The Kid Stretches Me – Guest Post by Tom Tarver

Today, A Curious Band Of Others visits The Stretched Blog.  I’m honored to present guest blogger Tom Tarver.  Tom writes about the daily struggles to hear and to do—the building on the rock foundation process—to those who dream bigger dreams about being the church, the body of Christ in motion.  After you read his post below, swing over to his blog and check things out.  Add A Curious Band Of Others to your regular reading.

(If you have a STRETCHED story to share, drop me a comment so we can connect.)

My young friend Richard looked like he’d finished an Ironman Triathlon—face buried in his arms, legs like jelly. There would be no more basketball for him today.

“The first day is always the hardest,” I said. “You’ll feel better after a few days.” I hoped he’d show up again but had my doubts.

Between gasps, he said, “I haven’t played basketball in three years.”

I headed back out to the court for the next game and figured I’d had my last conversation with Richard for the day, perhaps even for the week. Shoot, maybe even the year.

I was wrong on all accounts. Richard trotted out for the morning’s last game. In the final moments, he lunged to save an escaping basketball and tipped it in my direction. I turned and swooshed the game winner.

Richard surpassed all my expectations because I underestimated him in a big way. I shouldn’t by now; because he made a number of exceptional plays on the football team I coached and hustled his heart out on our softball team.

He doesn’t look the part of an athlete—he’s whippet thin but tortoise slow. When players ran routes in full pads, I could distinguish Richard from the other skinny receivers by his foot speed. Forget a stopwatch. You need to clock Richard with a calendar.

But here’s the thing about Richard. He sticks to it (whatever it is—football, softball, basketball, etc.). And I admire him for his resolve. He just doesn’t quit. I’ve seen better, more talented athletes who would be exceptional if they had Richard’s heart.

Richard’s friendship serves to remind me of the prophet Samuel’s visit to Jesse’s home. He came looking to anoint a king and based his initial judgment on appearances. God had another standard.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Jesus also spoke about appearances. In John 5, we read about Jesus healing a man on the Sabbath. In John 7, He’s confronted by the Jewish religious leaders. He knows they want to kill Him, have wanted to ever since the Sabbath-day healing, and will kill Him in due time. In that context, Jesus says, “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly” (John 7:24 NIV).

So here are a few takeaway thoughts that stretch me.

1) Value people. Jesus valued people above rules and regulations. He knew the Law was important. In truth, the Law flowed out of God’s character. But why? Because God loves and values people.

2) Go deeper. You know the saying. “Beauty is only skin deep.” I can see skin deep with my physical eyes, but I can’t see any further than that. Everything I take in visually—what he wears, how she fixes her hair, his height, her complexion, etc.—is mere appearance. Hollywood has built a successful industry primarily on eye appeal. But for us, living in obedience to the Lord, we must go deeper than the skin.

3) Gaze upon the heart. How many times have you assigned a motive to another person because he angered you? How many times have you stopped a conversation with “That’s stupid” or something worse? Whether I’ve said it or not, I’ve certainly thought it. To get to the heart of a person or a matter, I have to slow down and think. For me, that means gaze instead of glimpse.

What’s true for me in relation to Richard remains true for me in my relationship with God. I must go deeper than my circumstances, whether good or bad, to know God’s heart. I must gaze upon Him in Scripture, in worship, and in life to understand the depth of His love for me. Even then, I may only get a glimpse of His glory. But, with God, a glimpse is more than I deserve and more than enough.

Questions: What kind of person does God use to stretch you?

Stretching To A New Focus – Guest Post by Leah Adams

Today, The Stretched Blog features guest blogger, Leah Adams.  Leah blogs over at The Point.  I’m grateful to share Leah’s story about how she feels STRETCHED these days.  As always, stop over to her blog after you read her post.  Become one of her regular readers.  Leah’s bio and contact information are at the bottom of this post.

(If you are feeling that STRETCHING feeling these days, I’d love to share your STRETCHING experience here.  Drop me a line if you’re interested in becoming a guest blogger.)

I think God is the originator of the concept of stretching. He never lets us be comfortable for very long before He sends us a challenge designed to stretch our faith in Him.

So it is with me and the ministry He called me to several years ago. My passion is speaking. Specifically, my passion is teaching the Word of God. The focus of that passion has been speaking to women about the love and grace of Jesus. That is what God has allowed me to do for the past four years.

Now, it seems that He has decided it is time for Leah to S-T-R-E-E-E-E-T-C-H. In the past year the Lord has sparked a fire in my heart for young men and women in the 16 to 29 age range. Why this group? Probably, because this is a hugely unreached group with regard to the church. It all started when I read David Kinnaman’s book entitled unchristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity and Why It Matters. Peeps, we are losing this generation of young people from the church and it is primarily because we, in the church, often do not act like Christ would have acted. We don’t love like Christ. We don’t care like Christ. Because of that, WE are driving young people away from the church by the thousands.

Last fall, I had the opportunity to become involved with a couple who do ministry to international students studying in the US. Oh my word! My eyes were opened to a huge, wide open mission field. There are thousands of students from other countries studying in the United States and over 90% of them are never inside an American home. What a missed opportunity to share Jesus’ love!

These students are eager to learn about American culture and engage with American people, yet, we never take the time to get to know them, show them we care, be there for them if they have a problem. We could so easily be surrogate family to these students who are thousands of miles away from home, yet the church of Jesus is often oblivious to them.

There is a small, four year college very near my home in rural northern Georgia. I called over to the admissions office one day in the fall of 2011 and asked if they had any international students. I figured I was wasting my time, but felt the urging of the Lord to call, so I did. I was stunned when they told me they had 38 international students. Thirty eight international students right on my doorstep! My heart did back-flips.

My Tuesday morning Bible study ladies and I have begun to engage with these students. We took them goodies bags during fall semester final exams. We did a meet and greet with them. In late February we plan to do a bonfire and marshmallow roast for them. A bowling trip. Provide rides to the grocery for them. Movie night. Anything we can do to show them friendship and love is what we plan to do.

Last week I sat with one young man—and when I say young man, I mean probably 18 years old at the most—who had been at the local college for only 2 weeks. He was a soft-spoken runner from Kenya. We talked about how he likes America, his scholarship to run, and when he would go back home to visit. He told me he would not go back for 5 years. FIVE STINKING YEARS without seeing his family! I nearly bawled right in front of him. He is just a baby and he will be in a strange foreign country where he knows no one for 5 years. He held back tears as we spoke, too.

Ya’ll, this is low hanging fruit as far as I am concerned. These young men and women are so hungry for love and family. To show the love of Jesus to these students is my new passion and it is how God is S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G me.

How have you been STRETCHED in your focus recently?

BIO

Leah describes herself as the “prodigal son’s sister” after spending several years walking far from the Lord in her twenties. Helping others understand the grace that is offered by Jesus to anyone who will accept it is the passion of Leah’s heart. In a works-based and failure-prone society, grace is a concept that many people have difficulty grasping and Leah’s speaking and writing ministry, called The Point Ministries, seeks to point others straight to Jesus and his amazing grace.

An anointed speaker and communicator, Leah lives in northern Georgia with her husband, Greg, who is also her dentist. She holds a Doctor of Pharmacy Degree from Mercer University School of Pharmacy. Leah is a CLASS certified speaker and is the author of a Bible study for ladies entitled, From the Trash Pile to the Treasure Chest: Creating a Godly Legacy. She writes for Internet Café Devotions, CBN.com and Christianparenting.org. Visit Leah at her ministry website at www.leahadams.org. Find Leah on Facebook at Leah Colwell Adams and on Twitter (@PointMinistries).

January 2012 Top Posts and Commenters

It was a fun month for The Stretched Blog.  This month, we switched to a self hosted platform.  It has been fun to learn and experiment with the new things available at jonstolpe.com.  If you add up the traffic from the old site and the new Stretched Blog, it was far and away the best month so far.  Here is a list of the top posts on the new blog for the month of January.  It is exciting to see how many guest bloggers appeared in the top ten list this month!

January 29, 2012 Week In Review

Hello, Stretched Community!  I’m going to try something new with this week’s recap post.  Let me know what you think in the comments.

This week’s STRETCHED posts:

• Monday:  Resource Review:  EntreLeadership Podcast
• Tuesday:  Stretching Beyond the Hurt a guest post by Diane Karchner
• Wednesday:  Rediscovering Grace Through A 2 by 4 Moment a guest post by Chad Jones
• Thursday:  Our Behavior Is Our Witness a guest post by Kevin Stone
• Friday:  Ice Breaker – Leaving On A Jet Plane

Blog spotlight links:

• Quit Screwing Around – It’s Time to Write For Real by Jeff Goins
• Need Leaders?  Build A Pond by Small Group Pastors
• My Advice to 20 Somethings by Michael D. Perkins

Call to action:

• Subscribe to the blog (on the right side of the main page).
• Connect with the Jon Stolpe Stretched Facebook Fan Page (for great links to other blogs throughout the week).
• Consider guest posting here.  Send my your Stretched ideas!
• Consider advertising here on The Stretched Blog (see the links on the right side of the main page).

Finally… have a great week!

How was your week?  What was good, bad, or ugly on your blog this week?  What links to you have to share with the Stretched community this week?

Our Behavior Is Our Witness – Guest Post by Kevin Stone

Today, I’m privileged to present guest blogger, Kevin Stone.  Kevin is the executive pastor at the church I attend.  He comes to our church from corporate America where he held key leadership positions at a few larger companies.  If you follow the Myers-Briggs temperament tests, Kevin and I share the same ESTJ personality type.  Kevin blogs regularly about leadership and about the happenings at our church.  You can follow him on his blog and on Twitter.  I’d encourage you to stop by executivepastoronline.com and become a subscriber and a regular reader of his blog!

(I love to share STRETCH stories on The Stretched Blog.  If you’re interested in guest posting, drop me a comment!)

Our Behavior is Our Witness

I definitely remember one of the things that stretched me most as a new believer. It wasn’t changing stuff that I had done previously, like eating too much, drinking too much, using bad language, looking a little too long at a beautiful lady walking by, etc. It wasn’t beginning to spend time in my Bible or doing some type of daily devotional, in prayer and meditation. It certainly wasn’t regularly attending church and serving; I love going to church and I definitely love to serve!

So, what was it, you say? It was learning how to “be Jesus” in day-to-day situations, especially at work. How do I actually “love” people who I previously couldn’t stand? How do I behave in a way that honors God even though God centered behavior very often flies in the face of the workplace norm?

Before becoming an Executive Pastor I spent more than 20 years in corporate America. (You can read the About page of my blog if you’re interested in the details.) I remember one particular leadership position with a company with a working environment “norm” that included lots of behavior that would challenge any well intending Christ follower. It was perfectly OK and very normal to turn one’s head, watching an attractive woman walking by. Use of lots of choice language in conversations with others was normal. It was even normal in fairly high level meetings. It was more than acceptable for a group of executives to follow a business dinner with a trip to one of the city’s “Gentlemen’s Clubs.” It wasn’t even out of the ordinary to see a married coworker spending a little too much time with another woman, if you get my meaning, while on a business trip.

As a Christ follower, I had to find a way not to become a “weird Christian” while not violating any of my principles in terms of my behavior. I didn’t want to be weird or “preachy” to my coworkers, but I did want to be noticeably different opening doors for sharing my faith with others. So, I drew the line as it related to my own behavior. I didn’t criticize the behavior of others. I just made sure that my behavior was fitting for a person who believes in Jesus. When the heads were turning to check out a nice looking young woman, my head wasn’t one of them. It was difficult, but I kept thinking, “What would that lady think if she knew I was watching her walk away?” Or, “What would my wife say if she saw me looking?” When I spoke, I somehow found a way to express myself without using some of the choice expletives that my coworkers normally used. I kept a healthy distance from women while still doing my job. I only went to lunch with female coworkers if others were along with us. I avoided business trips with just me and a female coworker. And, I definitely always went home after business dinners while others were headed for the strip club.

Did this create a little “separation” between my boss, most of my coworkers, and me? Definitely yes! It never got in the way of promotions, bonuses, or other positive recognition, though. In fact, my boss had a lot of respect for me. I remember the first time we talked about my passion for Jesus and the church. He was, I think, impressed. In fact, now (years later) he regularly attends church with his wife! Pretty cool!

The bottom line is this: Jesus told us to evangelize the world. He didn’t tell us to separate ourselves from the rest of the world. In fact, he told us to go into the world. In order to do that, we must stay “normal.” What do normal people do? They listen to normal music. They have fun doing stuff that others enjoy doing. Of course they are also doing stuff that God would like to see them stop doing. And, they need us to introduce them to Jesus so he can change them. If we’re “freaky Christians” we’ll never get close enough to another to actually have an impact on them. They’ll think we’re weird and just stay away from us.

We need to learn that we can’t change the behavior of others. We can only control what we do, and we need to allow Jesus to change us which helps our “different” behavior to open doors and create opportunities to share our faith with others.

So what do you think?  How has your behavior been a witness to others?

Rediscovering Grace Through A Two By Four Moment – Guest Post By Chad Jones

Today, Chad Jones is the Stretched guest blogger.  Chad and I became friends relatively recently thanks to the wonders of the blog world.  Like me, Chad is a husband and a dad trying to figure out how to live life honoring God and his family.  His blog, Randomly Chad, is where he expresses the randomness of his life, but I think there’s actually a non-random point to what Chad writes.  Stop by his blog and check out his other writing.  Also, add Randomly Chad to your regular blog reading.

(If you have a STRETCHED story, I’d love to share it here.  Drop me a line if you’re interested in guest posting here.)

In many ways, I’m a great fan of the status quo. I’m happiest when things are copacetically homogenous. Or something like.

Yet over and against this is the old saw that “change is the only constant.” This is undoubtedly true. And for the Christian doubly so, because–as others have so eloquently said–“there’s no standing still in Christ.”

Yet, as a generally introverted person, a man of a certain age, with a wife, two children, and a demanding career, it’s nice when things stay the same for a season (or two, or three). However, over and against this attitude is a God who, through Jesus his son, loves me enough to not leave me as I am.

He’s frustratingly meddlesome at times, usually confronting most in those areas where I think things are just fine and dandy, thank-you very much.

This past year, he has challenged–has stretched–me the most in areas regarding:

My marriage

My humor

My blog

My parenting

My pride

Are you catching the common theme there: I, me, mine?

As much as I learned from that season, I’ve in no sense “arrived”–I’m still learning to be teachable. And learning that being teachable requires ever-increasing humility. (Which usually begins with those words the Fonz found so difficult to say: “I was wr… wro… I. Was. Wrong”). “For God abases the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

And grace is what I–you, we–need very much.

Stretching Beyond the Hurt – Guest Post by Diane Karchner

Today, I present guest blogger – Diane Karchner.  Diane is a good friend from the church I attend.  I had the honor of attending a Willow Creek Group Life Conference with Diane several years ago.  During this trip, I learned that Diane was a leader with a lot of wisdom and a lot of humor – two things I love!  Diane blogs at Tilted Words when she’s not busy serving others at work and at church and when she’s not spending time with her husband, Els.  Please stop by Diane’s blog and become a regular follower/reader.  Thanks, Diane, for sharing your stretching story!

(I’d love to hear your STRETCHING story.  Drop me a comment if you’re interested in becoming a guest blogger here.)

Stretching Beyond the Hurt

“If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me.”

Saying on Needlepoint Cushion

That saying made me smile. I bet it made many smile. Because we can just picture the person patting the cushion on the sofa next to her, bidding you to come tell her tales of others. (I used ‘her’ but it could just as easily have been ‘him’!)

I was one of those people for many years. I was actually both – the one patting the cushion next to me – encouraging, imploring, hopeful with anticipation of getting some juicy tidbits – and the other one – willing to let go of confidences, of rumors, hopeful that the wisdom I was about to impart was worthy of being deemed juicy. It gave me power in some cruel, misguided, stupid way.  No matter which end of it I was on.

The gossip machine got turned on me one time. Lies told about me. I didn’t see that person who started them until months later. By that time the sting was gone. The damage repaired. So when I saw her I showed her grace; the kind God would approve. But when in the midst of the pain of it I wanted to retaliate in some way – get in her face, tell a lie about her to get back at her, tell everyone what she had done to me so they would hate her like I did right then. I really did.

Retaliation. An interesting flip side to gossip, don’t you think? Had I retaliated and lashed out, my heart would have been exactly where hers was when she started the rumors. Feeling powerful…a bit vicious…harboring a strong dislike, bordering on hatred…hurt…angry. All those motives fuel either in some way. At some level.

And to be honest, gosh, it sometimes feels pretty good. But feelings are deceiving.

In Philippians it says to think on things that are true, right, good and pure. Hmmmm. I am thinking that gossip and retaliation reflect none of that. In fact, the thoughts in our heads when we do either are pretty far from being true or right or good or pure.

We humans are a vicious bunch. So glad that God is God. So glad he became human for a few decades to show us that we can live without being so human, so vicious. That we can rise above it to feel the love of God, and be secure and rewarded each day by the grace he dumps all over and around us!

For me, right now. I try not to be a giver or receiver of gossip. I try really hard. But every day is a new one, isn’t it? And every day God renews his grace. And every day I need to renew my commitment to think on the things that bring me closer to God and away from some of my naturalness, my humanness. So glad that every day God will give me the strength and grace it takes to do just that!

How are you doing in the gossip and retaliation area?  What steps have you taken to avoid gossip and retaliation?

January 22, 2012 Week In Review

The week in review for was pushed back a day thanks to the wonders of our winter wonderland and the need to take care of some things at home.  It was a good week on The Stretched Blog.  On Wednesday, The New Stretched Blog experienced the highest traffic day so far!  I will be traveling this week, so I’m turning the blog over to some great guest bloggers for a few days.  Please read the excellent posts by Diane Karchner, Chad Jones, and Kevin Stone and join the conversation in the comments.

Here’s a recap for this week:

• Monday – Book Review:  The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
• Tuesday – Introducing A New Group For Parents Of Middle School Students
• Wednesday – Managing Conflict – A Leadership Stretch… Guest Post by Frank Chiapperino  (Thanks, Frank!)
• Thursday – The Stretched Blog Visits The Point (Thanks to Leah Adams for the chance to share on her blog!)
• Friday – Ice Breaker – I Have A Dream

Your continued contribution to the blog through comments is greatly appreciated.  Your comments are what makes this Stretched Community!  Please remember to take the time to Subscribe to the NEW blog, so you can have Stretched delivered daily to your e-mail inbox.  Also, don’t forget to stop by the Jon Stolpe Stretched Facebook fan page.  Become a fan to keep up with some additional Stretched stuff.  I am sharing more blog highlights from other blogs that I read regularly.  I think you’ll find some great stuff here.  Thanks!

Here are a few of my favorites from around the blog world this week:

• Vince Recommends… by Vince Antonucci at VinceAntonucci.com
• Lessons I Learned From Writing An eBook by Michael D. Perkins at The Handwritten
• Innovative Church Idea by Todd Rhoades at ToddRhoades.com

How about you?  How was your week?  If you’re a blogger what happened over your way this week?  Did you read any great blog posts this week?  Share with the rest of us!

The Stretched Blog Visits The Point

Today, I’m honored to be a guest blogger at The Point, a blog by Leah Adams.  Leah writes about leaving a legacy, and she writes about grace.  Her blog is written to point people to Jesus.

On Leah’s blog today, I share my own thoughts about legacy.  Please stop by and read Stretching to Leave a Legacy.  Consider subscribing to The Point, and add The Point to your regular blog reading.

Managing Conflict – A Leadership Stretch … Guest Post by Frank Chiapperino

Today is a big deal for me!  I get to share Frank Chiapperino with my readers.  Frank is a great friend who has my deepest respect.  Frank has a huge heart for leadership and for connecting people to each other and to God.  For several years, I served on Frank’s small group ministry team at our church in Pennsylvania.  I’ve had the privilege of hitting a few conferences with Frank, catching several breakfasts and lunches with him, and sharing leadership/social media/blogging ideas.  Frank is probably the biggest reason that I started The Stretched Blog.  Frank is now pastoring a church in Minnesota, but we still keep in touch from time to time.  You can follow Frank on Twitter or at one of his two blogs – Frank Chiapperino and techpastor.net.  Check out these sites and become one of his regular readers.

(If you’re interested in sharing your STRETCHING story as a guest blogger here, drop me a comment so we can connect.)

Managing Conflict – A Leadership Stretch

I’m so delighted that Jon asked me to guest post on his blog.  I’ve known Jon for quite a few years and valued his friendship as I served and led ministries at the church he attends in the suburbs of Philadelphia.  Currently I serve a church in Rochester, Minnesota and my role has changed.  What is stretching me now is leadership and managing conflict as our church works through change.

It kind of reminds me the challenges I navigate with my boys as a parent.  My boys are getting older and beginning to play together more and more often.  You know what that means… they fight more often too.  One time my wife Shelli made us some great french toast and we enjoyed breakfast together at the table as a family.  Shortly after, Shelli went up to shower and the boys were playing with cars and toys on their train table. They were enjoying themselves and seemed to be fine so I began reading today’s paper.

All of a sudden I hear my oldest son scream, “No AJ, NOOooooooo.”  Anthony (AJ) looked like King Kong on a path of destruction in the little town Michael had created on the train table.  Michael gave him a big shove and my youngest boy brandished his teeth like a german shepherd on the attack, going at his arm for the bite in defense. Luckily, I stepped in just in time and separated the construction engineer from the wrecking ball before any injuries occurred.  What I did next was set some ground rules for the boys. I gave them each a side on the table to play on and they each took a few toys to play with and asked them each to stay on their side. The rest of our morning was quite peaceful.

Sometimes as leaders we need to be a guiding presence and help others navigate through conflict. There are times I will have a staff member or another volunteer leader at our church call me and say, “Frank, I need help. There are some members of my team that are at each other’s throats.” For some strange reason they don’t share my joy when I say, “THAT IS GREAT!” When I manage conflict I normally start where many Christian leaders do, following Matthew chapter 18:

15″If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

• Go to them privately and confront them on the issue
• If a private discussion doesn’t work take a witness. That means someone who has seen the behavior you are speaking to them about.
• If that doesn’t work attempt to involve church leadership to aid in resolution of the problem.
• If that fails, end the relationship.

That is pretty much what Matthew lays out, and it is sound advice that works. However, I do have a few other guiding principles I follow that aid in confrontation and conflict resolution:

• Be wise with your words. Everything you say in a confrontation will either escalate or de-escalate a conflict. Try to use words and responses that we de-escalate the tension.

• Don’t discuss nameless people. Sometimes people will say, “Someone told me…” If they refuse to use actual names of real people, don’t acknowledge it as a leader in the church. It only leads to pointless discussion because you can’t get the real person behind whatever it is involved.

• If you’re wrong, admit it right away. This is powerful in conflict resolution. Think about it for a minute. How often do you hear people actually admit they are wrong? Not often, it is a real sign of maturity and it will have an immediate affect on the situation.

What would you add to Frank’s list above when it comes to resolving conflict?