Never… Ever… Give Up Hope

This week, I had the privilege of being a guest on Carol Graham’s podcast, Never… Ever… Give Up Hope.

Please take some time and stop by Carol’s site to listen to her interview with me.  To get there, click here.

(You can also access the interview on iTunes, by clicking here.)

I think the interview will STRETCH you, encourage you, and give you HOPE.

How have you stayed hopeful when things see hopeless?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

How To Turn Your Idea Or Dream Into A Reality

What are you waiting for?

What have you been putting off?

What brilliant idea have you had that never came to fruition because you failed to act?

Many of us have big ideas and big dreams, but that is all they ever are because we don’t take action.

Since I wrote my first book two years ago, I’ve had many people come up to me and respond with amazement.  The possibility of writing a book is an idea that many have had, but it typically never happens.  Perhaps, our ideas don’t go beyond the idea stage, because we are afraid – afraid to fail, afraid to face ridicule, or even afraid to succeed.  Perhaps, our ideas don’t go beyond the idea stage, because we don’t know where to start.  We get too caught up in the business of creating the perfect plan of attack that we develop a paralysis of analysis.

When I wrote my first book, it started as an idea.  I could have put things on hold, because I was afraid I wouldn’t measure up to other authors I know and respect.  I could have put things on hold, because I didn’t know anything about the publishing world.  I could have put things on hold, because I had “better” things to do with my time.

It’s time to put aside your excuses for not moving ahead with your dream or idea.  And it’s time to take action.  Action starts by taking the next step.  You don’t have to do it all at once.  One step leads to another and another and another.  Before you know it, your steps add up to significant progress in making your dreams a reality.

To see what I’m talking about, watch this Huffington Post video about Thomas C. Knox.  He had an idea to help connect with people, and he took action.  I love his quote toward the end of the video:  “Quite frankly, I just thought it was something cool to do, and I did it.”

What is one idea or dream you have?  What’s your next step in making your idea or dream a reality?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Know Yourself – How To Get Started In Discovering The Real You

Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Ann Landers

How well do you know yourself?

You have lived with yourself your entire life.  You should have a pretty good idea of who you are and what makes you tick.

In reality, many of us don’t really know all that much about ourselves.  We look in the mirror to make sure our hair is styled nicely and our face is clear of any major blemishes, but we too often fail to look deeper.

Getting to know ourselves takes time, energy, and perhaps some expert advice.

Two weeks ago, while I was in Chicago for a leadership development program, we spent the better part of a day getting to know ourselves better.  Before we can lead others well, we must learn to lead ourselves.  And self leadership starts with self discovery.  As part of this process, each of the participants in the program had to take the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Temperament Index).  I’ve taken this assessment before, so it was not a surprise to me that my results showed I am an ESTJ.  I’m more of an Extrovert than an Introvert.  I rely on Sensing as opposed to iNtuition.  I’m much more of a Thinker than a Feeler.  And I’m more likely to Judge than to Perceive.

Here’s what the report had to say about me:

ESTJ Snapshot
ESTJs are logical, analytical, decisive and tough-minded individuals who use
concrete facts in systematic ways. They enjoy working with others to organise
the details and operations well in advance to get the job done. Although the
descriptors below generally describe ESTJs, some may not fit you exactly due to
individual differences within each type.

Decisive
Direct
Efficient
Gregarious
Logical
Objective
Organised
Practical
Responsible
Structured
Systematic
Task-focused

My MBTI results report had a lot more to say about who I am, how I tend to behave, and how I may need to adapt to potential pitfalls in my behavioral preferences.  I learned a lot as a result of going through this assessment.

A couple of months ago, I did the Strengthsfinder 2.0 self assessment which helped me see my top five strengths:  Harmony, Achiever, Responsibility, Disciplined, and Analyzer.  My friend, Rusty Pang, recently helped me see how these strengths help to describe who I am:

“When I interpret your strengthfinders results in your personality, I see a consistent, reliable person who is a studied peacekeeper. You don’t like it when two or more people are in conflict, so you rely on your training and knowledge to fix the problem directly or create a system to promote cooperation.“

Rusty’s feedback was right on.  I am completely stressed out by conflict.  I want people to get along, and I want to find ways to bring resolution to situations where people don’t get along or don’t see eye to eye.  When I can’t make this happen, I become restless, I lose my appetite, and I struggle to sleep well.

Learning more about yourself is more than taking a self assessment test, but this kind of tool can start you down the right path.  Here’s a list of a few self assessments, you may want to try to learn more about yourself:

1. MBTI (Myers-Briggs Temperament Index) – To take the assessment for FREE, click here.
2. DISC Profile – To take the DISC personality test for FREE, click here.
3. Strengthsfinder 2.0 – To take this assessment, you have to purchase the book to get the code required to access the test.  Click here to get the book.

Once you have the results from these types of assessments, it’s extremely valuable to sit down with a coach or expert who can help you interpret the results to get the most of your self learning.  Here are a few people I recommend you check out if you are looking for assistance in interpreting your results.  They can help you learn more about yourself:

1. Rusty Pang  In his own words:  “I’m a big believer in people and systems. Over the years, I have developed a system to identify, understand and empower individuals to be their best selves. Entrepurpose is how I’ve scaled the belief that everyone can know and live their purposes.”
2. Chris LoCurto  From Chris’ LinkedIn profile:  “For over a decade my goal has been helping people and businesses to become the strongest and most effective they possibly can. I work with entrepreneurs, leaders, and individuals focusing on business, leadership, teams, personality styles, and life.”
3. Lily Kreitinger  From Lily’s site:  “As a Certified LifePlan Facilitator I help individuals grow and thrive by following a tried and true discovery process to the life they were meant to live.”

Once you learn more about you, you’ll be in a better position to lead yourself and others.  What’s stopping you?

Have you taken any of these assessments?  What were the results?  What other suggestions do you have for getting to know yourself better?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

A Full Head, Heart, and Belly – Reflections on My Week of Leadership Development

My head is full.  My heart is very full.  And my belly is pretty full too.  This is how I feel after an intense week of leadership development.

Last week, I spent my time at the Eaglewood Resort & Spa in Itasca, IL (just outside of Chicago) with 22 other Siemens leaders from around the world.  It was such an honor to be included with such wonderful company.  My peers came from Peru, Brazil, Costa Rica, Mexico, Canada, and the United States, and we gathered for an exclusive leadership development course.

It will take a while for me to fully digest my experience, but I wanted to share some of my initial thoughts:

1. Teamwork can take you far.  As part of the experience, I was put on a team with five other participants.  We had the opportunity to work together on several assignments throughout the week, and I’m happy to say we were successful because we learned how to work together making the most of the different talents and skills we each brought with us.
2. Being present is essential to get the most of our experiences and conversations.  We spent a lot of time learning to listen, learning to be assertive, and learning to coach.  These things are not effective if we are not fully engaged with others.
3. Not everyone has my behavioral preferences and personality tendencies.  I must learn to be aware of how others recharge and respond to situations.  I must also learn to adapt my behaviors to lead more effectively.
4. Getting feedback from others is crucial to helping me grow.  Before I left, I had several people from my office give me feedback through a 360 degree feedback survey.  I also received feedback from my teammates throughout the week.  Receiving feedback from others isn’t always easy.  It requires humility, open ears, and a willingness to analyze, adapt, and accept.  The feedback I received was encouraging and eye-opening.  It provided an opportunity to look in the mirror and discover more about me.
5. Transparency opens the door to team growth.  Within a few hours, my team shared aspects of our past that influenced our leadership and life up until this week.  The stories shared led to more stories.  The stories bonded us together in a way I hadn’t expected.  By the end of the week, I not only had a team of colleagues – I had a team of friends and personal cheerleaders.  I now have people in Brazil, Mexico, Canada, and the United States who I grew close to me.  I know I’ll be able to connect with them when I have a leadership issue I need to navigate.
6. My leadership will only get better when I let others lead.  I have a natural tendency to take on more than I should.  I fail to delegate and to pass off leadership to my team, because I want to make sure things are accomplished at my standard.  If I don’t let others lead, I’m doing a disservice to them, to me, and to my company.  As I head back to work today, I’ll be looking for ways to let others lead.
7. I’m excited for the future of my company.  In my 20+ years with the company, I have never experienced this type of training.  I had the chance to rub shoulders with the up and coming leaders in the company, and they have so many great ideas which will propel our company forward into the future.

These thoughts only brush the surface of my experience last week.  I left the week exhausted.  I’ve spent a lot of time in silence since I left the resort on Friday afternoon.  My head is full with ideas and questions related to how I will implement my learnings.

My heart is full, because I had the opportunity to dive fairly deep into the lives of several new friends.  The coaches along with my colleagues left me feeling valued and accepted.

My belly is full, because they kept feeding us.  Thankfully, I hit the fitness center four of the five mornings I was at the resort.  This week I will get back into a more healthy and normal routine.

If you want to STRETCH your leadership, you need to invest your time and energy (and maybe some money) into yourself.  This week was all about making that investment, and I’m so excited to move ahead with the new tools in my tool belt.

When was the last time you invested in yourself?  How did you STRETCH as a result of this experience?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

What Is Home?

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

Maya Angelou

This week, I’m not home.  I’m out-of-town attending a leadership conference in Chicago and then visiting my brother’s family in Milwaukee.

I’m away from my home in Pennsylvania.

But I’m returning to my home in Illinois.  I lived outside of Chicago until I was 8 years old.

Home is where the heart is.

Pliny the Elder

At least that’s what they say.

Home is where I feel a sense of belonging.  It’s where I feel a connection with my past, my present, and my future.

Home is where I feel safe.  It protects me from the storms of life.  It keeps me warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and dry in the rain.

Home is where I feel a sense of purpose.  Sure I need to branch out – to stretch – into the uncomfortable.  But my first purpose is fulfilled when I’m a home.

Home is the nicest word there is.

Laura Ingalls Wilder

I feel at home when I’m in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania.  I feel at home when I’m in Mt. Holly, New Jersey.  I feel at home when I’m at my job in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania.  I feel at home when I’m in Grove City, Pennsylvania (where I went to college).  I feel at home when I’m in Xenacoj in Guatemala.

I feel at home when I connect with others through my writing and speaking.  I feel at home when I mow the lawn.  I feel at home when I run the trails near my home or the treadmill at my gym.

There’s no place like home.

Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz

Despite these feelings, places, and experiences, I still have an ache – an empty spot – for home.  When people pass away, others say “They went home.”  This sometimes sounds cliché, but I think there’s something to it.  We all have a longing for home that won’t truly be satisfied until we take up residence in our eternal home.  Until then, I’m hanging onto the glimpses of home I experience in this life.

My home is in Heaven. I’m just traveling through this world.

Billy Graham

What does home mean to you and where do you find it in your life?

This post was inspired by a fantastic video about bringing humanity to the homeless.  I hope you’ll check it out below.

10 Essentials For Overcoming the Stress in Your Life

Stress happens.

How you handle stress matters.

My post today initially started as an explanation for a recent reduction in my weekly blog posts, and it turned into an all-out focus on handling the stress we face in life.  I’m not going to change the initial part of the post as I think it helps provide a window into the stress I’ve been experiencing recently.  I don’t know what stress you are dealing with lately, but I’m hoping today’s post will help you as you face life’s challenges.

What is on your goal list?

Are you giving attention to the goals you really want to accomplish?

You may have noticed a recent drop off in the number of posts I am releasing each week.  There’s a reason (actually, there are a few reasons):

1. I’m working on my next book project.  A good percentage of my normal writing time is currently focused on this project.  With a busy work and family schedule, I have to be intentional with my time.  And in some cases, this means I have to give up something to get something else.  Once I get through this book project, I hope to post more frequently.  Until then, I’m learning to be content with a post or two per week.
2. I’ve had a few “distractions” in my life lately.  Without going into too much detail, these distractions have been related to my job, my home, my family, and our upcoming missions trip to Guatemala.  Most of these things are great, but they have required a significant portion of my regular bandwidth.  For my job, I’m preparing to visit Chicago at the end of the month for an exclusive leadership development workshop.  The pre-work for this workshop will ensure I get the most out of the experience which will team me up with leaders from Mexico, Brazil, Canada, and the United States.  For my family, we are navigating the college selection process for the first time with our oldest child.  We are supporting our son as he works on his Eagle Scout project.  And we’re running between various activities at the track, the concert hall, and elsewhere.  My parents are also going through some health challenges and life transitions.  And our family is trying to put the finishing touches on our plans to go back to Guatemala this summer.  (You can support us here or here.)

Life is about choices.

If you are a “Go Getter” like me, you have to come to terms with this fact:  You can’t do everything.

Sometimes you have to let go of the good, so you can focus on the great.  And sometimes you have to sacrifice some of the things on your personal agenda, so you can focus on the things that come your way in the course of life.

As I’ve faced some of the recent challenges (and “distractions”), I’ve dealt with some anxiety, some sleepless nights, and some emotion.  To put it simply, I’ve experienced stress.  Stress is a normal part of life in today’s world.  Unfortunately, many of us don’t know handle ourselves when the stress levels climb.  As I work through my the stress in my life, I’ve developed a list to help me deal with the stress.  I’m hoping this will help you when you deal with stress.

10 Essentials For Overcoming the Stress in Your Life

1. Eat right.  Eating junk only drags you down.  When stress happens, our eating habits are the first things to be compromised.  Junk in equals junk out.  Put the good stuff in to help you overcome the stresses you are juggling.  Eat regularly.  Balance your intake with proteins and plant-based carbohydrates.  Drink plenty of water.  Avoid excess sugar and caffeine.  Limit the amount of alcohol you consume.
2. Exercise.  When we get too busy, we often forget to take care of ourselves physically.  Regular exercise is paramount to dealing with an abundance of stress, and it’s essential for building you up for the future challenges you will face.  Regular cardio and strength training gives you more energy and helps build your immune system.
3. Get sleep.  I struggle with this one.  We all need different amounts of sleep, but most of us need far more sleep that we actually get.  The past few months, I have returned to taking a nap or two on the weekend.  These short siestas help restore my energy levels to better handle the challenges of the upcoming week.  Try going to bed earlier (I’m preaching to myself now).  Turn off the electronics and the television.  Read a book.  Drink a warm glass of milk.  And head to bed early.
4. Get fresh air.  Too often, we get stuck in the office all day.  Our only fresh air intake happens when we walk into the office at the beginning of the day and when we walk to our car at the end of the day.  Use your lunch time to take a quick walk or to visit a local park.  Breathe in the fresh air.
5. Practice gratitude.  When stress levels begin to elevate, we tend to become more negative.  We forget to appreciate what is going on around us.  Find a way to practice gratitude.  Start a gratitude journal, and write in it every day.  Write down two or three things you appreciated about your day.  You’ll be surprised to see the impact of this discipline on your stress levels.
6. Plug into a support system.  You may need a little help from your friends.  I’m in three or four groups that encourage me through tough times.  We all need a this kind of support system.  I meet with 13 other men on a weekly basis.  I meet with a small group of entrepreneurs every other week.  I meet with a group of families twice a month.  And I meet with a group of fellow managers every week at my office.  These meetings are essential to balancing the stresses of life.  These groups have been a place for me to let out some of the emotion I am dealing with and to calibrate my responses to whatever is happening in my life.  If the stress levels continue to rise, I’d highly recommend professional counseling.  Several years ago when I was going through a very stressful time in my life, I met with a counselor for several weeks.  These sessions helped.
7. Stay connected with those who are closest to you.  Stress impacts our relationships with those we love.  In order to counterbalance this natural tendency, it’s imperative that we find ways to spend time together so we can connect.  My wife and I practice a weekly date night which helps.  Plan ahead for time away from the normal routines and pressures of life.  My wife and I are planning a trip to Vermont in June to celebrate our 20th anniversary and to simply connect away from home.  If you have children, date them too.  Take your son or daughter out for ice cream or for a bike ride.  Time together with those we love builds better relationships and builds a foundation for dealing with the stresses of life.
8. Stay grounded in God’s word.  Don’t underestimate the power of God’s word in overcoming the challenges of life.  God’s word encourages, teaches, and reminds us of truths we must remember when life gets challenging.  One of the verses that came back to me recently is Philippians 4:6-7:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“
9. Pray.  My prayer life has increased recently.  Pray for God’s intervention in the challenges you are facing.  Pray for wisdom, peace, and joy.  Pray for those who seem to be coming against you.  Pray that God would use the challenges you are facing now to help others later.  Stress often leads to bitterness, so we must pray that God would change our hearts.
10. Don’t give up.  Don’t quit.  Keep going.  Don’t let the stress stop you from moving ahead.  Learn.  Take one step at a time.  And keep stretching!

I feel better already.

How about you?

How do you handle stress?  What do you do to overcome stress in your life?  Why do you think it’s important to address our response to stress?

If you are looking for additional help in handling stress, I think the 7 Week Stretch Challenge could help.  Sign up below:

Taking Time To Invest In The Next Generation

Leadership is not about the next election, it’s about the next generation.

Simon Sinek

I volunteer on Sunday night as an adult leader at my church’s high school youth group, and I have a confession:  I don’t always enjoy it.  I sometimes feel out-of-place.  I sometimes feel like I’m the “old guy.”  And I occasionally wonder if I’m making a difference.

(How did I become the “old guy”?)

This weekend, I was talking to my wife about some recent thoughts and observations regarding my role.

Without fail, I end up having a few conversations each week with students.  These conversations confirm my initial decision to volunteer with this ministry.

Students arrive at youth group with all kinds of baggage.

• They are stressed out, because they have a big project, paper, or test due in the coming days.
• They are exhausted, because they are super involved in sports, music, or other activities.
• They are lonely, because they don’t have real friends.
• They are insecure, because they don’t have a secure and stable home life.
• They are confused, because they are flooded with conflicting messages at home, at school, and especially on-line.
• They are struggling, because they don’t fit in, they got involved with an unhealthy habit or relationship, and they are afraid to ask for help.

I can’t solve their problems, but I can be there to listen.  I can give them feedback based on my experiences.  I can be there to be a positive example in their lives.  And I can be there to let them know they are valued.

In my discussion with my wife, I was reminded of the importance of plugging into those who are younger.  If you are reading this, you more than likely have experiences and wisdom to share with others.  You have the opportunity to become a mentor, an advocate, and a cheerleader for those coming behind you.

If you want to leave a legacy…if you want to be stretched, be intentional.  Invest in those who are younger than you.

When you do this, you’ll discover:

• There is hope for the future.
• The next generation is full of promise.
• The youth of today can actually teach you.
• You can make a difference in the lives of those who are younger than you.

If you feel like you still have a long way to go (and we all have a long way to go), seek out a mentor for you.

I have a renewed respect for those who invested in me.  I think of my youth leaders.  I think of my teachers,  I think of my bosses.  I think of my parents.  I’m guessing they had similar concerns about my generation, and yet they continued to invest in people like me.  They listened to me.  They encouraged me.  They pushed me forward.  They loved me, and they helped me feel valuable.

Now it’s my turn!

And it’s your turn too!

Who invested in you?  How are you investing in the next generation?

For other related articles, check out:

• Mentoring – Am I Ready For This?  (Jon Stolpe Stretched)
• The Discipline of Getting Feedback (Jon Stolpe Stretched)
• Mentor Like Yoda (Joseph Lalonde)
• How to Find a Mentor to Help You Go Further, Faster (Michael Hyatt)
• Why You Need A Mentor (Chris LoCurto)

March 2016 Top Posts and Commenters

Top Posts for March 2016:

1. 5 Ways To Represent Well
2. 5 Lessons I Learned By Studying The Life of Joshua
3. When The Waves Grow Fierce Around Me
4. Help Us Build A House (Or Two or More) In Guatemala!
5. Ice Breaker – Easter
6. 7 Reasons I’m On Snapchat
7. Video Blog: Table Topics – Spring and St. Patrick’s Day
8. 101 Ice Breaker Ideas
9. Commitment to Prayer
10. 6 Essentials for Finding Meaning in Your Life

Top Stretched Commenters of the Month:

• Lulu
• LarryTheDeuce
• David Mike
• Leah Adams
• Steve Y
• Megan
• Rob Shepherd
• Shawn Washburn

If you are a blogger, share your top post in the comments.  Which STRETCHED post was your favorite this month?  And why?

Ice Breaker – Joke

Most weeks on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question on Fridays. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.

(I’m always looking for Ice Breaker question ideas.  If you have an idea, send me an email at jon@jonstolpe.com.  If I use your question, I’ll give you credit and share your links.)

It’s April 1st, which means it is April Fool’s Day.  This is a day for jokes and pranks.  Today”s Ice Breaker question is inspired by this “important” holiday.  We all need laughter in our lives.

Question:  What is your favorite joke?

My Answer:  I love corny jokes.  In fact, many people call me the King of the Dad Jokes.  Is that a compliment?  Here’s one of my favorite jokes:

Q:  What time do you go to the dentist?

A:  2:30 (Tooth-hurty).  Get it?

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.) And keep Stretching!

To get a FREE copy of 101 Ice Breaker Ideas (an eBook by me), sign up below:

Help Us Build A House (Or Two or More) In Guatemala!

We are the Stolpe Family (Jon, Leanne, Hannah, and Isaac).

In 2012, I (Jon) made my first trip to Guatemala to build a house with a team from our church.  My life changed forever.

The following year, I brought our family back to the village of Xenacoj to serve the widows and orphans here.  We went back again in 2014 to build two more homes for two widows in need.

I have a BIG goal – to one day build 100 houses in Guatemala.  This will only happen one at a time.  Each house provides a stepping stone for families to survive and thrive.  When a family can sleep in warm beds protected from the elements, they are better prepared to face the challenges that exist in everyday life in this village.

This summer, our family is going back to build another house (maybe more).  And we could really use your help!

We are raising $5,000 to pay for a house, to pay for 5 beds, and to pay the final lodging, food, and in-country travel expenses we will incur while we are in Guatemala for two weeks.

Here is a breakdown of the costs:

– House ($2,000):
– Concrete Floor $ 400
– Roof $250
– Masonry Half Walls $500
– Front Wall $500
– Back Wall $600
– Right Side Wall $200
– Left Side Wall $200
– Doors and Windows $250
– Electric (Lights and Outlets) $100
– Beds ($100 each x 5)
– Remaining In-Country Expenses ($2,500)

(If we raise more than $5,000, money will be used to build additional houses in Guatemala.)

In order to finalize the financial end of our project, we need these funds by the end of May 2016.

These funds will not only help me reach my goal.  They will change the lives of a widow and her family forever.

Thank you so much for making this happen.  Your generous donation of any size is greatly appreciated.

To donate to this important cause, click here.

One more thing, could you please share this post with your friends and family?  Thank you!