Less Like Scars

“It’s been a hard year, but I’m climbing out of the rubble.

These lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle.”

– Sara Groves

Recently, I’ve had several people ask how things are going…how’s Leanne?  Almost a year ago, Leanne was hospitalized.  We’ve spent the past year recovering and rediscovering new normals, new priorities, and renewed appreciation and passion for each other, for friends and family, and for life.  God is good!

As I look back on my journal and my blog from the past year I see pain, loneliness, and despair, but I also see healing, connection, and hope.  Sara Groves song, Less Like Scars, speaks so clearly to my thoughts as I look back on this past year.

It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It’s less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you’re here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

And more like
Character

Today, I rejoice.  I praise God for significant milestones achieved in the healing process.  I’m thankful for a new compassion for families faced with the challenges of mental illness and other health problems.  And I smile as I realize the promise of a bright future with hope for tomorrow.  God is good!

(And by the way, Leanne is doing well – and so am I.  Thanks for asking.)

How are you?  How have you seen your scars transformed?

Googling God

As a little kid, I can remember having lots of questions about God, heaven, and life.  I asked questions like, “Who created God?” and “Where did God come from?”  I asked, “What was there before God created the heavens and the earth?”  As I was driving home from work yesterday, I was reminded of my child-like curiousity.  For some reason I questioned to myself, “What language will we speak in heaven?” and “How will we understand each other?  Will we have decoders built in to our heavenly bodies?”  I know these questions sound somewhat humorous, but it’s the jumping off point for many other questions that race around my head.

Last year at this time, I found my self asking God more questions as I stood by my wife as she battled the challenges of bipolar disorder.  At one point, I asked “Why?”  “Why would God allow us to go through this?”  “Why is there bipolar disorder?”  “Why doesn’t anyone talk about mental illness and the challenges that come to families as a result of these illnesses?”  These questions still race around my head.

I think we all have questions for God that range across a wide spectrum from humorous to curiosity to doubt.  Last night, I asked my men’s group what questions they have for God, and it was amusing and interesting to hear their responses.

How was God always there?

Where was God born?

Will I be able to fly in heaven?

If God is all knowing and all powerful, why would He need or desire our love?

Why do I ask why questions?

Will Jesus out trash-talk me?

Will I get full at the banquet table?

Are there bathrooms in heaven?

Do we eat in heaven?

Will all our questions be answered in heaven?

What it there to do in heaven?

Will I really be singing all day?

Do I have free will in heaven?

These were just a few of the questions that were brought up as we sat around the table.  I think it can be healthy to ask questions.  But there’s also a trust factor.  I know that God is in control.  I know that He knows what is best.  I know that I’m not God.  But I still have questions from time to time.

How about you?  What questions do you have for God?

My Good Versus God’s Good

I have the privilege today of presenting guest blogger, Jeff Whitebread.  Jeff (or Pumpernickel as I like to call him) is a good friend and sincere brother.  Jeff is just starting his own blog (see the link below), and he has so generously volunteered to share his current STRETCHING story here.

(If you’re interested in guest posting on my blog, please drop me a comment.  I’d love to connect with you.)

It certainly is a pleasure to be a guest contributor on my good friend’s blog.  In sticking with the theme of being stretched, it is always helpful when I consider God’s purpose in stretching my life.  For when I focus on life’s circumstances, I can often feel overwhelmed and find myself being swept away in moments of despair.  For in the midst of life’s turmoil, I can feel as if I am being pulled apart from the inside, as if a part of me is dying.  I am left with these nagging thoughts.  Why does God make life so hard?  If life is this hard, am I doing something wrong?

Romans 8:28-29 says,

 (28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (29) For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

As I read this passage, an obvious truth jumps out from V28.  God works all things for the good of those who love him, not some things or most things.  God is working every single thing in my life out for my good.  If I love God, then I can take this truth to the bank.  I can believe this truth and live according to this truth.  But wait, not everything that happens to me appears to be good, and here my story of being stretched begins.

When I was told, I was losing my job several weeks ago my first reaction was not, “thank you God this is so good.”  It was a shock. I had to pick my jaw up off the table.  Now, you must understand, I knew my job was going to end.  I have been working for an insurance company that has been going out of business since 2001.  When I started working for this company, it had 6,000 employees, and now it has only 150.  During this 11 year process, I have seen God reawaken my heart and set a desire to serve him in the full-time ministry.  I have viewed these last several years as a time of transition, as a time of preparation to leave the IT field and serve God where He calls.

As God began to open and close doors in my life, I developed a plan for how things were going to work out.  I began thinking about how I was going to transition from working as an IT geek to being a missionary to our elected officials in Harrisburg.  It was a smooth transition, it was neat and clean and in truth it required little risk and even less faith.  After all, I will be serving the Lord; He would certainly bless such pure intentions.  What I failed to see and what God is teaching me and stretching me to understand is this truth. God has a different purpose in mind.  While I am focused on the destination, God’s laser beam focus is on me as an individual.

Let’s take a step back and ask ourselves, how does God define the word “good” in v28?  We quickly realize through life’s circumstances that God is not working in our lives the way we might desire Him to work.  He is doing something strange to us; He is taking us places we have no interest going.  Our hearts cry out as we try to make sense of the situations we face.  You see V29 tells us the goal, the good thing God is doing in our lives.  What God desires for us, what He is working to accomplish through every situation and circumstance we face is to become like Jesus.  This is what He wants; this is what He is doing.  When we face the hard times in life we can hold onto this truth – this difficult and challenging situation is in my life because God is doing something good.  His purpose for me is to be conformed to the image of His Son.  He is working in my life and taking me through the hard time because his desire is that Christ may be formed in my life.

As I face the realities of my life and think of how God is at work, my plan no longer makes sense.  I cannot connect the dots.  I did not expect to be out of a job for another 2-3 years, I thought I would be one of the last people employed in my company.  Obviously, God had a different plan from mine.  Now I face the fact of raising my support, of trusting God with opening people’s hearts toward this ministry.  As I look for God to validate my call through the financial commitment of others, it is humbling, it is scary, and yet it is where God has placed me in my journey to follow Him.  I can say through the eyes of faith it is good.  Whether I end up in this ministry or serve God in some other area, no matter what happens to my family and the things we place our security on, God is working to create in me the image of His Son.

The book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is crowned with glory and honor because He suffered death (Heb 2:9).  The path our Lord went down was one of sacrifice and suffering, if this was required of our Lord, should we expect that to become like Him would require anything less for our lives.  The worldly part of our heart cries out, “No!  Please give us another way.”  Yet the cross stands and proclaims that there is no other way in which we can serve our great and glorious King, Jesus the Christ.  Is it easy?  Never! Is it worth it? Every single moment, for God is actively working for the “good” of our lives.

Through the encouragement of Jon, I am being stretched in another area, I have decided to start blogging about this journey.  If you would like to read my attempt to write about this journey, please check out On The Narrow Road.

All for the glory of God!

Jeff

Where do you see Christ being formed in your life?  How have you seen hard times actually used for good?

For Such A Time As This

I like my job.  I get the opportunity to help other people succeed.  I get the chance to support other people.  And I have the privilege of setting a tone and example for others to follow.  I confess that I don’t always get it right.  But I do pride myself on living with integrity and making decisions that represent Godly values and character.

Being in a management role, I have the honor of walking alongside team members as they celebrate the joys of life, but I sometimes have to provide support through their tough times as well.  Yesterday, I received some tough news from one of my team members.  He and his family are facing a very challenging time.  My heart was heavy yesterday when I got the news.  My thoughts and prayers have been with this family yesterday and today.

I don’t know what role I will have in the whole process.  But I do know that I will have a chance to provide workplace support to this individual as he focuses on what really matters at home right now.  Perhaps, I was put in my position a few years ago for just this time.  I pray that for them, and I also pray that I can lead in a way that draws others close to God.

As I’ve been processing this news over the past twenty-four hours, I was reminded of the story of Esther.  Esther was given a chance to be queen at a time when her people (the Jews) were facing persecution.  As a Jew herself, Esther had the opportunity to speak to the king and to sway him to protect the Jewish people.  The story is much more detailed than my explanation, but the gist of the story is that Esther was made queen at just the right time.  This verse from Esther 4:14 echoes this thought:

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Obviously, my position in management at my company is not quite the same as Esther’s position of queen, but I’m reminded that God can use us where we are at home, at work, in school, in the community.  Are we open to being used by God for His glory?

Where does God have you right now?  How do you sense that God may be using your current position in life to bring Him glory?

Rest For The Weary

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Stretch 2011 started last night, and it went great.  I’m co-leading the games again this year with a new friend.  Let me just say that we have an awesome Games Team this year.  Everything went very well last night.  And it was obvious as I walked around that the kids were having a great time.  I don’t know the numbers, but it seemed like it was the biggest opening night we’ve had since Stretch began several years ago.

After cleaning up and driving home, I didn’t get to bed until 11:30PM.  This is late for me.  So when my alarm went off this morning at 4:50AM, it’s no surprise that I was exhausted.  I managed to get out of bed and out for my morning run despite my fatigue.  As I ran, this verse from Matthew 11 came to me.

I don’t know what you’re going through right now.  Maybe you volunteered at Stretch last night, and you’re feeling weary.  Maybe you just drove half way across the country.  Maybe you are fighting illness.  Maybe you’ve poured your energy into a project that seems unending.  You’re feeling worn-out, tired, exhausted, weary.  The verse above is a reminder that we can come to Jesus when we’re weary.  He promises to give us rest.

How are you feeling today?  When was the last time you faced exhaustion?

Faith Stretch

Here is a guest post by Beck Gambill.  Beck is an author, mentor, wife, mother, and Christ-follower.  I have enjoyed following Beck on her blog for the past month, and she graciously agreed to share her thoughts and talents with us today.  Her writing is inspired and beautiful, and I love what she shares below and how she says it.  Please chime in on her questions, and don’t forget to get connected with Beck.  Besides her blog, you can follow her on Twitter.

(If you’re interested in guest posting on my blog, please drop me a comment.  I’d love to connect with you.)

Lately the very fibers and sinews of my heart are being pulled tight in a deep faith stretch. Three months ago my husband, Chris, and I took a risky step of faith. After serving as worship pastor for four years in a Wyoming church, due to some difficult circumstances and God’s leading, we left our place of ministry trusting God had a plan. My human assumption was that the plan would be revealed quickly and before long we would be serving in a new place of ministry. I was wrong.

We are thankful for dear friends who have graciously opened their home providing a place for us to stay while we wait. Yet I’ve learned it’s not good for a man to live without fulfilling work or a woman to be without a home. God knows this.

There are moments in the waiting that fear and hurt swell, choking off my breath. There are also moments of deep joy. The difference, I find, lies in the abiding. A tenacious sitting at Jesus feet decides if I will sink in despair or soar on wings of faith. Time in the word of God fills my heart with life-sustaining truth that counteracts the lies I would otherwise believe. Lies that say; God doesn’t see you, he has abandoned you, you’re not good enough, you have failed, you will never know fulfillment.

Daily I come, I press on, my spiritual muscles stretched and strengthened. As I come Jesus is always faithful to meet me. He recently revived my heart with the words of Psalm 18. Are you weary from the journey of life, stretched by your limitations or circumstances? Let me share some of those verses with you.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
my cry to him reached his ears…

He opened the heavens and came down;
dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.
Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew,
soaring on the wings of the wind.
He shrouded himself in darkness,
veiling his approach with dark rain clouds.
Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him
and rained down hail and burning coals.
The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded
amid the hail and burning coals…

He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
he drew me out of deep waters…

He led me to a place of safety;
he rescued me because he delights in me.

 Can you see the God of heaven leap to his feet at the sound of your voice crying out in need. Imagine him take flight on the wings of an angel, thundering his approach, reaching down his mighty hand to rescue you! Like a mother stalking across the playground, determined eyes focused, set to rescue her child from the bully, so is our God with his own children. In a purely physical sense we may not see God on the move but we can be sure when we call out in need he hears and acts.

In the midst of messy circumstances God is stretching my heart to trust him. He challenges me to show up daily to sit at his feet to be fed. As I obey, my heart is comforted that God sees me, he rescues me and it’s his delight to do so.

Are you being stretched through difficult circumstances? How has God reminded you of his care?

God in the Spaces

Today, I have the honor of presenting my dad, Norman Stolpe, as my guest blogger.  I have so many things that I could write about in describing my dad.  He has probably been one of my biggest writing influences.  Dad helped me through my senior year of Honors English in high school.  Writing has always surrounded Dad as he has written books, stories, curriculum, poems, and countless sermons.  He is a true inspiration to me.  Today, he shares about finding God in the Spaces.  I think you’ll enjoy what he has to share.  To read more from my dad, you can follow him on his blogs:  Christlink and Writing Workshop.

(If you’re interested in guest posting on my blog, please drop me a comment.  I’d love to connect with you.)

Monastery of St. Scholastica - "Ora et Labora"

My son Jon asked if I would write something for his Stretched blog about how I am being stretched by my current transition. After 35 years of ordained ministry and long-term relationships with three churches (one exception was 2 years), I “retired” from Central Christian Church in Dallas, Texas where I had been the pastor for almost 11 years. I am viewing this as a transition to a new phase of ministry as an interim pastor. I am in conversation with a couple of congregations, and the prospect of serving one of them by September is encouraging, but nothing is definite yet.

I believe I am being stretched as I watch for the presence of God in this in between space. Though I have intentionally described this as a transition, I am learning to accept that other people label it “retirement.” I am anticipating several years of active, full-time ministry, but I am adjusting to recognizing how major this transition is.

My wife, Candy, and I consciously started down this path couple of years ago and worked with Central Christian Church for a transparent, smooth, healthy transition for their pastoral leadership. My last Sunday to preach was May 29, and my successors (Revs. Drs. Steve and Debbie Chisolm) will preach for the first time July 10. God’s hand in that process was gentle but clear to us and the congregation.

I have been amazed at how many seemingly minor details have fallen into place for exactly the right timing as our transition has unfolded so far. I have felt that this has stretched my faith to expect the details will continue to fall into place at just the right time as it becomes clear which congregation we will be serving next. We know we will have an income gap of at least a month, hoping to fill it with supply preaching and temp work. So far we seem to have navigated the uncertainties and ambiguities with minimal anxiety.

However, reflecting on that is stretching me in another direction. I have to ask myself, “Why should I expect my path to be smooth with everything provided at just the right time? Other people who are at least as faithful to Jesus have to endure hardship and deprivation on their paths. I certainly don’t deserve to be exempt.”

In this in between space, I feel the tension between trusting God, perhaps presumptuously, and the pull of frantic activity to bring in income and perhaps force a premature decision about where we will serve. I believe I have to take responsible steps as acts of faith that God is the one actually orchestrating events. I am reminded of the inscription above the door of the Monastery of St. Scholastica (St. Benedict’s sister) in Subiaco, Italy (and other Benedictine monasteries). “Ora et Labora” pray and work. The priority is to pray first. Then work finds its place in harmony with God’s activity.

My patience is being stretched, not in the sense of anxious impatience, but recognizing that church processes move slowly. God is patient too, not just with our individual foibles, but also with the unhurried unfolding of history. With this stretching patience, I am learning to watch for God to slip the smallest details into place at just the right time. As I recognize God’s hand in the details, I am also learning that God’s story doesn’t revolve around me and having my journey unfold smoothly, but that I am privileged to play some part in God’s greater plan. If I will be patient, I will discern just how the details fit at just the right time.

How have you seen God in the spaces of your life?

Detours

Today, I have the privilege of presenting my wife as my guest blogger.  Leanne and I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary in less than two weeks.  We’ve been through a lot together over the years, and I look forward to the adventures that lie ahead.  Her thoughts below are extremely insightful while being very transparent.  Leanne doesn’t blog at the moment, but your comments and feedback may help spur her on to share more of her life and story.

This week I took a day off and went to the beach. This is something I used to do a couple of times a year but recently haven’t done for quite some time. So, it was a big deal to me. I filled up my tank with gas. I packed a picnic lunch, and figured out my directions. I put my tunes in the cd player and started on my trip. I didn’t even get on the turnpike when there was a detour – right at the start of my trip!

It reminded me of how this past year seemed like a detour in many ways.

1. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after being treated for a bipolar/postpartum psychosis diagnosis for 10 years. My doctor encouraged me to get a second opinion and when I did, the diagnosis was postpartum psychosis. So, I came off my medicine and gradually began having symptoms which led to a severe reaction. I have spent a lot of the year recovering but have found a greater understanding for people who deal with mental illness but also special needs in general, especially as they relate to children.
2. I decided to resign as my position of our church preschool director because I missed the children. I found myself spending most of my working hours behind a desk instead of with the children I love. Through tutoring and subbing this year, I have rediscovered a passion to be with students in the public school.
3. We had to put the trip of my dreams – Africa – on hold, but we have a greater resolve to make a difference in our local community as a family. We are excited for our service group to start-up again this fall. It was also a lesson of control. We quickly learned how much we are not in control of our lives.

In all these things, I am now able to look back and see God working for the good in all things. At the time, life seemed like a series of detours.  A friend asked me the other day if life made sense and for the first time in a while I was able to say that yes, right now it actually did. That doesn’t mean that life is without problems and everything is perfect but there’s faith, recovery, hope, and the support of family and friends.

What detours have you experienced in your life?  How have you seen God working good in your life through the ups and downs?

Zach’s Adventure

In a way, this is a first guest post by my son, Isaac.  Every year at his school, the 5th grade students are assigned a 1st grade buddy.  At the end of the year, the 5th graders get to write and publish a story for their buddy.  Isaac wrote the story below, and I asked him if I could share it here (I’ll tell you a little more at the end).

Once upon a time, there was a monkey named Zach.  He lived in a hut in the jungle.  One of his best friends was named Isaac.  They were always working together.  One day, there was a race for tree swinging.  When Zach didn’t enter, Isaac knew he had to do something.

When Isaac found out Zach was afraid of heights, he requested to Zach that he should go to the King of the Jungle.  So, Zach took a hike to the King.  The King sent Zach on a quest!  Zach has always loved quests.  The King gave Zach a map and sent him on his way.

First, Zach came to a long, old, creaky bridge.  Well, Zach was afraid of heights, so he decided to swim the river of bananas and soccer balls.  While we was swimming, he decided to eat a few bananas and kick a few soccer balls.  Zach finally got to the other side.

Next, Zach came up to two big doors.  He tried to open them, but of course, they were locked.  So, Zach had to go all the way across the river of bananas and soccer balls to retrieve the keys from the King.  Again, Zach had to go all the way back across the river and he got the big doors.  The keys worked!

Then, Zach came upon a pond of crayons.  There was a tree swing over it, but Zach was afraid of heights.  So, Zach swam through.  When Zach was in the middle, pieces of paper fell down from the sky.  When Zach looked on them, they were mystery pictures!  Zach decided to stop and do some mystery pictures.  After a while, Zach got to the other side.

Finally, Zach got to a cave.  When Zach looked real closely, he could see that the cave was made of ice cream!  He could even smell it.  Zach rushed inside and started eating away.  After an hour, Zach noticed a light and made a wish.  Suddenly, Zach had this feeling and started to climb a tree.

Zach was amazed.  His fear is over with.  Zach started to go home, so he swung across the pond of crayons, through the door and across the bridge over the river of bananas and soccer balls.  Then, Zach told his whole family about his experience.  Zach finally lived happily ever after.

I think my son has an incredible imagination, and I look forward to seeing where it takes him.  Isaac’s story hits home for us as Isaac deals with a couple of fairly significant fears himself.  Without going into detail, Isaac occasionally misses out on some fun activities, because he is too afraid.  I think we both wish it was an easy fix, but the reality shows that it’s not that simple.  I think Isaac’s story about going to the King for help is appropriate.  We often look for easy, quick fixes, and we sometimes think it’s as simple as just getting over it.  But many times, we need to bring our fears and worries to the King of kings.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

Isaac thanks for sharing your story with me and with my readers.  May God continue to help you through this journey.  I love you!

My Psalm

God, You are my God.

I come to You with all that I am.

I bring my pride.  I bring my apprehension.

I bring my anxiety.  I bring my desperation.

I lay all these and more at Your feet.

Take these things that weigh me down.

Take these things that cause butterflies to circle endlessly in my stomach.

Take these thoughts and cares and worries.

I come to You for relief.

Thanks!

Thanks for caring for me.

Thanks for uplifting my soul.

Thanks for giving me strength.

Thanks for giving me courage.

Thanks for giving me peace.

These things could only come from You.

God, You are my God.

I come to You with all I am.

Make me what You want me to be.