Teamwork – There’s No “I” In Team
I’ve had the pleasure of being on many great teams. At work, I have to work with other colleagues to get projects successfully completed. At home, I have to work together with my wife to lead our family and to make sure our home functions effectively. At church, I have worked together with other small group coaches to keep our small group ministry rolling in the correct direction.
When I think of my favorite team experiences, I think about a mission trip that I went on when I was in high school. Our group of teenagers worked together to build two stone walls for a Habitat for Humanity house in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania. Everyone had to work together to accomplish this project. Some of us dug the foundation for the walls, some of us picked stones from the quarry, some of us placed the stones into the wall, some of us carried water to the other workers, some of us back-filled dirt into the wall. It took all of us to build these walls.
It’s an incredible experience to be part of a team that’s working together. On the other hand, it can be pure torture to be a part of a team that doesn’t click.
Just like a championship sports team, teamwork is essential to a successful family. The first step in successful parenting is getting on the same page. The fact that you’re reading this and thinking about teamwork is a step in the right direction. It’s also important to remember that there is no “I” in team. It takes everyone in the family.
Team Stolpe on top of Mont Tremblant in Canada - Summer 2011
Here are some ideas to help you foster teamwork in your house:
1. Hold regular team meetings. Make sure you are all on the same page. Provide an opportunity for everyone to have a voice and to share their thoughts and feelings.
2. Cheer for each other. Set the example as parents. Your children’s biggest fans should come from inside your home. Celebrate each others differences. Take pride in your team!
3. Plan. Don’t let your family coast along. Do things with intention. Whether it’s vacation, relax time, extracurricular activities, chores, or whatever, there should be a plan. As I like to say, “If you fail to plan, you should plan to fail.”
4. Involve everyone. Each family member should have a voice, and they should also have an important role to play in the day-to-day living of the family. Jobs are important for each family member.
5. Do things together. Camp. Hike. Bike. Geocache. Shop. Do yard work. Whatever it is, find things that your whole family can do together.
What else can you add to the list?
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Corinthians 12:12-26
Tell us about a time when you had to work with a team to get something accomplished (it could be on the sports field, at work, in school, etc.).
Respect
“Men are respectable only as they respect”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are many people in my life who I respect for all kinds of reasons. I respect my parents and my wife’s parents. I respect by boss. I respect those in the church who are in leadership. I respect my teachers. I respect the political leaders throughout our country.
One person who I respect is Ray Rivera. Ray was one of my youth leaders at the church where I grew up in New Jersey. I looked at him as an authority figure, as a spiritual guide, and as a family friend. Ray and his wife Joann always had time for me if I needed someone to talk with. While I knew that he wasn’t perfect, I saw him making good decisions and leading with integrity and with a servant’s heart.
It’s wonderful that we have people in our lives like Ray Rivera – people who deserve respect not just because of their positions of authority but also because of their actions.
As parents, God has put us in a position that warrants respect. One of the Ten Commandments instructs us to give honor to our parents. As our children continue to grow, they begin to strive for respect from their parents and from others. One thing to remember is that respect is not given, it’s earned.
Have you led your kids in a way that deserves respect? If not, there is hope! It’s never too late to make a change. Also, it’s important to understand that the positive steps you take today will have an impact for the long haul. When you positively parent your kids, you are not just impacting them. You are making a difference for generations to come.
Who do you respect?
Finding Balance In The Busyness of Life
Finding balance in the busyness of life can be a real challenge – especially as the kids become more and more involved in activities.
Here’s a look at our families’ after-work and after-school schedule this week:
- Monday – (besides work and school) Isaac’s piano lesson, date night
- Tuesday – vet appointment for Irwin, Hannah’s talent show practice
- Wednesday – Isaac’s Boy Scout meeting, Leanne’s MOPS meeting, Hannah’s talent show practice
- Thursday – Graduate school open house for Leanne, Isaac’s band practice for church
- Friday – Hannah’s talent show
- Saturday – Hannah’s jewelry show fundraiser for Guatemala, Walnut Street Theater show
- Sunday – church, Isaac’s piano recital
This is just a small snapshot into our lives. As you can see, we keep busy. Each of these things is great, but it can become too crazy when we don’t have room for margin in our schedules or when we don’t have consistency in our routine.
Families often struggle with a chaotic existence – running from activity to activity, trying to jam down a quick bite to eat, squeezing in homework, rushing to catch the bus, wrestling with work, etc. We live this way day after day, week after week, month after month. In this midst of this hustle and bustle, our parenting takes on a survival mentality. Wouldn’t it be great if we could change this?
We send mixed messages to our kids when we aren’t consistent even in our schedules. For example, if we aren’t consistent in putting our kids to bed at the same time each night, they will probably develop problems with going to bed. If we aren’t consistent with meal times and snack times, our kids will develop unhealthy eating patterns. Meal times will also tend towards chaotic instead of connecting. Establishing a routine for your family helps kids develop healthy patterns for the future.
Despite the craziness of our schedule, we do try to maintain a rhythm to our weekly schedule. This helps us stay on the same page. Communication is also key. We keep a calendar in our kitchen that helps us stay on top of our family commitments. This helps to avoid over booking ourselves. We have actually started to carve out nights for dates and family nights. When we block these on our calendars, we show each other that our family and our marriage is important. Other things can wait.
What specific things have you done at your home to encourage a family routine? How do you find balance in the busyness of life?
Challenge Activity: Work together as a couple, as a family, or individually to come up with a schedule that works for you and your family. Be as detailed as possible. Be sure to include things like meal times, bed times, etc. Begin to implement the schedule before this week.
Out Of Bounds
When I was a kid, I can specifically remember riding my red bike with a black banana seat way outside of the boundaries that my parents had set for me. My bike was notorious for eating up the pant legs of my favorite Toughskins® jeans. Needless to say, one time when I was out of bounds, my pant legs jammed up in my bike chain and I couldn’t get them out. A friendly stranger took the time to cut my pant leg out of the chain, load up my bike in her car, and drive me home. My parents were obviously disappointed and I was in big trouble. I was grounded for a whole week. I wasn’t permitted to play outside with my friends or to watch television for the whole week. As a first or second grader, it felt like I had been sent to maximum security prison.
Stories like these remind us that we were not perfect children. We didn’t always make the right choices. It’s helpful to remember this when we think about our own children. They will make bad choices sometimes also.
Tell us about a time when you got in trouble as a kid and describe the consequences of your actions. Leave your story in the comments.
My Dad’s Morning Routine
This morning, I woke up in another part of the country to green grass, fully leaved trees, and warmer temperatures. As I walked to the back door to get a glimpse of the sunshine, I saw my dad lying down on the back porch.
He laid there wearing his “exercise” clothes doing his daily calisthenics and having his daily time for prayer and meditation. My dad could give you all the details of his routine which has been part of his daily morning ritual for the past several years. (Here’s a link to his blog where he shares the details of his prayer time.) The general gist of it includes stretching, abdominal exercises, and push ups. Then it moves to a time of prayer when he faces different directions and prayers for his family, his church, his community, and the world. My dad uses the Psalms as he moves through his exercises. He has a method for reciting all 150 Psalms. He used to do this when he went swimming. Now, he recites the Psalms as he warms up on his mini-trampoline.
As I watch him out there practicing his sermon for Sunday and going through the rest of the routine. I’m inspired. I’m amused. I’m intrigued.
Many of you may know that I’m a guy who thrives on routine, patterns, discipline, and schedule. I can see where it came from. My dad is a man of discipline. My grandparents were both very disciplined. My guess is that there was some type of routine in their families before them.
Okay, now the routine has gone a bit far. My dad is singing. If you’ve ever sat next to my dad in church, you know this isn’t a good thing. Actually, it’s pretty neat to hear…in the privacy of my parents’ backyard, my dad finds oneness with God. I’m certain that his singing is sweet, sweet music to the Creator.
As we prepare to visit my parents’ church tonight for their Maundy Thursday service (we don’t have this at our home church), I’m looking forward to a day together. What a great way to start the day!
What’s something quirky about your parents? What quirkiness or trait do you have that you can see came from your parents?
Book Review: Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date by Dennis Rainey
Last month, Leanne and I attended a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember event in Hershey, PA. As you may recall from a few of my posts, this was a memorable and special weekend for us. While we were there, we picked up several books to help us in our marriage and in our parenting. One such resource was Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date (8 Steps To No Regrets) by FamilyLife co-founder and president Dennis Rainey.
Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date is a short book designed for father’s with daughters. In this book, Rainey offers his perspective on how to approach the whole dating thing with your daughter and her potential dates. Rainey recommends a process of interviewing each young man prior to permitting his daughter to go out with him. This may sound old-fashioned and intimidating, but I think that Rainey is on to something.
Not only does this method protect the daughter from guy’s who might not match up with the family expectations for moral perspective, work ethic, and boundaries, Rainey’s interviewing process provides an opportunity to shape the lives of young men. As part of the interview, Dennis Rainey asks each young man to use this method if and when their own daughter’s start to date.
Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date comes at a good time in my parenting path. My daughter, Hannah, hasn’t started dating yet; however, at age 14, the whole dating thing isn’t too far off. As a dad, I want to be prepared to protect my daughter and to help her find the right man. Rainey’s book definitely gives me a lot to think about as I prepare for this time in my parenting journey.
I would recommend Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date to any parent with daughters. You’ll find the book educational, encouraging, and thought-provoking.
When was your last interview?
Do you have any daughters? If so, how have you handled the dating process or how do you plan to handle the dating process?
Raising The Bar
Last night, our middle school parents small group talked about raising the bar. Our discussion centered on our responsibility to teach godly values and principles in our homes. We shared our concerns for the lack of boundaries and growing pressures to “lower the bar” that surround our kids as they’re bombarded by falling standards that exist all around them – especially in the media world of television, music, and internet.
During our conversation, two scriptures helped bring focus to our conversation. In Deuteronomy 6:1-9, God instructs the Israelites to talk to their kids about God and God’s commands morning, noon, and night.
These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
There are so many great ways to live this out in our families. Praying with your kids at bedtime is a great place to start. Taking them to church where they can hear more about God is a wonderful next step. Parents worry that they don’t have the biblical knowledge to spiritually lead their kids, but there are some great resources out there to help. Our family is currently using Fuel: Devotions to Ignite the Faith of Parents and Teens (Focus on the Family Books), a devotional by Joe White. As we wrap up dinner together, we take turns reading from this book. This gives us a time to talk about God’s Word and how it applies to our lives. Finally, I would recommend leaning into other parents. Being part of a small group like ours is a big help. This group often acts as a sounding board for parents as we strive to become better parents while dealing with the joys and challenges of parenting. It’s also a great idea to find parents who can be your example – perhaps they’re a few steps ahead of you in the parenting journal.
The second scripture that we talked about in our group came from Paul’s letter to the Colossians. In this passage, Paul instructs readers to put off the “old” things that represented our lives before knowing Christ, and he teaches us to focus on “new” things that point us in the right direction.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
As we talked about this scripture, we were all challenged to consider our role in helping our kids to live this out in light of the media that could come into our homes. We were encouraged to post these words at our computers and by our TV remotes as a reminder to raise the bar on the things that enter our minds.
How do you raise the bar for your family?
W2R Take Home 2: Make Prayer A Priority In Our Marriage
Happy Leap Day!
To my friend Stretch Mark, Happy 12th Birthday!
Yesterday, I shared one of my big take homes from my Weekend To Remember (W2R) marriage conference experience. I shared that I want to be an agent of encouragement in my marriage and in my family.
Today, I’ll share my second big take home for the W2R conference. I want to make prayer a bigger priority in my marriage. Leanne and I pray to together most nights at bedtime. Although, this sometimes is missed when one or both of us is “too” tired. If I’m honest, I often wait for Leanne to initiate our prayer time. I could probably come up with all kinds of excuses for this, but I’ll save you (and me) the agony.
The W2R conference was a great reminder that I need to step up and lead in this way in our marriage. One of the speakers, Bob Maddox, shared that he and his wife pray together twice a day. If he’s on the road, he calls her at least twice a day to make sure this prayer time happens. Bob takes responsibility for this. When he shared this, I was definitely challenged. And so we are praying together twice a day. I pray with Leanne before I leave for the office in the morning, and we pray together at bedtime. So far, it’s been three days in a row!
How could praying together twice a day make a difference in our family?
First, making prayer a priority puts our perspective and focus in the right place. God has to come first in our lives. Second, praying together gives us an opportunity to connect and to lift each other up. There’s no question that we are in a busy stage of our parenting lives as we run our kids from activity to activity. We need this time to slow down and to be together. Third, praying together sets the tone for our family. I’ve heard it said, the couple that prays together stays together. We want our family to be cemented together. And we want our family to put God first. When we pray, our kids will know it. They’ll see us putting God first. This will have an impact on their lives. Finally, prayer changes lives.
The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16
What’s your prayer life look like? If you’re married, do you pray together? What reasons could you add for praying together with your spouse?
W2R Take Home 1: I Want To Be An Encourager
Yesterday, we (Leanne and I) shared about our Weekend to Remember (W2R) experience at the FamilyLife marriage conference in Hershey, PA. Conferences like this are great, but it can be easy to come away with a mountain top high that quickly fades as real life happens.
When I woke up early yesterday morning for an earlier than normal start, it was easy to become instantly tired and to feel worn out before the week had even started. When I had a migraine headache yesterday at work, it was easy to quickly become frustrated and to feel like I was back to real life. (I’ve been struggling with migraines over the past few weeks.) When I came home from Isaac’s basketball game where we suffered a tough loss in the final four of the playoffs, it was easy to get down knowing that our hoops season was now over.
But throughout the day, I kept reminding myself of the great weekend I had just experienced. I left the conference with a few take homes.
The first major take home for me was put into action last night when Isaac suffered defeat in his basketball game. I want to be an agent of encouragement for my wife and kids. I was pretty down after his game due to the outcome and due to a comment from one of his teammates. I had the chance to express my pride and love for Isaac. Isaac plays the basketball game with a positive attitude. He doesn’t complain. He has fun. He does his best. His game continues to show improvement. I love to watch how he transforms throughout the season into a basketball loving machine.
As we talked about the discouraging remark by his teammate, we had the chance to discuss the power of encouragement. We all have the opportunity to lift people up through our comments. I want our family to live this way to each other, to our classmates, to our teammates, and to others. As a dad, I believe it starts with me as I lead our family. I want to be an agent of encouragement!
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11
How has encouragement transformed your life? Are you an agent of encouragement or of discouragement? What is one thing you can do today to encourage someone?
Ten Reasons To Attend FamilyLife Weekend To Remember
This weekend, Leanne and I spent the weekend at the Hershey Lodge in Hershey, PA. We enjoyed Cocoa Massages at the Hershey Spa. We enjoyed chocolate butter and chocolate mocha creme brulee at the Hershey Grill. We enjoyed a quick ride at Chocolate World. And we enjoyed plenty of Hershey’s Kisses and candy bars. But we weren’t there for the chocolate.
We were in Hershey, PA to attend the FamilyLife Weekend To Remember event which ran from Friday night through Sunday morning. Before you get too nervous, Leanne and I aren’t having any major marriage problems. But we’re always looking for opportunities to improve our marriage relationship. This year’s event was focused on creating oneness in our marriage, and the sessions are taught from a Biblical perspective.
As we were driving home yesterday, we thought it would be fun to share reasons for attending an event like this. Perhaps, you’ll consider attending with us next year! So here’s our top 10 (in no particular order) reasons to attend the FamilyLife Weekend To Remember:
1. One Big Date: This is a great opportunity to spend time together for the entire weekend (without the kids).
2. Cocoa Scented Everything: From the shampoo, conditioner, and hand lotion to the baked goods and chocolate steamers, you could smell chocolate everywhere. You could even smell chocolate in the air when you walked outside the lodge thanks to the nearby Hershey factories.
3. Speakers: Trent and Andrea Griffith and Bob Maddox did an excellent job transparently relating stories from their own marriages and life experiences to help illustrate the main points of the teaching. All three of the presenters were down to earth and approachable. We actually ran into Bob on Saturday night, and he was so easy to talk with.
4. Great Resources: Besides the speakers, there are tons of books and other resources available to help your marriage and your parenting. We picked up a handful of books that we’re looking forward to exploring together.
5. Foundational Teaching: We’ve heard many (if not most) of these things before, but it was great to be encouraged through the speakers.
6. Date Night: Although this was one big date for us (see number one), it was wonderful to have an evening designated as our night out.
7. We’re Not Alone: There were over 1500 others in attendance at this event. It was a blessing to see that there were so many couples who have decided to make their marriage a priority. On Sunday, there was an opportunity for people to share how they were changed by the conference and how they were going to apply what they had learned. We both resonated with many of the things shared.
8. Inspiring: We both left with renewed ideas and enthusiasm for our roles as spouses and parents. We were encouraged to list 2 or 3 action steps to take with us as we returned to the real world. We’ll be sharing those in the coming days through our blogs.
9. Dynamic Breakouts: On Sunday, we attended breakout sessions for men and for women. When we met together after these sessions, we both commented that these times were highlights for us. These breakouts provided specific teaching directed towards husbands and dads and wives and moms.
10. Renewing Our Vows: At the conclusion of the weekend, we had the privilege of renewing our marriage vows. These vows mean so much more now that we’ve experienced life together for over 15 years.
Have you ever been to a marriage conference? Which one? What were the highlights or biggest take-aways for you? How did it change your marriage?