The Birds and The Bees – Talking to Your Kids About Sex
I was blessed as a kid with parents who spoke clearly and appropriately about sex. The summer before I went into sixth grade, I remember my dad taking me camping to Lake Atsion. It was here that we spent time camping and cooking. And it was here that my dad gave me “the talk” about sex. I’m sure it was somewhat awkward for both of us, but this was clearly an important conversation.
From what I’ve heard, most kids don’t learn about the birds and the bees from this type of candid discussion from their parents. Most kids learn from their peers, from pornographic magazines and websites, and from experimentation.
Leanne and I decided early on in our parenting that we didn’t want our kids learn first about sex from others. Several years ago at a Family Life Marriage Conference, we picked up a four book series called “God’s Design for Sex.” Each book is written for a different age group to give parents the tools to talk to their kids about sex with age appropriate material. Leanne read through these books with Hannah already, and I’ve been reading the books with our son. As Isaac is in the first weeks of sixth grade, we are finishing up the third book in the series. There’s been a little awkwardness as we’ve talked about things like periods, AIDS, and about some of the “mechanics” of sex. (I’m an engineer, I couldn’t help it.) But our conversation has also been good.
I’m thankful for the example of my parents, for helpful tools like these books, and for the chance to teach our kids about a subject that matters.
How did you learn about sex? How have you handled this subject with your own kids?
New Traditions
Here we are at the top of Mont Tremblant in Quebec, Canada after an hour and a half hike back in August. If it looks cold and cloudy to you, you are correct. We actually hiked into the clouds, and the temperature dropped noticeably as we made are ascent to the top. As we journeyed up the mountain, our kids repeatedly spoke of a new family tradition. You see, last summer, we hiked to the top of Sterling Mountain and Madonna Mountain when we were on vacation in Vermont. So two years in a row must make a tradition.
Family traditions like this can have a huge positive impact on our families. Traditions create fun expectations for everyone in the family. For example, my family always anticipates putting up the Christmas tree and listening to each other share stories as they hang up Christmas ornaments that have special significance. We also look forward to certain meals that have some tradition and family history tied to them. For example, I love to make, serve, and eat the Swedish Christmas meal. It brings back so many sweet memories of my grandparents, cousins, and parents.
This year as we rode the cable car down to the bottom of Mont Tremblant (yes, we cheated), our kids were already scheming and asking about where we could go next year on vacation that has a mountain we can climb. Despite the fatigue of climbing, I shared their excitement for continuing our new family tradition next year.
What traditions do you keep? Why? What is the special significance of these traditions?
That’s My Boy
This is a big year for Isaac. In less than one week, he will start middle school. He’ll tell you that he’s excited and a little bit nervous. If you ask me, I’m excited and shocked at how quickly we have reached this milestone. It seems like weeks ago that we were welcoming Isaac home from the hospital. I can still hear his sister, Hannah, saying, “It’s Baby Isaac!” in her high-pitched toddler voice as we introduced her to her new baby brother. It seems like several days ago that we were taking Isaac to preschool for the first time with his friends Julia and Grace. I can still see Isaac dressed up like a farmer for Halloween one year with his big smile and straw hat. It seems like yesterday that we were sending Isaac off to school on the bus for his first day of kindergarten. I can still remember his excitement as he finally got to ride the bus with Hannah and all the other kids.
Isaac is a special kid. He’s funny – in fact, I think he’s inherited the “Stolpe” sense of humor that came down from his Great Grandpa (Far-Far) Stolpe. He’s smart – more so than I think he realizes at times. He’s musically talented beyond his years. He’s kind. He’s compassionate. And he has an amazing faith.
As I look ahead, I’m realizing that my time of influence is narrowing. I want to make the most of the time I have with my kids before they head off into the real world which will be here before I know it. Some of this involves being more intentional with our day-to-day conversations. And it also means being more intentional when it comes to planning memorable things like vacations and other family outings. And for me, it means stopping more often to just enjoy my kids. I love to watch them. I love to be with them. And I am excited to see them growing up. I just wish it didn’t happen so quickly!
How are your being intentional in your parenting? What has surprised you the most about parenting?
Less Like Scars
“It’s been a hard year, but I’m climbing out of the rubble.
These lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle.”
– Sara Groves
Recently, I’ve had several people ask how things are going…how’s Leanne? Almost a year ago, Leanne was hospitalized. We’ve spent the past year recovering and rediscovering new normals, new priorities, and renewed appreciation and passion for each other, for friends and family, and for life. God is good!
As I look back on my journal and my blog from the past year I see pain, loneliness, and despair, but I also see healing, connection, and hope. Sara Groves song, Less Like Scars, speaks so clearly to my thoughts as I look back on this past year.
It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character
Less like a prison, more like my room
It’s less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you’re here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
Character
Today, I rejoice. I praise God for significant milestones achieved in the healing process. I’m thankful for a new compassion for families faced with the challenges of mental illness and other health problems. And I smile as I realize the promise of a bright future with hope for tomorrow. God is good!
(And by the way, Leanne is doing well – and so am I. Thanks for asking.)
How are you? How have you seen your scars transformed?
The Gift of Camping
This past weekend, we celebrated the 1oth anniversary of a great family camping tradition. We’ve been camping with the same four families since the beginning. It’s been amazing to watch our kids grow up together. Isaac was two and potty training on our first rainy camping trip to Locust Lake State Park. Now, Isaac’s eleven, and he’s becoming a wonderful young man. The story is similar for all the other kids as well. It’s truly been a gift to experience the richness of these friendships year after year. I look forward to many, many more family camping trips to come.
Nine out of the ten years, we have camped in a Pennsylvania State Park. Pennsylvania is the only state that has an established chaplaincy program in its state parks. Most years, we have worshiped together at the camp’s Sunday worship service. This year was no different as we walked down to the outdoor amphitheater following a delicious camp breakfast. I love my church, but there is something refreshing about getting outdoors and stripping away the music and lights and air conditioning.
At the service, Chaplain Jason shared from the passage in Romans. Jason’s message provided some great reminders:
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:1-8
1. I have gifts. I should be sharing these gifts.
2. My gifts are different from other people’s gifts. We all have different gifts.
3. Everyone’s gifts are important to completing the work of the body.
4. I’m not gifted in everything. Saying no sometimes is okay.
I’m sure there were some other great points, but these are the ones that struck me.
What fun family traditions do you have?
How are you using the gifts that God has given you?
Coming Back From Vacation
Getting back into the swing of things following nine days of vacation can be a real challenge. I especially felt this Monday and Tuesday as I was playing catch up on e-mails, phone calls, and required meetings. I feel like I have a lot to learn about how to transition from vacations and other breaks back into the routines of work and family activities. There’s got to be a way to keep the refreshment alive. There should be some ways to prevent post vacation burnout.
Some ideas come to mind:
1. Schedule margins in your schedule to breath and to relax even if it’s just for 15 minutes. This is challenging for me – especially at work where I am on call all the time for help in making decisions or for scheduling resources. I have tried to make it a habit to step out of the office for a few minutes at lunch time. This gives me a chance to get some fresh air, to touch base with my wife on her day, and to catch my breath before heading into the afternoon.
2. Keep thoughts of vacation alive by talking about your vacation and sharing pictures. I love to hear about the vacation adventures of my co-workers, and I like to share my stories as well. I love what I do at my job most of the time, and I really appreciate when our personal interests and adventures intersect with work.
3. Discard or put aside e-mails and other correspondence that are not important, are not urgent, and can be put off until later or not read at all. I know this can be challenging as it requires a discerning filter, but it’s important. In today’s information driven world, we have to relearn that it’s okay to miss out on some things. We don’t need to know every piece of information out there. What did we do before computers and the internet?
4. Compose a “to-do-list” and use it to prioritize tasks that must be attended to with greater urgency. A “to-do-list” can be helpful in documenting the things in our head. It can minimize the feeling of stress that comes from not knowing where to start.
5. Be intentional about continuing activities that provide refreshment and renewal. Leanne and I have taken a few evening strolls through our small town since returning from vacation. It may seem simple, but these walks have provided relaxation along with time together.
I wish I could say that we have it all figures out and that these five steps are easy to follow and an easy answer to overcoming post vacation burnout. But I can’t say these things. Life after vacation can be crazy – but I’m so glad we got away.
What tips do you have for transitioning from vacation back to everyday life?
Psalm 36 – Love and Faithfulness
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This morning I woke up with these words on my mind from Psalm 36:
5 Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Our vacation to Canada gave us some great visual reminders of God’s love and faithfulness.
How have you experienced God’s unfailing love and faithfulness this summer?
Vacation Church – My Sunday Quebec Experience
As you may have known or guessed, our family was on vacation last week. We took off for a week to enjoy the great outdoors and the French Canadian culture in Quebec, Canada. We spent most of our time in and around the small ski town of Mont-Tremblant. It was gorgeous and a wonderful break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life here in the Stolpe home. The Sunday we were there, we visited the only church in town, L’Eglise Sacre-Coeur (Sacred Heart Church). The church is a small Roman Catholic church that overlooks Lac Mercier. Here are some of my thoughts from our visit:
It was very interesting to be in a French-speaking church and to be in a catholic church. In some regards, it makes me appreciate my own church all that much more.
On the other hand, it was encouraging to see the devotion of those who regularly worship in this setting. A few other observations:
1. Besides the passing of the peace, we were not greeted by a single person. Nobody said, “Bon jour.” Nobody said, “Hello.” Nobody said anything. If you belong to a church, you should be friendly. Stop and say hello to those you don’t recognize.
2. We need to speak the language of those around us who don’t have a church home. Putting aside the French language and the differences in doctrine, would I or anyone else understand what was going on as part of this service? Do we expect people to come into our churches and fall in line with the routines and traditions we keep? Do we provide an explanation of our traditions, etc.? Are we relevant to the community around us?
3. The priest reminded me of (my wife’s) Uncle Dave’s brother, Tom. I know this is trivial, but it’s just what I noticed.
4. The French language is beautiful. I have no idea what everyone was saying or singing, but it sounded nice.
5. People think that church ends after communion. I shouldn’t judge as I don’t know what these people had to do this day, but I observed many people slipping out of the church as soon as communion was over. They didn’t stay around for the closing words. They didn’t stay around for fellowship. They left as quickly as they arrived. Our involvement with church isn’t meant to be a task that must be checked off the list. It’s meant to be our life. We’re called to be in Christian community that transcends the Sunday service. We’re called to be involved throughout the week, and we’re called to bring it into our communities. This doesn’t happen in a 40 minute Sunday service. This happens every minute of every day.
6. I’m not real great at the kneeling thing. Perhaps, I need to practice this more. Getting on my knees before God is a discipline of trusting God and of putting Him first.
I realize these thoughts are somewhat random, but I thought you’d enjoy hearing how I was stretched on vacation.
Where do you go to church when you’re on vacation? What have you learned from your vacation church experiences?
Return to Blogging – My Wife is Back On-Line
My wife, Leanne, had taken an extended break from blogging over the past couple of years for all kinds of reasons. But I think she’s decided to get back to it! She has a lot to share. She is an inspiration to me, and I’m sure she has inspired and will inspire many others. Check out her first post in her return by clicking here. Her first post back is titled “What I Want to Be When I Grow Up.”
Check it out, and let me know what you think. Also, add her blog to your subscription list.
Small Holdings Festival
Recently, one of my office team members invited me to bring my family to a new festival being held in Bucks County, PA. The First Annual Small Holdings Festival showcased area suburban self starters. The various exhibitors were regular people who found have found ways to live off the land, to live off the labors of their own hands, and to make decisions that will provide while being good stewards of the earth around us.
My team member, Eric, spends his spare time running Barefoot Gardens with his wife, Linda. Together, they take care of a “farm” that serves their CSA and provides for local restaurants who are seeking to serve locally grown produce to their patrons. Part of Eric’s farm includes raising approximately 100 egg laying chickens. (Eric has become one of my mentors in the whole chicken farming thing.) Eric built a chicken coop for the festival.
Other exhibitors for the festival included bee keepers, cheese makers, gardeners, canning experts, vegetable fermenting experts, bread makers, clay oven makers, and several others. I was definitely inspired by the talents presented at this festival. And I look forward to going again next year!
What inspires you? If you could try something new, what would it be?