Happy 4th of July!

The Skippack 4th of July Parade 2011

I’ll be spending the day with my family grateful for the country we live in. Hope you and your family have a great holiday.

What’s your favorite thing about today?

The Stretched Blog Visits Some Wise Guy

Today, I’m honored to be guest blogging over at Some Wise Guy.  Some Wise Guy is a blog written by K.C. Procter where he explores the everyday thoughts of being a dad.  Here’s an excerpt from my post, titled Don’t Blink.  Please head over to K.C.’s blog to read the rest of the post and to see what else is going on at Some Wise Guy.  Drop K.C. a comment and tell him that I sent you.

Time flies when you’re a dad.  Don’t blink!

I’ve been a dad for over fourteen years now, and I often feel like it’s been just fourteen days since my daughter joined our family.  This past week, I watched her graduate from middle school.  It literally seems like yesterday when we put her on the bus for her first day of kindergarten.  I remember her excitement and her little brother’s sadness as she climbed on the bus with her very own backpack and her big smile.

What’s going on in your life right now that is moving too fast?  How about something that’s moving too slow?

(For those of you looking for this week’s Ice Breaker, stay tuned to The Stretched Blog over the weekend.  We’ll see what we can do!)

School’s Out For The Summer – Another Milestone

This morning, I’ll be going out to breakfast with my wife and kids and then I’ll be heading into the middle school for an awards assembly and celebration gathering for my daughter who will be ending her middle school career.

As I was tucking her into bed last night, Hannah confessed that she was sad that this was her last day at the school before she heads into high school in the fall. She has grown close to a great group of friends. She has enjoyed the joys and challenges brought on by her wonderful teachers. And she has especially fallen in love with the library and the library staff.

I know she’ll do fine at the next level, but I can also empathize with her feelings of sadness at the thought of leaving familiar territory and the prospect of facing the unknown. While it’s important to celebrate the past (and that’s what we’ll be doing today), it is also important to embrace the future. Just as God’s love has been evident in the past, His mercies will be new in the journey ahead.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23

So as one of our kids bids farewell to middle school today, I thank God for the promise of a new day, a new chapter, and a continued hope that lies ahead.

Hannah, I’m so proud of you, and I’m looking forward to seeing how God reveals his mercies to you in the next step of your adventure.

What milestone are you facing these days? Are you looking forward with apprehension and fear or with hope and excitement (or maybe some of both)?

Random Stretch Thoughts

Life continues to provide plenty of stretching opportunities. Today’s post is simply some of the things that are stretching me these days.

1. Headaches. Since the month of February, I’ve been dealing with lots of headaches. I haven’t had a migraine for a few weeks, but I’m still wrestling a bit with the day-to-day nuisance headaches. I started seeing someone who is helping with deep tissue message. This seems to be helping, but it seems like I still have a way to go until my back, shoulders, and neck loosen up.
2. Running. Yesterday, I shared about the 2nd Annual Race to Remember. Between blogging, headaches, and the other busyness of life, it can be a challenge to find a regular routine for running. I’m hoping that a date on the calendar will inspire me to be more consistent in my running.
3. Gardening. I don’t talk about gardening a whole lot here, but it is still one of my passions. Admittedly, this hobby has taken a backseat to my family, my job, my writing, and other activities. I did manage to get my garden planted a few weeks ago. Now, I need to figure out how to keep the deer and groundhogs out of the garden. And I need to find time to weed.
4. Blogging. I love the blog, and I intend on keeping it going. My main struggle is landing on my next path forward – What is the next step for the Stretched Blog?  Should I write and eBook? If so, where should I focus? I know for certain that I want to use my writing and blogging for something way bigger than myself. The Guatemala trip and the Stretched house is confirmation that anything is possible.
5. Guatemala. I really need to work on my Spanish. In nearly a month and a half, I’ll be making this life changing trip. I pray that I will be alert to the impact of this trip. We’re less than $2,700 away from paying for the house! Feel free to hop on board.
6. Family and marriage. This is a huge priority for me. Many times I feel like my attention and energy isn’t always where it should be. I don’t want to look back with any regrets. In a week, my daughter will be graduating from middle school. I know she’s ready for high school, but this milestone is a reminder that time isn’t slowing down. I need to make the most of the opportunities.
7. Faith. To put it plainly, my relationship with God has to be the most important thing in my life. I’m constantly filling my mind with good things, but I’m realizing more and more that I need to be still. This stretches me to the core.

I’m sure there are many other things that are stretching me, but this list provides a glimpse into the ones that keep coming back to me. I’m thankful that God is patient with us while we stretch. I’m thankful that he desires a relationship that is new, exciting, and stretching.

What’s stretching you see days?

(Don’t forget to get in on the giveaway that’s going on this week on the Stretched blog. Click here for more details.  There’s still time to win Platform by Michael Hyatt or Love Does by Bob Goff.)

Discipline – Thoughts On Discipline From Our Talk At MOPS

I am someone who doesn’t enjoy change.  On top of that, I’m fairly disciplined about most things in my life.  For example, I’m pretty disciplined about my workout routine.  While training for three different marathons, I followed an 18-week written schedule, and I documented my progress on a spreadsheet.  For the most part, I stayed on track throughout the entire four months of training.  On the other hand, I would like to be more consistent in my prayer life.  It seems easy to pray at meal times and dinner times; however, I seem to fall short the rest of the day despite the scripture that calls for us to pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17).

The topic of discipline is multifaceted.  We often talk about living a disciplined life (“When it comes to working out, that guy is sure disciplined”).  Last night, Leanne and I had the opportunity to share at a MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) on the topic of discipline.  In this session, we will talk about the reasons we discipline our children.  As we delved into this subject, there are a few things we kept in mind.  First, we discipline our children because we love them (not because we want to be mean).  Second, God has placed us in a position of authority to help protect and guide our children while giving them clear and safe boundaries. While we were asked to speak as “experts” on the subject, it’s important to understand that we’re not perfect.  Our parents weren’t perfect in the parenting, and I’m sure if you’re reading this that you’re not a perfect parent either.  It’s important to understand though that we can make a difference in the lives of our kids if we decide to take this subject seriously.  We all have different backgrounds when it comes to the subject of discipline.  As couples, it’s important that we get on this same page, so we can be unified in our approach to discipline.

Here are a couple of passages from the Bible to get us thinking about this subject:

And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as children? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate children at all. Moreover, we have all had parents who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!  Our parents disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Hebrews 12:5-1

My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.   Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck.   When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.   For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life,  Proverbs 6:20-23

Here are some of the key points from our talk last night:

• We discipline our kids because we love them.  “If you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.”  Proverbs 13:24
• Discipline is NOT meant to harm our children – “Fathers do not exasperate your children.”  Discipline is not meant to scar; it’s meant to correct.
• Help them make good choices in the future – shape their hearts (help them understand what they did was wrong).  When we discipline our children, it’s important to talk and to pray together.
• When we discipline our children, the punishment should fit the age of the child and the “crime.”
• Sometimes living with the consequences of their actions is the appropriate discipline for an inappropriate action by our children.
• Consistency is critical.  We create confusion in boundaries and expectations when we aren’t consistent.  Also, we notice that when things aren’t going right in our home, it’s often a sign of inconsistency on our parts.
• Through discipline, we have an opportunity to teach our kids about God’s grace.

Here’s the cool thing.  If you feel like you’re not getting it right when it comes to discipline, today is a new day.  You can change your family for eternity – starting today – by how you approach discipline.

What did discipline look like in your home when you were growing up?  If you’re a parent, what does discipline look like now?  In what areas do you need some work?

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms in my life and to all the mothers of the Stretched Community!  Have a great day!  You deserve it!

Slow Down

Yesterday, in four or five conversations with different people the subject of busyness came up. The conversations went something like this:

My friend: “Hey, how are you?”

Me: “Okay, how about yourself.”

My friend: “Good, but I’ve been real busy lately.”

Me: “I hear you. I’ve been busy lately as well. It seems like I’m running from one thing to the next.”

Seriously, this conversation with minor variations was repeated several times yesterday. Why do we allow ourselves to become so busy. Do we like being busy, or do we just like the opportunity to tell others that we’re busy? In all our running around, are we making progress towards something that really matters, or are we just trying to keep up with the neighbors?

Staying busy for the sake of being busy is pointless. And even if our activities result in something good, we still need to analyze our list of activities. Are we participating in activities that match up with our gifts and passions? Are we leaving any space in our schedules for rest and reflection? Are we truly making the most of our opportunities – especially when we’re being pulled in a million different activities?

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve read a couple of blog posts and listened to a podcast or two that deal with this topic. Michael Hyatt talked about the importance of calendar triage in his blog in the past week. The FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey Podcast talked about the importance of simplifying our lives in an interview with Dr. Meg Meeker.

These are challenging messages to hear in this culture – especially in the Northeast where everyone seems so ME focused.  So how can we change this?  Here are four simple ideas that could make a huge difference in our journey to take control of our schedules:

1.  Write it down.  Take time at the beginning of each month and at the beginning of each week to write down and review the calendar.  Seeing it in front of you on a calendar will quickly show you if there are any gaps in your calendar for rest and refreshment.

2.  Prioritize and prune.  As you list out your activities and commitments, consider prioritizing them.  You may want to use a number system to assign a priority to each item on your calendar.  Going to church is a top priority in our house, so it gets a 1.  Other things might be a lower priority, so we can assign them a 2 or a 3.  As you review your calendar, consider giving up one of the lower priority activities.

3.  Schedule time for rest, refreshment, and reflection.  Seriously, block off time on your calendar.  Give this a top priority.  Don’t let something else come along and take its place.  This is something we’re still working on at home.  We have tried to make Monday night open for our date night.  This has worked most of the time; however, I must confess that the past couple of weeks we’ve let other things come in the way of this.

4.  Practice sabbath.  I was talking with my good friend, Michael Shaw, yesterday about this very subject.  Michael, who is Jewish, holds the sabbath (sun-down Friday night to sun-down Saturday night) sacred.  He literally shuts down each week during this time.  God’s command for a sabbath was not just meant for us to focus on Him, I believe it was designed to create a regular rhythm of rest in our lives.  It’s important that we find ways to practice the sabbath.

What is one thing that you need to trim off your calendar or schedule this month?  What other suggestions do you have for slowing down?

Boundaries

I have learned to enjoy exploring and experiencing new places.  I believe that I have visited 36 of the 50 states, and I have traveled to three other countries.  Honolulu, Hawaii is probably the place I’ve visited that is furthest from my home.  However, my two trips to France are probably where I felt the furthest from home.  And if you’ve been reading here for a few months, you know I’m planning to go to Guatemala this summer.  When you’re not familiar with the location, the language, the currency, and the culture, it can feel like you’ve traveled to another planet.

The higher speed and relatively lower cost of travel have made it easier to travel away from the boundaries of our home town.

As parents, our responsibility is it to set up appropriate boundaries for our children.  Just like a goldfish needs the boundaries of the fishbowl to keep the alive and safe, our kids need boundaries.  These boundaries are meant to keep our kids safe, to protect property, to prevent psychological damage, and to promote respect for others.  Boundaries provide children with a secure framework in which they can grow.  As our kids get older, we allow these boundaries to expand.  Hopefully, by the time we release our children from our care, they will be better prepared to set up their own boundaries.

Many parents do not want to say no to their kids, but kids are not designed to run around without boundaries.  The novel Lord of the Flies by William Golding provides a glimpse into what might happen with our kids if they were left without clear limits.  In this book, several 6 to 12 year olds turn to barbarism when they are stranded without adult supervision on a deserted island.  While this is just a story, it does remind us that we have an important role in our kids’ lives.  We are responsible for setting boundaries for our kids that will keep them safe and will help them grow into responsible adults.

Different boundaries are required based on the age and development of your child.  When children are toddlers, you may need to set boundaries so they don’t wander into the street or down the stairs.  As they approach preschool and elementary school, kids need to know who they should and shouldn’t talk to – “Don’t talk to strangers.”  As they continue to get older they will need monitoring related to their computer/internet use and their television/movie viewing.  There are many different types of boundaries to consider.

Setting limits is another way to look at setting boundaries.  Limits are not a negative thing.  For example, I need to set limits on the amount of food that I consume.  I like ice cream, but if I eat too much ice cream, my cholesterol will get even higher, my weight will increase, and my overall all health will deteriorate.  At our home, we do this by setting time limits for the television, for the computer, and for video games.  Setting these limits communicates to our children what is okay and what is not okay.  When we’re clear with our limits and when we follow through with our limits, our kids learn what to expect.  When we don’t set limits or when we don’t follow through on our limits, our kids can easily become confused by the lack of a consistent message.

Boundaries are a good thing.

What do boundaries look like at your house?  Or what did boundaries look like for you when you were growing up?  Do you agree that boundaries are important?  Why or why not?  Where else do you need boundaries in your life?

My Mom

My Mom and Hannah near the Grassy Knoll in Dallas, TX

My Mom is pretty special.  And I know I don’t tell her that nearly often enough.  She’s the one who put up with three boys not including my Dad and any of the dogs we’ve had along the way.  Mom has a servant’s heart.  She is always looking out for the best interest of others.  Whether it’s in our home, at church, in the mall, on the highway, or anywhere else, Mom has a keen desire to make sure everyone is cared for and is well fed.

As an example, Mom was one of the main drivers behind the creation of a caring center at our old church in Mt. Holly, NJ.  At this center, Mom and other volunteers would collect food and clothing to give to families from the area who were in need.  This ministry grew and grew for several years as it served hundreds if not thousands of Burlington County families.

Mom is the one who knows most everyone at the church by name.  She knows them not just because she’s the pastor’s wife but because she has spent time praying for them.  Mom is friendly – this is a major understatement.  She one of the first to greet new people as they come into church.  She learns their names and quickly tries to help them to get plugged in with others.  This goes with Mom’s gift of hospitality.

As a kid, I remember Mom using this gift on many Sunday afternoon’s when we would have people over for Sunday “dinner” around our dining room table.  The food always smelled so good when we walked into the door after church.  Which reminds me, Mom is an amazing chef.  Her pot roasts and pies are just two of the things that come to mind when I think of Mom’s delicious cooking.

Mom loves Scrabble.  I’m kind of disappointed that I didn’t get to play Scrabble with her during our visit to Dallas last month.  But it was pretty neat to watch Mom playing Scrabble with Hannah and Isaac.  It reminds me of the times when I played Scrabble with my Grandma.

I could go on and on about Mom.  She’s really an amazing woman.  Most of all, I am thankful for my Mom, because she pointed me to Jesus.  Whether it was through her conversation or through the example she continues to provide, Mom showed me how to love God and to love others.  She showed me through her heart to serve others.

Thank you, Mom.  I love you!

What’s special about your mom?

The Power To Change A Family Tree

Last night, Leanne and I were working on a talk that we will be giving at a MOPS meeting later this month at our church.  We’ve been asked to talk about discipline.  What a fun subject!

Actually, it’s not the easiest subject to talk about.  Everyone has different opinions and backgrounds when it comes to discipline.  Some of us grew up with parents who hardly disciplined us at all, and some of us faced the other extreme of discipline that may have bordered on abuse.  At any rate, it is an important topic, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to share some of the things that we’ve learned (and are learning) in our parenting journey.

As we were preparing for our talk, we were watching a couple of clips from the first season of Supernanny.  (Many of you may know that Leanne and I wrote a parenting curriculum several years ago based on this series which you can see by clicking here.)  At the end of the clip, the mother in the episode shares some thoughts that got me thinking.  She said something like this, “The changes that we are making today will have an impact on these three little boys, and they will forever change the world for their kids as well.  We are making a change that will impact generations.”

That’s a pretty powerful statement.  Something I do today could impact my kids, my grandchildren, and even my great-grandchildren.

I’ve heard this before.  Dave Ramsey always tells families who have made a decision to become debt free that they are “changing their family tree forever.”

Wouldn’t it be great to know that you were having that kind of impact?

Whether it’s taking positive steps in our finances or making changes in our parenting approach, we can clearly change the world when we decide to live with intention.

I think it’s easy to get hung up on our past failures.  We’ve all messed up!  It’s also easy to become overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy.  We need to shift our thinking.  Today is a brand new day.  We can start making changes starting today.  The past is the past.

Here’s the question.  What change can you make today that will have an impact on future generations?  What is holding you back from making that change?