Teamwork – There’s No “I” In Team

I’ve had the pleasure of being on many great teams.  At work, I have to work with other colleagues to get projects successfully completed.  At home, I have to work together with my wife to lead our family and to make sure our home functions effectively.  At church, I have  worked together with other small group coaches to keep our small group ministry rolling in the correct direction.

When I think of my favorite team experiences, I think about a mission trip that I went on when I was in high school.  Our group of teenagers worked together to build two stone walls for a Habitat for Humanity house in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania.  Everyone had to work together to accomplish this project.  Some of us dug the foundation for the walls, some of us picked stones from the quarry, some of us placed the stones into the wall, some of us carried water to the other workers, some of us back-filled dirt into the wall.  It took all of us to build these walls.

It’s an incredible experience to be part of a team that’s working together.  On the other hand, it can be pure torture to be a part of a team that doesn’t click.

Just like a championship sports team, teamwork is essential to a successful family.  The first step in successful parenting is getting on the same page.  The fact that you’re reading this and thinking about teamwork is a step in the right direction.  It’s also important to remember that there is no “I” in team.  It takes everyone in the family.

Team Stolpe on top of Mont Tremblant in Canada - Summer 2011

Here are some ideas to help you foster teamwork in your house:

1.  Hold regular team meetings.  Make sure you are all on the same page.  Provide an opportunity for everyone to have a voice and to share their thoughts and feelings.

2.  Cheer for each other.  Set the example as parents.  Your children’s biggest fans should come from inside your home.  Celebrate each others differences.  Take pride in your team!

3.  Plan.  Don’t let your family coast along.  Do things with intention.  Whether it’s vacation, relax time, extracurricular activities, chores, or whatever, there should be a plan.  As I like to say, “If you fail to plan, you should plan to fail.”

4.  Involve everyone.  Each family member should have a voice, and they should also have an important role to play in the day-to-day living of the family.  Jobs are important for each family member.

5.  Do things together.  Camp.  Hike.  Bike.  Geocache.  Shop.  Do yard work.  Whatever it is, find things that your whole family can do together.

What else can you add to the list?

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?   Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by  one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.   Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.   The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”  On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,  and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,  while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it,  so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.  1 Corinthians 12:12-26

Tell us about a time when you had to work with a team to get something accomplished (it could be on the sports field, at work, in school, etc.).

Respect

“Men are respectable only as they respect”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are many people in my life who I respect for all kinds of reasons.  I respect my parents and my wife’s parents.  I respect by boss.  I respect those in the church who are in leadership.  I respect my teachers.  I respect the political leaders throughout our country.

One person who I respect is Ray Rivera.  Ray was one of my youth leaders at the church where I grew up in New Jersey.  I looked at him as an authority figure, as a spiritual guide, and as a family friend.  Ray and his wife Joann always had time for me if I needed someone to talk with.  While I knew that he wasn’t perfect, I saw him making good decisions and leading with integrity and with a servant’s heart.

It’s wonderful that we have people in our lives like Ray Rivera – people who deserve respect not just because of their positions of authority but also because of their actions.

As parents, God has put us in a position that warrants respect.  One of the Ten Commandments instructs us to give honor to our parents.  As our children continue to grow, they begin to strive for respect from their parents and from others.  One thing to remember is that respect is not given, it’s earned.

Have you led your kids in a way that deserves respect?  If not, there is hope!  It’s never too late to make a change.  Also, it’s important to understand that the positive steps you take today will have an impact for the long haul.  When you positively parent your kids, you are not just impacting them.  You are making a difference for generations to come.

Who do you respect?

The Gift

My wife’s parents were in town over the weekend to take in a Talent Show, a jewelry open house fundraiser, and a piano recital.  Since it was so close to Isaac’s birthday, they also took time to celebrate with a couple of gifts.  One of the gifts in particular had a big impact on my son, and it reminded me of another gift experience from my past.

For those of you who don’t know, Isaac is a gifted piano player.  He loves to hear a song and to spend a little time at the piano working it out.  He’s a quick learner, and he has an amazing ear.  Isaac did a great job at his piano recital this weekend where he played Sonatina in A Minor (I forget the composer).  Leanne’s dad is a piano tuner.  Isaac has watched Pap-pap tune a few pianos in the past, and I think he’s helped out on a few of them as well.

Can you see where I’m going with this?

Isaac received a piano tuning kit for his birthday.  When Isaac unwrapped the present, his eyes lit up.  There was a silence in the kitchen.  It was almost a holy moment.  Isaac was so excited to receive this gift.  I think he realized that he could make some serious coin my learning his Pap-pap’s skill, but I also think he realized that this was a very special gift.  Along with the tuning kit, Isaac received a step by step manual on how to tune pianos.  This manual was written by Pap-pap (and typed out by Grammy).  What a special gift!

This experience reminded me of another experience from my younger days.

My dad is a pastor.  Growing up, he used to wear a robe almost every Sunday at the Presbyterian Church we went to for most of my growing up years.  Every Christmas and Easter, the senior pastor wore his academic hood along with the standard robe and stole.  My dad had his master’s degree, but he didn’t have an academic hood to go with it.  One year for Christmas, I can remember my dad receiving a special present from my grandparents.  Neither my brother or I knew what it was at first.  In fact, one of us asked why Dad received hockey shorts for Christmas.  Meanwhile, my dad was in tears.  This gift meant so much to him.  It was one of the “holy” moments in our house.

This past Easter, I got to see Dad wearing his academic hood as he led the services at a church in Duncanville, TX.

Moments like this can be “holy” in that they have meaning that goes beyond description.  They demonstrate sacrifice and thoughtfulness.  I definitely been on the receiving end of these types of gifts in the past.  I want to be on the giving end.  So  often, we go through the motions when it comes to giving gifts.  We think of the “easiest” or “most needed” item.  The month of May is a busy gift giving time for our family with several birthdays and Mother’s Day.  I want our gift giving to be thoughtful and sacrificial.  How about you?

How do you typically approach gifts?  Have you ever experienced a “holy” moment related to a gift given or received?

3 Thumbs Up! April 22nd, 2012

It’s time for the next installment of 3 Thumbs Up!  This is an opportunity for me to share 3 things that deserve a thumbs up.  So here goes for this week:

Thumbs Up No. 1:  Kiwi Yogurt.  Located throughout the Philadelphia area, this new frozen yogurt dessert bar has become one of our favorite placed to visit for a quick date or a frozen treat that’s fairly healthy.  I love ice cream!  But I can honestly recommend Kiwi Yogurt as a great alternative to ice cream establishments in our area.  Check out their website to learn more.

Thumbs Up No. 2:  Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey Podcast.  By now, you know that I’m passionate about marriage and family.  Recently, I started listening to this daily podcast.  Each episode is packed with encouragement, teaching, and inspiration for parents and married couples.  If you’re looking for new ideas for your family or marriage, listen to a few of these podcasts.  Click here to check it out.

Thumbs Up No. 3:  Joseph Lalonde (Empowering You to Lead Better).  This is an excellent blog by my friend, Joe Lalonde.  Each week, Joe writes several posts that challenge readers to lead and live more intentionally.  I’ve enjoyed Joe’s blog for the past several months, and I think you will also.  Check it out here.  Stop over and become part of his blogging community.

What new in your world that deserves a thumbs up?

Ice Breaker – Nicknames

It’s time for this week’s Stretched Ice  Breaker.  I ask a question that helps “break the ice”.  I’ll answer it first.  Then it’s your turn to answer the question in the comments.  By answering the question, we get to know just a little more about each other.  This is one way to keep The Stretched Community growing.  Here we go….

Question:  What is one of your nicknames?  How did you get it?

My answer:  You don’t have to go far to realize that one of my nicknames is STRETCH.  I post about it on my About page.  I picked up the nickname STRETCH when I was in high school.  When I started my junior year in high school, I was 5’6″.  Now, I’m almost 6’6″.  I did a lot of STRETCHING over the last couple of year’s of high school and in college.  I don’t remember who gave me the nickname although I suspect it came through my high school youth group.  I liked this nickname a lot better than a few of the other nicknames I’ve had over the years like Pope, Stain, and even just Stolpe.  STRETCH has now become a big part of my life as I blog about life’s STRETCH marks every day right here.

There you have it!  Now, it’s your turn.  I’m looking forward to hearing about your nickname(s).  Leave your answer to today’s Stretched Ice Breaker in the comments below.

Guatemala Update – Stretching to Build Something Bigger

Two weeks ago, I shared a “big ask” on The Stretched Blog.  I challenged readers to pray for my upcoming trip to Guatemala and to consider the possibility of supporting the trip financially.  I also threw out a challenge goal of $5,000 to do something bigger through the Stretched Community.  At the time, I didn’t know the details of this “something bigger” project.  Within 6 hours of posting this “big ask“, someone stepped up to fund the trip and to meet the challenge goal.  I was blown away!

I received some comments that others might want to get involved with the Stretch project.  I’m happy to share details of this project and to share how you can contribute to doing something bigger together.  Through your generous donations, we will be building a house in Guatemala.  That’s right, if we can raise $3,000 more (for a total of $8,000), we can pay for a house.  I’m super excited about this possibility.  The house will be by our team through an organization called Casas Por Cristo.  Here’s a video to help you see what The Stretched Community will help to build.

To donate, click here to go to the fundraising page or go to the jonstolpe.com main page and click on the donate button on the right hand side.  Check back here regularly to see the progress towards this goal.  (If we happen to raise more than $8,000, we will build another house.)  Thanks!

Have you ever dreamed of doing something bigger?  What’s holding you back from pursuing this dream?

Finding Balance In The Busyness of Life

Finding balance in the busyness of life can be a real challenge – especially as the kids become more and more involved in activities.

Here’s a look at our families’ after-work and after-school schedule this week:

• Monday – (besides work and school) Isaac’s piano lesson, date night
• Tuesday – vet appointment for Irwin, Hannah’s talent show practice
• Wednesday – Isaac’s Boy Scout meeting, Leanne’s MOPS meeting, Hannah’s talent show practice
• Thursday – Graduate school open house for Leanne, Isaac’s band practice for church
• Friday – Hannah’s talent show
• Saturday – Hannah’s jewelry show fundraiser for Guatemala, Walnut Street Theater show
• Sunday – church, Isaac’s piano recital

This is just a small snapshot into our lives.  As you can see, we keep busy.  Each of these things is great, but it can become too crazy when we don’t have room for margin in our schedules or when we don’t have consistency in our routine.

Families often struggle with a chaotic existence – running from activity to activity, trying to jam down a quick bite to eat, squeezing in homework, rushing to catch the bus, wrestling with work, etc.  We live this way day after day, week after week, month after month.  In this midst of this hustle and bustle, our parenting takes on a survival mentality.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could change this?

We send mixed messages to our kids when we aren’t consistent even in our schedules.  For example, if we aren’t consistent in putting our kids to bed at the same time each night, they will probably develop problems with going to bed.  If we aren’t consistent with meal times and snack times, our kids will develop unhealthy eating patterns.  Meal times will also tend towards chaotic instead of connecting.  Establishing a routine for your family helps kids develop healthy patterns for the future.

Despite the craziness of our schedule, we do try to maintain a rhythm to our weekly schedule.  This helps us stay on the same page.  Communication is also key.  We keep a calendar in our kitchen that helps us stay on top of our family commitments.  This helps to avoid over booking ourselves.  We have actually started to carve out nights for dates and family nights.  When we block these on our calendars, we show each other that our family and our marriage is important.  Other things can wait.

What specific things have you done at your home to encourage a family routine?  How do you find balance in the busyness of life?

Challenge Activity:  Work together as a couple, as a family, or individually to come up with a schedule that works for you and your family.  Be as detailed as possible.  Be sure to include things like meal times, bed times, etc.  Begin to implement the schedule before this week.

Out Of Bounds

When I was a kid, I can specifically remember riding my red bike with a black banana seat way outside of the boundaries that my parents had set for me.  My bike was notorious for eating up the pant legs of my favorite Toughskins® jeans.  Needless to say, one time when I was out of bounds, my pant legs jammed up in my bike chain and I couldn’t get them out.  A friendly stranger took the time to cut my pant leg out of the chain, load up my bike in her car, and drive me home.  My parents were obviously disappointed and I was in big trouble.  I was grounded for a whole week.  I wasn’t permitted to play outside with my friends or to watch television for the whole week.  As a first or second grader, it felt like I had been sent to maximum security prison.

Stories like these remind us that we were not perfect children.  We didn’t always make the right choices.  It’s helpful to remember this when we think about our own children.  They will make bad choices sometimes also.

Tell us about a time when you got in trouble as a kid and describe the consequences of your actions.  Leave your story in the comments.

eBook Review: An Idiot’s Guide To The Galaxy by Kevin Haggerty

Today, I’m honored to be included on a list of select people who picked up a preliminary copy of a new eBook that is being released today.  In An Idiot’s Guide To The Galaxy, Kevin Haggerty utilizes his wit and humor to pull the reader into his take on the everyday idiot.

At first, I wasn’t sure what I was getting into when I agreed to read Kevin’s eBook.  I mean I don’t consider myself an idiot, and I’m not one to call others on the carpet for their idiotic behavior.  But I learned right off the bat in Chapter 1 (An Idiot’s Guide to Driving) that I might actually be more of an idiot that I first imagined.  Oh well.  As I read through the remaining chapters, I realized that in one way or another we’re all idiots.  While An Idiot’s Guide To The Galaxy brings this fact to light, it also encourages the readers to hold each other accountable to overcoming the idiotic things in our lives.  You have to check out Kevin’s new eBook.  Click here to get more info.  By the way it’s FREE – how can you go wrong!

I could have added a chapter titled “An Idiot’s Guide to Yard Work and Home Improvement”.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shocked myself, inflicted myself with poison ivy, run over things with the lawn mower, and damaged formally perfect drywall, piping, etc.  Just this weekend, I decided to prune my raspberries wearing short sleeves and shorts.  You should see the scratches up and down my arms and legs today.  I must be an idiot too!

What have you done recently that qualifies you to be an idiot?

Join A Small Group Today

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  Hebrews 10:23-25

I keep coming back to these verses.  I posted about these verses back on October 13, 2011 and August 15, 2010.  I remain convinced that plugging into a small group of people is absolutely essential to our faith and to our spiritual health and growth.  The Bible clearly presents this as a model for Christ followers.  Yet, many Christians shy away from this type of relationship with other Christians.  Are we afraid of intimacy and transparency?  Are we afraid that others might learn that we’re not perfect?  Are we so independent that we believe we can do it on our own?  Are we just introverted and the thought of opening up to others is terrifying?

I’m not sure, but I know from my own experience that my involvement with a smaller group of Christians as brought me through some tough times.  It has pushed me to grow and think.  And it at times has made me uncomfortable as I ponder challenges and deal with the ups and downs of those in the group.  This may not sound attractive to some, but I’m telling you – it’s worth it!

If you’re not in a small group of some type, why not?  What’s stopping you from getting involved today?  I would encourage you to take your own leap of faith by getting involved in a small group this week.  Don’t let it wait until all the stars align with your schedule.

Today, at my church, we are rolling out the spring groups.  If you go to CCV, this is a perfect opportunity to jump into the mix.  There are groups for everyone at every stage of their walk.  There are exercise groups.  There are service groups.  There are foundations classes and groups designed to go over the basics of what it means to be a fully devoted follower of Christ.  And there are in-depth Bible studies.  Check out the groups catalog on-line, and sign up today!

If you’re not from my church, seek this out at your own church.  You’ve had enough time to sit on the side lines.  If you’re church doesn’t have small groups or a small group ministry, start a group yourself.  Grab a few other people and start one today.  If you need help figuring this out, send me a comment.  I’d love to help.

Okay, that’s enough spurring on for today.  Have a great Sunday, and keep STRETCHING!

What’s your story?  Are you in a group right now?  If not, what’s stopping you?