Nearly a year ago, I started meeting with 13 other guys on a weekly basis. Every Friday morning at 6AM, we gather in someone’s basement for an hour-long conversation. Sometimes the weekly discussion centers around the chapter of a book. Sometimes we talk about a hot topic. Sometimes we spent time dealing with a struggle that one of us is going through. For fourteen weeks, we spent time getting to know each other (one week for each of us). When we started meeting together, we committed to meet together for the next twenty years. A year later, the group is still in tact. 19 more years until we reach our goal!
For me, the group has meant many things. Mostly, it is a place to spur each other on. The writer of Hebrews challenges readers in chapter 10:24-25:
And let us consider how we may spur one another on (STRETCH each other) toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
I find tremendous encouragement through our weekly meetings. These guys STRETCH me.
The group is a mastermind of men who are trying to become better husbands, better fathers, better workers, and better friends. We are also trying to grow and learn in our relationship with Christ.
Dictionary.com defines mastermind as follows:
to plan and direct (a usually complex project or activity), especially skillfully:
2.
a person who originates or is primarily responsible for the execution of a particular idea, project, or the like:
We want our group to help us intentionally grow. We are attempting to skillfully plan and direct our growth.
Real, consistent growth does not happen by accident. Growth (or stretching as I like to call it) happens when we practice the discipline of mastermind – the discipline of skillfully planning and directing our lives.
I think we could all use a mastermind group (or two or three) in our lives to help us strategically go after our calling.
This week, I am stepping into a new mastermind group with a few other people from around the country (Georgia, Texas, and Washington). We will be meeting bi-weekly for the next six months. We are all working on writing, speaking, podcasting, and other endeavors, and the group is designed to help us skillfully plan and direct our next steps. For me, this group will help me focus on the next steps in my writing and speaking journey.
I didn’t sign up for this group because I needed something else to fill my calendar. I signed up for this mastermind group, because I want to keep stretching, and I want to help others stretch.
We need others to speak into our lives, and they need us to be there for them. A mastermind group is a great place to intentionally fulfill both of these needs. Maybe you won’t call it a mastermind group, but you need others in your life. You need to be part of a community that will spur you on and stretch you. What are you waiting for?
I recently discovered myself stuck in the middle of a situation. I’m generally known to be a good listener, and I think I generally give pretty good advice. But this is not always a blessing. Every once in a while I find myself sucked into the vortex of a place I should never be.
My intentions were good when I initially started listening to a friend, but I think I may have gone a little too far when I failed to stop him from telling me about some disagreements he was having between someone else. I honestly don’t believe he was trying to bring me into the problem. I think he felt the need to vent and to get some outside perspective and council.
I happen to be good friends with both individuals involved. And like a coin, there are two sides to every story and every disagreement. Resolving disputes like this can be a scary proposition.
The Bible lays out pretty clear instructions for those caught in a dispute with their brother. If you take time to follow these steps you have a much better chance of finding the right outcome for your dispute.
As I was processing this experience in my life, I realized it was a topic previously addressed here on The Stretched Blog. In a guest post titled Managing Conflict, Frank Chiapperino shared practical advice for handling conflict:
Sometimes as leaders we need to be a guiding presence and help others navigate through conflict. There are times I will have a staff member or another volunteer leader at our church call me and say, “Frank, I need help. There are some members of my team that are at each other’s throats.” For some strange reason they don’t share my joy when I say, “THAT IS GREAT!” When I manage conflict I normally start where many Christian leaders do, following Matthew chapter 18:
15″If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
That is pretty much what Matthew lays out, and it is sound advice that works. However, I do have a few other guiding principles I follow that aid in confrontation and conflict resolution:
Frank’s words of wisdom were a welcome reminder for how I should direct my friend who is trying to navigate his conflict. For the rest of Frank’s post, click here.
For other related articles, check out:
We are in the process of college shopping with our oldest child, Hannah. She is getting ready to start her senior year in high school, and we have spent several long weekends this summer visiting colleges.
A couple of week’s ago, we visited Grove City College which is located in Western Pennsylvania. Hannah had an interview with the admissions department, and she met with the track and cross-country coaches.
As we were planning for this visit a few weeks prior to our trip across the state of Pennsylvania, my brother and sister-in-law reached out to us about meeting us in Grove City for the weekend. They live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin which means they were committing to ten hours (or more) of driving each way just to spend a day or two with our family.
We reserved a couple of rooms at a hotel halfway between Grove City and Pittsburgh, and we spent time together playing games, swimming in the pool, visiting Pittsburgh, and hanging out.
They arrived late Friday night, and we left around noon on Sunday to return home. The visit was short, but it was something I won’t forget.
My brother and his family decided to drive over twenty hours, pay for tolls, hotel, and food, and miss out on a weekend of activities at their own home just to spend time with us. Their willingness to go the extra mile meant the world to me.
Their visit reminded me that we need to cultivate the discipline of going the extra mile.
Going the extra mile means taking the extra effort. It means going two miles with someone when they ask you to go one mile. Going the extra mile shows people you really care. And it can mean the difference between good and great – in your job performance, in your extra curricular activities, and in your relationships.
If you’re having trouble getting started with this discipline, here are some ideas to help you go the extra mile:
Have you ever wanted to make it to the next level? Have you ever dreamed about a big promotion? Have you ever put all your focus on the next big achievement?
I think it’s good to have big dreams, big goals, and big aspirations.
These kinds of desires can be the fuel we need when we feel stuck in the here and now.
Here’s the problem:
Sometimes we let our desires for the future take over in a way that we forget the present. We forget the importance of making the most of today’s opportunities. We fail to understand that today matters.
If you want to succeed at the next level, don’t you think your performance right here and right now matters?
Don’t get too far ahead of yourself.
Be the best you today, and tomorrow will take care of itself.
I remember doing everything I could to get more baseball cards. I bought bubblegum packs at the local 7-Eleven store at the edge of my neighborhood in Lumberton, NJ. I bought triple packs at Woolworth’s in Mt. Holly, NJ. I traded cards with friends, and I worked hard to accumulate more and more cards to complete the set of cards for the year.
An annual Topps baseball card set consisted of 792 cards when I was growing up. I opened each pack, and looked at each card hoping to find a star player or a card I needed to complete my set. I turned over the card and read the information about the baseball player pictured on the front of the card. Then I sorted the cards. First, I’d sort the cards into hundreds. Then I would take each stack of hundreds and sort them into piles of tens. I would insert the cards I still needed into my set, and I’d add any doubles into another box which I would use to trade with my friends.
My obsession with gathering more and more baseball cards for my collection grew and grew through high school. In college, this obsession began to shift as I focused more on my studies and the next stage of my life.
I stopped gathering baseball cards, and I started gathering CDs (these are the round metal things that used to contain music for playing in a compact disc player). I wanted to keep up with my brother, my college friends, and others who were also collecting CDs. For a while, I couldn’t get enough CDs. I had to have the latest album from U2, R.E.M., Billy Joel, They Might Be Giants, DC Talk, Stephen Curtis Chapman, The Kry, and others. I remember visiting the local music store with my friend, John Kosydar, as we both searched for the next set of CDs to add to our collections. One CD was not enough. I had to have more.
Eventually, I outgrew this obsession, and I switched to bigger, more expensive pursuits like cars, houses, and vacations.
After pursuing these things, I have come to realize these things don’t really satisfy. In fact, they leave me feeling empty. My baseball cards sit in my house gathering dust. My CDs are filed away rarely getting played. My cars and house wear out.
My pursuit of more is clearly misdirected. And I’m sure I’m not alone.
What are you pursing? What obsession has your attention?
In considering disciplines worth following, I think it’s time we start looking at the discipline of less.
My friend, Dan Erickson, writes about the simple life on his blog – hipdiggs.com. After his own failed efforts to find happiness by pursuing stuff, he has made a shift. Dan has decided to simplify his life by becoming a minimalist. Instead of accumulating stuff, Dan is accumulating relationships with his daughter, with his students, with his neighbors, and with his friends in the blog world. Dan seems to be practicing the discipline of less, and I think we could all learn a thing or two by taking a page out of his book.
The discipline of less actually provides more time, energy, and resources for the things that matter.
They say “Less is more.” There’s only one way to find out if it’s true. I challenge you to find out for yourself by taking up the discipline of less starting TODAY!
When Becky Robinson reached out to me to ask if I’d read and review the newest book by John Manning. I couldn’t say no. I’ve been writing about disciplines that stretch people like you and me, and I write about leadership here on my blog from time to time. Manning’s book is all about becoming a leader who focuses on what really matters. In The Disciplined Leader: Keeping the Focus on What Really Matters, John Manning details 52 disciplines or practices that every leader should follow.
In the first section of the book, Manning focuses on disciplines designed to help leaders lead themselves. In the second section of the book, he focuses on disciplines that help leaders lead their teams. And in the third and final section, Manning details disciplines for leaders to lead their organizations more effectively.
Each chapter is laid out in a simple and concise format with action steps which will help readers to practice what they have just read. You can read the book all at once, or you may decide to go through the book in a year taking one discipline each week of the year.
As I read through this book, I was challenged to step up my leadership game in the various arenas where I lead – at home, at work, at church, and elsewhere.
I’m excited to add The Disciplined Leader to my leadership library, and I look forward to referencing it in the days, weeks, and years ahead as I seek to lead by focusing on the right things – on what really matters.
(Please note: I received a copy of The Disciplined Leader for free as a gift from Becky Robinson of Weaving Influence in exchange for a review. I was not required to provide a favorable review. I truly believe this book can be a helpful tool for taking your leadership to the next level.
Also to note: There are affiliate links in this post. Should you purchase The Disciplined Leader by clicking one of these links, I receive a small percentage of the purchase. These funds are used to support The Stretched Blog and to extend ministry and missions to Guatemala. Thank you!)
This book wasn’t even on my radar until I received a package from my friend Ellory Wells. In the package, Ellory included Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds by Carmine Gallo with a note inside:
Jon,
I’ve never read this book, but I’ve heard wonderful things! I know you want to be a speaker. You ARE a speaker! If you want to read this book together, let me know; I got myself a copy too. 🙂
See you on stage!
Ellory Wells
I’m glad Ellory sent me the book, and I’m thankful for the note in the front of the book as well.
Talk Like TED is an inspiring and educational read for anyone who does presentations or who wants to present to others. In Talk Like TED, Carmine Gallo unpacks the research he compiled by studying the most successful TEDTalk speakers. He shares stories and statistics in a way that will help speakers take their craft to the next level.
This was the perfect book for me as I consider future speaking opportunities. Talk Like TED gave me nine “secrets” to improving my speaking, and it gave me hours of TEDTalk presentations to review to help me refine my skills.
If you are a pastor, a teacher, a manager, or a presenter of any kind, I’d recommend picking up a copy of Talk Like TED. If you are a writer, I’d also recommend this book as I believe it will improve your blogs, books, and other writing endeavors. If you have a message that needs to be heard, this book will help you package your message in a way that will get people to listen.
Here are a few of the quotes I highlighted as I read the book:
(Please note: I received a copy of Talk Like TED for free as a gift from my friend, Ellory Wells. I was not required to provide a favorable review. I truly believe this book can be a helpful tool for taking your speaking opportunities to the next level.
Also to note: There are affiliate links in this post. Should you purchase Talk Like TED by clicking one of these links, I receive a small percentage of the purchase. These funds are used to support The Stretched Blog and to extend ministry and missions to Guatemala. Thank you!)
As long as I can remember, I have always taken great pride in keeping a nice lawn. I may have been influenced by my Grandpa Miller who always kept his lawn green and well manicured when I was younger. My obsession with a nice lawn may also have been shaped by my experience as a teenager cutting people’s lawns throughout the area.
When we moved into our brand new house over nine years ago, I was committed to making sure m lawn was well maintained. Once our grass started coming in, I fertilized it. I aerated it. I watered it. And I did my best to make sure it was cut just right with straight lines or near perfect geometric shapes.
One summer, I decided to let it go, and I was left with a burned out, weed infested mess. My grass was gone, and there were ugly weeds everywhere.
This year, we have experienced an unusual spring drought. My grass started turning brown before Memorial Day this year, and I knew it could only get worse without significant rain.
Over the past week, the rain arrived and lasted for a few days giving my lawn the drink it needed. And my grass started growing again. Tuesday night, I decided to cut the grass after work and dinner. I opened the shed and backed my John Deere lawn tractor out of the shed. I turned the blades on, and I began to move forward across my lawn.
It didn’t take long to see there was something wrong. The blades on my mower were turning, but they were struggling to leave a nice clean cut. In fact, there were many parts of the lawn that looked like a bad haircut. I had to overlap my driving pattern and cut the lawn multiple times to get it looking even. I didn’t have time to stop and sharpen the blades the other night as the rest of my week was very busy, but I ended up spending a lot more time cutting the grass because of the dull blades.
This weekend, I’ll be climbing under my tractor to remove the blades so I can sharpen them for the next mowing.
The whole experience reminded me of the importance of proper preparation. The discipline of preparation can be a real challenge for many of us. We lack the patience to wait long enough to make sure we are ready to tackle a project or task. And then, we’re left disappointed my an outcome that doesn’t measure up to our expectations.
If we want to avoid this disappointment, it’s time we practice the discipline of preparation. Here are # ways to prepare so we can experience the outcome of our desires:
I like this quote by Abraham Lincoln who gives valuable insight into the discipline of preparation:
One word of caution: Don’t fall into the trap of over-analysis. Over-analysis leads to paralysis which leads to lack of action and ineffective action. Once you’ve taken the necessary steps to prepare move forward with confidence knowing you’ve put yourself in a position to succeed.
When I was in college, I wrestled with the idea of becoming a full-time overseas missionary. I wanted to help people. Part of me longed for the adventure that came with this kind of pursuit, but a major part of my was terrified of the unknown related to this decision.
As I’ve become older and I’ve taken on more and more responsibility at home, at work, and at church, my sense of adventure has continued to diminish. I have become reluctant to pursue things that may be a little crazy.
Recently, I was reading Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds (affiliate link) by Carmine Gallo, and he reminded me that we are actually made for adventure. In Chapter 4 (Team Me Something New), Gallo shares some quotes from arctic explorer, Ben Saunders: “In my experience, there is something addictive about tasting life at the very edge of what’s humanly possible.” Saunders goes on to say, “In life, we all have tempests to ride and poles to walk to, and I think metaphorically speaking, at least, we could all benefit from getting outside the house a little more often, if only we could sum up the courage.”
I don’t know what’s holding you back, but I think it’s time we all reconsider the discipline of adventure.
Life is too short to live in our comfort zone. We must relearn the thrill of doing something that scares us a little, that causes our heart to beat a little faster, and extends the boundaries on what we thought was possible.
You don’t have to go to the North Pole, to the moon, or to a strange land to practice the discipline of adventure (although these places may be where you end up someday). Adventure is waiting right outside your door. Get off the couch, and go do something that matters. Seek out adventure, and you might just be surprised by how much you stretch and by how much you learn about yourself.
It’s so easy to become distracted and to lose focus especially in today’s world. I was listening to a podcast the other day, and someone mentioned that the average person’s attention span is eight or nine seconds.
This means you may already have tuned out as you read this post.
Did that help?
Sometimes we need a bucket of ice water poured over our heads to get our attention.
Focus is critical to getting things done. In fact, I believe the discipline of focus is something we all must learn to practice.
John Lee Dumas has an acronym for the word focus: F.O.C.U.S. – Follow One Course Until Success
We live in a world that is clamoring for our attention. The internet is a great resource, but it also a tremendous time-waster. It’s easy to get sucked into the social media black hole of Facebook, Twitter, or elsewhere where are attention is diverted away from what really matters or from what we really want to do with our lives.
I’m going to keep this short today. Take time to practice these ways to bring more focus into your life.