It’s So Hard to Say “No”

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Tonight, I said “No” to something.  I stink at saying this word.  I don’t want to let people down.  I didn’t see “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey.  But I’m guessing this movie would fit me.  I would just rather say yes and avoid the whole no thing all together.

For we people pleasers, it’s probably important to realize that “No” is not an evil word.  “No” can be the best way to prioritize things in life that need to be a “Yes.”  “No” can be a way to say “not now” but “maybe later.”  “No” can be the way to make sure you’re not doing things half-way.  “No” keeps us and others safe.

In my case, I’m pretty sure it will be a “Yes” later, but for now “No” it is.  And that’s okay!

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  • http://wakefieldonline.blogspot.com/ Jason

    Allison and I were just talking about this! We seem to be controlled by the circumstances, rather than controlling the circumstances. And a lot of it has to do with saying yes too often.

    A book I have found helpful and I need to reread that you might what to pick up.

    When People Are Big and God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man by Edward Welch

  • http://www.SteveThurston.com Steve Thurston

    John, this is a topic that I have struggled for a long time. I’m a “yes” man. I tend to say “yes” to everything that comes my way. It feels good to say yes and be positive about providing an eloquent engagement with another person through activities, help, motivation and even thoughtful participation… but in the past this always gets me into trouble.

    I either over-estimate my involvement or I over-compromise myself in a whirlwind of multitasking activities. Sometimes I say yes because I feel bad for the person. Sometimes I say yes because the person really needs a break. Sometimes I just say yes because my brain is habitually hard-wired to say it even without thinking of the consequences such a decision could or might bring to me, my schedule and my time.

    So for the last two years, I’ve been traversing a different model of response. Now I tend to say “no” because that is the best answer to provide at that moment. But my answer is almost always followed up with an alternative idea. I try to never leave a refusal hanging. After I say no and state the reason why, I have learned to employ counter influence by trying to suggest a healthy alternative idea. Since I’m closing the door to this request, it doesn’t mean I am closing the door on all other future requests by them.

    By providing alternative courses of action, I am saying no but still assisting with a positive reinforcement that even though I can’t help them, I’m still taking the time to provide some quick alternatives, wisdom and guidance and hopefully head them in the right direction so they can find assistance and support elsewhere.

    I’ve now learned that saying no is not always a bad thing. In some cases, many times, saying no is as important as saying yes.

  • Chris Johnson

    And did you not feel that rush of relief from not being obligated to this thing you didn’t want or didn’t have time to do?