

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas from my family to you and your family.  May we all be stretched to find new meaning and renewed purpose this holiday season.

Stretch Quote – A Look In The Mirror (Luther Allison)

But let’s face it, I still have to look at my self and look at the things I’ve done down the STRETCH.

We are coming down the final stretch for 2015.

Take time to look in the mirror – to reflect on the past year.

What went well in 2015?  What were your big wins in 2015?

What didn’t go so well in 2015?  What do you want to change as you head into the new year?

What help do you need as you head into 2016?

Use this last week of 2015 well.

How would you answer the questions above?  Leave your answer in the comments.

Can Johnny Come Out And Play?

I remember coming home from school when I was a kid.  I threw my book bag on the floor, and I briefly recapped my day at school with my Mom while I ate a quick afternoon snack.  Then I rushed out the door to meet my friends somewhere in the neighborhood.

We played hockey in the cul-de-sac.  We raced our bicycles around the block.  Or we met in the woods for an imaginary game of war.  Our playtime was not structured by a coach, parent, or schedule.  Instead, we talked at school or on the bus ride home about plans for getting together as soon as we arrived home.

Where ever we ended up in and around the neighborhood, a parent wasn’t too far away to help us out if we found ourselves hurt or in trouble.  The other mothers in the community were empowered to reprimand us if necessary.  My parents were still my parents, but I was definitely raised by a village of other parents spread throughout the neighborhood.  And this is how it was for the kids in my neighborhood.

Fast forward twenty to thirty years and things have changed dramatically.  I am a parent of two teenagers, and they are growing up in a world drastically different from my own.  In today’s fast-paced American culture, either both parents are working, or children are being raised by single parents.

Our kids have schedules that match the busy demands of a society which tells us our children have to be star athletes, academic wizards, and well-rounded individuals.  No longer do kids have the freedom to experience unstructured play in and around their neighborhoods.  Instead, they are coached, taught, and directed by adults.  Each activity is structured in an effort to produce superhuman kids and to provide child-care while parents work (or recover from work).

And when kids aren’t busy in structured play, their iPads and other electronic devices become babysitters and places to escape the pressures of interacting with others.  Kids hardly know how to answer the phone or interact face-to-face anymore.

In the neighborhoods in my area, every garage door is controlled automatically from a button in the car.  People come home from a busy day of work.  They open their garage doors and drive in.  Before they get out of the car, the garage door is on its way down again.  When they aren’t busy running from one activity to another, families are closed in their homes with minimal interaction with their neighbors next door.

What impact is this having on our kids and on the future of human interaction?

The high-speed online world we live on is having an impact on the healthy rhythms of daily life.

Is there an easy solution to this?  I’m not so sure.  I am just as guilty as anyone else who has been captured by technology and the lure of making the great American dollar.  Perhaps, the solution lies in regularly examining our priorities and learning to say no to a few of the things that disrupt the types of interaction we were meant to have.

Why is unstructured play so important?

Unstructured play provides an opportunity for our kids to use and expand their imaginations.  It teaches them to resolve conflict themselves.  And it teaches them independence.

Unstructured play is enhanced when communities join together to encourage free play and less busy schedules.

Is it practical to re-inject unstructured play back into our society?  Probably not, but it is possible if families individually decide to resist the urge to schedule every single minute of our kids’ days.  Here are five practical ways to inject unstructured play back into your kids routines:

1. Intentionally leave at least one afternoon or one night free on your calendar. Encourage your child to plan this time.
2. Invite other kids over to your house to play with your child. Have a snack available (kids love food), and let the kids figure out what to do from there.
3. Spend time in your neighborhood, outside your house. As the weather warms up, get outside and make yourself and your kids available to your neighbors.  At first, this may seem strange to your house-bound neighbors, but their curiosity will most likely eventually get the best of them as they emerge from their homes to the world outside.
4. Talk to other parents in your neighborhood about unstructured play. This type of dialogue will invite others into your efforts.
5. Encourage your kids to go outside. They will not die if you limit their technology time.  And a little fresh air will actually benefit them in the long run.

Do you think it’s important for our children to have time for unstructured play?  Why or why not?  What suggestions do you have for encouraging our kids to pursue unstructured play?

(My article, Can Johnny Come Out And Play?, originally appeared at The Good Men Project.)

10 Ways to Develop a Positive Attitude

Last week, we spent time talking about negative attitudes and positive attitudes.  Understanding the benefits of a positive attitude and the downsides of a negative attitude is great, but it doesn’t mean much if we don’t take steps to improve our attitude.  Here are several tips that will help you become more positive.

10 Ways to Develop a Positive Attitude

1. Turn away from the negative.  Becoming a more positive person starts with a decision.  Decide today to be more positive and less negative.  Stop reading and watching things that cause you to have a negative attitude.
2. Fight the power of negativity.  Despite your decision to be more positive, you will run into people who will drag you down with their negativity.  Stand up to the people who are negative in your life.
3. Look for the silver lining.  In life, we will experience difficult circumstances.  Intentionally, look for the blessings in these circumstances.
4. Practice positivity.  In Philippians 4:4, Paul challenges readers to be positive again and again, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”  Becoming more positive is not a once and done event.  Becoming more positive requires practice over and over and over again.
5. Fill your mind with positive.  In Philippians 4:8, Paul continues to instruct readers on the topic of becoming more positive, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  Read things that are positive.  Watch things that are positive.
6. Surround yourself with positive people.  Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  If you want to develop a positive attitude, hang out with positive people.
7. Practice positive activities.  Exercise.  Get outside.  Write thank you notes.  Hold the door open for people.  The more time you spend on positive activities the less time you will have for negativity to creep into your life.
8. Get help if necessary.  Some of us are predisposed to negativity, and sometimes life circumstances make it very challenging for us to become positive.  You may need some outside help.  I few years ago, I was going through some really big challenges.  I sought out a trained counselor to help me work through my challenges.  My counselor was instrumental in me developing a more positive attitude.  Help may also come in the form of a close friend or accountability partner.  If you’re struggling with a negative attitude, get help!
9. Encourage others to be positive.  I try to be positive here on my blog.  I try to be positive at work.  If you want to make the world a more positive place, you must first lead by example.  Then you can speak into the lives of others.
10. Serve others.  Serving others has the amazing ability to put things in the proper perspective.  Whenever I serve others, I naturally become more positive about my current situation.  I feel better about myself.  And I want to keep serving.  Serving others has the potential of perpetually pumping up your positivity.

What helps you overcome a negative attitude?  What tips do you have for developing a positive attitude?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

For more great tips on becoming a more positive person, check out my post – How I Maintain A Positive Attitude (When Negativity Surrounds Me).

Ice Breaker – Superhero

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

Question:  If you were able to be a superhero, who would you be?  What would you call yourself?  What would your super powers be?  And to what use would you put them?

My Answer:  Superman has always been my favorite, but he is already taken.

At this time in my life, I’m going with Everywhere Man.  Everywhere Man has the ability to be many places at the same time.  I would use these super powers to be at work, be at home, be at my kids’ activities, be at the gym, and be many other places at the same time.  This super power would give me the ability to be present in many different places at the same time.

On second thought, I may not want this ability.  Instead, I’m thinking I should go with Present Man.  Present Man has the ability to be present in the moment right where he is with who he is with.  I struggle with this super power, because the other side of me wants to me like Everywhere Man.  Present Man is exactly the superhero I need to become.  (For more thoughts on this, check out my post – The Discipline of Being Present.)

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!

Stretch Quote – Reach Out Your Hand (@M_Heseltine)

There are those who never STRETCH out the hand in fear it will be bitten.  But those who never STRETCH out the hand will never feel it clasped in friendship.

Michael Heseltine

Are you willing to take the risk?

Are you willing to STRETCH out your hand to a neighbor, a co-worker, or someone else?

It can be scary to reach out into the unknown, but it is almost always well worth the risk.  What are you waiting for?

8 Things You Need To Know About A Positive Attitude

The first person to come to my mind is my Grandma Miller.  Grandma passed away several years ago, but her positive attitude still impacts me.  Grandma struggled with multiple sclerosis for most of her life.  Her knees failed her.  She suffered from seizures.  And towards the end of her life, she could barely hold her head up.  Despite her physical ailments, she remained positive.  She often had a song on her lips, and she was friendly with every single person who crossed her path.  If there was someone I know who had a positive attitude, it was my Grandma Miller.

A positive attitude amazing benefits for creating a better life for you and the people around you.  Yesterday, we learned about the impact of having a negative attitude.  Today, we look at the impact of having a positive attitude.  Here are some things you need to know about the power of a positive attitude:

8 Things You Need To Know About A Positive Attitude

1. A positive attitude lifts others up.  Ask anyone who knew my Grandma.  They will tell you what an encouragement Roma Miller (that was her name) was to them.  People often came to visit my Grandma, and I bet they left her feeling more enthusiastic and thankful for the day.  If you want to make a difference for others, practice having a positive attitude.
2. A positive attitude helps you see the good things of life.  Grandma often looked out the back window in her kitchen while she ate her breakfast, and she talked to the squirrels in the back yard.  When the snow came in the winter (which it always did in Minneapolis), Grandma saw the beauty of God’s creation instead of the freezing cold of the blizzard conditions.  When you take off the blinders of negativity, you begin to see all the great things happening around you.
3. A positive attitude restores your energy.  Especially in the last years of Grandma’s life, she had to sleep more.  And the seizures she suffered from time to time knocked the wind out of Grandma’s sail.  Despite this, I can remember sitting with my Grandma while she was awake.  She seemed to discover a hidden supply of energy, and I’m certain it flowed as a result of her positive attitude.  I am more energetic when I allow a positive attitude to stick with me throughout the day.
4. A positive attitude improves your health.  Maybe this isn’t fair when it comes to my Grandma.  After all, she suffered physically for a good portion of her life.  I could argue that her positive attitude kept her pushing on well past the expectations of the doctors.  If you want to live a happier, healthier life, you have to find a way to be positive.
5. A positive attitude opens the doors to new opportunities.  Grandma had friends everywhere she went – in the neighborhood, at church, at the hospital, and even in the hospice center where she spent her final days.  Grandma also wasn’t afraid to try new things.  I remember her going for a lengthy swim against my Grandpa’s wishes when our family vacationed together in New Hampshire.  Grandma took off from the shore line and slowly paddles out several hundred yards to an island in the middle of Baptist Pond.  When you have a positive attitude, you will see doors opening for you.
6. A positive attitude multiplies hope.  Hope is a key ingredient for life.  Hope provides a reason for living.  Grandma always held onto hope.
7. A positive attitude is contagious.  If you want to positively impact the culture around you, put on a smile and learn to say thank you.  Before you know it, you will witness the rapid spread of positivity across the landscape of your life.
8. A positive attitude fosters positive relationships.  No one could stay angry at my Grandma for very long.  Her positive attitude was the catalyst for positive relationships through her community, church, and family.  If you desire friendship, restoration, and unity, put on a positive attitude and see what happens next!

When was the last time you had a positive attitude?  How did it impact you and others around you?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

8 Things You Need To Know About A Negative Attitude

I found myself angered by their poor attitude.  I wanted to walk over and tell them to shut up.  I wanted to tell them about the realities of construction projects.  I wanted to remind them to be thankful for the blessing of our gym.  Instead, I gathered by belongings and walked out to my car.

On my way to the office, I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation in the locker room.  Negativity drags you down and brings others with you.  A negative attitude has many negative impacts.  In today’s post, I provide some of the ways a negative attitude adversely effects you:

8 Things You Need To Know About A Negative Attitude

1. A negative attitude brings others down.  When I left the gym, I found myself struggling with a negative attitude towards the men in the locker room.  Just like a virus, a negative attitude is contagious, and it will ultimately cause others to have a negative attitude.
2. A negative attitude causes you to miss out on the good things of life.  The men in the gym missed out on the blessing of having a gym and excellent workout facilities.  They missed out on the blessing of a new day.  And they missed out on the opportunity to lift encourage each other.  When you put on the blinders of negativity, you miss out on the great things happening all around you.
3. A negative attitude drains your energy.  I don’t know how the men in the locker room did the rest of their day, but I know from my own experience that I am less energetic when I allow a negative attitude to stick with me throughout the day.
4. A negative attitude compromises your health.  A negative attitude adversely impacts our physical, emotional, and mental health.  A negative attitude often prevents people from taking positive steps which could overcome health obstacles.
5. A negative attitude impedes your career development.  I wasn’t interviewing the men in the locker room for a job, but I would be unlikely to hire them if I came across them at a job fair.  I want people on my team who are positive and encouraging.  A negative attitude often prevents people from achieving the career advancement they desire.
6. A negative attitude misses out on hope.  Hope is a key ingredient for life.  Without hope, there is little reason for living.  A negative attitude overlooks the blessings of the past, the importance of being present, and the hope for the future.
7. A negative attitude fails to take responsibility.  The men in the gym could cancel their membership.  They could seek to understand the current status of the construction project.  Or they could determine to be a positive voice in the discussion.  Instead, they blamed others for failing to meet their expectations.  We live in a world where blame is too easily passed along to others.  If you want to have a negative attitude, blame everyone else for your problems.
8. A negative attitude destroys relationships.  I didn’t really have a relationship with the men in the locker room prior to their conversation, but I’m pretty our relationship would be destroyed if we did have one.  Negativity breeds disharmony, derision, and deceit.  These things lead to broken promises and shattered friendships.

When was the last time you had a negative attitude?  How did it impact you and others around you?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

Ice Breaker – Social Media and Human Interaction

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

Question:  Do you think that Facebook, Twitter, and other social media genuinely enhance friendship and human interaction?  Why or why not?

My Answer:  I say yes and no to this question.

First the yes.  Facebook, Twitter, the blogging community, and other social media has given me the opportunity to connect and establish friendships with many people across the country and around the world.  As a result of my on-line presence, I’m friends with people like:  Larry “The Deuce” Carter from Tennessee, Dan Erickson from Washington, Ellory Wells from Texas, Matthew Lovell from Georgia, Amy Robles from Washington, Steve Young from Pennsylvania, Michael Shaw from Pennsylvania, and Chad Jones from Arizona.  (And these are just a few of the people I’ve connected with on-line.)  I’ve met a few of these people in person (Dan, Steve, Michael, and Chad), but these friendships have generally been developed on-line.

Facebook in particular gives me the opportunity to stay in touch with many people who might normally fall off my radar.  I appreciate the chance to stay in touch with friends from high school, college, and other places from my past.  Social media has even given me the opportunity to re-establish communication with some long lost friends and acquaintances.

From these connections, I can definitely tell you that social media can enhance friendship and human interaction.

But there is another side to this question – the no side.

I believe we were made for relationship.  And I also believe that the best relationships are cultivated face-to-face.  Social media cannot fully translate all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that can be expressed when humans interact directly face-to-face.  This is why I go to church every week.  This is why I work in an office next to my co-workers.  This is why my family tries to eat together at dinner time.  This is why I meet with thirteen other guys every Friday at 6AM.

I love the opportunities and connections the social media and blogging world have created for me, but I also know I need the kind of community and accountability that can only happen when I’m looking someone eye-to-eye and face-to-face.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!