Stretched Men Group Spring 2020 STARTING SOON!!!

“The search after the great men is the dream of youth, and the most serious occupation of manhood.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done?”

This is a question that Dennis Rainey often asks men. Dennis is the co-founder of FamilyLife, a ministry focused on the family and on marriage.

Leanne and I had the blessing of going to the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember a few weeks ago. While we were there, I picked up a copy of Dennis Rainey’s book, Stepping Up – A Call to Courageous Manhood.

As we head into the next semester of the Stretched Men Group, we will be using this book as a starting point for our conversation.

If you are a man who needs encouragement, accountability, and wisdom, the Stretched Men Group is for you!

The Stretched Men Group is a virtual mastermind group for men. We meet every other Wednesday night for about one hour. The mastermind group uses a video conferencing software (Zoom) which allows men from across the country to meet face-to-face.

Each meeting starts with a teaching/discussion time on a specific topic (this semester we will use Stepping Up) to help guide our discussion time.

After 15-20 minutes of discussion, we will spend time with a Hot Seat exercise. The Hot Seat which rotates from week to week provides each man in the group to get help on an area they need help. Past Hot Seat topics have included: career decisions, parenting problems, marriage issues, and faith related topics. The Hot Seat encourages each man to take a step forward in their own personal journey.

When you sign up for the Stretched Men Group, you are not signing up for life. You are signing up for a three month semester. The Spring 2020 semester starts Wednesday, March 11, 2020 at 9PM. We will meet every other Wednesday night, and the semester is scheduled to finish on Wednesday, June 17, 2020.

The group costs $97/month if you pay monthly or $225 if you pay in one payment for the entire semester (due before the first meeting). The costs include: access to an exclusive, private Facebook group just for SMG participants, Stepping Up book by Dennis Rainey, and bi-weekly SMG mastermind calls. The fees help to defray the costs of running the group, and they also provide more motivation for men to take the group seriously and take the next steps in their stretching journey.

If you are interested in learning more about Stretched Men Group and about how you can sign up, go check out stretchedmengroup.com. This site will provide a little more detail along with a place where you can sign-up for a no obligation 30-45 minute phone call with me.

I hope you’ll consider joining the Stretched Men Group today. Also, please feel free to pass this along to other men in your life who would benefit from being part of this community.

Everyone Needs A Coach

“Everyone needs a coach. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a basketball player, a tennis player, a gymnast or a bridge player.”

Bill Gates

What is a coach?

A coach guides, instructs, mentors, and sets an example.

Why you need a coach?

You are on a journey in which you have not yet arrived. You need someone who has gone in front of you who can share their wisdom which they have gained from their experiences, training, and education. You need a coach who can encourage you especially when you are lost or discouraged. And you need a coach who will spur you on when our motivation is diminished.

How do you find a coach?

Open your eyes and your ears. Your coach is possibly right in front of you. Look for someone who has experience or training in the area(s) in which you are striving. Listen for those who clearly have knowledge and also a solid reputation. Do some research and discover your options. Then ask. Finding a coach requires action on your part. You must ask for help. Pick up the phone and call your potential coach. Go out together for a walk or a cup of coffee. Finding your coach will most likely require your intentional action.

When should you get a coach?

Now! That’s the short answer. You need a coach when you are tired of complacency. You need a coach when you need help taking the next step (or steps) on your journey. You need a coach when you want to go to the next level.

How much should I pay for a coach?

You could find someone willing to be your coach for free, and that might work for a little while. But I want to encourage you to consider paying for coaching. When you pay for coaching, you are far more likely to take the coaching serious and to take the prescribed action to move forward in your journey. Additionally, your coach is spending their time and resources to provide coaching to you. This costs something. In my experience, coaching can cost anywhere from a few hundred dollars for a few coaching sessions to several thousand dollars for day-long or week-long one-on-one intensive coaching. Paying a coach is worth it!

Everyone needs a coach!

Why not let me be your coach!

Why you should pick me to be your coach?

That’s right! I’d love to be your coach. I have a passion for helping men take their next steps forward – steps to becoming a better father, steps to becoming a better husband, steps in their career, and even steps in their faith. As a husband of over 23 years, a father of 22 years, a business leader, and a committed follower of Christ, I have wisdom worth sharing. I’ve also gained knowledge from many who have coached me. Most recently, I’ve coached many men through the Stretched Men Group mastermind group, and I know I can help you.

What does coaching look like with me?

I’m currently offering three levels of coaching:

Stretch Player Level: This is my bi-weekly, three month semester Stretched Men Group mastermind group. This coaching opportunity allows men to connect with each other in a safe environment that helps each man stretch forward. Men who have participated in this level of coaching have taken steps forward in their families, their marriages, their careers, and their faith. This is a great place to plug into coaching.

Stretch All-Star Level: This is six (6) hour-long sessions one-on-one with me. These sessions will involve thought provoking coaching conversations with actionable outcomes. This is a great level to consider if you are ready to go further faster.

Stretch MVP/VIP Level: This is a full one day experience with me. From breakfast to dinner, we will spend the entire day together mapping out a plan to go to the next level and beyond. This day which includes three meals will be a more intensive opportunity for coaching. We will spend time understanding your current place and challenge. We will vision cast your life goals and mission. We will specifically analyze your priorities, your personal schedule, and the obstacles you may be facing keeping you from stretching to your potential. Finally, we will develop an action plan necessary to move forward. This coaching level includes three follow-up calls designed to make sure you are on track with your action plan. It’s also an opportunity to make adjustments to help you move forward.

How do you sign up for these coaching opportunities?

For more information, stop over to StretchedMenGroup.com. This will give you more information about Stretch Player Level (Stretched Men Group). I will be adding more information to these site soon about all three levels. In the meantime, sign-up over at the website for a free, no-obligation phone call with me. This will give us the opportunity to talk about coaching and which level might be a good fit for you.

Everyone needs a coach! Why not let me be your coach?

Sunday Night Stretch

For the past few months, I have been sending out a weekly email called the Sunday Night Stretch. I typically send the email out on Sunday night (although I may have sent one out on Monday one week).

These emails provide an encouraging message and more personal update from me. The emails have sparked more exchange between my readers and me.

If you’d like to get on the list to receive these weekly Sunday Night Stretch emails, you simply need to fill out the form below. I’d love to connect with you on a deeper level.

I’ll be sending out a new Sunday Night Stretch email tonight. Sign up now, so you don’t miss another one of these weekly messages.

Both Sides of the Story

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.

Stephen R. Covey

I’ve recently been on a Phil Collins kick. Collins got his start with the band Genesis as their drummer and eventual lead vocalist. Invisible Touch is one of my favorite Genesis albums. He eventually became a solo artist, and his musical work is diverse and amazing (in my opinion). He was especially popular during my junior high and high school years, but I believe his music is still relevant 25-30 years later. (He is still touring if you want to hear some fantastic live music!)

As I was listening to the Phil Collins artist channel on Spotify this week, I heard the song for which I titled this post – Both Sides of the Story.

In the song, Collins uses story telling and song writing to remind listeners that everyone has a story:

Find yourself in the gutter in a lonely part of town
Where death waits in the darkness with a weapon to cut some stranger down
Sleeping with an empty bottle, he’s a sad and an empty hearted man
All he needs is a job, and a little respect, so he can get out while he can

We always need to hear both sides of the story
Both sides of the story

Phillip David Charles Collins (Both Sides of the Story)

I don’t think I’m alone when I say there seems to be a growing chasm between people in our country (and perhaps the world). Without getting political, you can see it in U.S. politics where view points seem so polarized, and there seems little effort on anyone’s part to get to understand why someone else would have a contrary viewpoint. We see it when it comes to perspectives on race, economy, guns, drugs, sexual identity, poverty, etc.

People have a strong viewpoint on many of these issues, and they are often not afraid to state their viewpoint – especially on social media where there is an increase in boldness and a decrease in respect. While having these strong viewpoints, people generally are unwilling to listen to the other side of the story.

When the lights are all on, the world is watching now
People looking for truth, we must not fail them now
Be sure, before we close our eyes
Don’t walk away from here
‘Til you see both sides

Phillip David Charles Collins (Both Sides of the Story)

Our news media doesn’t help from what I can find. News networks like CNN and FOXNews build stories around their viewpoints. They widen the chasm by telling only one side of the story. Despite what they proclaim, they don’t really provide a “fair and balanced” look into the “news.”

Before I let you believe this is the problem of others, let me confess that I need to do a better job getting both sides of the story. I’m quick to shutdown others who don’t share my perspective or to those who simply seem to be adding to the noise and the chasm. I need to listen to both sides of the story too!

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Imagine a world where people listened to the other side of the story. Imagine a world where people approached things with a desire to understand. Imagine a world where disagreements were handled with respect and empathy.

Listening to the other side of the story takes time, humility, closed mouths, and open ears, hearts, and minds.

As we head into a new week, I want to challenge you to stretch yourself. Find ways to respectfully engage with others who are different than you – with people who are coming from a different perspective – with people who have another side to the story. Take time to listen. Work hard to understand. Without compromising your beliefs, find common ground and commit to keep listening and engaging to both sides of the story.

What steps can you take this week to hear the other side of the story?

Godspeed

The other day while I was driving with my wife, I noticed a sign that said “Godspeed” on it along with two other greetings. The sign marked the exit out of a specific township and entry into the adjacent township. For some reason, the word stood out to me.

What in the world is “Godspeed“?

Godspeed is not a word you hear or read every day.

My initial guess would be incredibly fast, God-like speed – like millions of miles an hour. Like a fast rocket ship or a really fast motorcycle or something way faster than I can imagine.

I’m guessing that’s not what the sign meant. I don’t think they were telling me to go really, really fast as I drove out of their community.

So what could it mean when they wrote “Godspeed” on their sign?

I looked it up (naturally). The word “Godspeed” comes from old English, and it is a blessing or a wishing of success along ones journey. In other words, the sign was wishing travelers like me success as we journey beyond the boundaries of the township. (To see what Miriam-Webster has to say about Godspeed, click here.)

Wow! That’s pretty nice!

Today marks the return of our daughter, Hannah, to college for her final year at Messiah College. Leanne and I dropped her off this afternoon for the start of cross-country camp and the beginning of her academic year.

It was a bit sad and a bit exciting all at the same time. We are sad that Hannah’s transition from “childhood” or irresponsible youth is rapidly coming to a close. We are sad that she will be missing from our house for the school year and most likely beyond. But we are also excited. We are excited about the “empty nest” we find ourselves in now that both kids are away at college. We are also excited for the journey that lies ahead of Hannah as she finishes college and launches into her career and into her future.

As we said goodbye to Hannah this afternoon, I didn’t wish her “Godspeed” – although I think that would have been appropriate. I did wish her success and blessings on her year ahead. I hope and pray she will have a fabulous year – academically, socially, athletically, and spiritually.

You and I are also on a journey. We are getting ready to head into a new week that is sure to bring lots of adventures, some challenges, and hopefully plenty of success.

As you head into a new week, I wish you Godspeed.

May God go with you and grant you success on your journey!

Time For You To Take A Risk

No matter the risks we take, we always consider the end to be too soon, even though in life, more than anything else, quality should be more important than quantity.
Alex Honnold

Over the weekend, I watched 2019 Academy Award winner, Free Solo. In this documentary, Alex Honnold attempts to become the first person to free solo climb El Capitan’s 900 meter vertical granite face in Yosemite National Park. (Spoiler Alert: He does it!)

I watched the movie Friday night after a long, long day. I fell asleep and missed the ending. Saturday, I watched it again. This time, I was wide awake, and the movie did not disappoint. The movie offers spectacular views and an intriguing look into the mind of Honnold.

Honnold shares his honest thoughts on dying, taking risks, and pursuing dreams and passions. I was inspired (and a little freaked out) as I watched him climb this challenging cliff. When he reached the top, Honnold was clearly happy and thankful that he took the risk to follow his dream.

While I’m not suggesting anyone attempt to climb El Capitan without any equipment or assistance, I am thinking the movie was an important reminder of the importance of taking big risks and going after our dreams.

What dream has God placed on your heart? What passion burns deeply inside of you? What God-given goal have you been suppressing because you are too chicken to get outside your comfort zone?

Life is short. We have seventy years – maybe eighty – and perhaps even ninety years to live our lives. This means I’m half way (or even more through my life). And the years seem to be passing more and more quickly as I get older. With this in mind, it’s time to get busy!

What do I want to accomplish? What am I putting off because I’m scared or because I’m too comfortable in my routine existence?

I want to build 100+ houses in Guatemala!

I want to help men become the fathers, the husbands, the men they were made to be!

I want to do something with my life that scares the S@#% out of me and leaves a mark – a legacy that far outlives me or my name!

Now is the time!

It’s time to take the leap of faith – the plunge. It’s time to begin the climb of my life.

And it’s your time too! What are you waiting for? Dream big! And decide TODAY to take action. By taking one step at a time you too can climb your El Capitan!

Are you in? What’s holding you back? And how can I help you?

Time for a New Perspective

Empathy begins with understanding life from another person’s perspective. Nobody has an objective experience of reality. It’s all through our own individual prisms.
Sterling K. Brown

This morning, I decided to write while sitting at the “bar” (or counter) of the Starbucks where I usually write on Sunday mornings before church.  I typically write while sitting at one of the tables against the wall.  For some reason, it felt like it was a good day for a different perspective.

From my current vantage point, I watch three Starbucks team members behind the counter busily serving their customers.  One young man is the barista.  Another is emptying the trash, warming up pastries, and loading the refrigerator with milk.  A young lady is at the register taking orders.  They seem to be working well together to meet the expectations of their customers.

I’m thankful for the new perspective this morning.

A couple of weeks ago, we held a meeting in our office for our field specialists.  They are the team members who make sure our products work correctly in the buildings where we are contracted to provide our products and services.  During the meeting, one of the specialists indicated he wanted a chance to do my job for the day – kind of a reverse Undercover Boss scenario.

I’ve been mulling over this request for a few days.  What would it look like to have someone shadow me for a day?  How could I give them an appropriate perspective on my job without compromising my performance or the confidentiality that I must keep with some of the information that comes my way?  What is a reasonable outcome of such an experiment?  Would a “Boss for the Day” experiment be beneficial in the long-run?

Life is about perspective and how you look at something… ultimately, you have to zoom out.
Whitney Wolfe

Honestly, I had never thought of such an idea before I heard it two weeks ago.  It’s a reminder to keep my eyes and ears open to the ideas, perspectives, and opportunities presented by others.

Are you a person of routine like me?

One of my Daily Stretch Affirmations is:  I take time to try new things.

What new thing do you need to experience today?  What action do you need to take to get out of your comfort zone?  What step will you take today to get a new perspective?

What are you waiting for?  Do it!

See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

Stretch Affirmation 1 – I Take Time to Still Myself

​I take time to STILL myself.

​Daily Stretch Affirmation No. 1

We live in a world of non-stop motion.  During the ​day, fingers are moving across keyboards creating and sending messages around the world.  Cars, buses, trucks, and motorcycles are moving over the countless miles of concrete, asphalt, dirt, and stone that make the roads we travel.  People are moving from one meeting to the next.  At night, families and individuals are moving from one activity to the next – soccer practice, scouts, grocery shopping, dinner, homework, and the list goes on and on and on.  We don’t stop until we collapse in bed at the end of the day hoping to catch a few hours of sleep before we do it all over again the next day.

​Wake up.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Move.  Collapse in bed.

We struggle to be still.

This is not good!

​Statistics show that anxiety and anxiety disorders are on the rise.  For example, a recent Stastista survey finds that 39% of adults surveyed are more anxious in 2018 than in 2017.  Obviously, there could be a number of reasons for these findings, but I would argue that our culture of busyness and constant motion contributes to the anxiety we feel.

​If there’s any question that these results are short-sighted, I’d encourage you to think about your own experience.   How do you spend your days?  How often to you stop?  How much time are you moving around (physically or mentally)?

​I’ve written about it here before.  I struggle with this.  I typically get up at 4AM every day.  I turn off the light around 10PM every night.  And I’m in constant motion between 4AM and 10PM.

​It’s not healthy to live this way.

It’s not the way we were meant to live.

There’s a better, more healthy way.

​Taking time to still yourself has three benefits that are sure to make your life better.

​3 Benefits of Being Still

​1.  Being still gives you the opportunity for rest, restoration, and relaxation.  We need these things.  I’ve heard people say they can rest and relax when they die.  This may (or may not) be true.  I would argue that we need

​2. Being still gives you the opportunity to deepen your relationships with others.  In our busyness, we typically spend little time going deep with the people in our pathways.  We ask people how they are doing, and we become satisfied with their “Good” answer.  We’re okay with this answer, because we’re trying to get to the next thing or our brains are occupied with other thoughts.

​3.  Being still gives you a proper perspective on God.  “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth (Psalm 46:10).”  When we are in constant motion, we leave little opportunity to connect with God, to contemplate God’s impact on our lives, and to develop an appropriate understanding of God.

7 Daily Affirmations to Help You Stretch Everyday

​The discipline of daily affirmations took a major hit in the early 1990’s when Saturday Night Live aired several episodes of “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley” starring former SNL regular, Al Franken.  In each episode, Stuart Smalley offered self-talk in a way that came across as weird and even delusional.  Since then, many have shunned the practice of daily affirmations as unnecessary and crazy.

​Recently, the discipline of daily affirmations has gained traction as authors, speakers, and leaders have shared their affirmation success stories.  For example, Cliff Ravenscraft, the Podcast Answerman (now Mindset Answerman), has spoken qu​ite a bit about his own practice of daily affirmations on his weekly podcast, The Cliff Ravenscraft Show.  Episode 521 provides a small glimpse into his daily affirmations specifically related to money and wealth.  On his blog, leadership mentor, ​​Michael Hyatt, alludes to his use of daily affirmations to help train his brain in an article titled “How to Beat Your Brain and Succeed.”

​A couple of weeks ago at my Friday morning men’s group, the topic of daily affirmations came up.  Actually, the topic came up through a YouVersion study plan we were working through together (Crash the Chatterbox).  I had been thinking about incorporating daily affirmations into my morning routine, so I asked the group if any of them practice daily affirmations.  One of the guys in the group shared his daily affirmations with the group.  I promptly “stole” them and added my own to the list.

I printed them out and taped them into the front cover of my daily planner.  ​I’m still working on making this a regular discipline in my life, but I can already tell the positive self-talk is actually a real good thing for crushing my doubts and encouraging me to use my gifts.

​Today, I’m sharing seven of these affirmations.  These are affirmations specifically written to remind me to Stretch on a daily basis.  Here they are:

​7 Stretch Daily Affirmations

• ​I take time to Still myself and take regular sabbaths.
• I take time to Thank people and express my genuine appreciation.
• I take time to Reflect praising God for His working in my life.
• I take time to Engage in key relationships.
• I take time to Try new things.
• I take time for Community.
• I take time to Help Others.

​My daily affirmation list will continue to grow and transform as I live my life and encounter new challenges and opportunities.  I’m thankful for this new discipline in my life.

Affirmation without discipline is the beginning of delusion.​Jim Rohn

​Jim Rohn brings up a great point about daily affirmations.  Words are meaningless unless they cause real action and change in our lives.  I would encourage you to share your daily affirmations with someone, and ask them to hold you accountable to taking action on the words you say to yourself everyday.  Also, ask them to observe you and give you honest feedback on what’s working, what’s not working, and what needs to change when it comes to your daily affirmations.

​OK!  Now it’s your turn.  Stretch yourself today by creating your own list of daily affirmations.  When you’re creating this list, think about the things you want to keep doing, and think about the things you want to change or implement in your life.  You can do it!

​Do you practice the discipline of daily affirmations?  What affirmation ​do you need to add to your list?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Your Name Matters

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People)

At lunch time today, I walked across the street from my office to head to my Toastmasters International regular club meeting.  Due to scheduling conflicts, I haven’t been to the club for a couple of months.  Prior to my relatively brief absence, I was a regular member of the club for the past three or four years.  I even served as the President of the club for one year.

I pride myself on making sure everyone feels welcome.  I try to introduce myself to guests and new members as they check out the club for the first few times, and I try to learn a little bit about each person.  I also try to remember the names of the people who come to the meetings.  Our club has added several new members the past few months which has made this a bigger challenge.

Today as members were gathering for the meeting, I mistakenly referred to one of the newer members by the wrong name.  I had the best of intentions, but I completely botched his name.  I tried to laugh it off and even joked about it, but I really felt bad about my blunder.

Last month, Isaac (my son) and I read through How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  (We’ve been intentionally reading through a book together each month as he prepares to make the transition from high school to college.  That’s another topic for another time.)  One of Carnegie’s principles for winning friends and influencing people is to remember people’s names.  People like to hear their name.  When you remember someone’s name it shows them you care and they matter.  When you use someone’s name you establish and strengthen a human connection with the other person.

There’s a person at my church who is amazing at this.  Her name is Terri Stone.  Our church’s typical Sunday morning attendance is 1700-1800 which means there are probably around 2300-2500 who call our church home.  I would bet that Terri knows 75% or more of the names of these attendees.  Terri makes it a point to find out a person’s name when she meets them.  She uses their name at least a few times during their initial conversation.  The next time she sees the person, she goes out of her way to talk to the person she met a week (or longer) ago, and she uses their name every time.  Many people I know at our church would tell you that Terri Stone made them feel welcome, and they would comment on how she remembered their names.

If you want to make a difference in someone’s life, take time to get to know them and to know their name.  As Dale Carnegie says, you will provide the sweetest sound to their ears.

Maybe I’m being a little hard on myself, but you can bet I’ll get that guys name right the next time I see him at Toastmasters.

What’s your name?  How do you remember people’s names?  Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.

If you want to take it a little deeper for fun, what’s your middle name?