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Limitless

Today, I am blessed to share a guest post from Tara Watson. Tara is a wife, mom, friend, and fellow blogger. This year, she started blogging about her weight loss journey, but I think it’s turned into so much more. I would highly encourage you to check out her blog (Chewing The Fat On Skinny) and become one of her readers. Today, Tara shares about changing her view from CANNOT to CAN DO! I love what she writes below. Check it out, and let me know what you think by sending me a comment.

(I’m always looking for guest bloggers to share on Jon Stolpe Stretched. Let me know if you’re interested in writing a guest post. Thanks!)

When Jon asked me to be a guest blogger I thought, that’s like Picasso saying ‘Tara, come on over and we’ll sketch for a while’, because I consider Jon a fantastic writer. And then I thought “why not?”

When I was pondering about what was stretching me, plenty of things came to mind, but one thing came to the top of my mind. I’m reading this (fiction) book about an overachieving working mother of three whose life is turned upside-down after she sustains a traumatic brain injury (uplifting eh?). This (truly inspiring) book follows her journey before, during and after the injury. At one point during the book, she is in the hospital doing her physical therapy, feeling sorry for herself, and on the road to Doomsville as she calls it. Then she has an a-ha! moment. She realizes that she has been focusing on what she can’t do instead of what she CAN do. And this really changes how she approaches not only her recovery but her life.

This story, for many reasons, really resonates with me. I am an overachieving working mother of two who happens to have a neurological illness. I was diagnosed with this illness in 2002, and it has gotten worse over the past few years. It’s called trigeminal neuralgia/atypical facial pain (isn’t that a mouthful). It causes me to experience a variety of pains in the right hand side of my head from pinching and pulling, to feeling like someone is driving nails in my head, to stop you in your tracks lightning bolts of pain. I am now on a (mostly) successful treatment program that has helped reduce the frequency and intensity of the attacks, but it still very much impacts how I can live my life.

Some of my pain triggers are cold weather, hot weather, stress, noise, surprise, crying, laughing, going to the dentist…pretty much every day living. 😉 This impacts what kind of job I can hold, what I can do with my kids, and what kind of volunteer work I help with. It limits the time I can enjoy being outside doing hobbies, going to concerts, and doing adventurous things. Truth be told, if I sat down and made a list of what I can’t do because of this illness I’d most likely need some tissues and chocolate.

Instead, just like the character in the book, I am choosing to focus on what I CAN do. I can be a loving Mom, a compassionate wife, a giving family member, a kind friend and a helpful co-worker. I can hug, love, laugh, cry, jump, run, see and feel. I can dance, exercise, read, do my job well, and be crafty and funny. I CAN do soooo many more things than I cannot. Another thing I can do is to look at myself through God’s eyes.

You see, God doesn’t look at what we can’t do because he knows what we CAN do. He knows the very essence of who we are. He doesn’t see our limits, He sees us as limitless. He doesn’t see handicaps or illness, skin color or gender. He sees our beauty, talent and our untapped potential. God knows our faults and flaws, and He loves us anyway. And He has great plans for us, if only we would believe.

When I think about God’s great love for me and what He sees in me, the idea of cannot is erased. If God believes in me, I need to believe in me too. I need to love me like God loves me and accept that what I cannot do does not limit me, it defines me. You see, life’s pain and troubles refine me into exactly who God wants me to be.

This week, I ask you to take stock in how you are living your life. Are you focusing on what you cannot do? Chasing after things that you cannot have?

Or are you living in the can-do? Remove the self-imposed limits you put on your life, focus on the little and big things that you CAN do, and realize that with God by your side and in your heart, you are limitless!

What Every Small Group Leader Should Know

WHAT EVERY SMALL GROUP LEADER SHOULD KNOW

Do you want to become a stronger leader?

Are you involved in group life ministry?

Next month, I’ve been invited to speak at a small group leader gathering at our church. I’ve been asked to share my top 10 list of things that every small group leader should know. I’m excited about this opportunity. If you haven’t figured it out, I’m extremely passionate about small groups. I truly believe they can provide a path for connection to others and to God. I also believe that small groups play an important role in accountability and discipleship. So I haven’t formulated my full list, but I’ve begun to process what I will share.

1. The small group leaders are important. They play a big part in helping people find community, find God, and find growth. If you are a small group leader, you need to know that what you do matters.

2. Small group leaders set the tone. Whether or not you consider yourself a Biblical scholar, your group members look to you as an example. For this reason, it’s important that small group leaders continue to model growth. They should be in the Word. They should develop disciplines that model growth. Small group leaders aren’t perfect, but they must find others who will hold them accountable to setting the tone.

3. Small groups are not about small group leaders. Small groups aren’t meant to showcase your incredible “holiness” or biblical knowledge. Small groups aren’t meant to show off how great you are as a leader. Small groups are about the group – about pointing people to God.

4. Small group leaders aren’t supposed to live on an island. Leaders must find ways to stay strong and spiritually fervent. They must also have a support team to provide guidance when small group life gets tough – and it usually will.

5. Small group leaders must be invitational. Intimacy and transparency in groups can be great, but it shouldn’t be an excuse not to invite others into the group. I’m a big proponent of the “open chair” policy in small groups. If you’re a small group leader, set the tone. Make sure there is always an open chair in your group for new group members and guests. Talk about it with your group. Don’t let it be optional.

These are just some of my initial thoughts. I’d love to hear what you think.

What would you add to the list? What do you think every small group leader should know?

Book Review: Hell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It) by Brian Jones

Brian Jones‘ third book, Hell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It), came out a few weeks ago. In Hell Is Real, Brian takes a different look at the topic of hell than other recent books that have raised some eyebrows like Love Wins by Rob Bell and responses to Bell’s book like Francis Chan‘s Erasing Hell.

Brian opens the book by explaining his own four-year period following seminary when he didn’t believe in hell. From here, Brian goes on to explain that not only is hell real, but many people are heading there if they don’t find Christ and decide to follow Him. He also shares his belief that many Christ followers lack what he calls apocalyptic urgency – an all-consuming urgency that hell is real and Christ’s message must be shared. The real motive behind Brian’s latest book is to provide encouragement and practical tools for Christ followers to share their faith with others and to help save them from the eternal wrath of hell.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t crazy about the title of this book when I first picked it up. The titles of Brian’s first two books, Second Guessing God and Getting Rid of the Gorilla, made more sense to me initially. But after reading Hell Is Real, I get it now. Hell Is Real is a quick read as Brian uses his story telling skills to weave stories in with his overall message. But Hell Is Real is also very challenging. I finished the book pondering and challenged to examine my relationships and to be strategic in sharing the message of Christ.

I definitely recommend Hell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It). I think it will change the way you think about sharing your faith.

How would you change the way you live if you really grasped the fact that your time left on earth was fading quickly?

(If you’re interested in getting small group discussion guides for Hell Is Real or other materials for making the most of your read, go to the website for the book by clicking here. My small group is using the small group questions found at this site to discuss this topic.)

“Have You Ever Thought About Writing A Book?”

I’ve had multiple people ask me recently if or when I was going to write a book. I guess I’m somewhat flattered. And if I’m completely honest, the idea has crossed my mind. After all, it would be an honor to follow in my dad’s footsteps as he as written some books to go along with his articles, studies, countless sermons, and other writing adventures. (I remember my dad typing away at his typewriter and old word processor in our basement as he diligently worked towards a publisher’s deadline.)

I’ve thought about what I would write about and several ideas have crossed my mind, but I haven’t settled on one thing that says, “That’s it!” yet. Here are some of my crazy ideas:

1. Stretched – This could kind of me a compilation of my blog posts along with other stretch stories. I’m not sure how it would all tie together, but it’s one thought.

2. Why? – This would be my side of the story related to dealing with mental illness in my family. Maybe this could be the story of discovering HOPE in the midst of HEARTACHE. This one scares me as it would force me to revisit areas of my life that consist of pain and fear and lots of emotional scar tissue.

3. Memoir – This would simply be stories of my journey. Would this idea really be all that appealing to anyone but my mom?

4. Something along my passion path – connection, community, leadership, integrity, grace…

When I think about writing a book, I have a lot of other questions. Like why should I consider writing a book? I write my blog for three main reasons: 1. To process out loud some of the stuff that’s going on in my head. My blog is for me. 2. To honor God. I want my writing to bring God glory. 3. To help other people. Whether it’s making people laugh or just giving some encouragement, I want to help people connect and move closer to God.

In writing a book, I would think that these reasons still apply.

Would people really read a book written by Jon Stolpe? Writing a book and trying to get a book published sounds like so much work. Am I really ready for that?

These are some of my thoughts. Maybe someday, you’ll order your copy of my book on Amazon. Until then, keep connecting here at Jon Stolpe Stretched. (Thanks!)

What do you think? Have you ever written a book? If you could write a book, what would it be about?

Heart Broken – Guest Post at Big B

Today, I have the privilege of presenting my first guest blog post over at Big B. Big B is the blog for an incredible young man named Brandon who is passionate about music, leadership, and God. I’ve connected with him on-line over the past couple of months, and I have been inspired by words. Please check out my post and please support Brandon by adding his blog to your regular reading.

Here’s an excerpt from my post:

It can be easy to fall into the trap of tunnel vision. We can all become so caught up in ourselves that we miss out on what’s happening to those around us. In many cases, we don’t even see those we walk by on the street or sit next to on the train. We live and operate in a world of me, me, me.

A recent family vacation to Canada took my family into Montreal for a day. There’s nothing like a vacation and a trip into a city to jolt one out of their routine and snap one to attention to things that matter. We had a wonderful time touring around Montreal. We saw many of the famous tourist sites including the market at Jean-Talon, the view of the city from the top of Mont Royal, Old Montreal, and the port. All these places were new and interesting, but I will always remember a brief encounter with a young man in a park near the home of the Montreal Canadians. Here’s how I remembered the encounter in my journal…

(If you’re interested in becoming a guest blogger on my blog, please leave me a comment. I’d love to connect with you. Also, I would certainly welcome other opportunities to be a guest blogger on your blog, so you can leave me a comment on that as well.)

Googling God

As a little kid, I can remember having lots of questions about God, heaven, and life. I asked questions like, “Who created God?” and “Where did God come from?” I asked, “What was there before God created the heavens and the earth?” As I was driving home from work yesterday, I was reminded of my child-like curiousity. For some reason I questioned to myself, “What language will we speak in heaven?” and “How will we understand each other? Will we have decoders built in to our heavenly bodies?” I know these questions sound somewhat humorous, but it’s the jumping off point for many other questions that race around my head.

Last year at this time, I found my self asking God more questions as I stood by my wife as she battled the challenges of bipolar disorder. At one point, I asked “Why?” “Why would God allow us to go through this?” “Why is there bipolar disorder?” “Why doesn’t anyone talk about mental illness and the challenges that come to families as a result of these illnesses?” These questions still race around my head.

I think we all have questions for God that range across a wide spectrum from humorous to curiosity to doubt. Last night, I asked my men’s group what questions they have for God, and it was amusing and interesting to hear their responses.

How was God always there?

Where was God born?

Will I be able to fly in heaven?

If God is all knowing and all powerful, why would He need or desire our love?

Why do I ask why questions?

Will Jesus out trash-talk me?

Will I get full at the banquet table?

Are there bathrooms in heaven?

Do we eat in heaven?

Will all our questions be answered in heaven?

What it there to do in heaven?

Will I really be singing all day?

Do I have free will in heaven?

These were just a few of the questions that were brought up as we sat around the table. I think it can be healthy to ask questions. But there’s also a trust factor. I know that God is in control. I know that He knows what is best. I know that I’m not God. But I still have questions from time to time.

How about you? What questions do you have for God?

Leading Through Conflict

Conflict and confrontation are not my strong suit. I much prefer when things go well and people get along even when mistakes and obstacles must be overcome. Unfortunately, this is not the way it works. People have different opinions. People make mistakes. People have different personalities. And they don’t always get along. Conflict seems to be inevitable.

As a leader and manager, I am faced with conflict on a regular basis. I don’t have a choice to ignore it in hopes that the problems will just go away. I often have to confront conflict to help bring about resolution and to hopefully be an agent for positive change.

The Bible gives some pointers for handling conflict between believers in Matthew 18:15-20 which may give some insight for handling conflict in the secular workplace. Here are the pointers from Jesus:

1. Try to resolve the conflict just between the two parties in conflict (v. 15). Don’t bring anyone else into the conflict if it can be resolved first.

2. Bring the conflict to one or two other believers (v. 16). If the conflict cannot be resolved face-to-face in step 1, the Bible mandates trying to bring the conflict to a resolution through the help of a couple of believers.

3. Take the conflict before the church (v. 17). If all else fails, the Bible tells us to bring the conflict before the church. If the conflict cannot be resolved then the person may be removed from the church.

In the secular business world, I’m not always dealing with fellow believers. In reality, the construction industry can be full of some rather colorful and rough personalities. Having said this, I believe these standards from scripture can be helpful for handling conflict in the workplace. As leaders in the business world, here are some ideas for handling conflict:

1. Encourage face-to-face conversations between the conflicting parties. Often times, people are misunderstood. A meeting of this type should provide an opportunity for both parties to get their frustrations on the table. With reasonable individuals and situations, conflict can often be resolved here.

2. Sometimes it’s necessary to get a mediator involved. Here’s where I would suggest getting involved along with another manager. If the two parties in conflict are let by different individuals, it would make sense to get the other manager involved. The managers should facilitate a discussion in an effort to bring resolution. This may take a couple of meetings, but it shouldn’t drag out.

3. If all else fails HR (Human Resources) and higher level leadership may need to get involved to drive a resolution. The may mean a change in assignment(s) for one or both parties. Or it may represent a more drastic transition towards other employment opportunities inside or outside the company.

4. In all cases, rumors should be avoided. As leaders, managers should squash any rumors. Rumors only lead to further conflict.

Handling conflict can be a real challenge, but leaders must deal with it head on. I wish I could say I always get it right. I’m certainly challenged and stretched by this topic.

What tips would you add for leaders to follow in handling workplace conflict?

Coming Back From Vacation

Getting back into the swing of things following nine days of vacation can be a real challenge. I especially felt this Monday and Tuesday as I was playing catch up on e-mails, phone calls, and required meetings. I feel like I have a lot to learn about how to transition from vacations and other breaks back into the routines of work and family activities. There’s got to be a way to keep the refreshment alive. There should be some ways to prevent post vacation burnout.

Some ideas come to mind:

1. Schedule margins in your schedule to breath and to relax even if it’s just for 15 minutes. This is challenging for me – especially at work where I am on call all the time for help in making decisions or for scheduling resources. I have tried to make it a habit to step out of the office for a few minutes at lunch time. This gives me a chance to get some fresh air, to touch base with my wife on her day, and to catch my breath before heading into the afternoon.

2. Keep thoughts of vacation alive by talking about your vacation and sharing pictures. I love to hear about the vacation adventures of my co-workers, and I like to share my stories as well. I love what I do at my job most of the time, and I really appreciate when our personal interests and adventures intersect with work.

3. Discard or put aside e-mails and other correspondence that are not important, are not urgent, and can be put off until later or not read at all. I know this can be challenging as it requires a discerning filter, but it’s important. In today’s information driven world, we have to relearn that it’s okay to miss out on some things. We don’t need to know every piece of information out there. What did we do before computers and the internet?

4. Compose a “to-do-list” and use it to prioritize tasks that must be attended to with greater urgency. A “to-do-list” can be helpful in documenting the things in our head. It can minimize the feeling of stress that comes from not knowing where to start.

5. Be intentional about continuing activities that provide refreshment and renewal. Leanne and I have taken a few evening strolls through our small town since returning from vacation. It may seem simple, but these walks have provided relaxation along with time together.

I wish I could say that we have it all figures out and that these five steps are easy to follow and an easy answer to overcoming post vacation burnout. But I can’t say these things. Life after vacation can be crazy – but I’m so glad we got away.

What tips do you have for transitioning from vacation back to everyday life?

Reflect More, Risk More, Leave A Legacy – Start Blogging

Blogging has brought several new friends into my life. One of them is Jason Fountain. Today, I’m blessed to share a guest post by Jason. Jason is an educator who blogs about living an intentional life. I have enjoyed his writing and the communication that we have shared. Jason shares his current STRETCHING story with us below. Please check out his blog here.

(If you’re interested in guest posting on my blog, please drop me a comment. I’d love to connect with you.)

John Maxwell relates a story shared by sociologist Anthony Campolo. Campolo tells about a group of 50 people over the age of 90 years old who were asked one question: If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?

The question was open-ended and the people’s answers were varied. However, three ideas consistently emerged.

1. If I had it to do over again, I would reflect more.
2. If I had it to do over again, I would risk more.
3. If I had it to do over again, I would do more things that would live on after I am dead.

I want to share with you an idea that can help you begin to accomplish all three of these goals TODAY.

I love the title of Jon’s blog – Stretched. I think much of our life is spent stretching – whether we choose the stretching or it chooses us. Recently, I’ve chosen a purposeful “stretch.” Back in April, after at least a year of talking about it, I started a blog.

Little did I know, then, what a rollercoaster of emotions were in store for me. I knew that it would be challenging to write solid content that would be meaningful, but I don’t believe that I was quite ready for the grind of continually facing a blank document on the computer screen.

A blank piece of paper is open to so many possibilities, yet appears so daunting.

Blogging has stretched me in ways that I never imagined.

I want to share four lessons (about life) that I have learned since I began blogging.

1. Blogging teaches discipline.
I consider myself a fairly disciplined person, but blogging has taken this to a new level. Blogging is not an endeavor that can be undertaken every so often. It is a discipline. Steven Pressfield says in his book, The Work of Art, that the hardest part of writing is not the writing, it’s sitting down to write.

There are always fifty things other than writing vying for my attention. But, blogging has taught me to quiet those distractions and focus on the task at hand. There are days that I want to quit and days that I feel as if I could write forever. Managing that tension has been a “stretch” for me.

2. Blogging sifts your beliefs.
I am pretty solid and consistent in my beliefs. If any of you read my blog you know that the bedrock of my life is Jesus Christ. It’s much easier to talk about Christ with my “circle” than it is to write about Him in a blog post that is out there for the world to view. In fact, bearing your soul is a little overwhelming.

Beyond my religious views, blogging forces me to work through most all of my beliefs. If I write about goal-setting or any other facet of intentional living, I really have to narrow my focus and work on being concise in my delivery. This only occurs when I am crystal clear on my thoughts.

Several times I have written a blog and then did not post it because I lacked a strong conviction about it. Before I hit the publish button, I need to believe it. Attempting to present an articulate stance on an issue has really stretched me as well.

3. Blogging is more about me than producing content for others.
When I first started blogging, I was very concerned about how I thought others would perceive my thoughts and my writing. I still worry about this, but in the few short months that I’ve been blogging I have become more focused on recording what I believe about life.

If I focus on others, then I try to copycat my blogging heroes and write as they would write and about topics that they would write about. The problem with this approach is that I am not them – I am me. For me to enjoy the process of blogging, I have to be me. If others latch on to my voice, then great. If they don’t, then I know blogging is not my future.

The longer I blog the more comfortable I become in showing more of who I really am. And that is the only way to really put my “voice” out there. Balancing this desire to write for others with the need to be “me” has been a major stretch.

4. Blogging records my thoughts for myself and others.
Finally, blogging is providing me the chance to record a part of “me” for my future self. Every time I write a post I am really just recording my life lessons so that I don’t forget them. As I continue to blog, more and more life lessons that I have forgotten from my past seem to surface. The process of blogging has really been a mining project for me.

I’m also blogging so that parts of my life will be recorded for my future kids. Every time I write I want to be comfortable with my future children reading my thoughts. From this vantage point, I write with a purpose – something bigger than just blogging. Thinking about preserving my words for the future has stretched me as well.

So…are YOU ready to start a blog? For me, it has truly been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences that I’ve ever undertaken. To say that the last three and a half months have stretched me would be a gross understatement.

If you really want to reflect more, risk more, and leave a legacy, think about starting your own blog. It won’t be easy, but I guarantee it will stretch you in ways you never imagined.

QUESTION: Is there something in your life stretching you right now? How do you manage the tension?

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