Ten Things Every Small Group Leader Should Know
Yesterday, I had the honor and privilege of sharing my thoughts to a group of small group leaders at our church. I shared 5 of my ideas in an earlier post, but I thought you might enjoy hearing my complete list. So here are my notes:
I’m excited about this opportunity to share. If you don’t know me or if you haven’t figured it out, I’m extremely passionate about small groups. I truly believe they can provide a path for connection to others and to God. I also believe that small groups play an important role in accountability and discipleship. In no way is this list the Bible of small group leaders. It’s just my thoughts based on my involvement with small groups in various capacities for nearly 20 years. I’ve participated in groups. I’ve led groups. I’ve led group leaders. And I even had the privilege of leading a team of coaches. (I was also brought up in a home where small groups were important and modeled by my parents.) As I share my ideas, I’d encourage you to take a few notes. So here goes:
1. Small group leaders are important. They play a big part in helping people find community, find God, and find growth. If you are a small group leader, you need to know that what you do matters.
2. Small group leaders set the tone. Whether or not you consider yourself a Biblical scholar, your group members look to you as an example. For this reason, it’s important that small group leaders continue to model growth. They should be in the Word. They should develop disciplines that model growth. Small group leaders aren’t perfect, but they must find others who will hold them accountable to setting the tone.
3. Small groups are not about small group leaders. Small groups aren’t meant to showcase your incredible “holiness” or biblical knowledge. Small groups aren’t meant to show off how great you are as a leader. Small groups are about the group – about pointing people to God.
3A. Small groups aren’t just about the groups either. Get out there and serve with your group. Find a way once a month or once every other month to get out there and serve together. Adopt a place that your group can focus on. There are many area nursing homes, soup kitchens, food and clothing pantries, etc. that would love to have the support of your group. Getting your group involved in this type of service gets your group focused on others and allows your group to practically put into motion what following Christ is all about.
4. Small group leaders aren’t supposed to live on an island. Leaders must find ways to stay strong and spiritually fervent. They must also have a support team to provide guidance when small group life gets tough – and it usually will. (I wrote about this on my blog over a year ago.)
5. Small group leaders must be invitational. Intimacy and transparency in groups can be great, but it shouldn’t be an excuse not to invite others into the group. I’m a big proponent of the “open chair” policy in small groups. If you’re a small group leader, set the tone. Make sure there is always an open chair in your group for new group members and guests. Talk about it with your group. Don’t let it be optional.
6. Small group leaders aren’t perfect. I think I said this before. Group leaders must be honest with themselves. They must learn to ask for help. Maybe you stink at the administrative stuff, or maybe you’re a terrible host. Look to those around you. Get others to use their gifts to help the group and to help you as a leader. Not only does this make you and the group better, but it engages others into the group experience. People want to be asked to help. They are often just waiting for you to ask them to get involved.
7. Being a small group leader isn’t always easy. Let’s face it, nobody likes to deal with EGRs (Extra Grace Required people). But it can also be challenging when people in your group are going through difficult life circumstances. People in your groups will get sick, they’ll have messed up relationships, and they’ll make mistakes that carry significant consequences. You may be required to get involved with the mess. Embrace it. God may have placed you in leadership for such a time as this.
8. Seek advice and wisdom from trusted advisers. Your pastor, group life pastor and others who have been doing small group ministry for a while can be helpful. They will know how to react. They will know when to bring in assistance. (I have also found a lot of great small group leader advice and resources on-line. Mention blogs – Because Relationships Matter by Kathy Guy, Heather Zempel, Life & Theology by Ben Reed, Mark Howell Live by Mark Howell, Simple Small Groups by Bill Search, Small Group Books.com by Ryan Knight, Small Group Pastors by the Central Christian Church in Las Vegas, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry by Randall Neighbor, and Will Johnston – of NCC.)
9. Lean into the small group leader community. Make it a priority to be here for each quarterly meeting. Connect with each other outside this meeting. Go to lunch or breakfast together. When you see each other in and out of church, stop, ask, and share about your group.
9A. Be patient. It may take time for your small group to grow. I remember starting our first group at our church. We met at our house. The Stolpes and the Callahans. This was it week after week after week. Then we added the Santangelos. Then the Bonanis started coming. Suddenly our small living room was filling up. We switched over to the Callahans. Before we knew it, we had to split up into three different rooms. The group had grown so much. I have seen this trend again and again. Don’t give up! It may take a little while for your group to catch on. Remember that God is there when two or more gather in His name.
10. Be passionate! My list started with a reminder that what you do as a small group leader matters. Realize this fact. Think about it. Believe it. Act like it! You have a great honor and privilege to lead others in their journey towards Christ. This is awesome stuff! Be excited about what you are doing. Spread the excitement to others!
That’s my top 10 (or 12) things that small group leaders should know. I’d love to hear your ideas and questions. Before that, I’d like to leave you with this. Thank you! Thank you for stepping up to serve. Thank you for getting out of your comfort zone. Thank you for leading. Thank you for leading when it’s fun and when it’s not. Thank you for making a difference. Thank you for caring enough to help others connect to others and to God.
So these were my notes. I would add another point based on some of the discussion that followed our meeting. We’ll call it number 7A: You may need to be flexible. Sometimes life happens, and you need to throw out your plans for the meeting to address concerns that need immediate attention.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
What would you add to the list? How have you seen these points in your small group experience?
What Every Small Group Leader Should Know
Do you want to become a stronger leader?
Are you involved in group life ministry?
Next month, I’ve been invited to speak at a small group leader gathering at our church. I’ve been asked to share my top 10 list of things that every small group leader should know. I’m excited about this opportunity. If you haven’t figured it out, I’m extremely passionate about small groups. I truly believe they can provide a path for connection to others and to God. I also believe that small groups play an important role in accountability and discipleship. So I haven’t formulated my full list, but I’ve begun to process what I will share.
1. The small group leaders are important. They play a big part in helping people find community, find God, and find growth. If you are a small group leader, you need to know that what you do matters.
2. Small group leaders set the tone. Whether or not you consider yourself a Biblical scholar, your group members look to you as an example. For this reason, it’s important that small group leaders continue to model growth. They should be in the Word. They should develop disciplines that model growth. Small group leaders aren’t perfect, but they must find others who will hold them accountable to setting the tone.
3. Small groups are not about small group leaders. Small groups aren’t meant to showcase your incredible “holiness” or biblical knowledge. Small groups aren’t meant to show off how great you are as a leader. Small groups are about the group – about pointing people to God.
4. Small group leaders aren’t supposed to live on an island. Leaders must find ways to stay strong and spiritually fervent. They must also have a support team to provide guidance when small group life gets tough – and it usually will.
5. Small group leaders must be invitational. Intimacy and transparency in groups can be great, but it shouldn’t be an excuse not to invite others into the group. I’m a big proponent of the “open chair” policy in small groups. If you’re a small group leader, set the tone. Make sure there is always an open chair in your group for new group members and guests. Talk about it with your group. Don’t let it be optional.
These are just some of my initial thoughts. I’d love to hear what you think.
What would you add to the list? What do you think every small group leader should know?
Book Review: Hell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It) by Brian Jones
Brian Jones‘ third book, Hell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It), came out a few weeks ago. In Hell Is Real, Brian takes a different look at the topic of hell than other recent books that have raised some eyebrows like Love Wins by Rob Bell and responses to Bell’s book like Francis Chan‘s Erasing Hell.
Brian opens the book by explaining his own four-year period following seminary when he didn’t believe in hell. From here, Brian goes on to explain that not only is hell real, but many people are heading there if they don’t find Christ and decide to follow Him. He also shares his belief that many Christ followers lack what he calls apocalyptic urgency – an all-consuming urgency that hell is real and Christ’s message must be shared. The real motive behind Brian’s latest book is to provide encouragement and practical tools for Christ followers to share their faith with others and to help save them from the eternal wrath of hell.
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t crazy about the title of this book when I first picked it up. The titles of Brian’s first two books, Second Guessing God and Getting Rid of the Gorilla, made more sense to me initially. But after reading Hell Is Real, I get it now. Hell Is Real is a quick read as Brian uses his story telling skills to weave stories in with his overall message. But Hell Is Real is also very challenging. I finished the book pondering and challenged to examine my relationships and to be strategic in sharing the message of Christ.
I definitely recommend Hell Is Real (But I Hate To Admit It). I think it will change the way you think about sharing your faith.
How would you change the way you live if you really grasped the fact that your time left on earth was fading quickly?
(If you’re interested in getting small group discussion guides for Hell Is Real or other materials for making the most of your read, go to the website for the book by clicking here. My small group is using the small group questions found at this site to discuss this topic.)
Finding Community On-Line
I’m a big connection and community guy. I love to see people connected in meaningful relationships. I’m passionate about being in community with others. Over the years, I have been amazed to see where community can be found. I have found it at work in the office and on construction sites. I have found community through sports – on the basketball court and on the run. I have even found community around the poker table. I appreciate the community I’ve experienced through my kids – scouts, music, and school. I have enjoyed many years of community through camping. And I’ve experienced community through small groups of various kinds and sizes.
I’ve been most surprised by the community I’ve discovered on-line. For me, it all started a few years ago when Frank Chiapperino and a few other leaders from my church started blogging and then encouraged me to blog. Initially, I discovered a lot of amazing bloggers out there who had things to share about things that interested me like small groups and leadership. I followed at a distance and carried on with my own blogging without any ideas of potential connection or community.
A couple of years later, Frank introduced me to Facebook. I was immediately sucked into the whole social media thing. I’m not sure if that was a complete blessing or a partial curse. I’m thankful for so many renewed connections and several new ones that have come as a result of Facebook. It’s been eye-opening, enlightening, and sometimes enriching to keep up with friends on Facebook. It’s also been a bit addicting, and I admittedly struggle at times with staying balanced.
Somewhere along the line, I picked up Twitter and a few other tools. Twitter has definitely been an interesting tool for discovering new information about people and topics that interest me. I’ve especially enjoyed the “listed” option on Twitter where users can assemble lists of Twitter users with similar interests. I have discovered many small group gurus, leadership junkies, and several blogging buddies.
Next, I picked up Skype and Tokbox which allow for free live web video chatting. I’ve enjoyed using Skype with my family – especially my parents who live in far away Dallas, TX. A year or two ago, I decided to try an experiment with Tokbox. Tokbox was easier to use for multiple participants than Skype was at the time, so I decided to lead an on-line small group using Mark Batterson‘s recently released book – Primal. I was impressed by the depth of conversation that took place as this experiment launched. And I see a lot of potential for fostering community through this type of technology.
Most recently, I have discovered incredible community through interactive blogging. By actively participating in the dialogue that transpires in the comments that follow a post (on my own blog or on other people’s blogs), blogging becomes interactive. My life is enriched by these comments – by this community. I have discovered many new friends like Michael Shaw who blogs about the local town of Skippack, Jason Fountain who blogs about being intentional with life, and Beck Gambill who blogs about the ups and downs of life.
If you’re reading, you’re probably part of this community. I would encourage you to take the next step – either start your own blog or become active in the comment conversations that take place on your favorite blogs. (If you start you’re own blog, let me know so I can follow along.)
On a final note, while I strongly encourage finding community on-line, there’s nothing like face-to-face community. Find a group of people you can plug into your life. Lift each other up. Hold each other accountable. Meet regularly. Grow together!
How have you experienced community on-line and face-to-face?
Look What I Found In My Closet – Notes From My Last Willow Creek Group Life Groups Conference
Okay. I have a confession to make. Many of you will find this surprising as I am generally known as an organized person. I’m not always great at dealing with smaller paperwork. As I learned today, many of the receipts and small notes that I carry around in my pockets end up in a pile in my closet. Today, I had an opportunity to get in there and do some clean up, and I discovered a small sheet of notes from my last Willow Creek Group Life Conference. I thought I’d share them with you here, because I think they still apply.
Conference Overview:
– Just like water and oxygen, COMMUNITY is essential to living.
– I don’t remember all the details, but the speakers, worship, breakout workshops, and discussion groups were excellent.
– The conference gave me a chance to:
– Rub shoulders with “Group Life” people from around the world (there were roughly 4,000 people at the conference and 13,000 viewing via satellite.
– Get new ideas and resources. (These conferences are always great for this!)
– Recalibrate, Recharge, and Re-vision
My Big Take Homes:
1. I need to be in Community.
2. Check my centerline (Community helps keep me in check).
3. We as Christian leaders have an opportunity to leverage technology for Community.
4. Caught a deeper vision for how discipleship can happen in Community.
5. We have a hope that we need to take into the Community.
I realize that these notes make seem a bit sketchy, but they bring back some great reminders and memories for me.
What conferences have had an impact on you? What conferences do you recommend and why?
Where 2 Or 3 Are Gathered In My Name
Last night, was my M.E.A.T. night. M.E.A.T. stands for Men Eating And Talking. This is a small group of men that I’ve been meeting with for almost a year. We meet every week on Wednesday nights at a local diner. Usually, we have five to seven men who show up for a cup of coffee, a dessert, and informal discussion about a hodgepodge of topics. This group is a break from the small groups that I’ve been part of in the past in that there’s no curriculum and there’s not really a designated leader. It’s challenging for me to be part of this group, but it’s also refreshing to feel acceptance and inclusion as a group member and not a group leader.
The last couple of weeks the group numbers have been small. Summer has a way of doing this as people are away on vacation or attending to other summer activities and responsibilities. When I got the e-mails last night that there would only be a few of us again this week, I was tempted to stay home. But I was reminded of this verse from Matthew 18:20 –
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
It turns out that it was a great night to be at the group. I’m so glad I was there to gather with these men – to enjoy good food and sweet fellowship. It wasn’t just the guys – God was there with us also.
Are you part of a small group? What does your summer schedule and attendance look like?
Running Inspiration – Let Us Run With Perseverance The Race Marked Out For Us
Hannah finishing a race a few years ago.
Yesterday, I posted some tips for those who are thinking about running a longer race for the first time.
As I was processing this post, I was thinking about things that inspire me in my running and in my life. For example, I’m inspired when I hear stories of people overcoming adversity to reach new heights. I think that’s why I like movies like Radio, Remember the Titans, and The Blind Side.
I’m also inspired by scripture. The scripture below is a great reminder to persevere and to keep the right focus.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3
It is so easy to give up and to lose perspective when we face the challenges of life. As with my tips yesterday, here are some tips that I have found helpful in keeping my eyes on the prize.
1) Follow a plan. God’s Word should be the center of the plan. I have tried different methods for staying in God’s Word on my own, but I have found that existing plans are most helpful in keeping me on track. Two plans or programs that I have used recently to help me are YouVersion.com and The Daily Audio Bible.
2) Find some accountability. Get plugged into a small group or even a one-on-one relationship where you can be challenged with the tough questions like: ‘Have you spend time in God’s Word this week?’ and ‘Have you lived with integrity since we last met?’
3) Cross train and rest. There are some great resources out there to get the most out of your walk. I use several Bible-based blogs and books to give me a deeper perspective. Getting to church on a weekly basis is also important. This is a chance to be fed and to worship on a larger, corporate level. Also, take time to rest. We live very busy lives. We must take time to reflect and to rest.
4) Practice. Practice. Practice. Get out and live your life. Make a concerted effort to go about your daily activities in a way that would honor God.
5) Set goals but learn to be flexible with God’s direction. I’m a huge goal oriented person. Setting goals is a great way to keep focused. But we also need to be alert to the movement of the Spirit.
6) Have fun and a positive attitude. God doesn’t promise that this life will be easy, but we have a choice to make. We can have a poor attitude when it comes to life’s ups and downs, or we can choose to have a positive attitude.
It’s amazing how these things line up with the tips from yesterday.
So what inspires you in running and in life? What other tips would you add to the list above?
Humorous Story of a Small Group Leader
Last night, we hosted our family service group for a BBQ at our house. Overall, the evening was great! We enjoyed each others company. We celebrated the birthday of one of our group members. We talked about how God has made and gifted us just the way we are. And we completed a small service project together. Like I said, the evening was great, but it didn’t quite start out that way.
As the host family, we decided it would make sense for us to grill some chicken drumsticks, some hot dogs, and some hamburgers. I had just finished the chicken and hot dogs when the first family pulled into our driveway. So I proceeded to load up the grill with the hamburgers – all at once. I quickly learned that this wasn’t such a great idea. Within minutes my grill was in flames. the grease from the burgers had ignited a nice little fire – or should I say nice big fire – in our grill. I though for sure I was going to light our deck and house on fire. Wouldn’t that be great? I can see the headline now, “Small Group Leader Ignites A Firestorm” or “Leader Burns Down the House.” Obviously, this isn’t the way I wanted the group to get started. Thankfully, I was able to get the burgers off the grill and shut off the propane. With the fire out, I was able to start over on the burgers at a more manageable pace.
As a small group leader (or leader in general), when have you been on the edge of disaster? How did you recover?
The Power of the Next Question
A blurb from my journal dated 5/18/11…
“I made it to my men’s group at Limerick Diner after missing it the past few weeks. It was good to be back. I was reminded this evening about the importance of asking the ‘next’ question. So often we ask a basic question, but we don’t follow it up with questions that take us deeper. Either we’re too lazy or we just don’t care. I don’t want to be like this.”
Without going into specifics, one of the guys in our group seemed a bit down when we were initially going around the table at the beginning of our time together. After this initial check-in, our conversation drifted to other subject matters. My friend’s initial comment was temporarily ignored as we joked around and talked about other things. It would have been easy to let our time together end without following up. So often, I fall into this trap. For some reason towards the end of this time, I asked him what was up – why did he seem down.
It’s amazing the conversation that followed.
It was so worth asking the ‘next’ question. I think it was an opportunity for our group to rally around our friend. I think it was a chance for us to be more transparent. I think it was a chance for us all to grow. I’m thankful that my friend was willing to open up and share what was troubling him.
As I stated in my journal that night, I don’t want to be too lazy or self focused to ask the ‘next’ question.
So when was the last time someone asked you the next question? How did it work out?
ReGroup
Last night was a big deal for me.
I’ve been a “small group” junkie for a long time since John Mulpas asked me to lead a “Gel Group” many years ago. I’ve been inspired by many “group life” champions like Frank Chiapperino, Alyssa Dourte, Bill Search, Bill Donahue, Greg Bowman, Randy Frazee, Heather Zempel, Will Johnston, Dave Treat, and many others. I truly believe in the power of connection and accountability that comes through living life together with a small group of people.
For many years, I was very active in our church‘s small group ministry. I led several groups. I helped to coach small group leaders. I even led a group of coaches. I attended several conferences designed to motivate, inspire, and equip small group leaders. In many ways, I was all small groups – all the time. But a lot of that changed a couple of years ago. For reasons I don’t need to get into here, I walked away from active small group leadership. I have continued to keep up with a lot of front line small group thought and information thanks to the wonders of the internet. I have even taken a more active role as a participant in a couple of groups over the past several months, but I have shied away from taking a leadership role in anything related to small group ministry.
I thought that was going to change last fall when Leanne and I helped to set up a family based service-focused small group, but this changed in September when we were forced to focus on our family as we were faced with some unplanned health obstacles. Last night, Leanne and I finally had the opportunity to host and lead this group in our home. We shared a meal of tacos in honor of Cinco de Mayo. We gathered the kids and adults to discuss what it is like to serve and to be served. We talked about what it means to be great in the eyes of the world versus great in the eyes of God. I was invigorated as I had the chance to lead this discussion where kids and adults were able to share. We finished up our evening with a craft for hospice patients.
We had three new families last night. It was so exhilarating to see everyone talking together and sharing ideas about how they could serve others together. At the end of the evening, Leanne and I were so grateful for this opportunity. We can’t wait for our next meeting – June 7th at our house. We’ll have a BBQ/picnic, we’ll talk more about what it means to be a servant, and we’ll put our words into action. Then on the June 21st, we’ll serve our community at the Colonnade in Schwenksville.
For me this was a big deal – worth sharing!
Let me know if you’re interested in joining us.