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Quality – Time

Today is Day Four of Quality Week on The Stretched Blog. Check out the previous three days to catch up on some of my thoughts on quality. I’m approaching the word quality from a different angle today. We usually associate the word quality with a product or service… ‘they provide quality service‘… or… ‘that product is a quality product.‘ But what if we look at quality as an indication of our time? What does quality time look like?

Quality time means being present. In order for me to provide quality time to my wife and kids, my mind has to be with them at the same time my body is next to them. It’s easy for my mind to wander to work, to the big game, to my next blog post, to anything. If I’m serious about quality time, I need to focus on my wife and kids when I’m with them.

Quality time means making the time. In our house, it feels like we are so busy going from one activity to the next. We go to work, school, sports, scouts, piano, small groups, church, school activities, puppy club, etc. All these things are great, but they can crowd out time to spend in relationship together. With all of our activities, our family definitely has to be intentional with our time together (and we don’t always get it right). Try turning off the TV and play a game instead. Go for a ride in the car together. Take a walk. Each of these things can provide quality time for you and your family.

Quality time means saying no. Sometimes, we have to say no to activities that are demanding our attention. I was struck by Isaac’s decision this weekend to miss out on an event that he normally would have jumped at the chance to attend. He decided that he needed a break – that it was okay if he didn’t make it this time. I applaud him for deciding to hang out with his parents.

Quality time means being creative. This past weekend, I had the honor of taking Hannah out for a date. We ended up going to the gym to work out which honestly didn’t give us any quality time together; however, we followed up the gym with her first trip to Kiwi Yogurt, a local frozen yogurt place. We picked out our treats and we headed to the car where we enjoyed our frozen desserts and some great conversation about heading to high school next year. Think outside the box when it comes to creating quality times for you and your family.

Quality time is important. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize that I rushed through it just to get to the next thing.

What does quality time look like for you? How do you make quality time in your life?

Stretched Perspective

I don’t like change.

I’m a man of routine and discipline. I get up at 4:40AM. I spend time in God’s Word. I read. I blog. I exercise. I eat a bowl of cereal. I shower and get ready for work. I drive the same way to the office. And my day continues.

It drives me crazy when things get switched around with the patterns that exist in my life.

I came home from work last night excited to see my family and hungry for dinner. We were having leftovers which doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I like to eat the same things we ate earlier in the week. (I usually eat the same exact thing for lunch every day – yogurt, cheese stick, granola bar, and two pieces of fruit.)

When we sat down for dinner, I was “directed” away from MY normal seat at the dinner table to a new seat. My wife said I needed a change in perspective. I’ll admit that I was reluctant to sit anywhere besides MY normal spot at the table. But I have also come to realize that a change in perspective can STRETCH me to experience new things, to see things that I would normally miss, and to walk in other people’s shoes.

My “new” spot at the dinner table wasn’t all that bad – except for the glass of water my son spilled on me. We joked that my new perspective was a wet perspective.

How can you change your perspective today? How could a change in perspective change things for you? How could this change STRETCH you?

Stolpe Superbowl Scavenger Hunt

Our 1st Photo Stop of our Scavenger Hunt - PV Middle School West

On Saturday morning, our family was trying to pick a movie that we could all see together that night. We couldn’t agree. Leanne and I wanted to see Warhorse. Hannah and Isaac didn’t want to see Warhorse. Isaac wanted to see anything 3D. Hannah didn’t offer any suggestions. At the end of the discussion, I wasn’t real keen on spending a fair amount of money going to the theaters to see a movie that we didn’t all want to see. So my brain started spinning…

Leanne and I wanted to make sure we had some quality family time. How could we make this happen without breaking the bank? For some reason, an idea popped in my head. Why don’t we host a family scavenger hunt? We could create a list that we could search for in our area. We could invite other families to join in our fun. And we could end the hunt with ice cream back at our house. (Leanne says that my idea was just a plot to get ice cream.)

The idea seemed to interest everyone in the family, so we started calling around to some friends. We even posted an invitation on Facebook. A couple of families expressed interest initially, but the short notice was definitely a deterrent. So…it was just us – The Stolpe Family.

The kids kept asking if we should just cancel the event. Isaac was actually pretty grumpy as we piled in the car to start our scavenger hunt, but as the night went on our family began to have a fun time together. We drove around within a 5-10 mile radius of our home gathering different items and taking family pictures at different locations. We ended up at our local Dairy Queen where we enjoyed ice cream together (Leanne didn’t seem to mind the ice cream ending). It was a fun night! Next time, we’ll provide more notice, so other families can join in the fun.

Here are some of the items that were on our scavenger hunt list:

Moccia’s Train Stop takeout menu
1971 penny
Family Picture at Perkiomen Valley Middle School West
Ortino’s takeout menu
chopsticks
Family Picture at Schwenksville Post Office
Chinese restaurant takeout menu
ketchup packet
Family Picture at Schwenksville Elementary School
Perkiomen Trail map

Did you do something fun this Superbowl weekend? What creative family activities/ideas can you share to help the rest of the Stretched Community?

Log Eye Lessons

Last night, our family devotion was titled Log Eye. The devotion was about judging others, and the title came from Jesus’ comments about removing the plank in our eye before we call out the speck in the eye of someone else.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5

As we sat around the dinner table, we talked about what this means and how it applies to each of us.

The night before, I had snapped at Hannah for picking on and nagging her brother. Hannah was scolding Isaac for putting too much hot sauce in his soup. So I scolded Hannah telling her that she wasn’t the parent and that she didn’t need to get on Isaac’s case for how much hot sauce he wanted to use.

Hannah quickly stopped, and the conversation was over. But it still went on in my head. I felt awful for jumping down Hannah’s throat. As I thought more about it, I remembered having similar interactions with my brother. As the oldest brother, I always believed that I knew best. Throughout the day, I pondered how much Hannah and I are really alike, and I realized that this can sometimes create friction between the two of us.

I see some of my faults in Hannah, and I cringe when I see my attitudes echoed by my daughter. I cringe because it reminds me of me.

The whole Log Eye discussion gave me a great opportunity to apologize to Hannah. I couldn’t see clearly with the log in my eye! I’m blessed to have a wonderful daughter who keeps me humble and a loving Father who is full of mercy.

Do you struggle with judging others?

How has God used your kids to teach you?

Say What You Need To Say

Last week, I was in the Chicago area for implementation training and brainstorming for a new company initiative. I haven’t been out to our home office for a few years and to be honest I wasn’t crazy about leaving my wife and kids for the better part of a week.

The time at the Chicago area office went very well, but the highlight of the trip was my visit with my Grandma Stolpe. Grandma will turn 92 in early April. Recently, her health hasn’t been great. Many in my family wondered if she would make it past the Christmas holidays.

It had been a few years since we last visited in person, so it was real special when I walked through the doors of the nursing home where she lives and I saw her waiting for me to arrive. We ate dinner together in their cafeteria, and we visited for a while back in her room. Though it had been three and a half years since or last face-to-face visit, it seemed like we just saw each other last week.

My Aunt Elaine and Uncle Max stopped by for the last hour of our visit. We talked more and shared details about our families. We also talked about memories and family traditions.

A few times, Grandma mentioned that she was ready for heaven whenever God decided it was time. She expressed hope that it wouldn’t be much longer. It was clear that she was content with the life she had lived and hopeful for the future in heaven.

I will remember a few details about this visit: Grandma’s Bible on her nightstand, her family tree of pictures on the wall above her bed, her thoughts on the economy and politics, and her joy in spending time with me (her oldest grandson).

I don’t know when or if I will see Grandma again on this side of eternity. As we said our goodbyes (which took a while), I hugged Grandma, and I told her I loved her. She reciprocated as only a small 91-year-old women could with a broken arm. She said, “I love you too, Jon. Thank you so much for the visit.”

As I walked to my car, I sniffled a bit. I’m not sure I’ll have that chance again. The visit was great – and the goodbye was perfect whether it was the last or not.

Driving back to my hotel that night, I heard the song “Say What You Need to Say” by John Mayer. The song talks about saying what needs to be said – not regretting holding back – making sure things are right with our loved ones and that we express our love, appreciation, and respect for each other.

I said what I needed to say.

Is everything good between you and your family and friends or is there something you need to say?

Introducing A New Group For Parents of Middle School Students

Leanne and I have been involved in many different small groups. We’ve been involved in parents of elementary children groups, couples groups, marriage groups, men’s groups, women’s groups, Texas Hold ‘Em groups, service groups, and mixed groups. Small groups have played a key role in each stage of our lives and our marriage.

Early last fall, we were perusing the groups catalog that our church had published for the Fall Roll-out of groups, and we realized that there weren’t any groups available for parents like us – parents with middle school students. With two middle school students of our own, this gap was obvious as we were looking to plug into a group of people in this similar place in life.

When we reached out to our groups pastor and our middle school pastor, we soon learned that they had been praying about this area and opportunity. We also learned that there was another couple who was also interested in establishing and leading a group for parents like us. And so…last week, we kicked off our new group for parents of middle school students!

There were five of us there for the first meeting, but I’m confident it will grow as more parents in our area and at our church learn of this offering. We talked about some of our parenting challenges. We shared about our inconsistencies and imperfections. If you live in the Perkiomen Valley/Spring-Ford Area and you’re a parent of a middle school student you should consider joining our group. We meet twice a month – the 2nd and 4th Wednesday nights of the month. We’re using a book called Candid Confessions of and Imperfect Parent to help our discussion.

If you’re interested in checking it out, drop me a comment, or check-out the on-line groups catalog for directions on how to connect on-line.

Are you in a small group? What type of group is it? What are you studying, discussing, and/or doing with your group? If you’re not in a small group, why not?

Meet Irwin

Our family has grown in the last couple of weeks. No, Leanne and I did not have another child. But we did add another dog to the mix right before Christmas. Irwin is a golden retriever and Labrador mix, and I believe he turns 9 weeks old today. He’s not your normal 9 week old family dog. Irwin has a purpose, and we only get to have him for a short period of time. You see, Irwin is a Seeing Eye puppy. He was bred to help a blind person. As puppy raisers, we will have Irwin until he is 12-18 months old. Our job is to get him house broken, teach him a couple of basic things (sit, come, etc.), and to get him exposed to public places as much as possible. From there, Irwin will return to The Seeing Eye in Morristown, NJ where he will go through 8 months of intense training. This is when he’ll learn the skills required to guide a blind person. At the end of his training, he will go through a final exam and health check to make sure he’s ready to go to work. Assuming he passes, he will be matched up with a blind person. They will work together for a month up at the school before they are sent home to live and work together.

The whole new dog thing has definitely added a chaos to our home, but it has also been fun. Hannah is the official puppy raiser, and she has been doing an unbelievable job. She takes him out to “park” whenever it’s time for him to go. She lets Irwin sleep by her bed at night. And she wakes up early to make sure he gets outside before any accidents. If Hannah does this twice before she graduates high school, she’ll be eligible for a scholarship from The Seeing Eye. So it’s likely that this won’t be the last new puppy we’ll see in our house.

Many people have asked, “how can you raise the puppy for a year and let it go?” That’s a great question. I’m sure it will be tough to say goodbye to Irwin when the time comes, but it will be easier to release him knowing that he has a purpose. As parents, we have a similar experience with our kids. Sure we get them for more than a year, and those 18 or so years can be filled with all kinds of ups and downs, but I think it’s important to realize that we have influence and responsibility over our children for a relatively short period time. In essence, they are on loan from God. There comes a time when we must release them for their greater, God-given purpose. And so, Irwin reminds me of this. I want to make the most of the time with my kids while they’re under my roof, and I want to release when the time comes them knowing full well that God has a purpose for them.

Have you ever had to release someone or something in order to pursue a higher calling or purpose? What made this transition easy or hard?

Christmas Eve 2011 Week In Review…

What a great week here at the Stretched Blog. The blog traffic is up for the week, and we’re already running a higher page view total than last month. If we can keep it up this week (which could be tough over the holidays), the Stretched Blog may see its highest page views per month total ever!

Monday’s post was titled My Treasure & My Heart was an opportunity to share some of my wrestling over time and priorities. I really appreciate the empathy and encouragement expressed in the comments for this post. Tuesday brought a visit from Jonathan Pearson. Jonathan did an excellent job sharing the stretching of a young leader. Wednesday, I started to share the top 5 posts for the year. The number 5 post for the year was a great guest post by my wonderful wife. She shared about Detours that she has experienced over the past year or two. On Thursday, I shared the 4th most popular Stretched post of 2011 – Locks of Love – about my daughter’s generous donation. And finally and Friday, I shared another fun Ice Breaker about our favorite toys.

I am so thankful for your continued contribution to the blog through comments. Your comments are what makes this Stretched Community! Please remember to take the time to Subscribe to the blog, so you can have Stretched delivered daily to your e-mail inbox. Also, don’t forget to stop by the Jon Stolpe Stretched Facebook fan page. Become a fan to keep up with some additional Stretched stuff. I have started to share more blog highlights from other blogs that I read regularly. I think you’ll find some great stuff here. Thanks!

A few of my favorite posts from the rest of the blogging community this week:

I’m really excited about this upcoming week as I’ll be sharing the top 3 posts for 2011, and I’ll be preparing for the new year! Please stop back so you can see what’s going on here!

How about you? How was your week? If you’re a blogger what happened over your way this week? Did you read any great blog posts this week? Share with the rest of us!

My Treasure & My Heart

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Matthew 6:21

Where is my treasure?

Where is my heart?

I have lots of interests. I spend my time on lots of things. I work. I read. I blog. I run. I watch television. I eat. I sleep – some.

Do I devote the same amount of time, energy, and attention to the people and the things that mean the most to me? This is the question that stretches me. My God, my wife, and my kids deserve my focus.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t have interests and hobbies. But I must always keep these things in check.

Stretch on…!

How about you? Do you know where your priorities should be? How do they match up with reality?

(Please add your comment, and remember to come back tomorrow for a great guest post by Jonathan Pearson!)

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