End Of An Era – An End To Suburban Chicken Farming

I’ve begun the process of removing “suburban chicken farmer” from the list of words or phrases to describe me.  Over the past few weeks, my chicken farming experiment has come to a close (at least for now).

Many of you may remember previous posts about my journey into the world of backyard chickens.  Almost three years ago, I picked up eight baby chickens from a good friend, and I built my own chicken condominium in our backyard complete with a picture window, a side door, a basement deck, a nesting box, and a 10 foot high roof (what was I thinking?).

As the chicks grew, I anxiously awaited our first egg.  I still remember checking on the chickens every day after work to see if we there was a surprise.  Eventually that day came!  What excitement!  I remember saving up the first couple of eggs, so our family could enjoy an egg dish from our own chicken eggs.  We made “eggs in a basket” – you cut holes in the middle of slices of bread and fry an egg in the hole.

Since then, we’ve enjoyed hundreds of eggs.  And yes, these eggs are way better than the eggs you buy in the store.

But no one told us about the challenges of suburban chicken farming.  Do you know that a chicken poops every eight minutes on average?  Do you know that chickens need extra light in the winter if you expect them to lay eggs?  Do you know that egg production slows down after two or three years?  Do you know that chickens need heated water in the winter?  We learned all this and more through our journey.  We also sadly learned that chickens like heat, but not extreme heat.  We lost six of our chickens last summer when temperatures hit record highs – that’s a whole other story.

At any rate, a couple of weeks ago our last two chickens were “stolen” when friends came over and took the hens for a ride to a new backyard setting.  My wife and kids had enough of this crazy experiment.  And honestly, I was finished with this little hobby as well (at least for now).  This weekend, I took down the chicken coop.  It was a little bitter-sweet as I reflected on the enthusiasm that initially went into this hobby.

And now, I can concentrate on other adventures.  Leanne, what do you think about getting a cow?  Just kidding!

What hobbies or activities have you moved away from?  What new hobbies or activities have you recently stepped into?

Migraine Madness

During the month of February, I dealt with a series of migraines that finally led me to the doctors.  Thankfully, I have been feeling better each day for the past week, and it’s been over two weeks since my last migraine.  In the midst of my migraines, I wrote the following thoughts.  If you’ve had migraines, you can probably relate.  If you haven’t had migraines, this will give you a small glimpse into the “wonderful” world of impaired vision, numb hands, and piercing head pain.

My vision blurs as I begin to lose focus; I can barely see what lies ahead.

The words on the page become wavy as I wish I were home in my bed.

It’s as thought someone squeezed my eyes; I try to blink to see if it clears.

But nothing seems to help.  The pages smear.

Next, I notice my hand starts to tingle; I crack my knuckles to feel them pop.

Then suddenly, I feel nothing; My hand goes numb; my shoulders drop.

I’m frustrated.  Why must this persist?

It drives me crazy.  I can’t feel my fist.

As my vision fades back into view, and the feeling returns to my fingers

I know what’s next – a throbbing head pain that lingers.

Sometimes it lasts for an hour or two (if I’m lucky),

But often the pain and the lack of energy lasts for a day or two.

It feels like someone drove a nail through the side of my head – I want to cry

And then they stuck cotton rags behind my eyes.

Bright lights and sunny skies drive me into the dark;

I put on my sunglasses and I pray for and end to the pain and the disorientation.

When will it stop?  When will I think and see clearly – without distortion?

Can you feel my pain?  What have you been through that left you feeling frustrated or down?  What helped to lift you up?

Multiplying Small Group Ministry

The narrative below is by no means a complete analysis of the process involved with multiplying small group ministry, but it provides some insights from personal experience.   I’ve tried to break up this analysis into various aspects that I think are important to consider when heading into small group multiplication.

Before I go into these different aspects, I thought it might be appropriate to share some history related to my small group ministry experience.  My wife and I started attending Christ’s Church of the Valley more than ten years ago.  When we first started attending, we struggled with finding real connection at the church.  Since we met in a movie theater, we never had a lot of time before or after our normal Sunday church time to establish relationships with anyone else at the church.  Realizing that this would take some effort on our part, we decided to try out a new “marriage building” workshop.  This twelve week workshop gave my wife and I a chance to meet people and begin deeper relationships with others at the church.

Out of this workshop, our first small group was started.  For the first couple of months, it was basically one other couple meeting at our house every other week.  Over time, our group grew a couple at a time.  When we started a study based on “40 Days of Purpose” by Rick Warren in January 2004, we were averaging 18 to 20 adults (along with many children) at our weekly meetings.  Heading into this study, we realized we needed to make decisions about the future of our group.  At the end of this study, we “birthed” into two groups.

After this “birthing” process, I did not imagine having to go through it again for a while.  I guess God had other plans, because in January 2005 we went through the process again when our group ballooned to 30 adults (and over 20 children).  This time we “birthed” into three groups.

Going through these times of transition was not easy at all (especially when you don’t enjoy change – like me); however, I am convinced that it was the right thing to do both times.  Hopefully, the tips below will help you in addressing this process at your own church or with your own group.

Changing the tone

When I first started talking about splitting up our small group, the reaction was mixed with a heavy leaning towards the negative.  Everyone had become very comfortable with the people who were in the group, and they did not want to split up the group.  Our adult ministries pastor recommended using different language to describe the process.  “Splitting up” sounded so negative.  This terminology implied a divorce or breakup of the group.  The term “birthing” seemed a bit funny at first, but it eventually caught on.  This terminology implies new life without the feeling of abandonment.  Once our group bought into this change, they began to look at the whole process a lot more positively.  (Multiplying might be a good word to use also.)

Communicating the positives

As our group developed, we were committed to fostering an environment where new people were always welcome.  We refer to this as the “Open Chair Policy.”  We always try to have an open chair at our meetings as a reminder to be praying about who God might be sending to our group.  A major reason for this policy is our commitment to contributing to the Great Commission (see Matthew 28:19, 20).  I’m also convinced that this was how the early church worked.  Acts 2:42-47 describes the early church and clearly shows that God was adding to their numbers daily.  I believe they had some sort of open chair policy in place.  If the early church had closed its doors to outsiders, the church today would certainly not be the same (if it even existed).  Similarly, the courage of someone sharing their faith with us was probably the driving force for our own faith.  We have the privilege and obligation to share this with others.  Helping your group to understand this is extremely important.  Yes, the small group exists to help them grow and experience fellowship, yet it is also there to help fulfill the Great Commission.

A man in our first group shared one night during our discussion about this issue, that we are telling others (non-believers who might be interested in attending our group, but won’t or can’t because our group has gotten to big) that they can “go to hell,” because we are too selfish to go through the pain of birthing our group.  His comment helped our group understand the need for this process.

The birthing process also gives current members a chance to invite friends, relatives, associates, and neighbors to their group.  When the group gets to a certain level, small group members become reluctant to bring others to the group.

Another positive about the birthing process is that it allows for deeper intimacy.  When your group is approaching 20-30 people, it becomes a real challenge to keep the deep connections going.  As a group leader, it also becomes a real challenge to shepherd a group of this size also.  Even Jesus did not have a group of this size.  His example of 12 or 13 seems much more manageable.  I would even propose that a group size of 8 to 12 is about as big as a group should get.

For our group another positive about this process related to the whole childcare issue.  Our group has made every effort to provide childcare.  As a result, our group growth as been predominately marked by families with kids.  Trying to coral a large number of kids into someone’s basement or backyard isn’t fair or safe for the kids or the sitters.  By birthing, our new groups have been able to more effectively handle the childcare issues.

Communicating these positives is essential to helping group members understand the benefits and the need for going through the “birthing” process.

 Listening to the negatives

As a small group leader and as a “people pleaser,” I am always concerned about the thoughts and feelings of those in my group.  I want them to understand and be happy with the decision to birth.  Unfortunately, group members don’t always get it right away.  Like me, they don’t like change, and they don’t understand why it is so necessary.  It’s important for small group leaders to listen to the people in the group as they wrestle through this time of transition.  We talked about it at our weekly meetings which I’ll mention later, but I also tried to call or speak to each individual in the group personally (especially the first time) to give them an opportunity to voice their opinions.  I believe this provides an essential opportunity for group members to grow into the decision to birth new groups.

Group leaders also need a coach or point person that they can lean on for support through this time.  This person not only acts as a sounding board but also as a cheerleader.  A small group leader should not feel like they are swimming through this process alone.  They need an encourager and a backup.

 Praying throughout the process

This process could never happen without prayer.  Small group leaders need to be praying for their group.  Church leadership needs to be praying for the small group leaders and for the effective growth of the small group ministry.  Each small group should also be praying for the “Open Chair” and for the future of the group as it looks towards birthing.  As our group began to discuss this topic, we tried to start and/or end each discussion with prayer.

Prayer has probably been the biggest highlight of the actual birthing process for our groups.  At our last meeting together as a whole group, we spent time commissioning the new groups through prayer.  This provided a beautiful time to thank God for his work in our group up to this point and to ask for grace and guidance for the new groups.

 Building up new leaders

Another important aspect to the birthing process is the building up of new leaders.  I recommend appointing an apprentice leader to each small group early in the life of the group.  I also believe it’s important to provide plenty of opportunities for the apprentices to have leadership in the group.  Initially, this may mean assigning the apprentice to a task or two at each meeting (i.e. Ice Breaker Leadership or Announcements).  Eventually, the apprentice should be encouraged to lead the entire meeting.  This provides an opportunity for the apprentice to become comfortable leading the group, and it also gives the group a chance to become comfortable with the apprentice.

One way we approached this was by splitting the group into two or three groups for the discussion part of the evening.  This allowed for more intimate discussion, and it gave the apprentice a valuable opportunity to lead.

Apprentices should also be included in the small group ministry support activities.  At our church, group leaders and apprentices meet quarterly along with the small group coaches/team leaders.  At these meeting, we are challenged by visions for the future, we are encouraged to huddle with others to learn from each other and to pray for each other, and we are educated with new skills that will help us effectively lead our small groups.

 Involving the group in the decision

The small group should be involved in the decision to birth.  Groups should together establish a charter that recognizes that the birthing process is inevitable and important.  As the actual birth approaches, time should be set aside at a couple of meetings so the group can talk about the process and the logistics (who is going where, etc.).  In some cases it might be beneficial for the apprentice to make some phone calls to nail down the location for their future meetings and to ask people to consider joining their new group.  Through this discussion, the group may be able to easily divide the groups based on geography or age of children.  In other cases, group members may just want the leaders to determine which new group each person should end up in.  Again, prayer through this whole process is crucial.

 Looking ahead to the future

A helpful way to get your groups through this process is to plan a reunion event of some sort (i.e. covered dish picnic).  This will be a neat opportunity to see each other again and to meet the new people who have experienced real community as a result of the birthing process.  This will also be an opportunity to celebrate and to encourage continued involvement in this process.

The first time was the toughest.  The second time was a bit easier.  As people in your church and in your small groups adjust to this process, it will hopefully become easier.  Looking ahead, I see a church full of small groups that provide true community and unbelievable outreach and growth.

Afterthought

I could probably share many other things about my journey through this process (maybe I’ll have the chance sometime), and I realize I have much more to learn.  In the meantime, I hope this brief narrative will be helpful as you approach the small group ministry birthing process.

What tips to you have to add relating to the “birthing” process?  Have you ever experienced this process?  How did it go?

Ice Breaker – Made For The Movies

Happy Friday!  You know what that means?  It’s time for this week’s Stretched Ice Breaker.  If you’re new around here or you’ve just missed the last several month’s of Friday posts on The Stretched Blog, ice breaker questions are designed to help us get to know each other – to break the ice so to speak.  I ask a question, and I give my answer.  Then it’s your turn to chime in.

Are you ready?

Okay, here goes:  If they made a movie about your life, who would play your part?  Would the movie be a comedy, an action flick, drama, romance, or something else?

My answer:  Jim Carrey.  He’s tall, reasonably handsome, and has a sense of humor.  Yes, his humor is probably at a different level than mine, but I still think it would be interesting.  Instead of thinking Ace Ventura Pet Detective or Bruce Almighty, think The Majestic.  In this movie, Carrey played a more serious/romantic role.

As for the type of movie, I guess I’d go with a dramatic comedy with some great romance. These are all elements that play out in my real life experience.

That’s enough from me.  Now it’s your turn.  How would you answer today’s ice breaker question?  Share your answer in the comments.

Help Me Write My First Book

Yesterday on Michael Hyatt’s blog, Mary DeMuth guest posted about setting goals for the future and going for it now (Why You Should Be Living for the Future Now).  Through the comments that followed the post, I had the opportunity to interact with Mary and other readers about my own passion for writing.  I shared in the comments that I was considering the possibility of taking my writing to a different place by writing a book someday.

Through the on-line dialogue, my friend Tom asked me about the subject of my book.  I threw out a few ideas that I’ve considered, and I shared that I wasn’t all together sure.  The conversation continued with a suggestion that I use my blog as a stepping off point for my book.  To which Mary proposed that I ask my readers to give me feedback on which Jon Stolpe Stretched blog posts resonated with them the most.

Hmmm…. (That’s the sound of me thinking).  Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea.

So what do you think?

Can you help me?

What Stretched blog posts resonate with you the most?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  You could help write my first book!

Ten Things Every Small Group Leader Should Know

Several months ago, I had the honor and privilege of sharing my thoughts to a group of small group leaders at our church.  I shared this list on the old jonstolpe.wordpress site, and it continues to be the most popular post.  I thought it might be a good idea to repost it here on the new site to hopefully spark some new conversation and thoughts about small group leadership.  So here are my notes:

I’m excited about this opportunity to share.  If you don’t know me or if you haven’t figured it out, I’m extremely passionate about small groups.  I truly believe they can provide a path for connection to others and to God.  I also believe that small groups play an important role in accountability and discipleship.  In no way is this list the Bible of small group leaders. It’s just my thoughts based on my involvement with small groups in various capacities for nearly 20 years. I’ve participated in groups. I’ve led groups. I’ve led group leaders. And I even had the privilege of leading a team of coaches.  (I was also brought up in a home where small groups were important and modeled by my parents.)  As I share my ideas, I’d encourage you to take a few notes.  So here goes:

1.  Small group leaders are important.  They play a big part in helping people find community, find God, and find growth.  If you are a small group leader, you need to know that what you do matters.

2.  Small group leaders set the tone.  Whether or not you consider yourself a Biblical scholar, your group members look to you as an example.  For this reason, it’s important that small group leaders continue to model growth.  They should be in the Word.  They should develop disciplines that model growth.  Small group leaders aren’t perfect, but they must find others who will hold them accountable to setting the tone.

3.  Small groups are not about small group leaders.  Small groups aren’t meant to showcase your incredible “holiness” or biblical knowledge.  Small groups aren’t meant to show off how great you are as a leader.  Small groups are about the group – about pointing people to God.

3A.  Small groups aren’t just about the groups either. Get out there and serve with your group. Find a way once a month or once every other month to get out there and serve together. Adopt a place that your group can focus on. There are many area nursing homes, soup kitchens, food and clothing pantries, etc. that would love to have the support of your group. Getting your group involved in this type of service gets your group focused on others and allows your group to practically put into motion what following Christ is all about.

4.  Small group leaders aren’t supposed to live on an island.  Leaders must find ways to stay strong and spiritually fervent.  They must also have a support team to provide guidance when small group life gets tough – and it usually will. (I wrote about this on my blog over a year ago.)

5.  Small group leaders must be invitational.  Intimacy and transparency in groups can be great, but it shouldn’t be an excuse not to invite others into the group.  I’m a big proponent of the “open chair” policy in small groups.  If you’re a small group leader, set the tone.  Make sure there is always an open chair in your group for new group members and guests.  Talk about it with your group.  Don’t let it be optional.

6.  Small group leaders aren’t perfect.  I think I said this before.  Group leaders must be honest with themselves.  They must learn to ask for help.  Maybe you stink at the administrative stuff, or maybe you’re a terrible host.  Look to those around you.  Get others to use their gifts to help the group and to help you as a leader.  Not only does this make you and the group better, but it engages others into the group experience.  People want to be asked to help.  They are often just waiting for you to ask them to get involved.

7.  Being a small group leader isn’t always easy.  Let’s face it, nobody likes to deal with EGRs (Extra Grace Required people).  But it can also be challenging when people in your group are going through difficult life circumstances.  People in your groups will get sick, they’ll have messed up relationships, and they’ll make mistakes that carry significant consequences.  You may be required to get involved with the mess.  Embrace it.  God may have placed you in leadership for such a time as this.

8.  Seek advice and wisdom from trusted advisers.  Your pastor, group life pastor and others who have been doing small group ministry for a while can be helpful.  They will know how to react.  They will know when to bring in assistance.  (I have also found a lot of great small group leader advice and resources on-line. Mention blogs – Because Relationships Matter by Kathy Guy, Heather Zempel, Life & Theology by Ben Reed, Mark Howell Live by Mark Howell, Simple Small Groups by Bill Search, Small Group Books.com by Ryan Knight, Small Group Pastors by the Central Christian Church in Las Vegas, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry by Randall Neighbor, and Will Johnston – of NCC.)

9.  Lean into the small group leader community.  Make it a priority to be here for each quarterly meeting.  Connect with each other outside this meeting.  Go to lunch or breakfast together.  When you see each other in and out of church, stop, ask, and share about your group.

9A.  Be patient. It may take time for your small group to grow. I remember starting our first group at our church. We met at our house. The Stolpes and the Callahans. This was it week after week after week. Then we added the Santangelos. Then the Bonanis started coming. Suddenly our small living room was filling up. We switched over to the Callahans. Before we knew it, we had to split up into three different rooms. The group had grown so much. I have seen this trend again and again. Don’t give up! It may take a little while for your group to catch on. Remember that God is there when two or more gather in His name.

10.  Be passionate!  My list started with a reminder that what you do as a small group leader matters.  Realize this fact.  Think about it.  Believe it. Act like it!  You have a great honor and privilege to lead others in their journey towards Christ.  This is awesome stuff!  Be excited about what you are doing.  Spread the excitement to others!

That’s my top 10 (or 12) things that small group leaders should know. I’d love to hear your ideas and questions. Before that, I’d like to leave you with this. Thank you! Thank you for stepping up to serve. Thank you for getting out of your comfort zone. Thank you for leading. Thank you for leading when it’s fun and when it’s not. Thank you for making a difference. Thank you for caring enough to help others connect to others and to God.

So these were my notes.  I would add another point based on some of the discussion that followed our meeting.  We’ll call it number 7A:  You may need to be flexible.  Sometimes life happens, and you need to throw out your plans for the meeting to address concerns that need immediate attention.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What would you add to the list?  How have you seen these points in your small group experience?

Back To The Basics – Guest Post From Joe Lalonde

Today, I’m honored to present guest blogger, Joe Lalonde.  Joe blogs regularly about life and leadership.  According to his blog, Joe has “always had a desire to grow and to see others grow and become more effective in their life.”  Please check out his blog and become one of his regular readers.

(As always, I’m love guest blogging and guest bloggers.  If you have a STRETCHED story to share here, drop me a comment.  Or if you think I could help you on your blog, let me know in the comments.)

Back To The Basics

Sometimes the Christian faith seems so simple. You say a prayer asking Jesus to come into your heart, tell Him that you are sorry for your sins, and that you plan on following Him.

Creative Commons at Flickr by Chepe Lena

Simple, right?

Yes, it is simple but it is also complicated. And that is something that has been stretching me.

Questions have been floating around in my head.

When did this get so complicated? Is there more to Christianity than going to church and saying prayers?  Does God even love me?

This line of thinking has made me long for the basics.

What basics you may ask? Well, let me give them to you as questions:

• Whatever happened to the Lord’s Prayer?
  Jesus took the time to describe how we should pray. Yet when is the last time you thought about it?My guess is that it has not been recently.I encourage you to dive into the Lord’s Prayer. Jesus gave us great wisdom and instruction when He prayed.He thought it was important enough to tell us how to pray. Why are we not teaching this to the congregations?
• Are the 10 Commandments still applicable?

  It is interesting studying how the 10 commandments came to be.Moses ascended Mount Sinai and stayed there for 40 days and 40 nights. During this time, God gave Moses the 10 commandments on two stone tablets.Finally, Moses descended the mountain and was ready to bring the tablets to the people. Except the people had rebelled while Moses was with God. They made idols and false gods. This angered Moses.

  In his anger, Moses destroyed the tablets. The 10 commandments from God were gone, decimated.

  But the story does not end there. God, in His everlasting mercy, told Moses to recreate the two tablets that were destroyed.

  It appears the 10 commandments were important.

  After studying the 10 commandments, it seems they all come down to loving God and loving each other.

  Where has our love for them gone? How would our society look if we were to love the commandments and follow them once again?

  Take time to re-read the 10 commandments. What do you see them saying to you?

• Do we even know Jesus?
  Everywhere you go, you can hear about Jesus and how He is love. He loves you and wants you to be happy. He wants you to enjoy your life. He wants peace. He does not want anything extra from you?Is that true?I see in John 14:15 Jesus says “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”In Matthew 10:34-36 Jesus says “Do not think I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.”

  It sounds like we have forgotten that Jesus also had demands for us and that things would be rocky. There would be division.

  I am not saying that Jesus is not about love. He is. He came to save us when we were yet against him. He cared enough about us to die a horrible, miserable death.

  What I am saying is that we forget the basics and give ourselves only the parts that make us happy.

This is where I am being stretched right now. I am being stretched to get back to the basics. To dig deep into the basics. To see our church leaders stand up and proclaim the full gospel, not just the feel good sayings of the Bible.

Are you ready and willing to be stretched back to the basics?

Question: Have you overlooked the basics of your faith? Are you being stretched to dig in and rediscover the truth of the Bible? How so? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Book Review: How Do You Kill 11 Million People?

Saturday, I opened the mail to discover a copy of Andy Andrews‘ new book, How Do You Kill 11 Million People?  Why The Truth Matters More Than You Think.  I read through this short book in an hour or so.

My first thought when I opened the package was “Who titles their book this way?”  I mean, I’m not at all interested in killing anyone much less 11 million people.  My next thought, “What a small book.  This should take me long.”  There are only fifty pages to this book, and many of the pages have pictures or large text.

I had never read anything by Andy Andrews, but I had heard of his name before.  He’s written several novels including The Noticer and The Traveler’s Gift which both made the New York Times bestseller list.  Andrews is also a well-known speaker.

So what is his new book about?  How Do You Kill 11 Million People? relates the story of the Holocaust (where over 11 million people died) and the deception of the German government led by Adolf Hitler to the potential abuse of power that could lie in government left unchecked.  Andrews’ doesn’t take on a political side in his book (at least not from my standpoint), but he does encourage readers to be informed, to investigate the facts, to discover the truth, and to be involved with the political process by holding our leaders accountable through the voting process.

“Did you know that during the past quarter century, no presidential election has been won by more than ten million ballots cast?  Yet every federal election during the same time period had at least one hundred million people of voting age who did not bother to vote!” – Andy Andrews in How Do You Kill 11 Million People?

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect when I opened this book.  I’m not normally outspoken when it comes to the political arena.  I was suspicious about Andrews’ motives and message as I read the first few pages.  But as I continued through the book, I was surprised.  Andrews’ message is for everyone whether you lean left or right, whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican.

I would definitely recommend this book especially if you are turned off by the current political climate or if you’re thinking of skipping the next election.

Did you vote in the last election?  Are you planning to vote in the upcoming election?  Have you read this book?  If so, what did you think?

Blue Like Jazz

I’m excited about this movie coming out based on Don Miller’s book, Blue Like Jazz.

What movie are you looking forward to seeing?

Ice Breaker – Cartoons

It’s Friday!

You know what that means?  It’s time for the weekly Stretched Ice Breaker Question.

Today’s Ice Breaker Question is simple.  What was/is your favorite cartoon?

I’ll answer first, then it’s your turn.  My favorite cartoon as a kid was Hong Kong Fuey.  The cartoon was about a dog who used karate to catch bad guys.  What more could you ask for as a little kid?

Now, it’s your turn.  I look forward to hearing your answers!