Out Of Practice
It feels like it’s been awhile.
I just haven’t found my rhythm.
I’m busier than a one-armed paper hanger, but I wonder if I’m just using that as an excuse.
I don’t want to just add to the noise, but I have a voice too. And I believe I have something to say.
Am I afraid?
Afraid I’ll be misunderstood?
Afraid I’ll make a fool of myself?
Afraid I won’t get it right?
Afraid I’ll be mistaken for someone I’m not (or someone I don’t want to be)?
Afraid I’ll be discovered a phony?
I’m not sure exactly.
Writing can be a scary thing. You put your thoughts out there for anyone (or everyone) to see.
To find your rhythm, you have to actually write.
You can’t wait for a big burst of inspiration. You just have to write.
The inspiration will come once you get going.
These are things I need to be telling myself.
I love writing. I love sharing my thoughts. I love the opportunity I have to inspire and encourage others through the written lessons I’ve learned as a result of taking the reflections in my head to paper (or screen).
I might be out of practice right now, but I can change that today. Today is a new day. If I want to be more disciplined and consistent in my writing, I have to start sometime (why not today?)!
Are you out of practice? What do you need to start (or restart) doing today? What’s holding you back? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
No Use Crying Over Spilled Water
Tonight, I spilled water all over the kitchen floor.
Actually, I spilled water and glass all over the kitchen floor when I knocked over a glass as I was reaching for the light switch.
As the glass and water flew through the air in slow motion, I exclaimed loudly, “Oh, Man!”
I hate messing up. I could have blamed someone else in the house for setting their glass too close to the edge of the counter. In reality, it was my fault. I should have been more careful, and I should have been more observant.
Oh well.
There is no use crying over spilled water.
As I grabbed a a towel and carefully began the process of cleaning up the mess I made, I had a myriad of thoughts rolling around in my head:
“Not now!”
“Why?”
“I’m glad there wasn’t milk in the glass.”
“I hope I don’t step on one of the broken glass pieces.”
“Maybe we need to go back to plastic soppy cups for the entire family.”
Sometimes, I can be hard on myself. I aim for perfection. And I miss the mark way more than I hit it. I get frustrated with myself sometimes – especially when I do something stupid that could have been prevented with a bit more observation and caution.
There’s a quote that often rolls around my world: “Those who don’t make mistakes don’t make anything.”
For all you perfectionists out there like myself, it’s time to give yourself a break. It’s time to be okay with some failure in your life. It’s time to learn from our mistakes and move on.
There’s a whole big, exciting world out there just waiting for you. Stop crying over the spilled water. Go out there and enjoy it!
(One more thing, it sure is windy out there tonight. Don’t forget to batten down the hatches – whatever that means.)
What Are You Looking At?
The other day at work, I was struck by the passing comment of a co-worker who told me “There are no more ‘firsts’ to look forward to.” When he said these words, it sounded so sad to me. Whether he meant it this way or not, it seemed like he didn’t have a whole lot to look forward to anymore. I began to question him in my own mind and I almost said a few things to him before I caught myself. What did I have to say to him? He’s my senior by fifteen or so years, and I haven’t lived the life that he has lived.
As I thought more of this conversation today, I realized that my dad had a similar conversation with my grandmother in the last few years of her life. She had said goodbye to my grandfather a few years earlier and she was living in the nursing care wing of the home where my grandparents had moved many years ago in preparation for these years. My dad talked to my grandmother every week on the phone. I’m not sure if this conversation took place on the phone or face-to-face (I’ll leave those details to my dad), but my grandmother had something rather profound to share with my dad that he passed down to us.
She said, “Norm (that’s my dad’s name), I’ve lived a long life. I’ve seen and experienced many things. I feel like I’ve experienced just about all there is to experience in life. I’m ready to die. I haven’t experienced that yet, and I’m excited to see what that brings.”
I don’t know if I have the words exact, but I think you get the gist.
My grandmother still found hope in the hard times of life – when her body and even her mind were wearing out – she still looked to heaven as something exciting – a new first.
I’m 46 years old (or young depending on how you look at it), and I believe I still have many more firsts to experience on this side of heaven. I’m looking forward to seeing my kids graduate from college. I’m looking forward to their weddings. I’m looking forward to meeting and getting to know my grandkids (no pressure intended Hannah and Isaac). I’m looking forward to the “empty nest” with my wonderful wife, Leanne. I’m looking forward to retirement from my job at Siemens – one day. And I’m looking forward to the opportunities that will come in retirement from corporate America. I don’t know exactly how it will all play out, but I believe I will experience many, many more firsts and unbelievable experiences before I pass from this earth.
One thing I am learning though in the midst of watching my own parents and from observing others, I am so looking forward to heaven, but I’m also thankful for the life I get to live right now. I am challenged to hold loosely to the things of this earth – to be thankful for them, but to let go when necessary. I’m also challenged to hold tightly to the things that will last – my faith, my hope for eternity, and my relationships.
The Bible talks about “always being prepared to give a reason for the hope you profess.”
I’m so thankful for that hope. I pray I may be prepared to share that hope. As I look back on that conversation with my co-worker the other day, I pray I didn’t miss the opportunity to share hope.
What am I looking at?
I’m looking at a great adventure that waits for me now and forever.
– A glimpse into my mind and heart as I head to bed. Good night.
What are you looking at? What are your thoughts? Share them in the comments below.
In Response to Parkland
Disturb us enough to take action and demand action.
Comfort us to be able to move forward despite hardship.
Inspire us to seek unity in times that divide us.
Show us how to lend a helping hand to those who need a lift.
Strengthen us. We need it.
– My Facebook status update at 4:33AM on February 15, 2018
It’s been nearly two weeks since the deadly school shooting in Parkland, Florida at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School where 17 people were gunned down by 19-year-old Nikolas Cruz.
Since then, I’ve watched as my Facebook feed along with the news headlines have been jammed with viewpoints on either side of the gun control debate. People want tougher gun laws. Others want to put guns in the hands of educators to defend against possible shooters. Some people are blaming politicians who take money from the NRA who seem resistant to toughen up on gun laws. Others are pointing fingers at the FBI who failed to respond to tips that Nikolas Cruz may be dangerous. And some would agree there’s plenty of blame to go around.
I certainly don’t have all the answers. A week and a half later, my Facebook status is still my prayer and my struggle.
For the record, I don’t own any guns (unless you count my caulk gun, my staple gun, my wife’s hot glue gun, and a few squirt guns). I’ve only shot a real gun twice (I went clay pigeon shooting on a men’s retreat at my old church, and I shot a pistol once behind my in-laws hunting cabin). You may not like me for this, but I also once shot a chipmunk with a BB gun. Afterwards, I felt completely awful. I wasn’t hunting for food. I was shooting for entertainment. 20+ years later, I still regret this pointless event.
I don’t understand the need for civilians to have large capacity automatic weapons. It doesn’t make sense to me. (Now, I probably angered my gun collecting friends.) So, I’m okay with tougher gun laws limiting the types of weapons that can be purchased/owned and requiring background checks and waiting periods.
But I honestly don’t think tougher gun laws are the one and only answer. (And now, my friends who are leaning hard on tougher gun laws are probably upset with me.)
I also read about people who believe tighter security in schools is necessary to prevent or limit the damage from school shooters. Tighter security may unfortunately be required in this day and age, but I would never suggest putting guns in the hands of our teachers. Who says teachers won’t flip out and use their gun or that students might overpower a gun-toting teacher?
(I hate the fact that our kids and teachers have to be afraid and prepared for this kind of violence in their schools which should be the safest places in the world. My wife is teaching in a public school, and it’s not exactly “fun” for her to go through the training now required of teachers so they are prepared to face school shooters.)
As I research the shooters who have committed these school shootings over the past 20+ years, I read stories of individuals who were lonely, outcast, bullied, misunderstood, and ill. Many shooters suffer from depression, anger, and rage. And some of the shooters were missing a key parent relationship. In many of the stories, the shooters expressed a desire to be heard.
“When does it turn to where the student gets to a point where they are actually going to commit violence?” Gomez said. “It’s almost like a seed that gets planted into the individual, and unless somebody is there to intervene, to conduct some type of informal intervention over the course of that person’s life, whether it’s a parent or teacher or coach, that kid continues to move towards what could ultimately be an act of violence.” http://abcnews.go.com/US/dissecting-distinctive-profile-school-shooters-trail/story?id=53197511
People aren’t listening until it’s too late.
People aren’t intervening.
If we really want to make a difference, we must learn to listen to those who are different, to those on the fringes, to those who are hurting, to those who are broken. We must learn to speak up, and we must learn to intervene when necessary.
Each of us bears a responsibility to listen, to speak up, and to intervene.
But this responsibility is especially greatest at home.
Too many homes are broken. One or both parents are absent – physically and/or emotionally. Too many parents are trying to be their kids best friend instead of their parent. And too many parents think their kids are perfect. We feed into the entitlement culture by giving our kids access to way more things than they should ever see or do, by failing to say “No!”, and by making sure they keep up with the “Joneses”.
If we want to change the world, we have to start at home.
Commit to work on your marriage and to make your marriage work.
Commit to be present for your children.
Commit to having those tough conversations with your family.
Commit to saying “No” when necessary.
Commit to knowing your family values and commit to holding yourself and your family members to these values.
Commit to listen.
Commit to speak up – firmly and lovingly.
Commit to intervene – even when it’s not easy.
Commit to get help when you can’t do it on your own.
Commit to get back up and do the right thing after you mess up.
Do we need to hold politicians accountable? Yes.
Do we need to hold gun owners responsible? Yes.
Do we need to hold teachers and educators accountable? Yes.
Do we need to hold councilors, therapists, and doctors accountable? Sure.
But it starts at home. We must hold ourselves accountable to laying the foundation for our kids.
I don’t enter this conversation lightly. In fact, I often stay away from controversial topics like this. You may not agree with me on everything in this post. I hope we can have a productive and civil dialogue instead of the “conversation” I see right now in the news and on social media.
Also, I don’t proclaim to know all the answers or to understand each and every situation. I’m sure there are competent parents out there who are doing everything they possibly can to raise their kids best, and sometimes these very same parents’ lives are shattered when their kids commit unthinkable acts of violence.
I’m sorry if this is your case.
I don’t want to judge, but I’m pretty sure we can all do more.
We have to do more for our families, for our communities, and for this world.
And one more thing, our thoughts, our prayers, and our actions matter. Don’t stop thinking about how we can make the world a better place. Don’t stop praying for wisdom, for peace, for change. And don’t stop taking intentional actions.
You Need A Strategic Advisory Board
Companies have boards. The board members serve as advisories for the company. They hold the company leaders accountable, and they look out for the best interest of the stock holders. They give advise to the leaders of the company, and they encourage the leaders to lead well.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of having your own board of directors?
Seriously, I believe board of directors aren’t just for companies. They for organizations and individuals who want wisdom, accountability, and encouragement.
This week, Leanne and I began the process of creating a Strategic Advisory Board for us. That’s right. We are in the process of rounding up individuals and couples who will give us wisdom, accountability, and encouragement.
What’s the purpose of our board?
In my recently released book, Rooftop Reflections, I share my vision for building one hundred houses in Guatemala before I die. As Leanne and I have discussed this goal, we’ve come to realize a few things:
- Building one hundred houses is my dream. Leanne’s not against this, but she has other passions that need to be merged into my dream to help us be on the same page. Leanne has a passion for the children in Guatemala. We believe we can build homes for families and minister directly to children in Guatemala.
- Building one hundred houses in Guatemala is not a minor undertaking. It takes money, planning, support, and a lot of prayer.
- In order to effectively serve in Guatemala over the long-term, we need to set systems in place. We need to solidify the “organization” associated with these plans. This will further legitimize and confirm our thoughts moving forward.
- We need help! We don’t know everything we need to know about building a sustainable ministry in Guatemala. But we know God has placed incredible people around us who can help.
Over the next few weeks, we will be speaking with key people and building our Strategic Advisory Board. They will help us clarify our vision, build the structure we need to have for long-term success and legitimacy, hold us accountable to move forward (and to follow God’s direction). In addition, our board of advisors will pray for us and for God’s wisdom.
I don’t know what you are doing, but you need a Strategic Advisory Board, too.
You need people who will support you and lift you up. You need people in your life who will redirect you when necessary and confirm your direction. You need people who have your back when it seems like the rest of the world is either against you or completely absent.
Who’’s on your board? Who do you go for when you need advice? What’s stopping you from creating your own Strategic Advisory Board? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Why Me!
There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.
William Barclay
Today, I celebrated the 23rd anniversary of my 23rd birthday!
It was a fantastic day.
I woke up at 5AM, so I could make it over to my men’s group (DIBs – Dudes in the Basement) where we had the opportunity to catch up on some of life’s happenings over the past several days before diving into a discussion about the Bible, it’s relevance, and it’s validity. We are using The Problem of God by Mark Clark as a starting point for our weekly discussions.
I took the day off of work, so I came home to a warm pot of rice pudding (one of my favorites) and an empty house. It’s rare that I am home alone, so I took a few minutes to enjoy a bowl of pudding and listen to the quiet of the house.
Then I dove into a project – the making of the Korv. Korv is a traditional Swedish sausage served at Christmas time. My Grandpa Stolpe, who shared the same birthday with me, used to make the Korv. As I made this year’s batch of sausage, I thought of my Grandpa. I’m so thankful for the heritage he passed down – not just in food, but in faith, work ethic, and humor. The Korv project took all morning.
For lunch, I drove over the California Tortilla to enjoy a free birthday burrito. It’s nice when restaurants send a little gift your way.
After lunch, I had the honor and privilege of being interviewed for Amy Robles’ podcast. Amy is a friend from Ellory Wells’ Catalyst Mastermind, and it was a fun to catch up as I shared about the Stretched Men Group and Rooftop Reflections with her audience.
As we were talking, she said something that made me think. She said something about me having a purpose to everything I did – an intentional focus to how I lived my life. I don’t always think about it that way, but I think she’s right. I want to live my life in a way that honors God and represents Christ well. I want to treat people the way I want to be treated. And I want to leave a legacy. I don’t want my life to be a waste.
After my interview, Isaac and Leanne came home from school and work.
We went out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants (Craft Ale House), and we enjoyed time together. Here Leanne gave me a gift I will always treasure – a painted picture of the same photo used for my book cover. The painting was created by Brittany Brubaker who was on our 2017 Guatemala trip. My plan is to hang the painting in my office. It’s a reminder of a place that is special to me, and it’s also a reminder of the purpose and dream I have to have an impact in Guatemala.
Having reminders like this can be important for keeping our eye on the prize – for keeping our purpose in focus.
I am made on purpose and for a purpose, and you are too!
What’s your purpose? How are you living out your purpose in your daily life? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Finding Your Optimal Speed
“Increasing your highway cruising speed from 55mph (90km/h) to 75mph (120km/h) can raise fuel consumption as much as 20%. You can improve your gas mileage 10 – 15% by driving at 55mph rather than 65mph (104km/h). Note how quickly efficiency drops after 60 mph.”
http://eartheasy.com/move_fuel_efficient_driving.html
What is your optimal speed?
We live in a culture that promotes faster, quicker, speaker, busier. People seem to think multi-tasking is the way to go to get more things done. More is better.
Right?
Maybe. Maybe not.
What if we were designed for a specific speed? What if we were created to work a certain amount of time each day, play a certain amount of time each day, and rest a certain amount of time each day?
When people hear what I do for work and play, they often ask me when I sleep or how many hours of sleep I get per night.
I’ll confess I’m often proud to tell them I get 5-6 hours a night (sometimes less). I where my lack of sleep on my sleeve like a badge of honor.
What a loser!
Many studies indicate you need 7-9 hours of sleep per night to achieve peak or optimal performance.
God created us to work, and he also created us to rest. In fact, he gave us Sabbath as a reminder to take a break.
Finding your optimal speed requires these intentional actions:
- Practice regular Sabbaths. My Dad says you should take a break one minute every hour, one hour every day, and one day every week. The Sabbath was made for us. In order to achieve your peak performance, you must learn to take breaks.
- Just say no. This can be challenging especially if you are a people-pleaser like me. When you let too many things on your agenda, you are no longer able to focus on the things that truly fit you. For more about this, I’d encourage you to read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. His teaching about your Zone of Genius fits right in with this point.
- Experiment and take notes. Not everyone is exactly the same. My optimal speed may be a little different than your optimal speed. Test out things to see how they impact your overall performance. I’d encourage you to keep a journal to document your daily activities and to comment on your perceived performance in relationship to these activities.
- Look in the mirror. What does your face tell you? Do you have bags under your eyes? Are you wearing a smile? Or has the stresses and strains of your life etched your face. I can usually tell if I’m operating in my sweet spot or not simply by looking in the mirror.
- Get someone else’s opinion. You and I need people in our lives who can help us see beyond the blinders we where. I meet with a few different groups of people. These people call me on the carpet when I’m doing something stupid – like operating outside my optimal speed. Who is in your corner who will give you an honest assessment of your commitments and your priorities?
I’m still trying to figure out my optimal speed. I want to make sure I’m operating efficiently.
What’s your optimal speed? How do you find and stay at your right speed? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Inertia Might Be Messing Me Up
“The focus of Lesson 1 is Newton’s first law of motion – sometimes referred to as the law of inertia. Newton’s first law of motion is often stated as: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.”
http://www.physicsclassroom.com/class/newtlaws/Lesson-1/Newton-s-First-Law
Does it ever feel like you can’t stop moving?
Even when you lie down to sleep your brain keeps going.
We’ve conditioned ourselves to go, go, go, and the more I experience life it seems like inertia might just be our enemy sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a person of action. I want to be busy getting things done – things that matter.
Here’s the problem: We are also directed to “be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
How can we be still when everything in us seems to be leaching forward?
The discipline of stillness takes intentionality. It takes purpose. It takes an all out resistance to our natural tendency to move.
According to Newton’s 1st Law of Motion, we actually need an unbalanced force to stop us or to change our direction.
I’ve experienced these kinds of unbalanced forces before. Like the time my wife was hospitalized leaving me with two young kids to care for while running around between home, the hospital, and work. Or like the time when I received a call from my Dad telling me my Mom had been diagnosed with “Early Onset Alzheimer’s Progression.”
Sometimes these unbalanced forces can seem catastrophic at the time. When we step back, these might actually be the things we need to re-calibrate us – to cause us to stop, to think, to be still.
Recently, I have felt inertia taking over in my life. Some of it is fantastic. But some things in my life require that unbalanced force to force me into a better pattern or position.
I’m not waiting for something catastrophic; I want to take the right next to step starting now. I want to slow down and even stop to take in life, to connect with my Creator, and to make sure I’m on the right path.
How about you? What helps you slow down when it seems like life is moving at a breakneck speed? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Heart Condition
What’s the condition of your heart?
Last Friday night, I met with my men’s group (DIBs – Dudes In the Basement) for our DIBs Fall Summit 2017. DIBs is a group of guys who have committed to meeting together for 20 years. We have 17 years left in our commitment. During the Summit, we focused on the condition of our hearts. After some food and ping-pong, we gathered to talk about our hearts.
When it was time for me to share, I confessed that I felt overly busy. I honestly left very little room for “being still and knowing that He is God” (Psalm 46:10). There are a lot of great things I am doing – Dynamic Marriage, Stretched Men Group, Rooftop Reflections book launch, new job in June at Siemens, H.O.P.E., etc. I shared that I had been having trouble sleeping over the course of the previous two or three weeks. I honestly believe I was dealing with the feeling of overwhelm.
In my sharing, I paraphrased Psalm 19:14 to fit my current condition and desire: May the words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart AND MY SCHEDULE AND MY TO DO LIST be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Does my schedule reflect a heart for God?
Do my thoughts reflect a heart for God?
Do my reactions and my actions reflect a heart for God?
Do my motives reflect a heart for God?
What am I doing to gain a better understanding of God’s heart?
How am I helping others see God’s heart?
These are all questions I believe are worth answering or at least pondering as I consider the condition of my own heart.
The men in the group challenged me to look at my schedule and consider what may need to go. Following the conversation, I realized I needed to start by giving up one activity that I was doing out of loyalty instead of out of passion.
In his book The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks encourages readers to give up living in their Zones of Competence and Excellence so they can live in their Zone of Genius. In order to live in this place, we must constantly be looking at our activities and commitments. We must do the hard work of finding where we are passions lie and getting rid of the other stuff.
I think this also applies to our heart. In what we do, think, read, say, etc. are we drawing closer to God’s heart?
What’s the condition of your heart?
4 Lessons From My Recent Failure
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”
Henry Ford
This month I failed.
At the end of July, I signed up for Ellory Wells’ 31 Day Writing Challenge with the intent of writing a new blog post every day during the month of August. I started on the right foot with several new blog posts. Then the wheels fell off my ride of best intentions during the second week of August, and I’ve struggled to regain momentum since then. When it comes to the Writing Challenge, I am a failure.
Now, I could give you ten or twenty excuses as to why I failed. Do those excuses really matter? The facts are I did not even come close to writing every day in August. As I look back on August and on my weak efforts during the challenge, I’ve learned a lot.
Here is what I’ve learned as a result of my failure.
4 Lessons From My Recent Failure
- Intentions do not automatically translate into success. I have great intentions when it comes to a lot of things in my life. Unfortunately, I fall short in many of these areas of intention.
- Our actual actions indicate the reality of our priorities. My words in late July indicated that I wanted to make writing blog posts a priority; however, my writing output shows I may have let other things have a greater place in my priority pyramid. My family went on vacation to the Jersey Shore during the second week of August, and this trip was a priority for me. My job has required a lot of attention this month, and this was an important and necessary area of focus for me in August. Finally, I noticed that my fitness and overall health had slipped a little bit over the past few months. In the second half of August, I took steps to make my fitness and nutrition more of a priority.
- Accountability is essential to achieving the results we desire. I’m independent and self-motivated, but I need people in my life who will give me an encouraging word or a swift kick in the butt from time to time. I rely heavily on my wife, the guys in my small group, a few of my co-workers, and the people in my mastermind groups. They remind me to stay on track. They encourage me when I’m feeling discouraged. And they won’t let me wander off course for very long.
- It’s never too late to start over. When we experience failure in our lives, we have a couple of choices. We can let our failure define us. Or we can use our failures to motivate us. I’m making the second choice.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston Churchill
How have you responded to failure in your life? What lessons have you learned from your failures? Share your thoughts in the comments below.