The Cone Of Shame

Last night, I picked up our dog (Iso) from the vet hospital. Iso spent a few days for surgery after he ate one of my dress shirts, a dish towel, and some other things. When I picked him up, I was given a list of instructions and medicines required following his treatment. I was also given an Elizabethan Collar which is supposed to keep him from licking his wounds. The E-Collar kind of looks like a plastic lamp shade that goes around his neck. If you’ve seen the movie Up, it’s also called the Cone of Shame. It’s as if Iso has been given a Scarlet Letter to tell everyone that he was the knucklehead who decided to eat shirts and towels and other non-food items.

People aren’t given a Cone of Shame when they do something wrong, but we sometimes where the marks of our transgressions. I have a scar on my leg which tells the story of me wearing shorts on a job site where I was helping to build a house in high school. Scars and other misstep indicators come in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes the marks of our mistakes aren’t visible, but they are enforced by people around us. In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel, The Scarlet Letter, we see this lived out in the story of Hester Prynne. In the story, she conceives a child through an adultery and is forced to wear a red “A” on her shirt, so people will know that she committed adultery. The red “A” is kind of like a Cone of Shame – it’s embarrassing, it amplifies our failings, and it makes it challenging to live a normal life.

I don’t know what you’ve done in the past. I’m sure you’ve screwed up somewhere in the past. I know I’ve messed up more than I care to admit. Why are you wearing your Cone of Shame? Do you know that you can find freedom and forgiveness from your past?

In Romans 8:1-2, Paul reminds us that Jesus came to take away our Cone of Shame.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

Sure we have to deal with the consequences of our sin here on earth. But there is incredible good news for those who follow Jesus. He came to take away the guilt and shame of our past. He came for you and me. He came to set us free from the Cone of Shame.

How does this change things for you?

April 2013 Top Posts and Commenters

Here are the highlights from April 2013. Thanks to everyone who read along and commented. Your readership and participation in the daily discussions are what make The Stretched Community. Thank you! Overall, traffic was up slightly from March (3.22%). I have continued to limit my posts to Monday through Friday. Taking the weekends off has given my more time with my family along with more time to process ideas for the coming week. The top 10 posts included two posts written in 2012 and a post written by guest blogger Thomas Mark Zuniga. If you missed any of these posts, I hope you’ll go and check them out now by clicking below. The post with the most engagement was Ice Breaker – One Thing, Right Now posted on April 26, 2013.

Top 10 Commenters:

As promised at the beginning of the month, I have randomly chosen someone from the top 10 commenters to receive a copy of Second Guessing God: Hanging on When You Can’t See His Plan by Brian Jones. Your chances of winning increased the more you commented and the higher you were on the list. This winner of this book is…(drum roll)…Carol Peterson. Congrats to Carol!

For the month of May, I’ll be giving away a copy of The Connecting Church 2.0: Beyond Small Groups to Authentic Community by Randy Frazee. For my review of the book, click here. Again, the more you comment the higher your chances of winning.

Thanks to each and everyone for reading and for commenting. I’m looking forward to May with The Stretched Community!

How was your month? If you’re a blogger share a link to your top post in the comments? What was your favorite Stretched post this month? How were you STRETCHED in April?

5 Reasons To Start Your Own Blog

To blog or not to blog? That is the question.

I don’t know the exact stats, but if I had to guess I’d say that 50% of the people who follow my blog do not have their own blog. They are either friends or family, or they somehow linked into The Stretched Blog by chance.

People (who aren’t bloggers) often ask me how I do it and why I do it day after day. I’ll admit there is definitely a discipline that develops when someone decides to blog on a consistent basis. I often hear people say that they could never do that – write their own blog.

I’ve been working on updating my About page which has me thinking about my reasons for blogging. Obviously, I have personal reasons for writing The Stretched Blog, but I think that there are many reasons for you to consider starting your own blog. Here’s a list of five good reasons:

Blogging forces you to think. My brain is usually spinning with work and family focused functions. It can be easy to limit my brain to my daily routines and responsibilities of work and home. Blogging taps a part of my brain that might normally get less of a workout.
Blogging helps you remember. Life happens so fast. I seem to have an easy time remembering the more trivial stuff of life like when the Phillies won the last World Series and who won the last season of American Idol. Blogging helps me to remember the things in life that really matter. In my blog, I try to relate the real experiences of life to growth and stretching. I can look back through the Archives of my blog and recall all the times God has stretched me.
Blogging gives you a chance to encourage others. In Hebrews 10, we are called to spur each other on towards love and good deeds. I hope that my blog is a place that encourages others to stretch. People will relate to your life experiences and the lessons you are learning along the way. A blog is a perfect place to share these experiences – not just for you – but for others as well.
Blogging provides an opportunity to meet new people. I am blown away by the community of people I’ve met through my blog. I’ve met Larry from Tennessee, Dustin from California, Chad from Arizona, Brandon from Florida, Dan from Washington, Eileen from Georgia, and so many others. This tribe of people has encouraged me to stretch and expand my thinking. They’ve provided great ideas and helped to promote my blog.
Blogging can be a significant part of leaving your legacy. I suppose you could make your blog private which is okay, but I’m hoping my blog provides a record of me after I’m gone to family and friends. I hope that they will see a man who embraces the stretch and who wants to bring glory to God. Your blog is a unique place for you to tell others about you. You have something to say. You have something worth sharing. Let your blog become part of your legacy.

Do you blog? Why? What’s your blog about? Share a link to your blog. If you don’t blog, why not? What’s stopping you from starting your own blog? How can I help you get started?

Book Review: Are You Living Or Existing? by @KimanziC

Do you ever feel like you’re just coasting along?

Is that really how you want to live your life?

Part of the reason I write The Stretched Blog is to share my stretched experiences and to hopefully stretch others (for more read my About page). I’ve come to realize that you’re not really living unless you’re stretching and growing.

In Kimanzi Constable’s new book, Are You Living Or Existing?, he shares 9 steps that can take you from just existing to living a life with passion. In the book, Kimanzi relates his story of moving to Hawaii along with his struggles with weight loss to readers who are interested in taking their lives from coasting to gaining real traction. The book talks a lot about making dreams a reality. Kimanzi offers practical action steps towards achieving your dreams.

Are You Living Or Existing? is set up in nine easy to read chapters that make this a quick read for most. If you’re feeling stuck on the road to fulfilling your dream, I’d recommend picking up a copy of this book which will give you some practical ideas on how to proceed.

This book will be available starting Wednesday, May 1st. If you order the book between May 1st and May 19th, you can get over $100 in additional goodies by sending your receipt to sales@talesofwork.com.

What is your dream? How are you pursuing your dream? What progress have you made in pursuing your dream in the past 90 days?

[I received this book free of charge from Sound Wisdom Publishing in exchange for a review. I was not required to provide a positive review.]

Ice Breaker – One Thing, Right Now

Each week on The Stretched Blog, I ask an ice breaker question. The questions are designed to help us get to know each other here in The Stretched Community. I’ll provide my answer to the question here in the post, and then you can leave your response in the comments. While you’re in the comments section, see how others answered the ice breaker question.

Question: What is one thing you could do right now that would improve your life?

My Answer: Sleep more. If I had to guess, I probably average 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night. Studies show that 7 hours a night is much closer to the ideal. And 7 hours of sleep provides most people with much better focus and energy for the day. According to a June 6, 2008 article in Time:

Studies show that people who sleep between 6.5 hr. and 7.5 hr. a night, as they report, live the longest. And people who sleep 8 hr. or more, or less than 6.5 hr., they don’t live quite as long. There is just as much risk associated with sleeping too long as with sleeping too short. The big surprise is that long sleep seems to start at 8 hr. Sleeping 8.5 hr. might really be a little worse than sleeping 5 hr. (Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1812420,00.html#ixzz2RWfzvoVV)

This is a tough one for me to change as I like to burn the candle at both ends. I get up early to run, write, and get ready for the day. And I probably stay up later than I should reading, watching television, or waiting for my teenage kids to go to bed. How can I fit it all in? I’m sure the answer lies in giving up a few things between the time I wake up and the time I go to bed. But what should go? That is the question.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.)

I Am A Runner – 6 Tips For Those Considering Their First Marathon

Yesterday, I ventured out on the Perkiomen Trail early in the morning for five miles. And then last night, I hit the roads and trail around Collegeville for another 6.4 miles. There wasn’t anything majorly significant about either of these runs. I didn’t feel real fast; in fact, I felt kind of slow at times as I plodded along.

It’s amusing to me that people occasionally come to me seeking advice about running their first longer race. It just makes me laugh that people would look to me for advice about running. I have run half marathons four or five times, but it’s been several years since I last ran one. I’ve completed three marathons, and two or three Broad Street 10 Milers. I can’t tell you how many 5Ks that I’ve run over the years. Nonetheless, I don’t consider myself an expert. I’m slow and bigger than most long distance runners (that’s a nice way to say that I carry a little more weight than most if not all decent distance runners).

So what did I tell people?

1) Get into a training program. Whether it’s a runner’s group at the YMCA or like Team in Training or it’s simply an on-line or written plan like one from Hal Higdon, I think these programs can help keep one focused on doing the right mileage and exercise and rest to prepare for a longer race. I used a modified Hal Higdon plan when I prepared for all three of my marathons. As a numbers guy, I created spreadsheets to help track by progress through my training. I tracked distance and time, and I tracked details about each of my runs and workouts about how I felt, where I ran, and what the weather was like. It was amazing to watch my mileage build up from week to week. (I’ve been tracking my mileage this year, and I’ve run 418.74 miles in 2013 to date.)

2) Get some accountability through a runner’s group or a friend who’s at your level. I found a friend to train with for many of my shorter runs, and I asked several people to ride their bike alongside me for a few of my longer runs. They carried my water and gel packs, but they also provided conversation to distract me when the mileage was getting the best of me.

3) Cross train and rest. These are important to build your strength and cardio capacity without overdoing it. I like to ride my bike as one of my cross training activities, and I would recommend swimming and lifting as great cross training activities. I look forward to my scheduled rest days. These give me a chance to recharge. These are just as important as the exercise days.

4) Practice hydration and fueling on your longer runs. While marathon training, I ran with a belt with four water bottles. I filled one or two of the bottles with an energy drink like Accelerade. Practicing eating a gel shot or energy bar in the middle of your longer runs. Find out what works for you and your stomach. I learned that certain gel packs don’t work with my stomach. It’s best to learn this lesson while training and not during your race.

5) Set goals. A first goal would be to make it through your training and to the starting line of the race. Next, your goal should be to finish the race. Then, you can start adding time related goals – overall finish time, negative splits, etc. Finally, you might want to add a stretch goal that you can go after if you’re really feeling good.

6) Have fun. The running community is great – before, during, and after the race. Talk to other runners. Find out what works for them. Ask them about their favorite races. Cherish each moment.

For not being a running expert, I guess I have a lot to say.

Are you a runner? What tips would you add to this list?

Answers From Me Part 3 – Day Relived

A couple of weeks ago, I asked The Stretch Community to ask me anything. And they did! I’ve answered two of the questions so far, and I thought I’d take a stab at another question today. This one comes from my brother (David Paul Stolpe) who has become one of the top commenters over the past few months. Here’s his question:

If you could relive one day, what day would it be?

This is a rather thought-provoking question. Honestly, I know I can’t change the past, and I have little control over the future, so I try to live in the present. But…if I had the opportunity to relive one day, I’d probably pick my wedding day.

For those of you who are married, you can probably relate to my feeling that this day went by so fast. In many ways, it was a blur. I’d love to take time to appreciate those in attendance – especially my family who came from all kinds of distances and directions to help us celebrate.

I’d love to relive the joy of that first newlywed kiss, the first dance, the piece of cake, the ride together in the Model A from the church to the wedding, the ceremony itself, and of course our first night together. I wouldn’t necessarily change anything about that day, but I’d try to appreciate more deeply the meaning of that day and the interactions with those in attendance.

And that’s my answer!

Now, it’s your turn. Answer my brother’s question: If you could relive one day, what day would it be?

Growing is Unending

Today, it’s my honor to share guest blogger and fellow Phillies fan, Thomas Mark Zuniga (TMZ). TMZ is an aspiring author with a story worth sharing. He has just finished his first book, Struggle Central, which will be available on Amazon shortly. Until then, you can get a copy of his book for free for a limited time by signing up for his newsletter (click here). You can also follow TMZ on Twitter and Facebook.

Growing is Unending

Over the last couple years, I’ve endured some especially stretching moments: one vulnerable summer camp position in Milwaukee, another more exposing camp in North Carolina, and not one but two cross-country moves from Georgia to California on either side of those stretching summer camp romps.

That second cross-country trek stretched me even more than the first.

After completing the most impossible summer of my life in North Carolina, I returned to my parents’ home in Georgia. The previous year in California, I’d experienced my greatest year of growth: finding an amazing church, plugging into my first life group, and even getting baptized by said life group.

Stuck in the South, I knew I had to drive back West.

But how? My old roommates were gone. My savings were scant, at best. How could I drive 2,500 miles with nowhere to live, nowhere to work, and nothing saved up?

No plan?

I put off the inevitable for weeks. Two, four, six weeks passed as I grew increasingly sickened by my “backslide” into the way things used to be: living under my parents’ roof with no job, no church, no community, no sense of purpose whatsoever.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it.

I had to leave.

Leave again.

Leaving for California two years earlier was so much easier. After graduating college, I was beyond ready for the open waters of a new existence. Had a housing situation with friends already secured across the country with much saved from a lucrative summer job.

But this time was harder. The unknowns weightier, the waves far more perilous. I drove off my parents’ driveway the second time with saltier tears and a heavier heart from the first.

With so much stretching and growth in the two years separating these momentous drives, why was this second move so much more difficult than the first? Had I even grown at all?

After completing my drive across the country, I was inundated with struggle: an isolating living situation in the boondocks of an old married couple’s house, no work, and a car that died from thousands of wearied miles.

Additionally, I struggled to reconnect with my life group filled with old and new faces alike. It was the same amazing group who’d baptized me six months prior, and yet it wasn’t. I had changed, just as they had. And now we needed to start over and change together again.

The changing process would take months.

I’ve since learned that despite two momentous years of growth, capped by a summer camp that could have very well ended a triumphant feel-good movie, the process has really only just begun – my stretching and growing, still in its infantile stages.

Because growing is unending. And though struggles remain, redemption awaits.

I’ve recently broken ground on a project four years in the making: my first book. Since college, I’ve felt called to write, and this book in particular has long filled me with thrilling fear: a book of “messy memoirs” charting my struggles and the ensuing redemption of the last quarter-century.

Looking back on my quarter-life, I see the growth. See it so clearly. But I often wonder when the stretching will end. When will I be fully grown? A fully developed Mr. Miyagi or Gandalf with every arduous lesson learned, now able to impact any and all passersby?

At 26, I’m still very much learning the breadth and depth of this journey. Learning that this pursuit in stretching and growing is never done. That nobody this side of the grave has truly “arrived,” and the ones who impact most are the ones who realize this best. Truly, deeply know it.

I hope I come to know it, too. Know that despite the certain growth from a quarter-century on this planet, there’s more to the mountain than this.

When have you had to leap into the unknown? How was it difficult, and how did it affirm your growth? Have you ever felt like you’ve stretched or grown “enough” only to be shown otherwise?

Sensational – The Stretched Blog Visits Faith, Fiction, and Unvarnished Truth

Today, I’m guest posting as part of The Network for Deborah Anderson at her blog, Faith, Fiction, and Unvarnished Truth. In my post (Sensational), I share some thoughts about what it means to merit great public interest and excitement. Here’s an excerpt to get you started.

The events of the last week had many of us glued to our televisions, radios, newspapers, and news websites. Every twist and turn in the Boston Marathon Bombing was broadcast through the news and amplified through social media until Friday night when the second bombing suspect was captured. I’ll admit it. I was sucked into the story.

The story was sensational. The Boston Marathon Bombing caused great public interest and excitement.

What other events come to mind when you think of the word sensational?

I think of the Space Shuttle accidents, September 11^th, the assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan, the death of Princess Diana, the wedding of Prince William and Catherine, the Super Bowl, natural disasters, and presidential elections.

In our media saturated world, it’s easy to quickly sensationalize an event. Within moments, people around the world know about events happening on the other side of the planet. It’s a natural human response to place our attention on these types of events. (Click here to read the rest of this post.)

If you’re visiting from Deborah’s blog, I’m glad you stopped by. I hope you’ll check things out and become a regular part of The Stretched Community. You can sign up to receive daily blog updates by adding your e-mail on the main page (I promise not to send you spam). To help you get a taste of my other writing, here are a few of my favorite posts:

When you think of the word sensational, what comes to mind?

Ice Breaker – Break for Breakfast

Today, I’m cooking breakfast at the 4th Annual Sunnyside Up Breakfast Benefit at my office where we’ll be raising money for Warriors for Tim and organ donor awareness. We’ll be cooking up egg and bagel sandwiches with bacon, pork roll, sausage, ham, and cheese. The idea of a good egg sandwich has me thinking about breakfast which leads me to this week’s Ice Breaker question.

Question: Where do you like to go for breakfast when you have a chance to go out, and what do you like to order?

My Answer: I grew up in diner country here on the east coast. For me, there’s nothing like hitting a local diner especially for breakfast. I eat oatmeal (and sometimes cold cereal) most days at home, so I like to order a bigger breakfast when I go out to a diner. Eggs (over medium), home fries, and an order of rye toast is my favorite breakfast out order. If I’m living on the edge, I’ll order creamed chip beef and gravy.

Answer this week’s ice breaker question by leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your response! (As always, feel free to share links.)

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