Rediscovering Grace Through A Two By Four Moment – Guest Post By Chad Jones

Today, Chad Jones is the Stretched guest blogger.  Chad and I became friends relatively recently thanks to the wonders of the blog world.  Like me, Chad is a husband and a dad trying to figure out how to live life honoring God and his family.  His blog, Randomly Chad, is where he expresses the randomness of his life, but I think there’s actually a non-random point to what Chad writes.  Stop by his blog and check out his other writing.  Also, add Randomly Chad to your regular blog reading.

(If you have a STRETCHED story, I’d love to share it here.  Drop me a line if you’re interested in guest posting here.)

In many ways, I’m a great fan of the status quo. I’m happiest when things are copacetically homogenous. Or something like.

Yet over and against this is the old saw that “change is the only constant.” This is undoubtedly true. And for the Christian doubly so, because–as others have so eloquently said–“there’s no standing still in Christ.”

Yet, as a generally introverted person, a man of a certain age, with a wife, two children, and a demanding career, it’s nice when things stay the same for a season (or two, or three). However, over and against this attitude is a God who, through Jesus his son, loves me enough to not leave me as I am.

He’s frustratingly meddlesome at times, usually confronting most in those areas where I think things are just fine and dandy, thank-you very much.

This past year, he has challenged–has stretched–me the most in areas regarding:

My marriage

My humor

My blog

My parenting

My pride

Are you catching the common theme there: I, me, mine?

As much as I learned from that season, I’ve in no sense “arrived”–I’m still learning to be teachable. And learning that being teachable requires ever-increasing humility. (Which usually begins with those words the Fonz found so difficult to say: “I was wr… wro… I. Was. Wrong”). “For God abases the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

And grace is what I–you, we–need very much.

Resource Review: EntreLeadership Podcast

A couple of years ago, I had never heard a single podcast.  Now, I listen to several podcasts that STRETCH me on a regular basis thanks to the wonders of technology and the iPod.  In keeping with the recent trend on The Stretched Blog, I’d like to use this Monday to provide feedback on a resource.  (Last week, I reviewed The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.   And the week before, I reviewed an eBook by Michael D. Perkins – Manifesto On Being Myself.)

Today, I’m passing along my two cents on the EntreLeadership podcast.  EntreLeadership is based on a book of the same name written by Dave Ramsey.  The EntreLeadership podcast launched on August 17, 2011 by Dave Ramsey and his team.  Since then, twelve podcasts have been published (twice every month) that have highlighted different aspects of leadership.

The podcasts vary in length between 35 and 50 minutes.  Each podcast which is hosted by Chris LoCurto typically starts with an excerpt from a Dave Ramsey speech followed by interviews from various leaders.  These leaders have included Jim Collins, Dan Miller, Tony Dungy, Tim Sanders, Dan Cathy, Simon Sinek, and others.  Each podcast is focused on a leadership topic.  The topics have included servant leadership, recognition, mission, accountability, unity, and decision-making.

I typically listen to the podcasts while I’m running or driving.  Occasionally, I’ve had to pull the car over to jot down a key point or note from what I’ve just heard.  The podcasts are filled with wisdom for leaders.  Whether you are starting your own business, leading in your company, leading in your church, or leading in any type of organization, I would recommend checking out the EntreLeadership podcast.  The podcast provides information that will inspire you and encourage you to step out and be the best leader you can be.

Do you listen to the EntreLeadership podcast?  If so, what is one of your biggest take aways from what you’ve heard?  What other podcasts do you recommend and listen to regularly?

Ice Breaker – I Have A Dream

It’s that time of the week again…time for an ice breaker question!  This week we celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  We’ve all heard his famous “I Have A Dream” speech where King dreams out loud about a day when black men and white men will live together in harmony.  In keeping with this theme, today’s question deals with dreams.  For those of you who are new or who forgot, ice breaker questions are used to help people get to know each other – to “break the ice” so to speak.  I love hearing what other people have to say and how they think.  So for today, I’m excited to throw out another simple ice breaker question.  I’ll answer it first, then it’s your turn.  Answer the question by leaving a comment for us all to enjoy.  Thanks!

Question:  What’s your dream?  (You can take this in many different directions!)

My Answer:  Here you go….

As a child and teenager, I had many dreams.  I dreamed of writing plays and becoming an actor.  I dreamed of becoming a firefighter, a pharmacist, and a baseball player.  I dreamed of building a new Mt. Holly, NJ (my hometown growing up) where people got along and things worked more efficiently.  I dreamed of building my own house.  I dreamed of marrying a wonderful Christian woman.  Some of my dreams came true (like marrying a wonderful Christian woman), and many of my dreams never came to fruition.  As I’ve grown and my responsibilities have increased through marriage, parenting, and work, I honestly haven’t dreamed as much.  This question is definitely STRETCHING for me.

Last Sunday, I shared that I’ve been thinking about doing something bigger with my blog.  I truly believe that God can use The Stretched Blog for a much greater purpose.  I’m not sure exactly what that is yet, but I dream that The Stretched Blog and The Stretched Community would be able to build something that outlives us and that ultimately brings glory to God.  When this dream becomes clear, you can be sure that I’ll share it here.

So there you have it, my answer to the question.  Now it’s your turn….I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got to say!

Don’t forget to sign-up for the NEW Stretched Community.  Subscribe to the blog today!

Managing Conflict – A Leadership Stretch … Guest Post by Frank Chiapperino

Today is a big deal for me!  I get to share Frank Chiapperino with my readers.  Frank is a great friend who has my deepest respect.  Frank has a huge heart for leadership and for connecting people to each other and to God.  For several years, I served on Frank’s small group ministry team at our church in Pennsylvania.  I’ve had the privilege of hitting a few conferences with Frank, catching several breakfasts and lunches with him, and sharing leadership/social media/blogging ideas.  Frank is probably the biggest reason that I started The Stretched Blog.  Frank is now pastoring a church in Minnesota, but we still keep in touch from time to time.  You can follow Frank on Twitter or at one of his two blogs – Frank Chiapperino and techpastor.net.  Check out these sites and become one of his regular readers.

(If you’re interested in sharing your STRETCHING story as a guest blogger here, drop me a comment so we can connect.)

Managing Conflict – A Leadership Stretch

I’m so delighted that Jon asked me to guest post on his blog.  I’ve known Jon for quite a few years and valued his friendship as I served and led ministries at the church he attends in the suburbs of Philadelphia.  Currently I serve a church in Rochester, Minnesota and my role has changed.  What is stretching me now is leadership and managing conflict as our church works through change.

It kind of reminds me the challenges I navigate with my boys as a parent.  My boys are getting older and beginning to play together more and more often.  You know what that means… they fight more often too.  One time my wife Shelli made us some great french toast and we enjoyed breakfast together at the table as a family.  Shortly after, Shelli went up to shower and the boys were playing with cars and toys on their train table. They were enjoying themselves and seemed to be fine so I began reading today’s paper.

All of a sudden I hear my oldest son scream, “No AJ, NOOooooooo.”  Anthony (AJ) looked like King Kong on a path of destruction in the little town Michael had created on the train table.  Michael gave him a big shove and my youngest boy brandished his teeth like a german shepherd on the attack, going at his arm for the bite in defense. Luckily, I stepped in just in time and separated the construction engineer from the wrecking ball before any injuries occurred.  What I did next was set some ground rules for the boys. I gave them each a side on the table to play on and they each took a few toys to play with and asked them each to stay on their side. The rest of our morning was quite peaceful.

Sometimes as leaders we need to be a guiding presence and help others navigate through conflict. There are times I will have a staff member or another volunteer leader at our church call me and say, “Frank, I need help. There are some members of my team that are at each other’s throats.” For some strange reason they don’t share my joy when I say, “THAT IS GREAT!” When I manage conflict I normally start where many Christian leaders do, following Matthew chapter 18:

15″If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

• Go to them privately and confront them on the issue
• If a private discussion doesn’t work take a witness. That means someone who has seen the behavior you are speaking to them about.
• If that doesn’t work attempt to involve church leadership to aid in resolution of the problem.
• If that fails, end the relationship.

That is pretty much what Matthew lays out, and it is sound advice that works. However, I do have a few other guiding principles I follow that aid in confrontation and conflict resolution:

• Be wise with your words. Everything you say in a confrontation will either escalate or de-escalate a conflict. Try to use words and responses that we de-escalate the tension.

• Don’t discuss nameless people. Sometimes people will say, “Someone told me…” If they refuse to use actual names of real people, don’t acknowledge it as a leader in the church. It only leads to pointless discussion because you can’t get the real person behind whatever it is involved.

• If you’re wrong, admit it right away. This is powerful in conflict resolution. Think about it for a minute. How often do you hear people actually admit they are wrong? Not often, it is a real sign of maturity and it will have an immediate affect on the situation.

What would you add to Frank’s list above when it comes to resolving conflict?

Book Review: The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson

Last month, I shared that leaders are readers.  One of my goals for 2012 is to read more – at least one book per month.  This may not sound like a lot to many of you book worms out there, but I’m a slow, deliberate reader so this goal will be a challenge for me.

The first book I finished this year is The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  The Circle Maker is a book about prayer based on a Jewish man named Honi who lived during first century BC.  He was known for drawing circles in the ground where he would stand praying until he received an answer.  Batterson discovered Honi while reading a book about legends from this history of the Jewish people, and Honi’s story inspired Batterson to pray more deliberately and with more conviction.

In The Circle Maker, Batterson relates the story of National Community Church (the church he started in Washington, DC) and the story of Honi to inspire readers to dream big, pray hard, think long, and to keep circling.  He also shares personal stories of how he has seen the power of prayer in his own life.

When I started reading The Circle Maker, I quickly decided to use a blue pen to take notes in the margin and to underline key sentences and points in the book.  I highlighted many things that spoke to me, and I wrote in the margins questions and comments that came to mind as I read through the book.  I was inspired and motivated to pray bigger prayers.  I was challenged to be much more specific in my prayers.  And I was encouraged to keep praying even when the answer doesn’t come right away.

This is the perfect book to read for starting the new year.  Here are a few ways that The Circle Maker stretched me:

1.  I decided to start actively keeping a journal of my prayers.  Through Batterson’s encouragement, a prayer journal will help me keep a closer record of my prayers so I can stay in tune with how God answers my prayers.

2.  I decided to be more deliberate in praying circles around my wife, my kids, my church, my town, my extended family, and my job.

3.  I decided to be more intentional in dreaming big.  I am working on my Life Goal List (or Bucket List).  I’ll post this at some point, and I’m asking The Stretched Community to hold me accountable to this.

So how can you be stretched by The Circle Maker?  Pick up a copy of it for yourself.  I’m actually going to give away a copy of The Circle Maker to the top commenter this month.  You could also head over to Mark Batterson’s blog and join in the 21 Days of Prayer.  I think they’re on Day Six, but it’s not too late for you to get plugged in on this challenge.  Finally, I’d recommend starting a prayer journal for yourself.  Start today dreaming big, praying hard, and thinking long.

How’s your prayer life?  How have you seen your big prayers answered?  What or who are you circling with prayer?

Why Did I Change To My Own Domain?

This week I changed from a WordPress domain to a self-hosted domain.  It was a big step.  And it still is a big step as I figure this whole thing out.  So why did I change domains?  That’s a great question, and I’m honestly still working through the answers to that question.  Here’s my answer so far:

1.  Having my own domain gives me an opportunity to try new things and add new things to my blog.  I like to play with the different widgets and gadgets.  The WordPress domain was limited in what I could add and tweak on my blog.  The new self hosted domain gives me more flexibility.

2.  Doesn’t jonstolpe.com sound better than jonstolpe.wordpress.com?  Maybe this is an ego thing, but it’s one of the answers to the question.

3.  I’ve heard that there is an opportunity to make money on my blog by switching to a self hosted domain.  This  brings me to answer number four.

4.  I want to do something great with my blog.  I’ve been wrestling this week with the financial impact of self hosting my blog.  Yes, there’s an initial upfront cost to getting this off the ground, and there will be a small fee associated with keeping it going, but I’m hoping that The Stretched Blog will start to make a little money.  So the question is what happens to this money.  I haven’t figured this all out yet, but my general answer is that I’d like to give it away to do something bigger – something that STRETCHES me.

Today at my church, I received some confirmation that this was the right direction.  Our pastor showed a video about the power of blogging and the power of doing something way bigger than ourselves.  Check out the video and let me know what you think.

Do you self host your blog?  Do you make any money through blogging?  If so, what do you do with it?  Finally, would you be game to do something big together through The Stretched Community?

January 14, 2012 Week In Review

This has been an exciting week for The Stretched Blog!  On Thursday, we moved over to our own domain (from the WordPress domain).  Traffic on the old and new sites remained high this week, and I’m looking forward to the week ahead where I’ll be reviewing The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, Frank Chiapperino will be visiting the blog on Wednesday, and The Stretched Blog will be visiting The Point on Thursday.

This week was truly a blessing as we made the transition to the new platform.  Monday’s post featured my first eBook review of Michael D. Perkin‘s Manifesto on Being Myself.  Tuesday, I shared some of my thoughts from Matthew 6.  On Wednesday, Brandon Gilliland stopped by to share his thoughts on discerning God’s will.  The new platform was introduced on Thursday.  And we ended the week with another fun ice breaker question about going back to the future.

Your continued contribution to the blog through comments is greatly appreciated.  Your comments are what makes this Stretched Community!  Please remember to take the time to Subscribe to the NEW blog, so you can have Stretched delivered daily to your e-mail inbox.  Also, don’t forget to stop by the Jon Stolpe Stretched Facebook fan page.  Become a fan to keep up with some additional Stretched stuff.  I am sharing more blog highlights from other blogs that I read regularly.  I think you’ll find some great stuff here.  Thanks!

Here are a few of my favorites from around the blog world this week:

• 5 Books Every Millennial Leader Should Read in 2012 by Jeremy Chandler at MillennialLeader.com
• The Remedy by Ryan Tate at The Compelling Parade
• Theology of a Teenager, Part 1 and Theology of a Teenager, Part 2 by Heather Zempel at HeatherZempel.com

How about you?  How was your week?  If you’re a blogger what happened over your way this week?  Did you read any great blog posts this week?  Share with the rest of us!

A New Start For The Stretched Blog

Today marks a new beginning for The Stretched Blog.  We have officially moved to our own domain.  I’m excited for the new opportunities that will open up as a result of this move.  PLEASE!  PLEASE!  PLEASE, join the Stretched Community by subscribing (over on your right).  Also, don’t forget to add the new site to your blog reader.  Both these steps will ensure that you continue to receive the same ‘great’ content that goes up almost every day.  Also, pass this new link along to your friends and family.  I love meeting new people through the blog world, and I’m excited to share the Stretched Community with others.

Thanks again for Stretching along with me!

What’s new with you?

Guest Post – How To Have God’s Will For Your Life

Today, I have the honor of presenting Brandon Gilliland.  Brandon is a young leader with lots of passion and incredible talent.  He’s training to become a surgeon.  In his spare time, he plays the guitar, and he blogs about leadership, following Christ, playing the guitar, and becoming a surgeon.  Brandon currently writes at two blogs.  You can check them out here and here.  Please jump over and become one of his regular readers.

(If you’re interested in becoming a Stretched guest blogger, let me know in the comments, and I’ll get back to you.  I’m always looking for people to share their Stretching stories.)

How To Have God’s Will For Your Life

A question that encompasses many Christian’s lives is “How do I follow God’s will for my life?” I have wondered this myself many times. As a student on track to become a surgeon, I have many doubts in my mind. I commonly question myself the methods that I am going through. A few short months ago, a really questioned if this track was God’s will for my life. I sometimes still question it, but I am starting to discover that becoming a surgeon is what God desires for me to do with my life. It is a lot of work, but if it is God’s will for my life, He will give me the strength and the necessary opportunities that will ultimately allow me to become a surgeon.

Like I said earlier, there were a few moments when I was not sure what God’s will for my life entailed (on the career side of things). As Christians, we should desire to stay in God’s will for our lives. If we are truly following Christ, we should have the desire to please and serve Him.

If we are always questioning if what we are doing is God’s will, then how can we serve Him to our absolute best ability? The answer is rather simple: focus on God. This is easy to say, but it is not easy to live out on a daily basis. There are a few things that I have to remind myself of all the time to be able to be assured that I am living God’s will for my life.

Pray

First off, prayer is important. If prayer is not an important part of your life, you can be certain that you are not in God’s will. If you are not on the same wavelength as God, you are not going to make the decisions that He wants you to make.

“Pray without ceasing…”

-1 Thessalonians 5:17

Keep the Main Goal in Mind

After prayer is an important part of your life, you need to keep the main goal in mind. Obviously, this goal can not be set properly without consulting God first. When you believe that God has revealed to you a certain goal after you have prayed about it, you can begin to focus on that goal. Go can desire something else, but you can have the right thought pattern. That leads us to the next point…

“Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”

-Colossians 3:2

Focus on the Small Things

Ultimately, it is essential to know God’s main goal, but it is not beneficial to focus entirely on it. If you focus too much on the main goal, you can begin to drift. Instead, it is important to focus on the small tasks that lead to the ultimate goal. This method insures that you can follow God’s will. If you are doing everything that God wants you to do at every moment, you can be 100% sure that you are in God’s will for your life.

That is the problem though. We do not always pray. We do not always focus on God. We are not always on God’s wavelength.

This is the reason why we can stray from God’s will. He desires so much more for us, but sometimes we give up on the blessings He has for us.

What do you need to follow God’s will on?

Don’t Hold A Press Conference

We all like to be noticed.  We all like to be recognized for doing something good.  We like to hear people say, “Good job.”  We want the praise of man.  I think this is a normal human desire.

The other day, I was reading in Matthew 6 which is part of the Sermon on the Mount given by Jesus.  In part of this sermon, Jesus talks about how we should give to the needy, how we should pray, and how we should go about fasting.  Three times in this passage Christ says, “Then your Father who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”  When we give to the needy, when we pray, and when we fast, we should do these acts so no one knows but God.  We want the recognition.  We want to hold a press conference when we do these things.  But Christ tells us to keep it between God and us.  Surely, God’s reward is far greater than any recognition we get from man.

As a blogger this is a huge topic to ponder.  I often blog about the activities of my family including the activities related to serving others.  I hope that my main motivation in sharing these things is to encourage others to find ways to serve with their families, but I confess that there may be a part of my motivation that wants to hear others say, “Your family is so good.  You are a great parent.  You and Leanne do such a great job.”  These compliments do mean a lot, but my suspicion is that these praises of people pale in comparison to the reward that God promises.

Ultimately, I want to glorify God.  Whether it’s giving to the needy, praying, fasting, working, running, blogging, or whatever, I want my thoughts and actions to bring glory to God.

And so I stretch!  (In a year of being transformed, transformation of my motives is a great place to start.)

What do you think?  Do you struggle with seeking the praise of people?  How do you fight this?