A Chance To Promote My Wife

Can you do me a big favor?

Can you head over to my wife’s site (leannestolpe.com), and say hello?  (Click here.)

Leanne is a Life Purpose Coach, and she is passionate about helping moms discover and embrace their purpose.

If you are a mom or you know a mom, you should check out her blog on the site.  She writes a new post every week.  Her post this week is 5 Keys To Keeping Your Identity When You Become A Mom.  (Click here to get right to the post.)

If you sign up for her list, she will send you a FREE resource to help you confirm your purpose – 5 Signs You Found Your Purpose.

Leanne has a lot to offer moms who are struggling to find their purpose or who are struggling to make room for living out their purpose.

One more thing, could you send a message to some of the moms you know who might benefit from reading Leanne’s blog or talking to Leanne?

Thanks!!!

The Discipline Of Getting Feedback – 6 Steps For Getting The Feedback You Really Need

It’s impossible to read the label when you are inside the bottle.  You need somebody to speak into your life – someone who will read the label and tell you what is really on the inside.

Do you like getting feedback from others?

What kind of feedback do you like?

What kind of feedback do you really need?

Are you surrounding yourself with people who will tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear?

Stretching can be painful, and getting feedback from others can be a stretching experience.  And yet feedback is what we often need in order to grow – in order to recognize our gifts and shortcomings – and in order to live our life to the fullest.

With this in mind, I think it’s time we start practicing the discipline of getting feedback.

Today, I need your feedback, but first I want to give you some advice on practicing the discipline of getting feedback.  By using these six steps, you will keep stretching in a worthwhile direction.

6 Steps For Getting The Feedback You Really Need

1. Open up your mind and heart.  Do you really want to stretch and grow?  Are you really willing to listen to feedback even when it is hard to hear?  Before you even ask for feedback, you have to decide to be open to what you will hear from others.  Some feedback will be easy to hear.  And some feedback will be very difficult to process.
2. Ask people you trust.  Asking foolish people for feedback is like inviting people to throw tomatoes at you for the fun of throwing tomatoes.  But there is wisdom to be gained from those you can trust.
3. Examine the feedback.  Once you’ve received feedback from others, it’s important to evaluate the feedback.  Run it by others to see if the feedback is on target.  What feedback deserves attention, and what feedback should you ignore?
4. Filter out any off base feedback.  Once you’ve examined the feedback, get rid of the off base feedback.  Feedback that misses the mark will lead you to the wrong target if you decide to listen to it.
5. Take action on justified feedback.  Whatever is pure, trustworthy, and just deserves our attention.  Take corrective action on constructive feedback.  Continue to act on the things you are doing well, and stop doing the things you need to stop.  Make the necessary changes based on the feedback you receive (otherwise, you are wasting the time of those giving feedback).
6. Repeat the process.  Asking for feedback is not a once and done event.  Getting feedback is an endless process that should be followed again and again.  So go back to step one and start it all over.

Now that I’ve laid out these six steps for getting the feedback you really need, it’s my turn to ask for your feedback.

I’m in the process of evaluating my writing focus and I really need your help.  I am going through this exercise to help me stretch and to help others stretch.  I started this process by asking myself to write down the names of 20 people who I think could truly, genuinely benefit from what I have to say.  I filled a page in my journal with these names.  Then I spent time considering the most common questions people ask me.  Here are a few of the questions that came to my mind:

• How do you have time to do everything you do?  (And when do you sleep?)
• When are you going back to Guatemala?  (And can I come?)
• How did you and your wife raise such great kids?
• When is your next book coming out?
• How did you get into that (home-brewing, chicken-farming, blog-writing, etc.)?
• Do you have any advice for long distance running?
• How do you stay so positive all the time?
• Can you be my mentor?
• How do you stay so consistent?
• What have you done to get to where you are now (and what do I need to do to get there myself)?
• How do you live out your faith in a faithless, fallen world?

To confirm I’m on the right track (or to add to the list), I have been intentionally asking the 20 people on my life (and a few other people) to give me feedback.  I’ve been asking them this question:  “If you could ask me any question, what would the question be?  In what area of my experience do you think I could help you?”

It’s a little scary to ask these questions, but it’s an experience I need to have.  I need this feedback to make sure I am on the right track.  I need this feedback to help me see what is on the inside of my bottle.

And it’s feedback I need from you as well.  I value your feedback as a reader and participant in The Stretched Community.  And so, I leave you with this question, and I hope you will take time to leave me a comment.  I need you to help read the label on my bottle.

If you could ask me any question, what would the question be?  In what area of my experience do you think I could help you? 

Please take time to leave your response in the comments.

Ice Breaker – I Didn’t Do It!

Each week on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

Question:  What is something you’ve never done that you think everyone else has done?

My Answer:  I’ve never seen Gone With The Wind.  I’ve never been to Waffle House.  And I’ve never been able to water ski successfully.

Today’s question made me think of the Veggie Tales’ song, We Are The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.  As you consider your answer to today’s question, enjoy some comic relief from Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, and the rest of the veggies.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!

Small Steps To Big Leaps – Getting Outside Our Comfort Zones

I consider myself to be fairly athletic.  I can hold my own on the basketball court, the football field, the baseball diamond, and the bowling alley.  I even do well in the swimming pool.  I can post up a player or block a shot in a basketball game thanks to my height.  I love running a fade pattern to the corner of the end zone while playing a game of pickup football.  I can hit a line drive up the middle for a single.  And with a little practice, I’m pretty sure I could bowl over 200 again.

Despite my athletic abilities, I am terrible when it comes to board sports.  I can’t skate board.  I’m fairly shaky on snow skis and water skis.  And ice skating and roller skating are just as bad.  Part of it has to do with my high center of gravity.  When I fall, it’s a long way down and a painful landing.

Needless to say, I’m more than a little timid when it comes to trying any kind of new board sports.

Have you ever been scared to try something new?

Maybe your past experiences have left you feeling hesitant to cross the boundaries of your comfort zone.  Your fears and anxieties may be preventing you from having the time of your life.

I went to Ocean City, Maryland this weekend with my family to relax and spend time with some good friends.  The weekend included many memorable moments.

My friend, John, has a paddle board, and he was insistent that I give it a try.

A paddle board looks like a long, wide surfboard.  Riders stand on the board and use a long paddle to maneuver the board through the water.  Balance is essential to successfully staying on the board.

I watched him try it first.  Then I encouraged my younger and more agile daughter to give it a try, and she did a great job navigating the calm waters of the lagoon behind John’s house.

Next, it was my turn.  I voiced my concern about trying this new thing.  The sight of jellyfish in the lagoon did not do a lot to comfort me as I considered the strong possibility of me joining them in the water below the paddle board.  Nonetheless, I had to give it a try.

I found my way from the dock to the board, and I quickly started to tip the board.  I sat back down on the dock for a moment to reconsider my decision.  I decided to give it another try, and I stood back up on the board.  I gently pushed away from the dock, and I felt my legs shaking as I tried to stay on the right side of the paddle board.  I made a small circle, and tried to come back to the dock, but John wouldn’t let me.  I looped around again, and I went a little further out into the lagoon.  Before I knew it, I was standing up a little straighter, and I was beginning to lift my head up so I could enjoy the view.  I stayed out in the lagoon for ten or fifteen minutes (maybe it was only five minutes), but I did it!

I could have said “No” when John asked me to give it a try, but I’m glad I said “Yes.”

It’s natural to be afraid of trying new things like this.  We all have boundaries in which we feel comfortable.  Sometimes though, it’s necessary to get outside of our comfort zone.  Taking an adventure on a paddle board is something that will help me overcome my hesitations when I face a bigger fear in the future.  The paddle board experience is really just practice for getting outside my comfort zone.

I don’t know what fears and anxieties you face today.  I don’t know where the boundaries are on your comfort zone, but I’d like to challenge you today to take one small step to push the boundaries on your comfort zone.

Get off the dock and onto the paddle board.  Take a leap of faith and try something outside your comfort zone TODAY!

When was the last time you pushed the limits of your comfort zone?  What is your next step in getting outside your comfort zone?  Tell me about it in the comments.

Rediscovering Community When We Find Ourselves Feeling Lonely

When I started blogging nearly eight years ago, I didn’t know what I was getting into.  My friend, Frank Chiapperino, encouraged me to sign-up for my first blog and start writing.  And so, I did.  I wrote about my family.  I wrote about small group ministry.  And I wrote about things that stretched me.

As I continued the writing journey, I started connecting with people.  I met several people who started leaving comments on my blog, and I met other people as I ventured into the blog world to discover other writers and commenters from across the country and around the world.  Despite the lack of face time with these fellow members of the blog world, I could feel a sense of community developing.  We began encouraging each other and connecting on other platforms.  We started exchanging guest posts.  And we directed friends and followers to others in the online community.

I remember the sense of connection I felt with people from all over the world.  People like Larry Carter, Chad Jones, Joshua Rivers, Bill Grandi, and many, many others became friends.  I even remember feeling a sense of connection with more prominent bloggers like Michael Hyatt, Chris LoCurto, Jeff Goins, and Jon Acuff.

This continued for a while until it seemed like the community I was experienced was steamrolled by a massive drive to grow traffic, email lists, and followers.  I’ll admit I am guilty of this, and I’m sure many of my fellow blogging friends were too.  A few prominent bloggers like Michael Hyatt stopped accepting comments on their blogs.  Countless business and blogging coaches began advertising with more focus tips and tricks for growing email lists and income.  The blog world became less and less personal as it morphed into a business.  In addition to this, the blogging and podcasting world continued to fill up with more and more creators.  I kept subscribing to more blogs and more podcasts, and I slowly began to disconnect from the community I had come to love.

Am I connecting with any of you?

Monday night, I decided to try something a little different.  I decided to give Google Hangouts a try.  I went down my contact list and connected with a friend from Arizona, Chad Jones.  After a few minutes of passing text messages back and forth, we connected by video.  We had shared emails and comments before things became too busy for both of us, but this was the first time we connected face-to-face (through the computer).  We talked for several minutes about writing, about our families, and about our jobs.  We shared prayer requests before we signed off.  There was something restoring about this conversation.

After our video call ended, we continued the conversation on Twitter.  Here’s how it went:

Chad Jones ‏@randomlychad  Very cool catching up with @jonstolpe on @google #hangouts

Jon Stolpe ‏@jonstolpe  Right back at you @randomlychad It was a blast hanging with you @google #hangout

Chad Jones ‏@randomlychad  @jonstolpe Reminded me of why I got into blogging back in the day: the community. I think that’s part of what’s been missing.

Jon Stolpe ‏@randomlychad I think you are on to something. You and I can make a difference by making community happen. #LetsDoIt

Over the past few months, I have felt the loneliness that Dorothy Day talks about in the opening quote when it comes to the blogging community.  I know I could point fingers at those around me who seem to be falling off the map.  But I think a lot of the responsibility to experience this community rests on me.  I’m the one responsible for pursuing community.  I believe I was made to be in community, and you were too!

Pursuing and experiencing community requires commitment and intentional actions.  It means carving out time for others.  It means turning off the noise and pruning down the list of people we follow, so we can find meaningful connection.  The internet gives us the opportunity to connect with a global community.  This is a good thing, but let’s not forget to pursue depth in our relationships.

This is how we will conquer the loneliness that sometimes creeps into our lives.

Are you feeling lonely?  What’s missing from your life?  How are you experiencing meaningful connection and community in your life?  Tell me about it in the comments.

Ice Breaker – Take A Hike

Each week on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

Tonight, we are dropping off my son with a bunch of other Boy Scouts, and we won’t see him for two weeks.  He flies into Denver tomorrow where he will get used to the altitude by going white water rafting and visiting a few other spots.  Then he will be heading to Philmont, the largest scout reservation in the world, where he will be hiking ~80 miles over the course of ten days with other boys from his crew.  From what we have heard, this will be a life changing experience for him.  This week’s Ice Breaker is inspired by my son’s upcoming adventure.

Question:  What is the longest distance you have ever walked or run?

My Answer:  I’ve run three marathons, and all three included a little bit of walking to go with lots of running.  A marathon is 26.2 miles.  This is probably the longest I have gone on foot in one shot.  If you add up miles over a few days, I think I did 35-45 miles on the Appalachian Trail over the course of three days when I was in high school.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!

Book Review: Talk Like Ted by Carmine Gallo (@cgalloacademy)

This book wasn’t even on my radar until I received a package from my friend Ellory Wells.  In the package, Ellory included Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds by Carmine Gallo with a note inside:

Jon,

I’ve never read this book, but I’ve heard wonderful things!  I know you want to be a speaker.  You ARE a speaker!  If you want to read this book together, let me know; I got myself a copy too. 🙂

See you on stage!

Ellory Wells

I’m glad Ellory sent me the book, and I’m thankful for the note in the front of the book as well.

Talk Like TED is an inspiring and educational read for anyone who does presentations or who wants to present to others.  In Talk Like TED, Carmine Gallo unpacks the research he compiled by studying the most successful TEDTalk speakers.  He shares stories and statistics in a way that will help speakers take their craft to the next level.

This was the perfect book for me as I consider future speaking opportunities.  Talk Like TED gave me nine “secrets” to improving my speaking, and it gave me hours of TEDTalk presentations to review to help me refine my skills.

If you are a pastor, a teacher, a manager, or a presenter of any kind, I’d recommend picking up a copy of Talk Like TED.  If you are a writer, I’d also recommend this book as I believe it will improve your blogs, books, and other writing endeavors.  If you have a message that needs to be heard, this book will help you package your message in a way that will get people to listen.

Here are a few of the quotes I highlighted as I read the book:

• “Ideas, effectively packaged and delivered, can change the world.”
• “Great communicators reach your head and touch your heart.”
• “People cannot inspire others unless and until they are inspired themselves.”
• “If you want to help someone, shut up and listen.”
• “Our brains are more active when we hear stories.”
• “An authentic presentation requires hours of work – digging deeper into your soul than you ever have, choosing the right words that best represent the way you feel about your topic, delivering those words for maximum impact, and making sure that your nonverbal communication – your gestures, facial expressions, and body language – are consistent with your message.”
• “Don’t take yourself (or your topic) too seriously.  The brain loves humor.  Give your audience something to smile about.”
• “You don’t need luck to be an inspiring speaker.  You need examples, techniques, passion, and practice.  You also need courage – the courage to follow your passion, articulate your ideas simply, and express what makes your heart sing.”

How do you feel about public-speaking?   When was the last time you spoke in public?  How did it go?  Tell me about it in the comments.

(Please note:  I received a copy of Talk Like TED for free as a gift from my friend, Ellory Wells.  I was not required to provide a favorable review.  I truly believe this book can be a helpful tool for taking your speaking opportunities to the next level.

Also to note:  There are affiliate links in this post.  Should you purchase Talk Like TED by clicking one of these links, I receive a small percentage of the purchase.  These funds are used to support The Stretched Blog and to extend ministry and missions to Guatemala.  Thank you!)

Jordan Spieth, The Masters, Camping, and Track – Reflections From A Father, Son, and Grandson

Yesterday, Jordan Spieth became the second youngest player ever to win the coveted green jacket by winning The Masters in August, GA.  Due to a busy weekend camping with Isaac and helping out at Hannah’s track meet, I didn’t have an opportunity to keep up with the golf tournament until the very last few holes.  I always enjoy watching moments like these.  I love hearing the stories of athletes and their families.  And I enjoy seeing how the athletes respond to their victories (and defeats).

(Coincidentally, Jordan Spieth went to the same high school in Dallas, TX that my youngest brother attended.)

Many of his competitors praised Jordan for his play over the four-day tournament, and they commented on the great things to come for this 21-year-old.  The commentators were very gracious in describing the journey Spieth has taken to get to this moment.  When he finished up the final short putt on the final hole, he leaned over to reflect on the moment.  He hugged his caddy and shook hands with Justin Rose.  Then he handed his putter over to his caddy and headed to a small section of spectators standing at the edge of the green.  The spectators included his mom, dad, brother, girlfriend, and his grandpa.  For a brief moment, Jordan and his grandfather embraced.  His grandpa had some words for Jordan.  I wish I could capture them for the blog, but it was clear he was expressing his pride and perhaps passing down some wisdom to his young grandson.

Above all else, this is the moment I’ll remember about this year’s Masters tournament.  To me, it brought similar emotions that well up inside me every time I see the end of Field of Dreams when Kevin Costner’s character shares a moment with his dad.

Life has spread my family apart.  I live in eastern Pennsylvania.  My parents and youngest brother live in Dallas, TX.  My middle brother and his family live in Milwaukee, WI.  My only living grandfather lives in Minneapolis, MN.  And the rest of my family lives anywhere from a five-hour drive away to a long plane ride to Guam where my cousin is stationed in the Navy.

I have learned to accept these conditions.  And yet, there is something inside me that longs for the embrace of my dad or my grandpa when I experience life’s victories and defeats.  I will never win The Masters, but I want to experience in person the pride and wisdom of my parents and grandfather when I publish my first book, when I celebrate a big promotion, or when I experience one of life’s many milestones.

As I look back on this weekend, it was an opportunity for me to do this with my own kids.  On Friday night, I jumped in the car right after work with Isaac to go camping with him and his scout troop at a local scout reservation.  On Saturday morning, I woke up early to head back to our high school to help out with Hannah’s track meet.  I had the privilege of celebrating her best mile time ever and observe her interaction with a very interested college coach and recruiter.  I headed back to the scout reservation for dinner and a night of camping with Isaac.  There are not always long conversations exchanged during these types of events, but I was so thankful to observe and to celebrate the victories and milestones of my children.

I’m learning again and again that our time of parenting only seems to accelerate as time goes along.  Hannah is finishing up her junior year in high school and is looking forward to college, and Isaac is right behind her as he finishes up his freshman year in high school.  I want to make the most of these moments and opportunities.  I want to rejoice and pass along wisdom when my kids experience a victory, and I want to be there when they experience defeat and need a shoulder to lean on.  And I want to be there for years to come.  Will this happen?  I don’t know.  I know God has big plans in store for both my kids, and I believe He still has big plans in store for Leanne and me as we move onto the next stage of our married lives.  May we listen to God’s direction and be open to his promptings in the days, weeks, and years to come.

Congrats Jordan Spieth on your victory, and thank you for sharing the moments with your family and with the world!

What moments have you celebrated with your family?

Search And Rescue

After dinner, we all scattered to work on school work and projects around the house.  As I was cleaning the carpets in our living room, it started to pour.  Hannah noticed our screen door was open, and she cleaned up the wet floor in our kitchen after she closed the door.

A few minutes later, Isaac started looking for Iso.  We all looked at each other as we simultaneously realized our furry friend was outside in the downpour.  Isaac quickly made his way outside where he found a soaking wet black lab patiently waiting to be rescued.

We all face storms in our lives.

We all need to be rescued.

The good thing is God has not forgotten us.  He desires to rescue us and bring us to safety.  We simply have to reach out and grab His hand.

Rise up and help us; rescue us because of your unfailing love.  Psalm 44:26

Have you ever hit a point of desperation?  Have you ever been rescued?  Tell us about it in the comments.

Video Blog: Table Topics – Spring and St. Patrick’s Day

The past few Wednesdays have featured video posts.  This provides an opportunity to practice my speaking and to try something different.  Here is today’s video post.  After you watch the video, answer the questions in the comments.

Questions for the comments:

1.  Why are you excited about spring?

2.  What would you do with the gold in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

3.  Tell us about a time when you felt like luck was on your side.

4.  St. Patrick is the patron saint of engineers, and he was a missionary to Ireland.  What is your mission?  Where are you serving?

Watch the video to hear my responses.