Category Archives: boundaries

Fences

Posted on by
8

This weekend, our family worked together to fence in our garden.  We used 34 fence posts, 150 feet of fencing, and some fishing line.  We’ve had a garden for many years, but the last several years have been a bit frustrating as we’ve had to defend against groundhogs and deer.  We’ve tried a few other remedies like deer repellant, have-a-heart traps, and hair clippings.  But we’ve still dealt with produce that has been mowed down in the middle of the night by the animals that live in our area.  So far, the fence seems to be working.

We live in a time when people tout the benefits of living beyond our dreams and our boundaries.  I’ve even written a few blog posts about the benefits of stretching outside our comfort zone.  But there’s another side of the equation that needs to be looked at from time to time.  Fences are important tools in our lives.  We need fences in our lives to keep out the “critters” that can damage our lives.   We need fences in our lives to keep us from journeying into unsafe territory.  And sometimes we need fences in our lives to remind us what things are our business and what things are not our business.  With this in mind, here are a few ideas for establishing appropriate fences in our lives.

3 Ways To Set Appropriate Fences In Our Lives:

1.)  Set personal boundaries.  We need to be smart enough and bold enough to set up our own fences.  For example, Leanne and I have a “rule” that we will avoid meeting alone with members of the opposite gender.  Rules or boundaries like this keep us from journeying into unsafe territory.

2.)  Find accountability.  Is there someone in your life (other than your spouse) who knows the true condition of your heart.  Someone like this will ask the tough questions and will also give us early warning signs when our fences need repair.

3.)  Spend time in God’s Word and in Christian community.  These actions keep us growing and alert to God’s business.  When we know God’s Word and experience this type of community, our fence is used more effectively.  Our fenced in area becomes a refuge and a safe house where we can be restored and re-energized for service to those outside the fence.

What are the pluses and minuses of having a fence?  Do you have a fence around your yard?  How do you keep the “critters” out?

Boundaries

Posted on by
2

I have learned to enjoy exploring and experiencing new places.  I believe that I have visited 36 of the 50 states, and I have traveled to three other countries.  Honolulu, Hawaii is probably the place I’ve visited that is furthest from my home.  However, my two trips to France are probably where I felt the furthest from home.  And if you’ve been reading here for a few months, you know I’m planning to go to Guatemala this summer.  When you’re not familiar with the location, the language, the currency, and the culture, it can feel like you’ve traveled to another planet.

The higher speed and relatively lower cost of travel have made it easier to travel away from the boundaries of our home town.

As parents, our responsibility is it to set up appropriate boundaries for our children.  Just like a goldfish needs the boundaries of the fishbowl to keep the alive and safe, our kids need boundaries.  These boundaries are meant to keep our kids safe, to protect property, to prevent psychological damage, and to promote respect for others.  Boundaries provide children with a secure framework in which they can grow.  As our kids get older, we allow these boundaries to expand.  Hopefully, by the time we release our children from our care, they will be better prepared to set up their own boundaries.

Many parents do not want to say no to their kids, but kids are not designed to run around without boundaries.  The novel Lord of the Flies by William Golding provides a glimpse into what might happen with our kids if they were left without clear limits.  In this book, several 6 to 12 year olds turn to barbarism when they are stranded without adult supervision on a deserted island.  While this is just a story, it does remind us that we have an important role in our kids’ lives.  We are responsible for setting boundaries for our kids that will keep them safe and will help them grow into responsible adults.

Different boundaries are required based on the age and development of your child.  When children are toddlers, you may need to set boundaries so they don’t wander into the street or down the stairs.  As they approach preschool and elementary school, kids need to know who they should and shouldn’t talk to – “Don’t talk to strangers.”  As they continue to get older they will need monitoring related to their computer/internet use and their television/movie viewing.  There are many different types of boundaries to consider.

Setting limits is another way to look at setting boundaries.  Limits are not a negative thing.  For example, I need to set limits on the amount of food that I consume.  I like ice cream, but if I eat too much ice cream, my cholesterol will get even higher, my weight will increase, and my overall all health will deteriorate.  At our home, we do this by setting time limits for the television, for the computer, and for video games.  Setting these limits communicates to our children what is okay and what is not okay.  When we’re clear with our limits and when we follow through with our limits, our kids learn what to expect.  When we don’t set limits or when we don’t follow through on our limits, our kids can easily become confused by the lack of a consistent message.

Boundaries are a good thing.

What do boundaries look like at your house?  Or what did boundaries look like for you when you were growing up?  Do you agree that boundaries are important?  Why or why not?  Where else do you need boundaries in your life?