Phantastic Experience At Philabundance
Last night, I had the privilege of visiting PhilAbundance in South Philadelphia. PhilAbundance is an organization that is trying to stamp out hunger in our region. I went down there with my family, and we truly had an amazing time. We spent about an hour and a half packing 520 boxes full of 30 pounds of food that will go to feed elderly people in our area for two weeks. The boxes included a couple of boxes of cereal, several cans of food, pasta, juice, powdered milk, peanut butter, and a few other items. For the first part of our time there, I worked with Hannah to put boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes in each box. For the second half, I helped Leanne put cans of potatoes in each box. It was pretty amazing to see what could be done with a warehouse, a conveyor belt, several pallets of food, and a bunch of willing volunteers.
As we were packing the boxes, Leanne asked if we thought we could live for two weeks on the food that was being packed in one of these boxes. This question really made us think about the people who will be receiving these boxes.
Our adventure was spurred on by a service group that we are part of. We meet twice each month to fellowship and to show God’s love in a practical way. Our first meeting of the month is usually a pot luck style dinner with a smaller activity – like making cards for soldiers or filling eggs for an upcoming Easter Egg Hunt. Our second meeting is usually something that requires more action. PhilAbundance was the perfect place to put action to our words this month. I hope to go back again – possibly with a group from my office. I can’t wait to see what our group is up to next month. If you’re in the Philly (specifically Perkiomen Valley area) and you’re wondering how you can get involve, shoot me a comment. I’d be glad to share more.
Serve on!
2011 – New Volunteer Opportunity – Welcome Center
Over the past year, I’ve been struggling to figure out where I fit in at our church. For a long time, I was active in grouplife leadership at our church. Events a couple of years ago (that I really don’t want to rehash) left me somewhat scarred and feeling out in the cold related to this ministry area. Grouplife remains a huge passion of mine, but it’s been a challenge to jump back in after a couple of years. Some of the challenge stems from other commitments at home and at work. Recently, family circumstances have left me hesitant to jump back in full force. But mostly, I believe it’s been my pride that has kept me out of the game.
Leanne has been encouraging me to find an area where I can serve. I’ve looked at the volunteer opportunities that appear in our weekly church program, but nothing really jumped out at me and said, “This is for you!” Leanne and our kids have been serving regularly in our children’s ministry. On these days, I often find myself hanging out in the lobby while they are serving. Pretty lame, huh? Well, as it turns out, there is a ministry opportunity for people who like to hang out in the lobby. Starting next week, I’ll be serving at our Welcome Center. It’s an opportunity to help people who have questions about our church, and it’s an opportunity to point people towards avenues that will help them get plugged into our church.
I’m excited. I know this may not seem like a huge deal, but I believe it’s a positive step forward for the new year.
If you’re in the lobby on the 4th Sunday of the month be sure to stop by and say hello. I’ll be the tall guy over at the Welcome Center.
(By the way, I have been so excited to see what has been happening with Grouplife at our church over the past year.)
Creating Community – The Power of Poker
A guy at our church has been “leading” a monthly Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Group connected with our church’s grouplife ministry. For some of you, this sounds sacrilegious and not quite right – after all, doesn’t the Bible discourage gambling? I guess I understand this viewpoint; however, I would argue that this is the type of group that Jesus would promote. From what we read in the gospels, Jesus hung out with prostitutes, cheaters, and punks. I’ve attended this poker group a few times, and it draws all kinds of people – people who are part of the church and people who are not part of any church. The group’s goal (besides playing cards) is to create an entry point for people to get connected with people from our church. From here, the hope is that they would come to our church and check out other opportunities to get connected and to grow.
Today, I was blown away when I saw one of the group’s attenders file into church a few rows in front of me with the group’s leader. He quickly received a hand shake and hello from one of the group’s regular attenders who was sitting right in front of him. I’ll be honest, I never expected to see this guy in our church. I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. This is the group’s goal, and it’s working.
So what do you think? Would you consider this a valid part of your grouplife/connection ministry? What other types of groups might serve in this same manner?
I’d love to hear your feedback!
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Recap
It took a little longer than I had planned, but I finally posted all of the content from the Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide that we had put together a few years ago. To tie it all together, I thought it would be helpful to post the links to the previous posts. As always, I would love to hear your feedback about the discussion guide, about parenting, or about anything else that you think is pertinent. Happy Parenting…!
Supernanny – Introduction to a Discussion Guide
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Group – Routine (Week 1)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 2 (Respect)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Group – Week 3 (Teamwork)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 4 (Boundaries)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 5 (Siblings)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 6 (Discipline – Purpose)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 7 (Discipline – Methods)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 8 (Introducing Your Kids to Christ)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Appendix (Resource List)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Appendix (Resource List)
Appendix
Leanne and I have read a lot of books that have helped us as parents and as partners. While we don’t necessarily hold to everything in each of these books, they often provide good ideas and discussion points for starting or continuing impacting conversations. Here’s our ever-growing reading list:
Boundaries with Kids (Paperback)
by Dr. Henry Cloud (Author), Dr. John Townsend (Author) Publisher: Zondervan; New Ed edition (November 1, 2001) ISBN-10: 0310243157 ISBN-13: 978-0310243151
Bringing Up Boys (Paperback)
by James C. Dobson (Author) Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers (March 30, 2005) ISBN-10: 1414304501 ISBN-13: 978-1414304502
Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline (Hardcover)
by Lisa Whelchel (Author) Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers (October 1, 2000) ISBN-10: 1561799017 ISBN-13: 978-1561799015
The New Dare to Discipline (Paperback)
by James Dobson (Author) Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers (June 1996) ISBN-10: 0842305068 ISBN-13: 978-0842305068
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Paperback)
by Gary Chapman (Author) Publisher: Northfield Publishing; Reissue edition (June 1, 1995) ISBN-10: 1881273156 ISBN-13: 978-1881273158
The Five Love Languages of Children (Paperback)
by Gary Chapman (Author), Ross Campbell (Author) Publisher: Northfield Publishing (June 1, 1997) ISBN-10: 1881273652 ISBN-13: 978-1881273653
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (Hardcover)
by Willard F. Harley Jr. (Author) Publisher: Revell; 15 Anv edition (April 1, 2001) ISBN-10: 0800717880 ISBN-13: 978-0800717889
Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love (Hardcover)
by Willard F.Jr. Harley (Author) Publisher: Revell; Revised edition (February 1, 2002) ISBN-10: 0800718070 ISBN-13: 978-0800718077
Moments Together for Couples (Hardcover)
by Dennis Rainey (Author), Barbara Rainey (Author) Publisher: Regal Books (October 1995) ISBN-10: 0830717544 ISBN-13: 978-0830717545
Night Light: A Devotional for Couples (Hardcover)
by James Dobson (Author), Shirley Dobson (Author) Publisher: Multnomah (August 22, 2000) ISBN-10: 1576736741 ISBN-13: 978-1576736746
Night Light for Parents: A Devotional (Hardcover)
by James Dr Dobson (Author), Shirley Dobson (Author) Publisher: Multnomah (September 30, 2005) ISBN-10: 1590524543 ISBN-13: 978-1590524541
Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Paperback)
by Tedd Tripp (Author) Publisher: Shepherd Press; 2 Reprint edition (1995) ISBN-10: 0966378601 ISBN-13: 978-0966378603
The New Strong-willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence (Paperback)
by James C. Dobson (Author) Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers (April 2007) ISBN-10: 1414313632 ISBN-13: 978-1414313634
Taking Care of the Me in Mommy: Becoming a Better Mom – Spirit, Body & Soul (Hardcover)
by Lisa Whelchel (Author) Publisher: Integrity Publishers (March 24, 2006) ISBN-10: 1591454352
Tender Warrior: Every Man’s Purpose, Every Woman’s Dream, Every Child’s Hope (Paperback)
by Stu Weber (Author) Publisher: Multnomah (April 15, 2006) ISBN-10: 1590526139 ISBN-13: 978-1590526132
(As a post note: I would love to hear about other resources that you have found helpful in your parenting and in your marriage.)
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 8 (Introducing Your Kids to Christ)
Week 8 – Introducing Your Kids to Christ
Icebreaker Question: In groups of four to six, spend 15 minutes talking about fun ideas that you have tried with your families. This could include holiday traditions, vacations, games, free time activities, etc. Spend the last few minutes in your groups coming up with a top 10 list of family fun ideas to share with the group as a whole.
The activity above was a real hit with our first group. After a busy 8 weeks of learning together, it’s great to have fun. Similarly, it’s important to have fun with our kids. The fun times we have with them now make for memories that will last for a lifetime.
What a blessing it has been to spend time together working on our parenting skills and learning from each other. This week, we will talk about ways in which we can introduce our kids to Christ. As with previous discussions, sometimes we just need to hear what has worked or hasn’t worked for other parents.
Here are some of the key points for this week’s conversation:
– As parents, we are in a key position to introduce our kids to the creator of the universe.
– We are examples for our kids – good and/or bad. We must decide to live our lives for Christ first.
– Above all else, the Bible should be our go to guide-book for parenting and for life..
– Consistency is critical.
– Through discipline, we have an opportunity to teach our kids about God’s grace.
No Supernanny DVD clips this week. Hopefully, you’ll survive. Instead, we want to focus on a few key passages that will kick us into our conversation. As part of this introduction, I have also included some foundational information on salvation from our church’s website.
From www.moviechurch.com
Salvation
We believe that a human being’s central purpose for existence is to have a close and personal relationship with God. Originally created for that purpose, humans defied God, choosing to go their own independent way, and were thus alienated from God. This “Fall” took place at the beginning of human history, and all individuals since have suffered these consequences and are in need of God’s forgiveness and mercy. A person can be forgiven by God and have that close, personal relationship restored by believing that Jesus is God’s Son, repenting of their sin, and being immersed for the forgiveness of their sins. (John 3:16; Acts 2:38; Romans 3:23, 10:9; 1 John 1:9)
……………………………………………………………………………
More explainable for your kids:
Admit your sin and ask forgiveness. (Romans 6:23)
Believe in Jesus and that he died for your sins. (John 3:16)
Choose to make Jesus your forever friend by getting baptized. (Acts 2:38)
Key Verses for Discussion:
“These commandments that I give you are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7
“The Bible is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16
“’Don’t push these children away. Don’t ever get between them and Me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in. ’Then, gathering the children up in His arms, he laid His hands of blessing on them.” Mark 10:14-16 (The Message)
1. What observations can you make from these verses about introducing our children to Christ?
We have done lots of things to help our kids learn about Christ. I especially have to give credit to Leanne who has been an incredibly diligent teacher. Starting to read Bible stories to your kids at bedtime or at mealtimes is a good starting point. Using the holidays (like Easter and Christmas), talk to your kids about the “real” meanings as they relate following Christ. Taking your kids to church seems obvious but many parents miss the boat on this. Our kids have learned a lot by being part of age appropriate Bible teaching. Finally, it’s important as parents to available to our kids. They need to know that they can come to us when they have questions. If you don’t know the answers to their questions, you can investigate and learn together.
2. What things have you done in your own home to encourage your children to get to know Christ?
3. What questions do you have when it comes to introducing your kids to Christ?
4. Reflecting on the past 8 weeks, what things do you have to be thankful for and what things would you appreciate prayer for specifically when it comes to parenting? Take time to pray together as a group.
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 7 (Discipline – Methods)
Week 7 – Methods of Discipline
Icebreaker Question: Looking back on the past six or seven weeks, what is one positive change that has happened at your home as a result of this series?
It is amazing how things can positively change when we put our minds to certain things. The past six or seven weeks we’ve been focusing on how we can be better parents for our kids. When Leanne and I first did this series with our group I was amazed at how excited our kids were to make some basic changes in our own home. For example, we still have the schedule on our pantry door. Our family uses this to help prioritize our hectic schedules especially from 3:30PM until bedtime. The “Stolpe Family Schedule” has helped tremendous to bring order out of the chaos that was happening as our children arrived home from school everyday. I think another benefit of this series is the renewed focus on teamwork as a family and as a couple. Leanne and I are on the same page more often than not. And the kids are seeing a united front. Hopefully, your family has been positively impacted as well.
When we think about ways in which we were disciplined as kids, we recall memories of soap in the mouth, belts, spankings, timeouts, being grounded, writing lines, etc. Jo Frost (Supernanny) has used some of the following in her approach to discipline: The Naughty Step, The Naughty Mat, The Naughty Corner, The Naughty Room, The Naughty Chair, etc. This week, we will talk about how we discipline our children. Hopefully, the discussion will give you a fresh perspective as you aim to teach your child to make good choices.
Here are some of the key points for this week’s conversation:
– Discipline is NOT meant to harm our children, but to help them make good choices in the future.
– When we discipline our children, the punishment should fit the age of the child and the “crime.”
– Sometimes living with the consequences of their actions is the appropriate discipline for an inappropriate action by our children.
– Consistency is critical.
– Through discipline, we have an opportunity to teach our kids about God’s grace.
This week we’ll continue our focus on discipline. As we watch the Supernanny DVD clips together, pay attention to the methods that Jo Frost equips the families with for carrying out discipline.
Note to leader: Show the following clips from the Supernanny Season 1 DVD: The Weston Family DVD Disc 2: 0:44-2:53, 3:37-5:29, 6:35-8:14, 16:42-20:40, 23:20-24:20, 32:54-33:56, and 35:08-38:07. You may choose to show all the clips at once or you may decide to stop the DVD after each clip and discuss the answer to question one or pull out key points as you go.
1. What observations can you make from the DVD clips that relate to how we discipline our children?
If I haven’t said it before, I’m very thankful for my own parents. In my opinion (as an adult parent), I think they did an excellent job especially when it came to discipline. When I was young, they used timely appropriate spankings to help me to understand the errors of my ways. I am not scarred in any way. As I grew older in my elementary school days, I was grounded a few times for disobeying or going outside the boundaries that my parents had set for me. As I moved into my teenage years, more often than not, I was left with the consequences of my own actions. For example, I know I paid for the replacement of several windows when I carelessly broke the windows doing something I should not have been doing. At each stage, the discipline was appropriate to my age and to the crime.
2. How were you disciplined as a child?
One thing that we have found to be important in our families discipline process it the end conversation. We ask our kids to apologize specifically for their infraction. We also extend forgiveness to our children. They need to understand the importance of forgiveness and grace. These are both things that we as parents have the privilege of modeling for our kids.
3. What has worked (or not worked) for you as a parent when it comes to discipline?
4. Read the following verses from the Bible. What do these say about how we should discipline our children?
Proverbs 16:21
21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction.
Proverbs 16:23
23 The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
5. List one or two things that you will do differently or that you will try as a result of our discussion on the methods of discipline.
Take Home Activity: This week, there are two “homework” assignments. You can do both if you’re ambitious. If you have time for just one of these, I would recommend the first activity (Faith Fall) for families with older children (1st or 2nd grade and older) and the second activity (Red Light, Green Light) for families with younger children. Have fun!
Activity 1: Faith Fall
Point: You can trust God even when something seems scary or does not make much sense.
Supplies: You’ll need a chair and a Bible.
Get down on your knees next to a chair. While standing, have your child hold onto a chair with their back towards you. Ask them, “Do you trust me?” Let them respond. Ask them again, “Do you really trust me?” Let them respond. Ask them one more time, “Do you trust me with your life?” Let them respond (hopefully it’s an affirmative response. Now tell them, “Then let go and I’ll catch you.”
Question:
– How did you feel when I asked you to let go of the chair?
– Why did you think that you could trust me not to drop you?
Read Proverbs 3:5-6 together, then tell your child, “Just as you can trust me to catch you, you can trust God – even when something seems scary or does not make much sense. God cares enough to catch His kids, and He’s strong enough to hold on to us.”
Activity 2 : Red Light, Green Light
Point: Following directions is important. (This may be a better activity for the younger kids.)
In a big room, your yard, or in an open field, play the old game of red light, green light with your kids. Take turns being the traffic light. Everyone starts at one end of the room or other open space. When the “traffic light” yells “Green Light”, everyone starts moving the other way. When they proclaim “Red Light”, everyone must stop right where they are. If they don’t stop, you can send them back to the beginning or send them back three or four steps.
After the game is over, ask these questions,
Question:
– Why is it important to obey the traffic lights when mom or dad is driving?
– Why is it important for you to follow the directions that mom or dad give you?
Next week’s topic: Introducing Your Kids to Christ
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 6 (Discipline – Purpose)
Week 6 – Purpose for Discipline
Icebreaker Question: In what area(s) are you disciplined? In what area(s) could you use more discipline?
I am someone who doesn’t enjoy change. On top of that, I’m fairly disciplined about most things in my life. For example, I’m pretty disciplined about my workout routine. While training for two different marathons, I followed an 18-week written schedule, and I documented my progress on a spreadsheet. For the most part, I stayed on track throughout the entire four months of training. On the other hand, I would like to be more consistent in my prayer life. It seems easy to pray at meal times and dinner times; however, I seem to fall short the rest of the day despite the scripture that calls for us to pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17).
The topic of discipline is multifaceted. We often talk about living a disciplined life (“When it comes to working out, that guy is sure disciplined”). In this session, we will talk about the reasons we discipline our children. We’ll leave the discussion related to methods for discipline for our next meeting. As we delve into this subject, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, we discipline our children because we love them (not because we want to be mean). Second, God has placed us in a position of authority to help protect and guide our children while giving them clear and safe boundaries.
to discipline
– To train someone by instruction and practice.
– To teach someone to obey authority.
– To punish someone in order to gain control.
– To impose order on someone.
Taken from: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/discipline
The Supernanny DVD clips this week along with previous weeks will provide a platform to begin our two-week discussion on discipline. As we watch the clips together, pay specific attention to the reasons kids are disciplines. Sit back and get ready for a lively discussion.
Note to leader: Show the following clips from the Supernanny Season 1 DVD: The Bailey Family Episode DVD Disc 2: 0:57-5:20, 9:05-10:03, 13:54-15:32, 17:03-23:35, and 35:14-39:45. You may choose to show all the clips at once or you may decide to stop the DVD after each clip and discuss the answer to question one or pull out key points as you go.
1. What observations can you make from the DVD clips that relate to why we discipline our children?
2. What are some of our excuses for not disciplining our children? How does disciplining our children show love for them?
3. Read the following verses from the Bible. What do these say about the purpose of discipline?
Hebrews 12:5-1
5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as children? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child.”
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate children at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had parents who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 Our parents disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Proverbs 6:20-23
20 My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. 23 For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life,
4. List one or two things that you will do differently or that you will try as a result of our discussion on the purpose for discipline.
Take Home Activity: This may be one of the toughest homework assignments for many families. Between now and the next meeting commit to keep the TV turned off at your home. Use the time to play games, read, and spend time together. Also, take time to relate this activity to being disciplined. It takes discipline to turn the TV off sometimes. Come to the next meeting prepared to share how it went at your house. What was the initial reaction? How did you spend your time? What was the hardest part of this assignment?
Next week’s topic: Methods of Discipline
Looking Ahead: Week 8 – Introducing Your Kids to Christ
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Guide – Week 5 (Siblings)
Week 5 – Handling Sibling Differences
Icebreaker Question: How are you different from your siblings? How are you the same?
I love my brothers. I have two younger brothers and we are certainly different. My brother David is an adventurer. He loves to press the limits and blaze new trails both outdoors and in his work. He is much more outspoken than me. I’m not so adventurous, and I tend to hold in my thoughts. My other brother Erik is somewhat like an only child in that he came along quite a while after David and me. He is an incredible artist. I admire his musical talent and his poetic mind. While I wasn’t half bad on the saxophone in my day, I don’t hold a candle to my brother when it comes to musical talent. I also don’t have the poetic cleverness of my brother. On the other hand, we are all brothers who look and sound the same for the most part. We are also bonded together by our family of faith. I am extremely proud of my brothers and I’m glad we’re different.
It is quite obvious that our kids are not the same. They do things differently. They respond to their parents differently. They are gifted in different ways. So how do we handle the blessing of these differences in our children? We will explore this topic as we dive into this session’s conversation.
Some of the differences between siblings is based on gender. Some differences are probably based on birth order (see the quote below) or age. In general, siblings are different, because God made them each unique.
“The difference that is evident in kids’ lives between the first-born child [and] the second-born child in the family, you can almost guarantee they’re going to be the opposite. As we go down the family branch we see that each child branches off in a very unique way … There’s hard research to substantiate there is something to birth order … We find that people in certain occupational areas and expertise in life, such as architecture, accounting, engineering, those structured occupations tend to be first-born children. As we go through the family constellation and go through second children, youngest children, we find that people go into much more people-oriented vocations.” – Kevin Leman (author of The Birth Order Book)
As we dive into this week’s session of handling sibling differences, the Supernanny DVD clips will demonstrate some of the ways our children are different from each other. These DVD segments should provide a spring-board for our conversation.
Note to leader: Show the following clips from the Supernanny Season 1 DVD: Use The Wischmeyer Family Episode DVD Disc 1: 6:30-8:51, 12:41-13:45, 19:48-20:47, and 25:24-26:37. You may choose to show all the clips at once or you may decide to stop the DVD after each clip and discuss the answer to question one or pull out key points as you go.
1. What observations can you make from the DVD clips that relate to handling sibling differences?
Leanne and I have been blessed with two children. Our oldest (a daughter) is a real go-getter. She is self motivated and very independent. She is a gifted leader. Our youngest (a son) is much more of a follower. He is a helper. Our son is a talented piano player. I’m so thankful that God gave us two different kids. Each of our kids responds differently to our attention, to our correction, and to our discipline. We have learned that while one thing might work for our daughter, it won’t work for our son and vice versa. This certainly means that we have to be on our toes at all times.
2. How are your own children different? What is one of the gifts/talents that your child has that is different from their sibling(s)? How does each of your children respond that’s different from the other(s)?
3. How do you handle these differences at your house? How do you make each child feel special and unique?
Part of the differences we see in our kids leads to sibling rivalry and conflict between each other. Here are a few tips that could help parents who are wrestling with sibling conflict. Talk through these four steps together as a group.
1. Don’t make comparisons. (“I don’t understand it. When Johnny was her age, he could already tie his shoes.”) Each child feels he is unique and rightly so-he is unique, and he resents being evaluated only in relation to someone else. Instead of comparison, each child in the family should be given his own goals and levels of expectation that relate only to him.
2. Don’t dismiss or suppress your children’s resentment or angry feelings. Contrary to what many people think, anger is not something we should try to avoid at all costs. It’s an entirely normal part of being human, and it’s certainly normal for siblings to get furious with one another. They need the adults in their lives to assure them that mothers and fathers get angry, too, but have learned control and that angry feelings do not give license to behave in cruel and dangerous ways. This is the time to sit down, acknowledge the anger (“I know you hate David right now but you cannot hit him with a stick”). and talk it through.
3. Try to avoid situations that promote guilt in siblings. First we must teach children that feelings and actions are not synonymous. It may be normal to want to hit the baby on the head, but parents must stop a child from doing it. The guilt that follows doing something mean is a lot worse than the guilt of merely feeling mean. So parental intervention must be quick and decisive.
4. When possible, let brothers and sisters settle their own differences. Sounds good but it can be terribly unfair in practice. Parents have to judge when it is time to step in and mediate, especially in a contest of unequals in terms of strength and eloquence (no fair hitting below the belt literally or figuratively). Some long-lasting grudges among grown siblings have resulted when their minority rights were not protected.
Taken from: http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/sibling_rivalry.shtml
4. Read the following verse from the Bible and quote. What do these say about sibling differences and what does this mean for our own families?
James 2:1
1 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism.
“Comparison is a death knell to sibling harmony.” – Elizabeth Fischel
5. List one or two things that you will do differently or that you will try as a result of our discussion on handling sibling differences.
Take Home Activity: Allow each child in your family to pick out a family fun activity that can be completed in an evening or as part of a family weekend adventure. Here are some ideas that may get you started if you’re stuck: go to the movies, play a game, go on a hike or bike ride, go out for ice cream, etc. After you’ve completed this for each child in your family, talk together about the different things that you did. You can tie this into our discussion by talking about how God has made each of your children differently. There are some things that we all like to do, but there are probably other things that one family member may enjoy or appreciate more than the rest. This could be a great chance to celebrate the differences that exist in your family.
Next week’s topic: Purpose for Discipline
Looking Ahead: Week 7 – Methods of Discipline, Week 8 – Introducing Your Kids to Christ
Supernanny Parenting Discussion Group – Week 3 (Teamwork)
Week 3 – Teamwork
Icebreaker Question: Tell the group about a time when you had to work with a team to get something accomplished (it could be on the sports field, at work, in school, etc.).
I’ve had the pleasure of being on many great teams. At work, I have to work with other colleagues to get projects successfully completed. At home, I have to work together with my wife to lead our family and to make sure our home functions effectively. At church, I have to work together with other small group coaches to keep our small group ministry rolling in the correct direction. When I think of my favorite team experiences, I think about a mission trip that I went on when I was in high school. Our group of teenagers worked together to build two stone walls for a Habitat for Humanity house in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania. Everyone had to work together to accomplish this project. Some of us dug the foundation for the walls, some of us picked stones from the quarry, some of us placed the stones into the wall, some of us carried water to the other workers, some of us backfilled dirt into the wall. It took all of us to build these walls.
It’s an incredible experience to be part of a team that’s working together. On the other hand, it can be pure torture to be a part of a team that doesn’t click.
teamwork – the cooperative effort of a team of people for a common end
As defined at: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/teamwork
The Supernanny DVD clips this week and in the previous weeks have shown good and bad teamwork. Just like a championship sports team, teamwork is essential to a successful family. The first step in successful parenting is getting on the same page. Being part of a group like this is a step in the right direction. It’s also important to remember that there is no “I” in team. It takes everyone in the family.
Get comfortable, put on your team spirit, and get ready to team up for a great discussion.
Note to leader: Show the following clips from the Supernanny Season 1 DVD: The Gorbea Family Episode DVD Disc 2: 0:57-3:53, 7:00-8:53, 13:58-16:21, 19:24-21:10, 24:22-26:18, and 35:15-39:42. You may choose to show all the clips at once or you may decide to stop the DVD after each clip and discuss the answer to question one or pull out key points as you go.
1. What observations can you make from the DVD clips that relate to teamwork?
2. What does teamwork look like at your house? In your marriage? In your family?
3. What things do you do or can you do to work as a team?
4. Read the following verses from the Bible. What do they say about teamwork and how can we apply them in our families?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I Corinthians 12:12-26
12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
5. List one or two things that you will do differently or that you will try as a result of our discussion on respect.
Take Home Activity: Activity: Carry On
Point: We must learn how much responsibility we can handle.
Supplies: You’ll need building blocks, a watch with second-hand, paper, and pencil.
Activity: Have your family work together to create an obstacle course in your home. Your course might consist of crawling under a table, walking around a chair, and jumping over several toys. Let the children determine how simple or elaborate this will be.
When the course has been completed, have each family member make a “practice run” through the course. Time each person and record this time. Remember to go through the course yourself as well!
Share: In this game, we’re all going to be racing against our own time. Don’t worry if your time is slower than another family member. As we go through the course again, see if you can match or beat your own time. But this time let’s make it a bit more challenging.
Age Adjustments: FOR OLDER CHILDREN, continue the discussion by having everyone list their regular responsibilities. Family members may be surprised as they realize what others actually accomplish each day. Take time to thank each other for the responsibilities carried each day that help others in the family. For example, children may thank Mom for all the driving she does for them, or a parent might thank a child for the regular dish-washing he does so everyone can eat on clean plates, and so on.
Activity continued: Give each person two of the building blocks. Explain that these must be carried while going through the course. Have everyone go through the course again, making note of each person’s time. Then add to the challenge by giving everyone two more blocks. Go through the course again and again, each time adding two more blocks to each person’s load. Don’t suggest this to children, but if they figure out creative ways to carry the blocks such as tucking them into belts or stowing them in pockets, that’s okay.
Continue with this as long as family members are having fun, or until you run out of blocks! Then put the blocks away and gather together again for discussion. Look over your time record and see which runs through had the best times.
Question:
– How did carrying the blocks affect your ability to go through the obstacle course? (Usually, the more blocks, the harder to handle the course.)
– What was the best way to get yourself and the blocks through the course? (Let all share.)
– When did you start to feel like you couldn’t handle any more blocks?
Share: Now let’s discuss what this game has to do with our lives. Imagine your day as an obstacle course. Every time you add a responsibility to your day, it’s like adding a block.
Discuss:
– What responsibilities do you have each day? (Let family members list things like jobs, chores, studies, caring for pets, etc.)
– How are they like blocks as you go through the day? (They can become a lot to handle.)
– When do you feel like you’re carrying too many blocks?
– Do you think you should be trying to carry more blocks of responsibility through each day, or less? Explain.
– How do we learn to be responsible? (We take on new responsibilities and explore how to handle them as we grow.)
– How do we get someone to trust enough to show we can be responsible? (We need to prove ourselves faithful in small tasks before we can take on larger ones.)
Taken from Heritage Builders / An Introduction to Family Nights by Kurt Brunner and Jim Weidmann. 1997. pgs. 71-72.
Next week’s topic: Establishing Appropriate Boundaries
Looking Ahead: Week 5 – Handling Sibling Differences, Week 6 – Purpose for Discipline, Week 7 – Methods of Discipline, Week 8 – Introducing Your Kids to Christ