small groups Archives - Page 2 of 7

Category Archives for "small groups"

Raising The Bar

Last night, our middle school parents small group talked about raising the bar. Our discussion centered on our responsibility to teach godly values and principles in our homes. We shared our concerns for the lack of boundaries and growing pressures to “lower the bar” that surround our kids as they’re bombarded by falling standards that exist all around them – especially in the media world of television, music, and internet.

During our conversation, two scriptures helped bring focus to our conversation. In Deuteronomy 6:1-9, God instructs the Israelites to talk to their kids about God and God’s commands morning, noon, and night.

These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

There are so many great ways to live this out in our families. Praying with your kids at bedtime is a great place to start. Taking them to church where they can hear more about God is a wonderful next step. Parents worry that they don’t have the biblical knowledge to spiritually lead their kids, but there are some great resources out there to help. Our family is currently using Fuel: Devotions to Ignite the Faith of Parents and Teens (Focus on the Family Books), a devotional by Joe White. As we wrap up dinner together, we take turns reading from this book. This gives us a time to talk about God’s Word and how it applies to our lives. Finally, I would recommend leaning into other parents. Being part of a small group like ours is a big help. This group often acts as a sounding board for parents as we strive to become better parents while dealing with the joys and challenges of parenting. It’s also a great idea to find parents who can be your example – perhaps they’re a few steps ahead of you in the parenting journal.

The second scripture that we talked about in our group came from Paul’s letter to the Colossians. In this passage, Paul instructs readers to put off the “old” things that represented our lives before knowing Christ, and he teaches us to focus on “new” things that point us in the right direction.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

As we talked about this scripture, we were all challenged to consider our role in helping our kids to live this out in light of the media that could come into our homes. We were encouraged to post these words at our computers and by our TV remotes as a reminder to raise the bar on the things that enter our minds.

How do you raise the bar for your family?

Multiplying Small Group Ministry

The narrative below is by no means a complete analysis of the process involved with multiplying small group ministry, but it provides some insights from personal experience. I’ve tried to break up this analysis into various aspects that I think are important to consider when heading into small group multiplication.

Before I go into these different aspects, I thought it might be appropriate to share some history related to my small group ministry experience. My wife and I started attending Christ’s Church of the Valley more than ten years ago. When we first started attending, we struggled with finding real connection at the church. Since we met in a movie theater, we never had a lot of time before or after our normal Sunday church time to establish relationships with anyone else at the church. Realizing that this would take some effort on our part, we decided to try out a new “marriage building” workshop. This twelve week workshop gave my wife and I a chance to meet people and begin deeper relationships with others at the church.

Out of this workshop, our first small group was started. For the first couple of months, it was basically one other couple meeting at our house every other week. Over time, our group grew a couple at a time. When we started a study based on “40 Days of Purpose” by Rick Warren in January 2004, we were averaging 18 to 20 adults (along with many children) at our weekly meetings. Heading into this study, we realized we needed to make decisions about the future of our group. At the end of this study, we “birthed” into two groups.

After this “birthing” process, I did not imagine having to go through it again for a while. I guess God had other plans, because in January 2005 we went through the process again when our group ballooned to 30 adults (and over 20 children). This time we “birthed” into three groups.

Going through these times of transition was not easy at all (especially when you don’t enjoy change – like me); however, I am convinced that it was the right thing to do both times. Hopefully, the tips below will help you in addressing this process at your own church or with your own group.

Changing the tone

When I first started talking about splitting up our small group, the reaction was mixed with a heavy leaning towards the negative. Everyone had become very comfortable with the people who were in the group, and they did not want to split up the group. Our adult ministries pastor recommended using different language to describe the process. “Splitting up” sounded so negative. This terminology implied a divorce or breakup of the group. The term “birthing” seemed a bit funny at first, but it eventually caught on. This terminology implies new life without the feeling of abandonment. Once our group bought into this change, they began to look at the whole process a lot more positively. (Multiplying might be a good word to use also.)

Communicating the positives

As our group developed, we were committed to fostering an environment where new people were always welcome. We refer to this as the “Open Chair Policy.” We always try to have an open chair at our meetings as a reminder to be praying about who God might be sending to our group. A major reason for this policy is our commitment to contributing to the Great Commission (see Matthew 28:19, 20). I’m also convinced that this was how the early church worked. Acts 2:42-47 describes the early church and clearly shows that God was adding to their numbers daily. I believe they had some sort of open chair policy in place. If the early church had closed its doors to outsiders, the church today would certainly not be the same (if it even existed). Similarly, the courage of someone sharing their faith with us was probably the driving force for our own faith. We have the privilege and obligation to share this with others. Helping your group to understand this is extremely important. Yes, the small group exists to help them grow and experience fellowship, yet it is also there to help fulfill the Great Commission.

A man in our first group shared one night during our discussion about this issue, that we are telling others (non-believers who might be interested in attending our group, but won’t or can’t because our group has gotten to big) that they can “go to hell,” because we are too selfish to go through the pain of birthing our group. His comment helped our group understand the need for this process.

The birthing process also gives current members a chance to invite friends, relatives, associates, and neighbors to their group. When the group gets to a certain level, small group members become reluctant to bring others to the group.

Another positive about the birthing process is that it allows for deeper intimacy. When your group is approaching 20-30 people, it becomes a real challenge to keep the deep connections going. As a group leader, it also becomes a real challenge to shepherd a group of this size also. Even Jesus did not have a group of this size. His example of 12 or 13 seems much more manageable. I would even propose that a group size of 8 to 12 is about as big as a group should get.

For our group another positive about this process related to the whole childcare issue. Our group has made every effort to provide childcare. As a result, our group growth as been predominately marked by families with kids. Trying to coral a large number of kids into someone’s basement or backyard isn’t fair or safe for the kids or the sitters. By birthing, our new groups have been able to more effectively handle the childcare issues.

Communicating these positives is essential to helping group members understand the benefits and the need for going through the “birthing” process.

Listening to the negatives

As a small group leader and as a “people pleaser,” I am always concerned about the thoughts and feelings of those in my group. I want them to understand and be happy with the decision to birth. Unfortunately, group members don’t always get it right away. Like me, they don’t like change, and they don’t understand why it is so necessary. It’s important for small group leaders to listen to the people in the group as they wrestle through this time of transition. We talked about it at our weekly meetings which I’ll mention later, but I also tried to call or speak to each individual in the group personally (especially the first time) to give them an opportunity to voice their opinions. I believe this provides an essential opportunity for group members to grow into the decision to birth new groups.

Group leaders also need a coach or point person that they can lean on for support through this time. This person not only acts as a sounding board but also as a cheerleader. A small group leader should not feel like they are swimming through this process alone. They need an encourager and a backup.

Praying throughout the process

This process could never happen without prayer. Small group leaders need to be praying for their group. Church leadership needs to be praying for the small group leaders and for the effective growth of the small group ministry. Each small group should also be praying for the “Open Chair” and for the future of the group as it looks towards birthing. As our group began to discuss this topic, we tried to start and/or end each discussion with prayer.

Prayer has probably been the biggest highlight of the actual birthing process for our groups. At our last meeting together as a whole group, we spent time commissioning the new groups through prayer. This provided a beautiful time to thank God for his work in our group up to this point and to ask for grace and guidance for the new groups.

Building up new leaders

Another important aspect to the birthing process is the building up of new leaders. I recommend appointing an apprentice leader to each small group early in the life of the group. I also believe it’s important to provide plenty of opportunities for the apprentices to have leadership in the group. Initially, this may mean assigning the apprentice to a task or two at each meeting (i.e. Ice Breaker Leadership or Announcements). Eventually, the apprentice should be encouraged to lead the entire meeting. This provides an opportunity for the apprentice to become comfortable leading the group, and it also gives the group a chance to become comfortable with the apprentice.

One way we approached this was by splitting the group into two or three groups for the discussion part of the evening. This allowed for more intimate discussion, and it gave the apprentice a valuable opportunity to lead.

Apprentices should also be included in the small group ministry support activities. At our church, group leaders and apprentices meet quarterly along with the small group coaches/team leaders. At these meeting, we are challenged by visions for the future, we are encouraged to huddle with others to learn from each other and to pray for each other, and we are educated with new skills that will help us effectively lead our small groups.

Involving the group in the decision

The small group should be involved in the decision to birth. Groups should together establish a charter that recognizes that the birthing process is inevitable and important. As the actual birth approaches, time should be set aside at a couple of meetings so the group can talk about the process and the logistics (who is going where, etc.). In some cases it might be beneficial for the apprentice to make some phone calls to nail down the location for their future meetings and to ask people to consider joining their new group. Through this discussion, the group may be able to easily divide the groups based on geography or age of children. In other cases, group members may just want the leaders to determine which new group each person should end up in. Again, prayer through this whole process is crucial.

Looking ahead to the future

A helpful way to get your groups through this process is to plan a reunion event of some sort (i.e. covered dish picnic). This will be a neat opportunity to see each other again and to meet the new people who have experienced real community as a result of the birthing process. This will also be an opportunity to celebrate and to encourage continued involvement in this process.

The first time was the toughest. The second time was a bit easier. As people in your church and in your small groups adjust to this process, it will hopefully become easier. Looking ahead, I see a church full of small groups that provide true community and unbelievable outreach and growth.

Afterthought

I could probably share many other things about my journey through this process (maybe I’ll have the chance sometime), and I realize I have much more to learn. In the meantime, I hope this brief narrative will be helpful as you approach the small group ministry birthing process.

What tips to you have to add relating to the “birthing” process? Have you ever experienced this process? How did it go?

Ten Things Every Small Group Leader Should Know

Several months ago, I had the honor and privilege of sharing my thoughts to a group of small group leaders at our church. I shared this list on the old jonstolpe.wordpress site, and it continues to be the most popular post. I thought it might be a good idea to repost it here on the new site to hopefully spark some new conversation and thoughts about small group leadership. So here are my notes:

I’m excited about this opportunity to share. If you don’t know me or if you haven’t figured it out, I’m extremely passionate about small groups. I truly believe they can provide a path for connection to others and to God. I also believe that small groups play an important role in accountability and discipleship. In no way is this list the Bible of small group leaders. It’s just my thoughts based on my involvement with small groups in various capacities for nearly 20 years. I’ve participated in groups. I’ve led groups. I’ve led group leaders. And I even had the privilege of leading a team of coaches. (I was also brought up in a home where small groups were important and modeled by my parents.) As I share my ideas, I’d encourage you to take a few notes. So here goes:

1. Small group leaders are important. They play a big part in helping people find community, find God, and find growth. If you are a small group leader, you need to know that what you do matters.

2. Small group leaders set the tone. Whether or not you consider yourself a Biblical scholar, your group members look to you as an example. For this reason, it’s important that small group leaders continue to model growth. They should be in the Word. They should develop disciplines that model growth. Small group leaders aren’t perfect, but they must find others who will hold them accountable to setting the tone.

3. Small groups are not about small group leaders. Small groups aren’t meant to showcase your incredible “holiness” or biblical knowledge. Small groups aren’t meant to show off how great you are as a leader. Small groups are about the group – about pointing people to God.

3A. Small groups aren’t just about the groups either. Get out there and serve with your group. Find a way once a month or once every other month to get out there and serve together. Adopt a place that your group can focus on. There are many area nursing homes, soup kitchens, food and clothing pantries, etc. that would love to have the support of your group. Getting your group involved in this type of service gets your group focused on others and allows your group to practically put into motion what following Christ is all about.

4. Small group leaders aren’t supposed to live on an island. Leaders must find ways to stay strong and spiritually fervent. They must also have a support team to provide guidance when small group life gets tough – and it usually will. (I wrote about this on my blog over a year ago.)

5. Small group leaders must be invitational. Intimacy and transparency in groups can be great, but it shouldn’t be an excuse not to invite others into the group. I’m a big proponent of the “open chair” policy in small groups. If you’re a small group leader, set the tone. Make sure there is always an open chair in your group for new group members and guests. Talk about it with your group. Don’t let it be optional.

6. Small group leaders aren’t perfect. I think I said this before. Group leaders must be honest with themselves. They must learn to ask for help. Maybe you stink at the administrative stuff, or maybe you’re a terrible host. Look to those around you. Get others to use their gifts to help the group and to help you as a leader. Not only does this make you and the group better, but it engages others into the group experience. People want to be asked to help. They are often just waiting for you to ask them to get involved.

7. Being a small group leader isn’t always easy. Let’s face it, nobody likes to deal with EGRs (Extra Grace Required people). But it can also be challenging when people in your group are going through difficult life circumstances. People in your groups will get sick, they’ll have messed up relationships, and they’ll make mistakes that carry significant consequences. You may be required to get involved with the mess. Embrace it. God may have placed you in leadership for such a time as this.

8. Seek advice and wisdom from trusted advisers. Your pastor, group life pastor and others who have been doing small group ministry for a while can be helpful. They will know how to react. They will know when to bring in assistance. (I have also found a lot of great small group leader advice and resources on-line. Mention blogs – Because Relationships Matter by Kathy Guy, Heather Zempel, Life & Theology by Ben Reed, Mark Howell Live by Mark Howell, Simple Small Groups by Bill Search, Small Group Books.com by Ryan Knight, Small Group Pastors by the Central Christian Church in Las Vegas, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry by Randall Neighbor, and Will Johnston – of NCC.)

9. Lean into the small group leader community. Make it a priority to be here for each quarterly meeting. Connect with each other outside this meeting. Go to lunch or breakfast together. When you see each other in and out of church, stop, ask, and share about your group.

9A. Be patient. It may take time for your small group to grow. I remember starting our first group at our church. We met at our house. The Stolpes and the Callahans. This was it week after week after week. Then we added the Santangelos. Then the Bonanis started coming. Suddenly our small living room was filling up. We switched over to the Callahans. Before we knew it, we had to split up into three different rooms. The group had grown so much. I have seen this trend again and again. Don’t give up! It may take a little while for your group to catch on. Remember that God is there when two or more gather in His name.

10. Be passionate! My list started with a reminder that what you do as a small group leader matters. Realize this fact. Think about it. Believe it. Act like it! You have a great honor and privilege to lead others in their journey towards Christ. This is awesome stuff! Be excited about what you are doing. Spread the excitement to others!

That’s my top 10 (or 12) things that small group leaders should know. I’d love to hear your ideas and questions. Before that, I’d like to leave you with this. Thank you! Thank you for stepping up to serve. Thank you for getting out of your comfort zone. Thank you for leading. Thank you for leading when it’s fun and when it’s not. Thank you for making a difference. Thank you for caring enough to help others connect to others and to God.

So these were my notes. I would add another point based on some of the discussion that followed our meeting. We’ll call it number 7A: You may need to be flexible. Sometimes life happens, and you need to throw out your plans for the meeting to address concerns that need immediate attention.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What would you add to the list? How have you seen these points in your small group experience?

January 29, 2012 Week In Review

Hello, Stretched Community! I’m going to try something new with this week’s recap post. Let me know what you think in the comments.

This week’s STRETCHED posts:

Monday: Resource Review: EntreLeadership Podcast
Tuesday: Stretching Beyond the Hurt a guest post by Diane Karchner
Wednesday: Rediscovering Grace Through A 2 by 4 Moment a guest post by Chad Jones
Thursday: Our Behavior Is Our Witness a guest post by Kevin Stone
Friday: Ice Breaker – Leaving On A Jet Plane

Blog spotlight links:

Call to action:

Subscribe to the blog (on the right side of the main page).
Connect with the Jon Stolpe Stretched Facebook Fan Page (for great links to other blogs throughout the week).
Consider guest posting here. Send my your Stretched ideas!
Consider advertising here on The Stretched Blog (see the links on the right side of the main page).

Finally… have a great week!

How was your week? What was good, bad, or ugly on your blog this week? What links to you have to share with the Stretched community this week?

January 22, 2012 Week In Review

The week in review for was pushed back a day thanks to the wonders of our winter wonderland and the need to take care of some things at home. It was a good week on The Stretched Blog. On Wednesday, The New Stretched Blog experienced the highest traffic day so far! I will be traveling this week, so I’m turning the blog over to some great guest bloggers for a few days. Please read the excellent posts by Diane Karchner, Chad Jones, and Kevin Stone and join the conversation in the comments.

Here’s a recap for this week:

Monday – Book Review: The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
Tuesday – Introducing A New Group For Parents Of Middle School Students
Wednesday – Managing Conflict – A Leadership Stretch… Guest Post by Frank Chiapperino (Thanks, Frank!)
Thursday – The Stretched Blog Visits The Point (Thanks to Leah Adams for the chance to share on her blog!)
Friday – Ice Breaker – I Have A Dream

Your continued contribution to the blog through comments is greatly appreciated. Your comments are what makes this Stretched Community! Please remember to take the time to Subscribe to the NEW blog, so you can have Stretched delivered daily to your e-mail inbox. Also, don’t forget to stop by the Jon Stolpe Stretched Facebook fan page. Become a fan to keep up with some additional Stretched stuff. I am sharing more blog highlights from other blogs that I read regularly. I think you’ll find some great stuff here. Thanks!

Here are a few of my favorites from around the blog world this week:

How about you? How was your week? If you’re a blogger what happened over your way this week? Did you read any great blog posts this week? Share with the rest of us!

Introducing A New Group For Parents of Middle School Students

Leanne and I have been involved in many different small groups. We’ve been involved in parents of elementary children groups, couples groups, marriage groups, men’s groups, women’s groups, Texas Hold ‘Em groups, service groups, and mixed groups. Small groups have played a key role in each stage of our lives and our marriage.

Early last fall, we were perusing the groups catalog that our church had published for the Fall Roll-out of groups, and we realized that there weren’t any groups available for parents like us – parents with middle school students. With two middle school students of our own, this gap was obvious as we were looking to plug into a group of people in this similar place in life.

When we reached out to our groups pastor and our middle school pastor, we soon learned that they had been praying about this area and opportunity. We also learned that there was another couple who was also interested in establishing and leading a group for parents like us. And so…last week, we kicked off our new group for parents of middle school students!

There were five of us there for the first meeting, but I’m confident it will grow as more parents in our area and at our church learn of this offering. We talked about some of our parenting challenges. We shared about our inconsistencies and imperfections. If you live in the Perkiomen Valley/Spring-Ford Area and you’re a parent of a middle school student you should consider joining our group. We meet twice a month – the 2nd and 4th Wednesday nights of the month. We’re using a book called Candid Confessions of and Imperfect Parent to help our discussion.

If you’re interested in checking it out, drop me a comment, or check-out the on-line groups catalog for directions on how to connect on-line.

Are you in a small group? What type of group is it? What are you studying, discussing, and/or doing with your group? If you’re not in a small group, why not?

Leaders Are Readers – Creating My Reading List For 2012

“Leaders are readers.”

I’ve heard Tim Sanders quote this in several interviews on the radio and on podcasts.

It seems to me that there is a lot of truth to this statement. When we feed our minds (with good stuff), we fill it up with tools that are useful for leading and for life. With this in mind, I am beginning to assemble a list of potential books to consider reading in 2012. I should let you know that I’m generally a slow and very deliberate reader, so I’m planning to narrow the list down to twelve with a couple of alternates. Here are some of the books that I’m considering so far:

The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson

EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey

Today We Are Rich by Tim Sanders

The No Complaining Rule by Jon Gordon

Community: Taking Your Small Group Off Life Support by Brad House

Creating Community: Five Keys To Building A Small Group Culture by Andy Stanley

So these are a few of my ideas. I will most likely throw in a fiction book or two (or three).

Now I’d like to hear your thoughts. What would you add to the list? What’s on your “To Read List”? What have you read recently that you think I should consider? I can’t wait to see what you’ve got!

What Are We Doing Here?

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. I Corinthians 10:31

I’m always blown away by the conversations that emerge from my weekly MEAT (Men Eating And Talking) Meeting. And last night was no different. The conversation at the table in the diner went deep quickly. Without going into all the detail, the conversation eventually centered on the chief purpose of man. What are we here for? Why do we exist? How does God fit into this? How about Jesus? Are we doing what we’re supposed to be doing? These are all fairly deep questions.

As we talked, I was reminded of the verse above and something I’ve heard my dad tell several times before. I wish I could find the reference, but the general gist is that whether we lead a big company, preach at a church, pick up trash, or clean bathrooms, we should do everything for the glory of God.

Stop and think about that for a minute.

The first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism applies to this conversation:

Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?

A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, [a] and to enjoy him for ever. [b]

[a]. Ps. 86:9; Isa. 60:21; Rom. 11:36; I Cor. 6:20; 10:31; Rev. 4:11

[b]. Ps. 16:5-11; 144:15; Isa. 12:2; Luke 2:10; Phil. 4:4; Rev. 21:3-4

And so, MEAT once again left me with plenty to chew on. I’m looking forward to next week, when the conversation will continue.

What are you facing in the day ahead? How are you framing your activities for the day? How would things change if you really did everything for God’s glory?

Cradles to Crayons

Last night, we took our H.O.P.E. group to West Conshohocken to the Cradles to Crayons Philadelphia warehouse. Here we gathered clothing for clothing packs for boys and girls of various sizes. And then we put together complete packages of clothing, toys, books, coats, boots, shoes, and even birthday presents for kids. Cradles to Crayons serves five counties in the Philadelphia area. They collect clothing and toys – mostly used, but still in good shape. They sort and clean the donated items, and then they utilize their volunteers to get the donations ready to go back out the door.

I didn’t know what to fully expect when we walked in the door, and it took a few minutes to get up to speed on what was really going on. But I left with a deeper appreciation for Cradles to Crayons and their mission. This was a perfect activity for our service group as we could work together and help make a difference for some kids in our area. If your family, your company, or your group is looking for a way to serve in a practical way, I would definitely recommend checking out Cradles to Crayons. They would be overjoyed to have your help sorting and cleaning donations or in just dropping off some donations.

How and where have you served recently?

« Previous 1 2 3 4 … 7 Next »