It’s So Hard to Say “No”
Tonight, I said “No” to something. I stink at saying this word. I don’t want to let people down. I didn’t see “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey. But I’m guessing this movie would fit me. I would just rather say yes and avoid the whole no thing all together.
For we people pleasers, it’s probably important to realize that “No” is not an evil word. “No” can be the best way to prioritize things in life that need to be a “Yes.” “No” can be a way to say “not now” but “maybe later.” “No” can be the way to make sure you’re not doing things half-way. “No” keeps us and others safe.
In my case, I’m pretty sure it will be a “Yes” later, but for now “No” it is. And that’s okay!
Zip It!!! Be Slow to Speak…
There are many examples of public figures speaking before they think. Last night, Republican Representative Joe Wilson from South Carolina put aside political appropriateness when he was quick to call President Obama a liar during his televised speech on health care reform to Congress. Several weeks ago, President Obama was called on the carpet after he accused the Cambridge, MA police force of acting “stupidly” in the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. I’d like to think that both of these men regretted opening their mouths before thinking after they said these things.
It’s easy to point the finger at these public figures – after all, leaders are expected to be above reproach, and they should know better. And they are easy targets. Upon further thought, I know we’re all guilty of this kind of speaking without thinking. I was reminded today of a time when I was in junior high, and I was at a dress rehearsal for a musical that I was in at our church. Believe it or not, I was selected to sing a solo (who would have thought). As a result, I was equipped with a wireless microphone. During one of our breaks while I was in the men’s room, I said some things that I later regretted. When I returned from the break, I discovered from one of the sound people that my initial words were shared loud and clear in the sanctuary thanks to the wonders of wireless technology. Thankfully, they quickly muted my microphone. But it didn’t stop the feeling of embarrassment and regret that swept over me when I found out.
In all the cases above (including mine), the regret came after being caught. Did we ever stop to think that God can hear us even if no one else can? Did we ever stop to examine our hearts. I’m reminded of two passages that speak to this. First, in the first few verses of Psalm 139, we’re told that not only does God know our words but he even knows our thoughts:
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
Secondly, in the first chapter of James, instructions our given that we should be slow to speak:
19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Sounds easy? I’m not so sure. I know that my thoughts and words are not always what they should be. So where do I go from here? I think it starts with being more in tuned to God, becoming more aware of times we think and say things that aren’t appropriate, and seeking God to help make a change.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
Slow Down, You’re Moving Too Fast
Do you ever feel like you’re too busy? I have felt that way more recently. With three weekends in a row where I am away from home and with a busy schedule during the week while I’m home, I am certainly feeling like life may be too busy. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy most of the stuff that I’ve been doing – trip to Texas to see my brother graduate from University of North Texas, trip to the Poconos to go camping with some of the best friends a guy could ever have, trip to Elk Neck State Park to camp with the Cub Scouts, piano lessons, Cub Scout meetings, picnics with friends, etc. I just wonder if life sometimes gets in the way of living the way we were meant to live.
Getting away from everything allows you to put things into perspective. At my recent camping trip up in the Poconos, we were each asked the question: “What are three things that you want to do in the next year – until we meet again?” So how did I answer this question?
1. I want to figure out where I fit into leading and serving at my church. This past year has been a bit challenging for me related to my involvement with the small group ministry at my church. Many aspects of what I’ve been through have caused me pain and perhaps disillusionment (if that’s a word) that I could not imagine. Despite this, I’m convinced that it’s important to be involved in our local church.
2. I want to be more intentional in my time at home between 5:30PM and bedtime. This does not need a huge explanation other than I do not want to waste the time I have with my wife and kids. They mean way too much to me!
3. I want to get back into some kind of regular exercise routine. I’ve used the excuse of my new position at work long enough (I’ve been in the position for a year and two months). For one, I want to lose a few pounds (5-10 would be just fine). Secondly, I want to be in decent shape, so I can enjoy many years with my wife, my kids, and hopefully someday my grand kids (whoa, did I just say that). Finally, I want to set a good example for my kids for their own fitness and health. It’s not that I haven’t been exercising – I still run. It’s just more sporadic now than it used to be – one week I run five days – the next week I’m lucky if I get in one run. I think having a goal race or event will help me to achieve this goal.
So getting back to my initial paragraph, I’m not sure what the answer is to my busy life. It’s hard to make decisions that will carve away things I like to do. I certainly do not want the three things above to add more busyness to my busyness. I guess I just want my priorities to be in the right order. I want to live a fulfilled life and not a filled life.
More wrestling to do…
Topper
Did you ever meet someone like this? A topper? This is the guy who has done things more extreme, more difficult, more challenging, more horrific, more hilarious, more…, more…, more….
I have a confession to make. I’m one of those guys. This is a tough one to overcome. Any advice? I don’t really want to be like that.
Just keepin’ it real!
We’re All Terminally Ill. Do We Live Like It?
This was my Facebook status a few days ago. Seems kind of morbid at first, but let me explain.
I was actually sitting in a meeting with some other managers when someone mentioned that the wife of one of our technical personnel was terminally ill. It got me thinking, I wonder how knowing this impacts his family? I wonder how they are living their lives knowing this important detail. Then it suddenly hit me. In a way, we’re all terminal. Our days on earth are but a blink. We’re really only here on earth for a short period of time.
I Peter 1:24,25 says “For ‘All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever.’ And this is the word that was preached to you.”
Isaiah 40:6-8 says “A voice says, ‘Cry out.’ And I said, ‘What shall I cry?’ ‘All people are like grass, and all human faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.'”
I don’t think these verses were meant to throw us into a state of depression. I do however think they were meant to remind us that there is one God, and we’re not the one. We will all face death at some point in our lives (and I’m guessing it will come on us sooner than we expected). What kind of legacy will we leave? What in our lives needs to take more of a priority? What relationships do we need to work on with more energy? How should we spend our time? How will we share the reason for our faith? How will we let others know about Christ and about our hope for eternity? These are some of the questions that really matter.
In getting to know people, I like to ask some crazy questions – some call it the famous “Stolpe Hot Seat” questions. One of the questions that I often ask is this, “If you knew that you only had 30 days left to live, what would you do? How would you live your life differently? Would you change anything?”
You see, we’re all terminally ill. Do we live like it?
Psalm 57
This hasn’t been the easiest week for me. Without going into any major detail, I’ve kind of experienced the end of a long time area of involvement in my life this week. It’s been tough. I’ve been left with a lot to process.
Despite many of my feelings, emotions, and thoughts, I have truly been praying for God to be glorified and exalted. Interesting for me this morning, I read Psalm 57. In this Psalm, David acknowledges God and His purpose for himself despite the challenges that he is facing at the time. I want to have this kind of heart.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. 2 I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me. 3 He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness. 4 I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts—men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords. 5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. 6 They spread a net for my feet—I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path—but they have fallen into it themselves. 7 My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. 8 Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. 9 I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. 10 For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. 11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.
2009 Goals
As I stated in my previous post, I’m a very goal oriented person. So as I look to a new year, I naturally am all about setting goals. Why do I do this? Good question. For one, having goals helps push me towards progress.
As I’ve thought about my goal setting for 2009, I am challenged to identify personal goals that will help me grow – first and foremost in my path towards becoming a fully devoted follower of Christ.
I think one of the ways to help this progress is to be consistent in God’s Word. There are several great tools for helping in this. First, obviously is to get a Bible. Duh! I recommend a readable version especially if you’re new to reading the Bible – perhaps Today’s New International Version. A couple of year’s ago, I used The Message, a version by Eugene Peterson. This past year, I used the Revised Standard Version (using the studylight website). My plan this year is to use the bible reader program that is part of YouVersion.com. Along with the reading plan that is offered as part of this website, there is a place where you can journal about your thoughts and points of learning related to the passage. I have recently found this very useful as I have been reading through the book of I Timothy.
Another way of pursing this growth is to hang out with others who are serious about making strides in their own paths towards Christ. I’m looking forward to starting a new group next Sunday with a group of guys who share this desire. We will be using Discipleship Essentials by Greg Ogden as a starting point for our discussion. I’m looking forward to the accountability, fellowship, and growth that will result as this group develops.
One area where I’d really like to see some growth from a spiritual aspect is in my prayer life. I’m still figuring this out. More thoughts on this to follow.
Obviously, I have other goals related to physical, parenting, marital, financial, and miscellaneous growth, and I hope to share more of those things in a future post. But I thought it was important to lay out some of the details related to spiritual growth first.
What are your goals for 2009?
2008 Highlights
I am a goal oriented person. I set goals. I strive after them. I achieve as many as possible. This has been a busy year for me personally. Before I look at my goals for next year, I want to capture some of the highlights from a year that has been marked by transitions, new challenges, and growth. So here goes:
January –
started a marriage focused small group
took a family field trip to the Philadelphia Museum of Art
started playing the saxophone again with lessons at Providence School of Music
February –
enjoyed Isaac’s basketball season at the YMCA
saw The Bucket List – a new top ten movie for me
read Execution
March –
started in a new management position at Siemens
April –
became an uncle for the third time with the arrival of Elizabeth Rose Stolpe
read Getting Rid of the Gorilla by Brian Jones
May –
became an uncle for the fourth time with the arrival of Ashlyn Grace Anderson
went camping with my Mt. Holly, NJ buddies
June –
Leanne started a new job as director of the Providence Christian Preschool
hosted a spring recital at our house
vacationed (Ala motorhome) in Wisconsin with the Stolpe clan
July –
volunteered at our church‘s Stretch camp for middle schoolers
saw Les Miserbles at the Walnut Street Theater with my lovely wife
August –
went the whole month without watching any TV (did I mention that I missed the Olympics)
visited the Reading Terminal Market
went to the Pheasant Field Bed and Breakfast with Leanne
went to a Phillies game with some Mt. Holly, NJ friends
went family camping with the Willem, Travis, and Grover families
ran the Legs for Lindsey 5K with Hannah
September –
apparently not much happened this month – although I’m sure that’s not true
October –
vacationed in Hilton Head, SC with the Lomicka side of the family
went to Willow Creek for the Group Life Conference with my buddy Frank
enjoyed State Fair at the WST
celebrated the Phillies world championship!!!
November –
read I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt by Vince Antonucci
voted in historic presidential election
ran the Latrobe Turkey Trot 5K with the kids
enjoyed Hairspray at the WST
December –
wrestled through the joys and pains of launching a new small groups approach at CCV
celebrated Christmas
No wonder I feel exhausted!
Looking forward to next year…
Psalms 139
This evening for some reason, I was reminded of this passage from Psalms 139. It is encouraging to know that God is always there for me. God knows me better than I know myself. Not only that, but God is the one true constant in my life. God is my rock. I can always depend on God. I need that reminder.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, [a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Slow Down
Good morning! I just got off the treadmill at home. Nothing like running fast and getting no where. Do you ever feel like this? Last week was one of those week’s that was just non-stop for me. Monday night, we set up tables and chairs for the Providence Christian Preschool Thanksgiving Feast. Tuesday night, I was in Valley Forge for a PSPE dinner. Wednesday night, Isaac and I were at this Cub Scouts den meeting. Thursday night, I had a coaches’ meeting for the groups ministry at CCV. Friday night, Isaac had basketball practice. Saturday night, Hannah played in a Strings Fest concert. And this doesn’t even mention work or any of the other details.
As you can see I was busy last week. This kind of reminds me of something I picked up from Vince Antonucci‘s book – I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt. In his chapter titled “Speed,” Vince admits to the same problem that I have. In general, we both like doing things at 150 miles an hour. Do one thing. On to the next. Sometimes two or more things at once. Fast. Faster. Faster!
Vince’s thought on this problem is interesting. If you read the gospels, can you ever remember a time that Jesus was in a hurry? No seriously, think about that for a moment. Look it up if you wish. I don’t think you’ll find it. Jesus had three years of productive ministry, and it doesn’t seem like he was ever in a rush. His speed was more like 3 miles an hour. Think about that for a moment. The speed of love, the speed of Jesus, is just 3 miles an hour! Sounds like I need to slow down. Now that’s the challenge.
Actually, I’m looking forward to slowing down a bit later this week as we celebrate Thanksgiving.
Until the next post, slow down – you’re moving too fast…